Working mothers are so much more stressed and that's horrible

It is a scandal that working mothers are 40% more stressed than other people

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According to the largest survey of its kind, analysing measures of chronic stress in 6,025 participants nationwide, neither flexible hours nor working from home significantly lowered women’s stress levels. This goes against common thinking that flexitime is the answer to the stress induced by what used to be called “having it all” and has now resurfaced as the equally mythical “work-life balance”. What did have a positive impact? Working less.

So, in short, working mothers are stressed because they are trying to do too many things, and doing fewer things would make them less stressed. I can't help but feel there are various solutions for this which don't require government or employer action: not having children, having children only with a partner who will do an equal share of the labor, having children with a stay-at-home partner, or living a life with lower expenses so that you can get by with less pay when you work fewer hours. But of course that isn't what the author wants.

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So, what is the solution? As is often the simple answer to the most complex feminist issues: more choice. The chronic stress experienced by working mothers is the result of structural inequality. It’s a manifestation of how undervalued, unsupported and unfashionable the work of mothering continues to be. We live in a society where looking after your own child between the ages of one and three is seen either as a necessity or a privilege. That choice has been excised from one of the most significant experiences in a woman’s life, as the number of working mothers with dependent children has risen by more than a million over two decades, is not just a source of stress. It’s a scandal.

Mothering is optional. It is a choice. There is ample choice to look at the shit pile that is parenthood and say, "No thanks!" You can see that you don't have the support from your partner that you desire and opt out. You can see that society considers children a personal choice and offers minimal support for having them and realize that having them will make your life significantly more difficult.

We don't need parents. The world is extremely overpopulated and increasingly automated. Yet people still want other people to help financially support their personal decision to reproduce.

It's time parents realized that having children is their own expensive and polluting hobby, and the rest of us do not necessarily approve of or support it. If they really believed that the benefits of having children accrued for society rather than breeders personally, they'd be willing to forgo breeding themselves in order to provide additional money and attention to existing children. They'd cut back to spare the environment for members of the future generation that are already born. They'd also willingly submit to some kind of regulation to ensure that children were raised under the best conditions to be effective adults. Like the banking industry, parenting is a case of wanting private benefits at public cost, and letting the public bear the risk.

Can I be rewarded for my personal choice of being a bird owner? It's pretty stressful sometimes too, and while I'm working, I have to keep my office really quiet. I get worried that the birds will start squawking in the background while I'm doing my work. The birds are dependent on me, and leaving them to do work, while it's in my house, can be very stressful.

Maybe the government should give me some special perks because of that? I deserve it!

The thing I can't understand is...if it is so stressful, why do the white collar professional moos in my office have like 4 kids while working full time? It makes zero sense. There is NO need to have 3 or 4 kids (or any), and I was super stressed w/o kids, so HOW are they doing this bullshit and why?

I have said this to my male divorced friend who has (now adult) kids. His young middle-aged secretary, who actually is very smart and a hard worker and could be successful at doing almost anything, but chooses to be a secretary, had twins from likely a sperm bank or just a random donor. It might be elitist to say, but clerical workers never did such an expensive endeavor back in the day, but this, everyone can have it all attitude, now if u make 35-55k a yr, you somehow get the money to have this fertility treatments w/ no hubby. Anyway, when her twins became 5 and entered kindergarten, she said to male friend..."I'm so glad they are getting older and entering school, it makes it a bit easier for me." OK, she has her 2 kids, and now it is getting easy for her. You think she was done, right? No, she promptly (purposely) gets pregnant again!!!!! She's highly likely a lesbian, so this is no oops/accident. I. just. don't. get. it. And, neither did male friend. It goes to show, even the intelligent and the PNB, are always doing nonsensical things when it comes to breeding.


