"What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want"

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No surprises here, she didn't plan on getting pregnant and had no interest in kids, is poor, and somehow doesn't like being a mother:

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In the case of my son, I did not feel a surge of love for him at his birth. My heart is not gushing when I look at him. A lot of normal child behaviors make me angry if they’ll result in my having to clean something up, which is pretty much everything he does. And his ramblings, which in another context could be endearing, just strain my capacity for listening and empathy.

It’s hard to say how much of this is a result of my not being a kid person. I’ve never been “good with kids” — I’ve always found them tiring. But I suspect the real reason I hate being a parent is the total and complete lack of support, combined with a sort of invisibility that comes with being a swamped, broke, stressed-out single parent. It’s the worst of both worlds: full-on sacrifice but also just appearing like I’m failing — at work, at bills, at loving my kid enough.

And no surprises about how she got here, either: controlling, abusive guy who didn't want to be a father and a woman who decided abortion was "not an option" and then wasn't able to go with an adoption because the father refused:

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My son was the result of a contraception fail with a man I was passionately in love with — for a short time. He turned out to be not a great guy, but this didn’t become fully clear until several months after my son’s birth, when the fights over money, his violent outbursts, and total lack of interest in fatherhood defined a desolate plain.

I could have had an abortion (as his father had urged me to do). But I had decided it was not an option for me, and so I was left with a limited set of choices.

She describes him as "part of a surely vast population of living, breathing, feeling obligations" and says "I hate being a mom." After an obligatory aside about not hating her kid, she gets on to basically hating everything about parenting him:

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I hate being solely responsible for him, I hate “playing,” and I hate supporting him on my own (his father contributes nothing and there’s little I can do about it). Most of all, I hate that I often see him as a burden and I hate the thought that on some level, he either knows this already or will divine this as he grows older.

Hint: Yes, he will figure it out.

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My friendships have mostly faded away. I need exercise and therapy, but I don’t have time or money for those, either. A lot of this is similar to what many parents go through. But in my case, the real cost is emotional, and it’s my son who pays it.

Indeed. So much that could have been solved through a series of better choices, or at least one: getting an abortion.

That sounds like pure hell!

To me, even the messiest suicide sounds more desirable than this trainwreck of a life, chained down to a screaming shitmachine that gulps up all the time, money and life-energry, leaving everything burnt out.

I sure know why I am pro-abortion, and loathing all these self-righeous idiots calling it "not an option" and all that bullshit.
This bloody breeder shit is NEVER worth it.
But its sure refreshing to see a moo openly admitting it, counterweighting all the assholes lying to themselves and the public, about how they wuvvv the shitling and how everything was all magical rainbows and unicorn farts after they shat that loaf out.
And yes, hopefully fencesitters see these kind of texts as warning signs before deciding to join the breeder-zombie army.

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Freedom & Art & Music >>>>>>>>>> human spawn

"Music is immortal. People are not."
-William Anger, "King's Story" - Thief2 FM by Zontik

This is sad. I realize she made the bed but after reading the article I feel mostly sadness for her and her son.

And the constant messes are something I've never heard one parent deny.

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What I had really wanted was to give my son up for adoption, and I had begun that process, but his dad would not waive custody, saying that he’d raise the child himself.

She should have walked away. Men do it all the time. Apparently he did it to her before she did it to him. If he's not supporting the kid right now or he's run off...hasn't he waived his rights in this department? Why can't she still pursue this option?

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I am also the product of an unplanned — and unwanted, in the case of my father — pregnancy. So is my mother. My whole family seems to have gatecrashed existence. I don’t know that we’re any more damaged than other people, but I do find myself defaulting to annoyance. I was on the receiving end of that. It’s a perfect generational cycle.

She knew what this pain was like firsthand, yet abortion wasn't an option? A reasonable person says, the buck stops with me. I myself realized my mom did not like being a mother. I have no beef with that--I can see children are annoying and not for everyone, but I didn't ask to be born. Had I got pregnant, I would have aborted.

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t’s hard to say how much of this is a result of my not being a kid person. I’ve never been “good with kids” — I’ve always found them tiring. But I suspect the real reason I hate being a parent is the total and complete lack of support, combined with a sort of invisibility that comes with being a swamped, broke, stressed-out single parent. It’s the worst of both worlds: full-on sacrifice but also just appearing like I’m failing — at work, at bills, at loving my kid enough.

