Breeder ruins my weekend with nasty remarks

There's been a long time since i've had nasty remarks thrown at by breeders but this weekend, which was supposed to be a good one, was totally ruined my my friend's husband. So, i went to visit my friend and her kid as we haven't seen each other for a while. I like her a lot, i mean she's really a top person even if she has kids. I would say one if the few people i've kept contact with after they gave birth.

But her husband, that's another story. He asked me what are my plans for next year. I told him i have nothing special coming up, just work and planning to stay healthy and maybe travel more if time allows. I already booked a trip to see my parents and i might travel with my work association to some museums in Europe. Then he just looks at me and says: that's not very ecological, but i see this trend in childless people, they don't care about the environment, at least i care because i want to leave something green for my three sons. I just asked him why does he have to ask me about my plans if whatever i say, he turns against me and judges me for it. He said that he's not being judgmental, these are just facts. Just before we had this conversation he mentioned that killing or letting people die (especially old) it's ok because it's good for the environment.

This person also told me that my job is completely useless and museums should be closed down because you can see stuff on the internet and then he continued explaining me how work in a museum is done. Mind you: he never worked one day in a museum, he doesn't even visit museums but he starts explaining me my work. I've been studying and working in museums for about 15 years btw.

I ignored him completely although he hurt me a lot and my life has been everything but roses for the last two years, these remarks were the last thing i needed. I really love my friend and don't want to ruin our friendship but sometimes standing her husband just exasperates me. He is that type of person who thinks he knows everything about anything and you are just a stupid piece of sh*t who has to listen to his almighty expertise on everything from ass hair to rocket science. And when he talks he contradicts himself and when he is finished, you just sit there and wonder yourself what the heck did this guy talk about. It's really hard to follow what he says. Also his life choices are the best and anything else is stupid.

I do understand that he is losing both of his parents to Alzheimer and life has bee tough but that doesn't give you an excuse to act like an asshole. Me and DH have had very difficult the last two year but we don't act like idiots towards other people.

Uh, he has three kids. His carbon footprint is wide and vast. I’m sure he does nothing to even attempt to offset the damage his ego has done like having the entire family be vegan, have no toys, use no electronic devices that use rare earth materials, no heating or air conditioning, etc.

I hate most environmentalists (especially the vegan ones) because they have an imaginary moral high ground and refuse to realize that by proxy of having biological children, they’ve done far worse for the environment than my omnivorous childfree ass who hates driving (and therefore has a commute of less than ten minutes) and rarely travels.

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

I'm sorry you had to put up with that assclown. He sounds like he has narcissistic tendencies, since he thinks he knows everything about everything. If he would've said something like that to me, I'd have pointed out that by having three kids, he's contributing to overpopulation, which is destroying our environment. I know he probably would've come up with something stupid to say back, but man...the temptation would've been there.

I hope things get a little better for you. Never mind what this loser says. His opinion of you and your choice not to procreate should mean less than nothing. If he behaves like that again, though, maybe you should have a talk with your friend about how her husband's comments aren't appreciated or wanted.

These are the losers that are breeding. It really is a sad state of affairs.

A lot of breeders who think they are environmentalists want older people to kick off earlier to make room for THEIR kids.


Unfortunately even though kids can ruin a friendship, spouses can do the same

He can have his opinions, but the facts are on your side: your carbon footprint is lower. But being in the right doesn't make the experience any better, so I suggest in the future you propose visits with your friend which won't entail being around her husband. Maybe go out to dinner just the two of you, or invite her over to the museum where you work for a personal tour, or make a coffee date...

Museums are one of the things I like to visit when I go to a new city. Sometimes even small towns can have interesting and well-curated collections about the region. In fact they are often better these days, because so many larger cities have tried to make their exhibits "child friendly" by adding all kinds of crap you can touch and play with, and dumbing down the historic information. Smaller places can't afford to turn their museums into theme parks.

But I'm getting sidetracked. If this guy thinks virtual is a suitable substitute for reality, he should have reproduced in SimCity instead of reality.

There is nothing that a CFer could do - even things like driving a huge vehicle and not recycling - that could leave a larger carbon footprint than a "green" breeder. They've already done the worst possible thing for the environment by adding more biological pollution. Sounds like sour grapes to me and he's just taking cheap shots to feel better about himself.

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Just before we had this conversation he mentioned that killing or letting people die (especially old) it's ok because it's good for the environment.

Well since he's so in favor of murder for the sake of the planet, perhaps he'd like to volunteer his useless ass to the environmental cleanse he speaks so highly of? Or is he exempt because he's got kids? How convenient for him. I bet when he says people deserve to be killed, he means old people and those with no kids, but not breeders.

