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Dating people with adult offspring

Posted by cfdavep 
Dating people with adult offspring
June 04, 2019
https://old.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/bwdmyj/for_those_saying_youll_date_parents_with_older/

This person on reddit: Childfree posted that her CF uncle married a woman with adult kids. They married before she died and afterwards her adult kids came after him with a lawyer as they felt entitled to his house and even his car. They married knowing she was dying so it seems like it was a moo who wanted a guy with a paid for house and her kids demanded that she marry him before death so they could go after him. They tried to say the house was legally half her;s so therefore they had a claim even though they were not in any will.
Re: Dating people with adult offspring
June 04, 2019
Yeah, I dont know what the future brings, but if I'm ever widowed, I may decide to never date, cause I dont want to deal w/ the adult kids either. I listen to my male divorced friend, and his dating experiences, and even how HE talks about things w/ his GFs and his adult kids, and HE's no better. I swear these 'silver" dating escapades just sound like a vagina that he doesn't mind watchin' TV with & lite conversation with.

I don't need that kinda shit considering I would think I was actually making a connection w/ a prsn after a couple yrs. If I married a guy, I would expect to inherit the house and items like that if he died first, and all shared assets and anything else he wanted to give me. I guess I would have us make a will right away so there is no fights. I have my own stuff, but if I married an adult man, I'm not moving out of a house after the dude dies, so other adults can get their grubby hands on it.
Re: Dating people with adult offspring
June 04, 2019
I know of a man who doesn't have or want kids (and dislikes/hates them) but married a woman with kids. One by one her kids moved in with them and the eldest lived with them in high school and continued to stay well into her 20's. Apparently their father was a nightmare and then he died while two of the kids were minors. Now the childless man and his wife have divorced. While the mother is a sweetheart just NO to this. Her ex-husband (the childless one) wound up paying for the adult mooch and the kids that kept moving in with them.

I didn't consider dating him once he was single, I got "the next woman I date is going to pay dearly for another woman causing me misery" vibe from him. Met up with him as friends 18 months later and still got the same vibe. That is a real thing (post-kid PTSD) and no thanks! I think there was some serious debt accrued on top of everything else - living in a bigger house and mooching kids.

I don't think there is any way to marry someone with kids and expect a guarantee that you would not get stuck with them living with you AND potentially grand brats too. And under the worst circumstances the spouse with kids may end up with custody of grand kids. Just no. And even if the kids are somewhat responsible they may well dump off the grand brats for free babysitting regularly, something to dread for a childless spouse. And even if a spouse has great boundaries with their kids that doesn't guarantee they will have those with the grand brats. They may very well spoil the grand brats out of their minds and maintain no boundaries.

And I highly doubt a marriage that involves adult children would ever mean the spouse would get the house in the event of the spouse with kids dying. Lots of debt is much more realistic.

Even a wealthy spouse with adult kids could potentially be serious money drains. Especially if said spouse feels guilty for having a new companion in his/her life.
Re: Dating people with adult offspring
June 04, 2019
Quote
cfuter
I don't need that kinda shit considering I would think I was actually making a connection w/ a prsn after a couple yrs. If I married a guy, I would expect to inherit the house and items like that if he died first, and all shared assets and anything else he wanted to give me. I guess I would have us make a will right away so there is no fights. I have my own stuff, but if I married an adult man, I'm not moving out of a house after the dude dies, so other adults can get their grubby hands on it.

