Breeder pleasing for acceptance

Over at reddit: Childfree a while back I read a post that I lost track of about how parents who respect the CF are allowed on there. The sub is a mixed bag of fence sitters, reformed oopsers (when the oopse didn't happen) regular parents, "just loooooooooove kids to death, but don't want any of my own" and the occasional grandparent.

Anyway someone posted that the only way to get parents to "respect the CF" is to respect them first and then they will usually realize that CF people are not the monsters that some parents think they are. I don't know how well that works in the real world.

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cfdavep
Anyway someone posted that the only way to get parents to "respect the CF" is to respect them first and then they will usually realize that CF people are not the monsters that some parents think they are. I don't know how well that works in the real world.

Well, in the larger scale of bigotry, that's how the oppressors keep their targets oppressed. IMO, it's complete and utter bullshit.

I've gotta ask why any parent would want to post on a site that's meant for CF people anyway? Do they have some weird need to be popular among a group of people who could really care less about them? If most parents could force us to give birth and live through the misery that they've created for themselves, they'd probably do it in a heartbeat.

I'm kind of one of those people who really don't care what others do. If someone does choose to have kids, though, they should make sure they can take on the responsibility and not let them grow up to be fucking monsters. I don't generally use a lot of the language we use here IRL, because I don't want to have some crazed moo's "Mama Bear Claws" come out at me. I will, however, let parents know when they're stepping on my rights to do things in society, like shop at a grocery store without getting nailed by their bastards who are racing carts down the aisle, etc.

I don't consider myself a breeder-pleaser at all, at best I'm neutral about the entire situation in everyday life. At worst, I will say something. Personally, I don't understand why anyone would want to visit the hell of parenting on themselves, especially when there are so many options out there.

There was this Dutch guy who was a father on the sub and he went on about how his parents treated his brother like dirt because he was CF, and that he, the one with kids still sees his brother as his brother. He started the thread and everyone went on about how great guy he was.

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mumofsixbirds
I've gotta ask why any parent would want to post on a site that's meant for CF people anyway? Do they have some weird need to be popular among a group of people who could really care less about them? If most parents could force us to give birth and live through the misery that they've created for themselves, they'd probably do it in a heartbeat.

Long ago I belonged to a hobby email group specifically for CF members that was a splinter from a larger group. At first, breeders were allowed to join because we were all "friends" from the larger group, and they said they were there to learn more about CF people and why we feel the way we do. Guess what? They lied. They were there to tell us how wrong we were about parenthood and that we were heartless for for not adoring children, etc., etc. and very quickly got abusive. Pretty quickly the mods banned every breeder and locked down the list so we were strictly CF because the breeders wouldn't. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

In my experience, very few PNBs, and NO breeders, can participate in regular conversation with us without being an asshole. Any breeder who wants to join a CF forum/list/whatever (or just lurk, like we know breeders do here) is just looking for an opportunity to vent their frustrations on us because we were too smart to fuck up our lives like they did.

I think breeders just cannot loosen themselves from the mindset that they belong everywhere and are entitled to everything, so when they find one of the few places where they are not welcome (CF sites), they go right on in to spew their bullshit and then get bitchy when people tell them off. And of course, these parents see themselves as the victims of the meanie-head CFers who chased them out and tell us in great detail how we're all just fat ugly barren spinsters who are jealous of mommy power.

I could understand visiting a place to learn more about something you plan to become, whether it's a vegan or a Satanist or a fish owner. But if you're a parent, you can't really plan to become childfree unless you intend to off your kids (which I think at least one person over on /r/childfree has done), and even then, you're still not actually childfree because you were a parent and you had kids, even if you no longer have them. Childfreedom is kinda like virginity - once you lose it, it's gone forever. No take-backsies.

I don't think parents should be allowed to infiltrate childfree sites because they aren't fucking childfree! Why's this such a hard pill to swallow? I don't care if they think they sympathize with constant bingoes and fighting with doctors to be sterilized, because they don't actually get it. They think they do, but they don't. There are plenty of places out there for breeders and for people of all family sizes to come together to discuss things, so WHY do CF sites let non-CF people in? Is it because it's too hard to keep them out? Because once trolls know they'll ruffle our feathers by invading our space, they'll do it even more? I know we've had a few of those here over the years.

This is why I hated the softcore CF sites like Tanglewood that have since disappeared. Nice people, but why the fuck are you on a CHILDFREE site if you're a PARENT? WHY join a social place where the overall beliefs are completely contrary to your own? I don't go to Christian sites and shit all over their beliefs, even though I sort of understand them (because I used to be religiously affiliated). Know why? Because I know I don't fucking belong there! I have no desire to be where I am not welcome! Why the fuck would someone with children want to be in a place where people are going to potentially be very vocal about their hatred of children? I know not all CFers hate kids, but some do.

Yeah no, parents are never respectful of anyone because all they care about is themselves. I will respect them when they start doing their fucking jobs and quit hassling me about my choices that don't match theirs. Respect is a two-way street, and if breeders have it their way, their idea of "respect" is for everyone else to kiss their asses while they treat everyone else like total shit.

It would be like us going to a loaf site and then going on and on about how much we think they're idiots for breeding. I would never do that.

It's quite simple: they think they're going to get udder rubs for "being sooooo understanding and kewl!". It's like an "activist" who screams out for the "oppressed minorities" while sipping on her latte' from her brand new Suburban Assault Vehicle while Twitting actual POC activists about how empowering she is for the masses. They are so completely out of touch, yet think the plebs should be grateful for their mere presence lighting our miserable lives.

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"It is better not to look like what you are; it is better to look like a bourgeois woman because then all the doors are open for you and then you can just go and make hell." - Marjane Satrapi