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This person also told me that my job is completely useless and museums should be closed down because you can see stuff on the internet and then he continued explaining me how work in a museum is done. Mind you: he never worked one day in a museum, he doesn't even visit museums but he starts explaining me my work. I've been studying and working in museums for about 15 years btw.

Ugh, I'm sorry you had to hear this shit. I've had assholes like him who don't know shit about fuck sit there and tell me how they could do my job in half the time I do it and do it twice as well too. Someone who is an expert on something they know nothing about is a first-class narcissist. And no, museums aren't going anywhere because there is a big difference between seeing a picture on a screen and seeing the actual thing in person with your own eyes.

I'm sorry he's losing his parents, but I have a feeling he was just as much of a cockbag before they got sick. I don't suppose there's any way you could meet with just your friend without her idiot husband, could you? He's a very toxic person and you shouldn't have to deal with his shit, and I'm guessing your friend won't tell him to stuff it because he's her husband.

Fuck this prick. I'm sorry you had to put up with his shit, but don't pay him and his bullshit any mind. He's a narcissist and he'll find a way to be a dick to absolutely anyone, not just you. To a narcissist, everyone is an easy target. Let's hope his kids don't turn into assholes like him.

I think of some people this way: They are like garbage trucks. They ride around with their load of baggage, garbage, whatever you want to call it. This ass clown sounds as if he is carrying a load of superiority, judgement, stupidity, entitlement, grandiosity, know-it-all, and negativity. (Because, let's face it, truly happy, fulfilled people don't have a need to run other people down.)

People like this are just looking to dump their garbage on some unsuspecting person. When they are backing it up to dump it on you, picture yourself getting out of the way and trucking on down the road. Let them do it to someone else.

And above all, letting some random person you met (even if he is a friend's husband) to affect your opinion of yourself or let him/her ruin your day or your life, is optional.

I don't know how her husband behaves in general but his behavior towards you is terrible. Has he ever had a kind word to say to you about anything? Most people have a filter and even if they are tempted, they will often use the filter out of kindness or survival. You demonstrated this by not pointing out the many errors in his judgement. Would bet he has a "selective" filter which is why he is employed, as he can't go on the attack with people he works with whose choices don't mirror his.

Please don't take anything he said to heart and see him for the narcissistic scum he is. From what I've seen there are narcissists who will attack anyone who seems happy and content because they want to be the happiest and can't handle any threat to their position. Other narcissists will rail against anyone who seems sad or miserable because they are always the most pitiful and can't handle any perceived threat. Or course they will have to be covert with their behavior if dealing with an individual who has more power than they do.

Is there any way you can see your friend without him being around? Think it would be a relief for both of you to not have him in your company.

Agreed, no one needs a 'garbage truck". Blackpearl, tomorrow make an appointment with a Chevrolet dealer. Purchase or order a black Corvette. Go to friends house and offer to take friend for a ride. Husband can't come along, it's only 3 seats. Go have a "girl's day or night out". you should never feel guilty, knowing you would have to buy more than 20 Corvettes to equal his carbon score. Maybe she will get jealous that you have a Corvette and she has to buy a car seat and will divorce the guy.

Ugh. What a self-centered douchcanoe. Don't spend any time with him. If you have to be around him, train your brain to hear his ramblings as the Charlie Brown teacher voice sound. "MMMMAAA WWAaa waaa WAAA..." and tune him out. Socialize with your friend separately. Specifically invite JUST Friend.

If Friend asks why Mr. Spouse can't come along...well, I'd be tempted to point out what he said and how you don't really want that in your life. If she sides with him, then you know her true colors.

That said...I can see just hanging out with her and avoiding the matter if you can just work around Garbage Truck Husband (thanks for the analogy, bell_flower!).

He sounds like a self-centered, insecure pile of slop who tears others down because he himself feels inadequate or un-noteworthy.

It's a relief to post this kid of rants here because i'm sure other people wouldn't really understand. My friend and i live in other cities and sometimes i go to visit her and stay at her house so it's kind of hard to avoid her husband but next time i'll just try to ignore him and answer in a monosyllabic way, maybe he gets the hint. The analogy with the garbage truck is perfect and i need to learn to behave like that because otherwise i'll just let these kind of people to ruin my time, as this one did.

I'm though a bit worried for my friend because she is the one taking care of the kid most of the time and has another one on the way. This guy has another kid from other marriage but he's an adult now. I used to help my friend many times when we lived in the same city because her husband always had other "things" to do instead of helping with the kid.