Exactly, if I own a home and marry and die first he would inherit the house and assets, etc.
Re: Dating people with adult offspring
June 05, 2019
I read that whole thread on the reddit, goddamn, dealing w/ kids never gets easier. My mom and dad didnt mooch off their parents at all. Now you date a 60+ y.o., and youre still dealing w/ their 26 yr old in the basement. No, thanks. And, the excuses the parunts give these adult kids. The older my friend's kids get the more excuses he give 'em, when otherwise he'd agree w/ my opinions about everyone else's kids. He knows I'm right. If I had to deal w/ something like that in a dating situation, I'd have to skedaddle. I'd lose respect for the guy.
Re: Dating people with adult offspring
June 05, 2019
Yup, the kids being grown is absolutely no guarantee they won't come crawling back to live with you, ask for money, or demand your shit, especially now that more young adults are going to college and still not getting jobs, so they can't afford to live anywhere other than with Mom and Dad. And if there are grandbrats involved, you know the adult kids will leave them with Meemaw and Peepaw so they can go out and have fun and generally not be parents for as long as possible. After all, Granny and Grampy are old and have nothing better to do, so just dump the loaves on them!

There's just no way to guarantee that you won't have to deal with an empty nester's family bullshit, so it's best to just not date someone who has kids at any age. I realize that gets harder as you get older... or maybe not! There are more and more childfree people, meaning there will hopefully be more childfree mates for middle aged and senior CFers compared to past generations.

Kids like these that try to sue for step-property likely know they have no chance in hell, but you look hard enough and you'll find a sleazy enough lawyer to defend such bullshit because they still get paid. They probably figure they'll just wear the step-parent down until they give in. I don't care how in wuv you are with the stepfucks' parent, this kind of drama is never ever worth it.
Re: Dating people with adult offspring
June 06, 2019
I find the story somewhat fishy....I wonder why the kids really sued the uncle. (Not that a sleazy lawyer wouldn't sue of course.) Maybe he put her name on the house and she had no will? It goes to show there's something called estate planning that most Breeders should do but they do not.

I may be in the minority but if a parent wants to take care of his/her kid, I wouldn't begrudge him/her. (Of course I wouldn't be involved with someone like that, but I do think it's up to everyone to make sure things are clear. For example, if a CF person is married to someone with kids, you have to have The Talk to decide what happens to a house that is jointly held. If the house is titled jointly with the right of survivorship, it passes to the spouse, as it should. If the Breeder wants to do something differently, it's up to the Breeder to broach the subject with the spouse and get it in writing. (If I shared a house with someone no way would I want MY HOUSE going to the kids after death of my partner.)

I've also seen it happen the other way. A cousin of mine's mother inherited a bunch of money. She used the $ to buy a plot of land and she built two houses on it. My cousin and her two kids lived on the land with her mom. Well, the mother married some dude 3-4 years before she got terminal cancer. I'll call this guy Chad. Anyway, as the mom was going down, Chad proceeded to drain the bank account. Chad and the mom bought some property FOUR DAYS before the mom died. Within six months he was married to another woman he and the new wife kicked the kid off the property. She had no legal recourse. My feeling is, if the mother wanted to keep the $ in the family, she should have had a will specifying that. Don't trust your spouse to do what you want him/her to do.

If I were to die, DH gets enough money to pay off the mortgage, because that's a financial obligation I would not live to repay. That's all I feel entitled to give him. (he would also get my pension by law and I cannot change that) Animal charities will get the majority of my money.


You may call me stingy, but I call myself smart. My DH is a great guy, but I would never set things up so my death would be a financial windfall for a person.
Re: Dating people with adult offspring
June 06, 2019
If someone is to marry a breeder or even a PnB, you really need a prenup. It makes sure any property that the parent wants to go to the children goes to the children and anything the childless partner wants to stay in their family stays in their family.

Have a friend that's a widow that recently married a widower. The first thing they did is go to a lawyer for a prenup since they owned property and assets with their late spouses. If she dies her house and small business go to her daughter, if he dies his house goes to his son. Anything they do jointly will be split 50-50 between their children. She's menopausal and he had a vasectomy, so there will be no 'one of our own'.

Takeo will inherit property from his mother when she passes, she made it clear since we're CF she wants it to go to his nephews when he dies. I have no problem with that since I don't want anything to go to my sociopath sister or her abomination. Our retirement plan is to live there and will make legal plans for me to live there since I will outlive him.
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