Based on other stuff she wrote, it's pretty obvious to me that she's lying to herself. She wrote earlier that she never defined herself as a kid person and never had an interest in baybees. With some people (myself included) it does not matter how much "support" I could possibly have or how much money....I would have been miserable having kids. I don't care if I won the lottery and had full-time nannies and a supportive husband and family--there is no part of the childed lifestyle that is attractive to me.


I feel sad for both of them, but I don't understand people who get in their own way and don't exercise their choices when they are available to them.

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bell_flower

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What I had really wanted was to give my son up for adoption, and I had begun that process, but his dad would not waive custody, saying that he’d raise the child himself.

She should have walked away. Men do it all the time. Apparently he did it to her before she did it to him. If he's not supporting the kid right now or he's run off...hasn't he waived his rights in this department? Why can't she still pursue this option?

From the way I read it, she claims he is abusive and controlling. If that's the case, he wouldn't waive rights because that would reduce leverage. So her approach is to not ask for support, not let him know where she's living, and basically make it hard for him to find her. What I don't understand is why she didn't just have an abortion, then. For her to successfully keep a guy like that out of her life, he must be under the impression she had a miscarriage or something. Or else he's not quite the guy she paints him to be.

There is just something about some women where they will destroy their lives cpmpletely on every level not to be seen as "selfish" or "bad"

They are really into being followers and just CAN'T break from what they see as a support group by aborting, being rejected because of that and living independently. It is like a terrifying death to them and a long hellish life seems like a better deal

So she refused to terminate the pregnancy...that's Chance One.

And the father refused to waive his parental rights and said he'd raise the kid himself. That's Chance Two.

Two chances to avoid raising a child, and she declined both. Granted, if he's that awful then maybe she figured she was doing the kid a favor by raising it.

And yet she says the father is completely un-involved and doesn't pay a red cent. Something's missing here.

Either way, she had two chances to avoid raising a kid.

It seems as though the duh refused to waive parental rights to prevent her from giving it up for adoption after guilting her into having it. He never had any inclination of raising it or paying out one red cent. It was a power trip he put on her to increase his own masculine identity. There are men who define themselves by how much control they have over women, and ruining a woman's life with an unwanted kid is pretty popular. He knew the kid wasn't wanted and this is how he made her pay for thinking independently and she let it all happen.

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bell_flower

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What I had really wanted was to give my son up for adoption, and I had begun that process, but his dad would not waive custody, saying that he’d raise the child himself.

She should have walked away. Men do it all the time. Apparently he did it to her before she did it to him. If he's not supporting the kid right now or he's run off...hasn't he waived his rights in this department? Why can't she still pursue this option?

Yep. As soon as he said he's raise the kid himself, she should have signed over the paperwork and walked.

it's amazing how these bimbos suddenly find out it's not duh material in the sperm donor. trying to appear noble?
duddy wants custody and won't allow adoption? fiiiine!!! have a lawyer draw up contract that daddict won't get ANY support.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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Moo
I hate being a mom. And I really hate being a single mom. I don’t hate my kid; I adore him. But I hate taking care of him, I hate being solely responsible for him, I hate “playing,” and I hate supporting him on my own (his father contributes nothing and there’s little I can do about it). Most of all, I hate that I often see him as a burden and I hate the thought that on some level, he either knows this already or will divine this as he grows older.

I don't understand this. How can you adore someone and despise everything about them? She hates taking care of her son, she hates that he's her problem, she hates doing things with him and she hates that she knows she hates being a parent. But she adores the child that is the root of all this hatred? I think she just said that for the media because if she came out and said she hated her kid, she would have been flayed.

And yeah, you can't hide that resentment forever. It's going to become very apparent and I'm gonna feel bad for the kid because he didn't ask to be born, yet he's going to be made to feel like it's his fault that he exists.

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Moo
He turned out to be not a great guy, but this didn’t become fully clear until several months after my son’s birth, when the fights over money, his violent outbursts, and total lack of interest in fatherhood defined a desolate plain.

I seriously doubt he waited until after Junior came along to start showing his ass. More like he'd been doing it from the start and Moo was so desperate to have a dick in her that she was willing to overlook his shitty behavior. With a fuse shortened by a brat, she just became more aware of his asshole behavior that was always there.

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Moo
I could have had an abortion (as his father had urged me to do). But I had decided it was not an option for me, and so I was left with a limited set of choices.

Aaaaand why was abortion magically not an option? Unless she lives in a country where it's illegal, abortion is always an option. She chose not to pursue it because she's a retard.

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Moo
What I had really wanted was to give my son up for adoption, and I had begun that process, but his dad would not waive custody, saying that he’d raise the child himself. I doubted that he would, but my only other option was to lie to him about the pregnancy, keep him away from the birth, and ensure his name never appeared on the birth certificate.