Of course, i could have mentioned that he is actually the one not caring about the environment at all (and we all know why) but then my friend is involved and she will side with him. They knew each other before i met her so bashing him back would have been a very bad option. I do notice though that he does that with women mostly. One time another friend of our was at their place and he constantly interrupted her and talked over her. I lost my patience and shouted at him to shut up and let her speak. You have no idea what killer look he threw me. I'm polite with him just because of my friend and i think next time i'll use the ignore button around him. I hope i'll manage because, man, he does like to provoke people.

P.S, Happy New Year to you all!

Fuck that guy. Looking at pictures of things online isn’t the same as seeing them in real life. I’d be tempted to ask why bother sluicing when you can look at pictures of kids online and not have to clean up after them or pay out the backside for them. It’s the same thing, right? You know who else didn’t value historical artifacts? Hulagu Kahn. Should tell you something about friend’s husband.

As for offing people to save the earth, fine. I’m down. But let’s off people with no skills, off children because they don’t contribute anything and they just siphon resources. If you’re a breeder that isn’t a doctor, lawyer, scientist, author, judge, or {good*} politician, your ass is on the line. Same for your kids. They don’t contribute anything and they just take resources. See duh? The problem with ideas like yours is that people might go along with it, but their definition of worth is different than yours. Best not get into a battle of hypotheticals.

Sorry you had to deal with that! That guy is in denial if he thinks that my SUV, or your trips, or any of our ANYTHINGS is worse than his three kids. This guy isn’t leaving a greener earth for his kids, he’s leaving three more people to destroy and pollute the earth that’s already struggling to support us. When I die, my carbon footprint ends with me. {Unless you count the pollution from my dog, who will be adopted by my mom if I die}. If this guy dies, he’s got 3 more mini-me’s polluting in his place.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.

LMAO what a tool. Imagine being so insecure in your life decisions that you have to spend an entire afternoon soapboxing about someone else's. Sadly, if you're childfree, you see this shit all the time from projecting moos and duhs who secretly yearn for your life of freedom and resent the fuck out of the fact that you didn't fall for the saccharine mass-produced myth of the perfect nuclear family. So sure, yeah, let him believe that his saintly contribution to 7 billion other people on an already overcrowded planet is somehow the morally superior choice and that whatever occupation he has, it's a "REAL" one, unlike yours or whatever. Just know that at night this sad sack would probably love to drown himself in his kids' soggy Cheerios bowl and you don't have anywhere near that sort of baggage or issues.

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"Yes, fellow readers, nothing says 'devoted father of a special needs kid' quite like drinking, snorting cocaine, and then taking the boat out for a spin."
- Tiquer

I think your friend is aware hubby is a douchbag asshole. but she chooses to breed with it

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

What an asshole. Its too bad that people like him are breeding and probably teaching their kids to be assholes, too. So he believes in killing people for sake of environment yet thinks he is the exception to this because he's bred? So childless people would be killed off but parents are the exception when their the ones adding resource guzzlers. When I die I won't be leaving any resource guzzlers but this idiot will. His three kids are taking more resources than my car trips.

And seriously he thinks looking at stuff online is the same as going to a museum? You would have to be an even bigger idiot to believe there the same. Or else a philistine.

It's amazing how these people are the ones who think they are entitled to everything including travelling but if you are CF dog forbid you enjoy your life because you are polluting the environment for their DNA copies. This guy travels every year to my friend's country of origin and by plane. Not to mention the charter flights to typical Finnish holiday destinations are filled with kids. But i'm the evil one here because i dare to visit my parents or enjoy a week holiday in Spain.

Ans if he wants childless people dead he should also be ready to pay all the expenses for his kids. Afterall we do contribute a lot to the welfare state's "free" stuff.

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blackpearl
But i'm the evil one here because i dare to visit my parents

So does the parent-child relationship matter, or not? Because I'm confused. I guess as soon as his kids hit 18 he's ready for the knacker's, because he'll be irrelevant "as a parent".

Wow, I'm really sorry that happened to you, Blackpearl, especially the museum part where your friend's husband thought he was an "expert".

I've a degree in History/Archival and did my internship at a local house museum, even worked at a MMA satellite store at one point and loved it.

I am guessing your friend's husband did not drop any inside lingo such as accessioning or deaccessioning when he talked about "how work in a museum is done".

Have you spoken to your friend about her husband's behaviour over this incident? And is it possible to remain friends with her, and politely request not to drag her husband to be in your presence?

Anyways, kudos for your work in museums (yes I am one who adores museums of all kinds not just fine arts!) yes we need museums lots of them and we need film archives too.. The more museums, the better.

Just say no to crotchfruit!

I find when women have a husband like this, they are generally lost causes. Either he is so controlling that you'll never get her out alone, or he's an obnoxious dick, the wife knows it, but having a kid makes her tractable and she's not likely to speak out anyway because CHYLDRUN**.