On the other hand, most moos in my office get special easier assignments, and if you ask me, they don't know what stress is. They are out the door at 4pm, if not earlier. Most of the moo stress is just an opportunity to bitch, and self-submitted, b/c it is sooooo important these days to make sure your bratz are in 5 different activities to taxi them to immediately after work. My mom literally took me to no activities, and didnt care if I didnt join any. She had to get home, do minor chores, and get to sleep for the next days work. Todays moo wants to pretend she's a hands on moo and a working woman too, while doing neither well, or w/ 100% attention or energy.

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It’s a manifestation of how undervalued, unsupported and unfashionable the work of mothering continues to be.

So, we should give moos a paycheck for deciding to have kids?

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We live in a society where looking after your own child between the ages of one and three is seen either as a necessity or a privilege.

It is. It is both of those things. No one is entitled to have children, and if you have them, you should fucking look after them.

Now, whether you choose to do that by yourself or not is up to you...but if you accept all of the responsibility yourself, then a) you're an idiot and b) suck it up. It's what you wanted.

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yurble
Mothering is optional. It is a choice. There is ample choice to look at the shit pile that is parenthood and say, "No thanks!" You can see that you don't have the support from your partner that you desire and opt out.

Absolutely right. If it's stressful because being a mother and having a job are too much, then mistakes were made somewhere along the line. Either you couldn't afford the kid, your partner isn't helping as much as they should, or you're choosing to be a martyr. Whatever the case, .

'Childfree by Choice', book I'm reading.

Part of this moo self inflicted stress is due to the lemming hive mind idiocy of helicopter parenting. and this 'for da chylldrun' assholery. They have abdicated their common sense. (first abdication is breeding in the first place). and caving from pressure of other idiot mootards...

boohoo moohoo

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

This reminds me of a woman I know who has two horses. She has complained that she has to either pay someone else to house them or rent a place with a barn. She has also complained about food and medicine costs. And the fact that she has to have two (because herd animals) and that she is the only one who knows how to take care of them out of her house, so she has to do everything. And of course, the time investment.

Sounds like the author and it is 100% self-inflicted. Last time I checked no one was forced to have children or horses.

One of the commenters has been bitten by a bitter bug:

"More support could be provided through a dedicated tax levied on the childless by choice. That choice is only possible because of the welfare system that can only continue because of other people's children.

As well as giving up any notion of the personal time that the childess have in surplus, each parent invests at average of 200k per child in rearing the next generation who will fund and staff the services the childless by choice will depend upon particularly as they age.

I'm sure the progressives amongst them will welcome the opportunity not to free ride and to contribute to support for working mothers in particular, and parents generally.

After that we can consider the plight of families priced out of family homes by those not carrying the cost of investing in society's future."

Wow. This person is breathing fire at the childless and it sounds like he would support compulsory breeding. Talk about jealousy.

How are you going to prove a person is childless by choice? I can just as easily be childless on any tax form. I've never heard of a 200K per parent contribution, must include some of those $2000 an hour for all those CEO type roles parunts are always claiming they qualify for - because - parunting.

Free ride? This person needs to check to see the qualifications for assistance and see how the income level greatly increases for famblees. A childfree person has to have an income below minimum wage to qualify. Childfree also pay more in taxes, so if anyone is free riding it is those who qualify for more tax breaks or a safety net.

According to this idiot the only way to invest in society's future is to have brats even if it means being priced out of family homes. How difficult is it to determine how much money will be made, based on career choice? And to figure out where to live, based on affordability? And to determine whether or not having kids is the right decision? Some people realize they have to make choices and that they have options. At the very least a person with a decent amount of sense realizes that they are responsible for their own choices.

Obviously this person doesn't accept responsibility for his choices. How stupefying.

Having lived through a working mother in my adolescence, I know it's not a great situation. In the early 70's my mom, who was a nurse, went to work with the VA because dad had a heart attack and she was not sure how long he could provide for 5 kids. This is when she just gave birth to my younger brother (and started taking those little pills the Pope doesn't like, even though dad objected, he was devout Catholic). Before she had me, she was a flight nurse in the Navy, traveled all around the world, and I believe once she had me and my sisters, found out being a homemaker with kids was so booorrrring. But yet, she did help with homework, and my dad also participated more and showed me things about work and they often discussed current events, which made us a lot more informed that the rest of the neighborhood.

