Single moos looking for “new dads.”

I’ve been binge watching 90 day fiancé, {what can I say? That’s my guilty pleasure show} and I find it dumbfounding that so many of these moos are looking “for a new dad,” for their kids. I know, I know, I know. They all say they’re “looking for love,” but then they always add on “and I want them to have a dad too.” The fact that this always gets brought up at the end of their list of wants is deeply troubling. Maybe my perspective is off because I’m asexual, or maybe I just don’t understand relationships, but this seems wildly unfair to me. They add on “and being a stepdad,” and it comes across to me the same way a job description does. “Operate a POS, assist customers, and recover the fitting rooms.” Why are these moos trying to give their potential partners a job? Is this normal?

If someone said to me, “I want someone to lounge about the house with, watch Netflix with, etc,” I’d think ‘great.’ But if someone said ”I want someone to lounge about the house with, watch Netflix with, and cook for me,” I’d be ticked. I like cooking and baking, but I feel my doing so should be a product of personal enjoyment and not obligation. I’m not going to be someone’s free live-in amateur cook / Baker. Similarly, if someone wants to be a parent, by all means. Especially if it means they won’t breed more polluters. But usually the guys in these videos seem reluctant about dealing with other people’s babies. So why? Why do these moos expect other guys to raise their mistakes?

And why do some of these guys put up with it? Some of these are young {I’m talking 20-30 years old} good looking people with their life ahead of them. Surely they can easily find a partner that is a better match to them? Or am I wrong? Are CL people really that pro-child that they’d tether themselves to anyone to have “the parenting experience?” Idk. Maybe my standards are too high especially for being an ugly, but I feel like most of these people could do better.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.

I think most people have a list. They may not reveal it when they start dating and some may wait until they are about to move in or marry each other to reveal it. The worst ones will wait until their partner is obligated to reveal their true list (waiting until they are entangled physically or financially). At least the women on 90 day fiance sound like they are being upfront about it, which is refreshing. I just assume any single parent dating is likely looking to replace their former spouse.

And you have to wonder why a reluctant guy would continue dating a single mom. Guessing these men don't have a list of red flags that would mean ending a relationship and some are likely utterly clueless. It isn't as if they don't share a hobby or like different types of food, either of which could easily be tolerated by most people in a relationship. I've known more than a few guys claiming to be child-free who've whined about dating single moms (AKA utterly clueless).

Or maybe it is just that darn oxytocin!

through long observation, I have concluded that a lot of guys readily accept moos because they may expect them to be more desperate for a guy. And I have a sneaking suspicion that on some level they like having a "semi-kid"-- "playing Dad" when it suits them and some other guy pays child support. Trashy people seem to assume every woman they date will come with kids.

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reeniebessagain
through long observation, I have concluded that a lot of guys readily accept moos because they may expect them to be more desperate for a guy. And I have a sneaking suspicion that on some level they like having a "semi-kid"-- "playing Dad" when it suits them and some other guy pays child support. Trashy people seem to assume every woman they date will come with kids.

I suspect that people (trashy or not) assume that kids will enter the picture at some point, because "it's what you do". They figure that if they're getting in a relationship, it has to tilt toward married/monogamous, childed, single-family home model.

Everyone does have a list of qualities and standards and such they look for in a partner. It's just a matter of being honest about what you're looking for, and not assuming that your partner wants the same when you haven't really discussed it.

I guess it makes sense. After all, what kind of single parent looking to get into a new relationship wants a spouse who might not like kids or who won't be expected to pay their kids any mind? It probably wouldn't be great for a long-term arrangement if the guy wanted nothing to do with the kids and effort had to be made to spend all personal time with Moo and none at all with the kids. A CF friend of mine dated a single Moo for a couple years (he was desperate) and he made it clear that he didn't want anything to do with the kids, so Moo made babysitter arrangements every time she visited him. To be fair, they both knew it wasn't going to last, so there was no sense in getting to know the kids anyway.

Most unchilded people don't want to date single parents, and this goes for both men and women, yet CFers or CLers are the ones that single Moos and Duhs always go after. But then most single parents won't date one another either because their new partner will make their own kids numero uno and not the other person's kids, not to mention baby-mama/baby-daddy and child support drama.

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reeniebessagain
through long observation, I have concluded that a lot of guys readily accept moos because they may expect them to be more desperate for a guy. And I have a sneaking suspicion that on some level they like having a "semi-kid"-- "playing Dad" when it suits them and some other guy pays child support. Trashy people seem to assume every woman they date will come with kids.

I'd say that's spot-on. Single Moos have pretty much zero standards when it comes to dating because they know they're lucky if they can find someone willing to put up with their brats. This is why the average Moo will date the trashiest piece of crap she can find if it means a steady supply of dick and money for her, and to hell with her kids. On the other side of that coin, you have the Moos who will always ALWAYS put their kids first and will just treat their new men like roommates and ATMs while expecting them to happily and fully step into the totally unappreciative and unrewarding role of daddy to some other man's spawn... oh, but without actually getting any say in how the child is raised or disciplined because he's not their real father, after all. It's very hard to enter into a relationship where you put your partner first and they put you below themselves and every single one of their kids. That kind of imbalance gets old fast, unless you don't mind bringing up the rear or a relationship/marriage.

Dating a single parent when you aren't one yourself is practically always a lose-lose situation, and I think it has to go without saying that if you date one, you will be expected to take up the role of the missing parent.

I'm probably being cynical again but when I usually think "looking for a daddy for my son" = " looking for a sugar daddy to support us all."

I also think there is a certain type of male that likes single mothers so they don't have to have an equal relationship and they can call the shots. Most women with kids are tractable anyway and men can get away with more bad behavior.

At least that's what I see in my in-laws.

@Cambion

I guess that makes sense. They might think they can do whatever because single mold are desperate.

@Bell_flower

That’s what I thought too!

It’s pathetic really. Single moos expect their new partners to love their baggage. It’s so deluded. Why should anyone else love your mistakes? Seems to me the same as an alcoholic that wants her partner to feed her habit. “I know I’m a slovenly mess but PLEASE LOVE ME and keep buying me booze.”

Obligatory ETA: I’m not saying former alcoholics should die alone or what have you. But there’s a difference between someone getting their life together and someone that wants to keep on with their destructive behavior and be enabled.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.