But let's hope this woman is the exception and blackpearl can see her friend without this dick in the future. Willful ignorance + superiority just because his dick worked = insufferable.

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selidororous
Anyways, kudos for your work in museums (yes I am one who adores museums of all kinds not just fine arts!) yes we need museums lots of them and we need film archives too.. The more museums, the better.

I've always loved museums and i grew up in one. My mom left me with one of her friends, who worked at a museum, because i couldn't stand being at the kindergarten. Those women working there were insufferable and abused the kids so fortunately, i had the chance to skip it. And working in a museum must be done from genuine passion because the salaries are very low. I got so hurt to hear him talking like that as if years of studying and my work has no value. But that is typically for a self-centered, know it all breeder: only is dick's products matter.

Unfortunately, i can't say anything about her husband because she will always side with him. I did try to talk to her about that incident and she told me that her husband is right and i can't understand because i don't have kids. So there you have it, i really don't know what kind of friendship is this anymore.

I did remind her that she is flying every year to see her family in her country of origin and i don't because i don't have the necessary money. So, who is talking about pollution now? Is she entitled to see her family more than me because she has kids? And do i need to remind her that all the holiday charter flights are packed with kids?

God forbid i have fun and relax after working hard and paying taxes so i can raise their kids. I immediately get that you are polluting the world, think of my childreeeen!

I hate to say this, blackpearl, but she sounds no better than he is. If I had a friend who thought it was perfectly fine for someone else, including her SO to disrespect me because I didn't have kids, I'd know her true feelings about me and dump her like a sack of hot coals.

Then again, that's me. I don't expect other people to do the same, but I probably wouldn't ever be calling her again.

@mumofsixbirds: I did explain to her that maybe she should understand better as a parent that i also need to go and see my parents. What if her kids will move away to another country? As yurble mentioned, it seems that the parent-child relation matter only when the kids are young, they don't understand that i do care about my parents and now as they are getting older is even harder because time is running out.

I told her that and she did apologize saying that she hasn't thought of it that far. And her husband is going through a harsh time and i should just ignore his remarks. As i said, i've also been through some hard times but i'm not being an asshole and i take into consideration the biggest picture.

What a typically female, lame answer when confronted with a husband who is being a dick.

"Oh, I had to think about it because I'm just too addle-brained to call out asshole-ish behavior. What's to think about when someone is making derogatory remarks about your profession? Working in a museum is an honest profession and you aren't asking anyone else to support you. (And she only understood the trip home after you framed your desire to see your parents as a parent-child thing--she sounds like a total mombie brain who can't understand anything unless it relates to brats.)

And then she justified his behavior that he's having a "harsh time?" As you said, blackpearl, plenty of people go through harsh times without being judgmental assholes. If anything you are the one who is going through a "harsh time" because people whom you thought were your friends are making unsolicited, derogatory remarks about your life.

I hope you are getting support from this woman in other ways. If you choose to see her again, hopefully you can see her without her asshole husband in the future. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't want to watch his kids, however.

Sounds like your friend is either brainwashed or doesn't want to get her ass chewed by her husband by not siding with him. People like that will guilt trip until the ends of the earth if someone they feel should be on their side opposes them. I don't care if he's going through a "harsh time" either, that's no excuse to be a shitbag to someone. My guess is he'll be having a "harsh time" indefinitely so he has a "reason" to be a dick to everyone.

I'm really sorry, but it sounds like it may not be a friendship worth keeping if she's going to allow her husband to treat you like shit and not even try to tell him to knock it off.

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Is she entitled to see her family more than me because she has kids?

In her mind, she is. Breeders think they're entitled to everything more than anyone else, especially non-parents. They deserve everything more than everyone else because they work so haaaaard being parents.

UPDATE:

I was recently to visit this friend again and i think i will just hit the pause button. She had her second kid and the visit didn't go so great. I stayed there over night and i couldn't even sleep because both of her kids were yelling. There were few of her friends coming over and all they talked was kids. I was just there, like a piece of furniture, used for bring this bring that, clean, hold the baby. Also i had few remarks of the kind "you can do that/afford that because you don't have kids" and with the general attitude that i do not understand anything about life because i don't have kids. Also i noticed that she is still hoping i will have kids although she knows i'm CF and lately i told her i have severe endometriosis and i can't have kids. She told me that it can't be that serious because she knows women who have cured their endometriosis. Never mind that endometriosis is incurable.

I do understand she is tired with two kids under 3 and her husband not really helping but friendship goes both ways. At least i could have been spared those remarks as i spent about 100$ on train tickets to get there.