Sperm Donor is not "Dad"
March 07, 2019
The whole website is full of stories of people whining and moaning about how they never got to know their "dad" or "mom" because of sperm/egg donation and IVF. Seriously, it sounds like one of those hyper-conservative focus on family groups where anything besides 1950s style nuclear family is considered evil. They consider marriage to be the equivalent of parenthood.
Some stories are funny like the one below.
(https://thembeforeus.com/elizabeth-howard-part-2/)

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I thought I would never know you. I thought I would go to my grave as the daughter of an anonymous sperm donor.

Eh, he's not your dad. A dad does more than donate sperm. Unfortunately, the story reveals how easy it can be to find people through DNA testing sites and now many more will be doing it. More proof that we live in an age where privacy doesn't exist.
Re: Sperm Donor is not "Dad"
March 07, 2019
I'd love to see more IVF breeders talk about this-- about how they spent a fortune, went through all this "heartbreak," and then wound up with a kid who doesn't consider them parents. They've got to be disappointed, even if they wouldn't admit it. (I'd say it would be good for wannabreeds to hear these stories, but I know better than that-- everyone thinks they'll be the exception.)
Re: Sperm Donor is not "Dad"
March 07, 2019
So is "dad" only synonymous with "sperm donor" in cases like this where the person can romanticize their mystery parent's personality? Because I don't think the mother of a child conceived through rape or a child conceived via consensual sex with a total deadbeat or abuser would encourage that child to call their biological father "Dad."

And what a fucking kick in the nuts to anybody who has raised and loved someone else's child as their own - sometimes from birth - only for that kid to set out on a mission to find their "real" mother or father later on in life. I'd fucking disown the little shits if I raised/paid for their asses for two decades and they had the balls to tell me I wasn't their real parent, but then that's probably one of the reasons I'm not a parent too.

I can understand wanting to know about your biological parents for health reasons, but if your bio mother or bio father is absent from your life and they aren't dead, it's probably for a really good fucking reason, like they don't want to know you exist or they don't give a shit about you. Why would you want to meet someone who doesn't want to know you anyway? Just because you're biologically related doesn't mean they're going to cry tears of joy meeting you. We have it shoved in our faces that the love a parent has for their child is the most powerful and most guaranteed love to ever exist, so when you find out the hard way that that's a crock of shit, it hurts a lot. Don't do that to them or to yourself for fuck's sake. I never met my father and never had any desire to try to find him. Why? I figured if he wanted to know me, he would have kept in touch with me. He didn't, so it's most likely because he didn't want me and I'm okay with that because I know not everyone who has kids wants them just because they're THEIR kids.

The ability to locate your relatives through genetic testing is a double-edged sword too. While it's nice to be able to connect with family, it could very easily rip families apart to find out there are products of secret affairs or sperm/egg donations floating around out there that the bio parents want nothing to do with.

Sounds like the father in this story probably donated sperm because he was a broke-ass student and college kids will do just about anything to get a few bucks so they don't starve, up to and including getting paid to jizz in a cup. Plus I'm sure he didn't think about the long-term consequences of donation, or the fact that that whole anonymity thing I'm sure he was told about isn't really a thing anymore.That doesn't mean that the donor wants to know the people his random spunk deposit created. If he did, he would have left contact information.

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You don’t want me to know you, and I understand that. When you were a sperm donor as a student, you weren’t thinking about being contacted by your daughter many years later. You have other children, children you have named, and held, and known – you don’t need a theoretical “DNA daughter” like me.

So, Dad – that’s it. I hope you might one day change your mind. You might like to know me, and even more so my five wonderful children, your grandchildren – all happy and healthy, thank God. You also have two more children from your donating days, my half-brother and half-sister. They are fine people. I think you must be, too.

If you understood that, you wouldn't be looking for the guy and writing this pile of shit for all the world to see. But she is right, he doesn't need another child. He has obviously built a life since he donated and has children he probably chose to have with someone he probably loves. It fucks up people's lives when random children show up on their doorstep claiming to be their bio-kids. Shit like that could very easily break up a marriage or a family.

Whether or not this Moo is a nice person is irrelevant. If her sperm donor wanted to know her, he would by now. He doesn't give a shit about her kids or his other kids conceived via donation. She can consider his donation to be a gift to her - a gift that allowed her to be born when she otherwise might not have been. Sometimes gifts from strangers need to remain gifts from strangers. He's not her fucking dad, though now that she knows he's a doctor (read: $$$$$$$), I'm sure she'll violate every possible boundary in order to contact him.
Re: Sperm Donor is not "Dad"
March 08, 2019
It honestly reminds me of adult adoptees who say their real parents aren't their adoptive parents. And they go looking for the "real parent".

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Just because you're biologically related doesn't mean they're going to cry tears of joy meeting you. We have it shoved in our faces that the love a parent has for their child is the most powerful and most guaranteed love to ever exist, so when you find out the hard way that that's a crock of shit, it hurts a lot.

And thats what I found so funny about the article. The assumption that genetic relations means automatic love. I didn't know my bio dad for most of my life either and I realized that he would have contacted me if he wanted relationship. Take a hint, a bio parent doesn't necessarily want their kid.
Re: Sperm Donor is not "Dad"
March 09, 2019
I can understand a kid not being able to grasp the idea of a sperm or egg donor who feels no obligation to the kid. The kid is by nature dependent on adults.

This woman is an adult and by now she has to know there are tons of people out there who have never parented or felt any obligation to parent a day in their lives even if some of them donated egg/sperm. She also has likely known people who feel no obligation to do many things. And if she were honest with herself she would admit there are plenty of sperm/egg donors who only feel any obligation towards offspring because it is court/socially mandated.
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