I think you kind of have to have the father involved when you know who it is, I don't think you can just unilaterally decide to give a child away, can you? My guess is Duh had zero intention of raising the kid and just said that he would to keep her from giving away his progeny. As in how dare she not be honored to bear his manly seed, he'll make sure she doesn't just throw it away, but oh, he was just kidding about that whole raising the kid himself thing. That was just to keep her from giving the kid away. Because Duh wants to be able to tell everybody he has a kid, just without the shit work involved.

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I can't feel sorry for her. She had multiple opportunities to not have this kid or to make better choices that didn't end with reproduction and she didn't take advantage of any of them. She really sounds like someone who shouldn't have had kids and is in way over her head physically, mentally, emotionally and financially, but her kid is going to be the one paying for it. I don't care how much she claims to love him, the bitterness and resentment over his being born won't be a secret forever.

Sooo what's stopping her from dumping the kid at the Duh's and not answering her phone? Is it considered abandonment if the child is left with the other parent? Duh said he would raise the kid himself, so call his bluff. Leave Junior on Duh's doorstep and leave for the weekend.

Little late to the party. But I should mention she did have a 3rd option, depending on where she lives. There are whats called, Safe Haven laws. If after a certain time she decided that this train wreck, still wasn't the Land of Instagram Rainbows and Glitter Unicorn Farts.

Then she could have anonomously handed the loaf over to a Hospital or Fire Station, as long as she gave it to a licensed handler. Such as a Nurse or Fireman , she would have been in the clear and Duhdy wouldn't have been the wiser. She could have just said she had a miscarriage, and left it at that.

But women who lack common sense like this, make me want to hit my head against a brick wall. I would have driven for days if need be to get rid of the parasite, compared to 18 years of hell. A few missed days of work would be wayyyy cheaper.

That's a great point about safe haven laws. This is a site with a list of the various state laws. Some states only allow a 3 day period, which actually seems kind of short. Missouri and north Dakota have the most generous time period, one year from date of birth.


When you click into the states, there is this question/answer:

Question: I'm in a custody battle. How do I know my spouse won't use the Safe Haven law to take away my child?

Answer: Safe Haven laws and locations are only for infants. If your child isn't an infant, there's no way the Safe Haven law can be used. If your child is an infant, rest assured that when a baby comes into the Safe Haven program, authorities across the US are notified and a thorough check is done to make sure no one is looking for the baby.

This chick should have taken the infant to a Safe Haven location and left him there. I bet a month's mortgage when they located the father, he would have refused to raise it and she would have been done. Dudes like this don't want to be fathers--they just want to saddle some woman with raising their brat so they can still control her life to some extent.

I'm am not opposed to Safe Haven laws--I just think all choices should be available: Safe Haven, easy access to contraception, same for abortion. Having all three options available means fewer women would use the Safe Haven program.

Now that many states are effectively outlawing abortion, get ready for the wave of baybees the Taxpayer gets to support.

Speaking of which, I noticed on the list that three of the biggest Fundy Fucknut states (Mississippi, Kentucky and Alabama) that have recently passed the most restrictive laws or effectively eliminated abortion altogether, all have three day surrender periods. Why I am not surprised? So much for "wanting to save baybees." Hypocrites.

Forgive me for my misanthropic analysis, it seems like the the stupid cunt had a number of opportunities to escape the situation, but would not. NO SYMPATHY!

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cfbitchfromla
Forgive me for my misanthropic analysis, it seems like the the stupid cunt had a number of opportunities to escape the situation, but would not. NO SYMPATHY!

Look who is back! Where is Tony this time, is he dead or is he alive?

Sorry, can't manage to drum up any sympathy for this idiotic type. YOU chose an abusive man, YOU decided abortion wasn't an option against others' suggestions & now you're stuck with a kid who never asked to be born to a parent who doesn't want him. Were you on birth control consistently? If so & it failed, did you take Plan B? Apparently not. Now you want to paint yourself as the victim when it's the kid who will suffer from your ignorance & lack of assertiveness over your own reproductive future. As a child whose father didn't want kids, I know how it feels to not be wanted & to even be outright resented for existing. Hint: Not good.

Seriously, if the babydaddy's father is telling you to get an abortion, that's like the reddest of flags. I don't deny anyone the right to vent about these things but I'm not gonna give her asspats in this situation either. Some regretful parent stories are worthy of sympathy...not this time IMO. And yes, the sperm donor is a POS too for "forbidding" adoption & then doing nothing to help father the child. She better wring him dry for child support at least.