"What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 19, 2019 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,432 |
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In the case of my son, I did not feel a surge of love for him at his birth. My heart is not gushing when I look at him. A lot of normal child behaviors make me angry if they’ll result in my having to clean something up, which is pretty much everything he does. And his ramblings, which in another context could be endearing, just strain my capacity for listening and empathy.
It’s hard to say how much of this is a result of my not being a kid person. I’ve never been “good with kids” — I’ve always found them tiring. But I suspect the real reason I hate being a parent is the total and complete lack of support, combined with a sort of invisibility that comes with being a swamped, broke, stressed-out single parent. It’s the worst of both worlds: full-on sacrifice but also just appearing like I’m failing — at work, at bills, at loving my kid enough.
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My son was the result of a contraception fail with a man I was passionately in love with — for a short time. He turned out to be not a great guy, but this didn’t become fully clear until several months after my son’s birth, when the fights over money, his violent outbursts, and total lack of interest in fatherhood defined a desolate plain.
I could have had an abortion (as his father had urged me to do). But I had decided it was not an option for me, and so I was left with a limited set of choices.
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I hate being solely responsible for him, I hate “playing,” and I hate supporting him on my own (his father contributes nothing and there’s little I can do about it). Most of all, I hate that I often see him as a burden and I hate the thought that on some level, he either knows this already or will divine this as he grows older.
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My friendships have mostly faded away. I need exercise and therapy, but I don’t have time or money for those, either. A lot of this is similar to what many parents go through. But in my case, the real cost is emotional, and it’s my son who pays it.
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 19, 2019 | Registered: 5 years ago Posts: 105 |
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 19, 2019 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,708 |
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 19, 2019 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,196 |
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What I had really wanted was to give my son up for adoption, and I had begun that process, but his dad would not waive custody, saying that he’d raise the child himself.
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I am also the product of an unplanned — and unwanted, in the case of my father — pregnancy. So is my mother. My whole family seems to have gatecrashed existence. I don’t know that we’re any more damaged than other people, but I do find myself defaulting to annoyance. I was on the receiving end of that. It’s a perfect generational cycle.
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t’s hard to say how much of this is a result of my not being a kid person. I’ve never been “good with kids” — I’ve always found them tiring. But I suspect the real reason I hate being a parent is the total and complete lack of support, combined with a sort of invisibility that comes with being a swamped, broke, stressed-out single parent. It’s the worst of both worlds: full-on sacrifice but also just appearing like I’m failing — at work, at bills, at loving my kid enough.
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 19, 2019 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,432 |
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bell_flower
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What I had really wanted was to give my son up for adoption, and I had begun that process, but his dad would not waive custody, saying that he’d raise the child himself.
She should have walked away. Men do it all the time. Apparently he did it to her before she did it to him. If he's not supporting the kid right now or he's run off...hasn't he waived his rights in this department? Why can't she still pursue this option?
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 20, 2019 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,059 |
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 20, 2019 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,622 |
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 20, 2019 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,059 |
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 22, 2019 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,363 |
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bell_flower
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What I had really wanted was to give my son up for adoption, and I had begun that process, but his dad would not waive custody, saying that he’d raise the child himself.
She should have walked away. Men do it all the time. Apparently he did it to her before she did it to him. If he's not supporting the kid right now or he's run off...hasn't he waived his rights in this department? Why can't she still pursue this option?
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 24, 2019 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 3,842 |
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 24, 2019 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,964 |
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Moo
I hate being a mom. And I really hate being a single mom. I don’t hate my kid; I adore him. But I hate taking care of him, I hate being solely responsible for him, I hate “playing,” and I hate supporting him on my own (his father contributes nothing and there’s little I can do about it). Most of all, I hate that I often see him as a burden and I hate the thought that on some level, he either knows this already or will divine this as he grows older.
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Moo
He turned out to be not a great guy, but this didn’t become fully clear until several months after my son’s birth, when the fights over money, his violent outbursts, and total lack of interest in fatherhood defined a desolate plain.
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Moo
I could have had an abortion (as his father had urged me to do). But I had decided it was not an option for me, and so I was left with a limited set of choices.
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Moo
What I had really wanted was to give my son up for adoption, and I had begun that process, but his dad would not waive custody, saying that he’d raise the child himself. I doubted that he would, but my only other option was to lie to him about the pregnancy, keep him away from the birth, and ensure his name never appeared on the birth certificate.
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 26, 2019 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 146 |
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" June 26, 2019 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,196 |
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" August 23, 2019 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 842 |
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" August 23, 2019 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,701 |
Re: "What It’s Like Raising a Kid You Didn’t Want" August 25, 2019 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 282 |