When she started work, most of the time, she was working, sleeping, tired, complaining, exhausted and angry and not someone you would want to be with and said some very nasty things to us. Also, dad became less interested and more exhausted and both of my parents started by getting dinner, often a fast food. If she made dinner there was a lot of complaining. Later, I often made dinner after school. After dinner, both of them would just plop in front of the TV and fall asleep.

Now that she has been retired, she is a lot better but now if forgetful and cannot be left alone. Oh, and her childhood still affects her to this day even though she is 92. She will often tell stories about how dirt poor they were in Kansas and how all 12 of them would pile into the Model A to see the aunts in Leavenworth and all the flat tires they get and all the overheating it had. Maybe this is why I find being a large family embarrassing.

Her working was kind of a forced situation, but why would a woman today have 4 kids and work I do not understand. The home life is not a good scene.

Which brings up a personal issue of mine: How does one relate socially to nurses, that is, socially and not as a patient? Knowing their job is so stressful and demanding, you never know if saying "hi" might set them off on you. Sometimes mom and me would have this conversation:

Mom: "MY STAFF DOESN'T DO ANY WORK! MY BOSS IS MEAN! I HAD TO CLEAN UP SHIT! I HAD TO WORK A DOUBLE!!! I'M READY TO CRY!

Me: I don't know what career to do, (a typical teenage question)

Mom: Are you interested in Nursing?

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cfuter
His young middle-aged secretary, who actually is very smart and a hard worker and could be successful at doing almost anything, but chooses to be a secretary, had twins from likely a sperm bank or just a random donor. It might be elitist to say, but clerical workers never did such an expensive endeavor back in the day, but this, everyone can have it all attitude, now if u make 35-55k a yr, you somehow get the money to have this fertility treatments w/ no hubby. Anyway, when her twins became 5 and entered kindergarten, she said to male friend..."I'm so glad they are getting older and entering school, it makes it a bit easier for me." OK, she has her 2 kids, and now it is getting easy for her. You think she was done, right? No, she promptly (purposely) gets pregnant again!!!!! She's highly likely a lesbian, so this is no oops/accident. I. just. don't. get. it. And, neither did male friend. It goes to show, even the intelligent and the PNB, are always doing nonsensical things when it comes to breeding.

I think maybe for attention? Women who are pregnant get "congratulations!", showers, the easier assignments.

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mr. neptune

Which brings up a personal issue of mine: How does one relate socially to nurses, that is, socially and not as a patient? Knowing their job is so stressful and demanding, you never know if saying "hi" might set them off on you. Sometimes mom and me would have this conversation:

Mom: "MY STAFF DOESN'T DO ANY WORK! MY BOSS IS MEAN! I HAD TO CLEAN UP SHIT! I HAD TO WORK A DOUBLE!!! I'M READY TO CRY!

Me: I don't know what career to do, (a typical teenage question)

Mom: Are you interested in Nursing?

Too bad she didn't say find a career that doesn't set you off if someone says "hi."
Seems like a reasonable guideline to follow.

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freya
This reminds me of a woman I know who has two horses. She has complained that she has to either pay someone else to house them or rent a place with a barn. She has also complained about food and medicine costs. And the fact that she has to have two (because herd animals) and that she is the only one who knows how to take care of them out of her house, so she has to do everything. And of course, the time investment.

Sounds like the author and it is 100% self-inflicted. Last time I checked no one was forced to have children or horses.

Hey, freya, it's worse than that-- horses ARE herd animals, but you DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER HORSE to satisfy their herd instinct. Any companionable animal will suffice. Goats, cats...there have been plenty of horses with companion chickens. She has two horses because 1) she's totally ignorant of what the herd instinct actually entails, in which case she really should educate herself about having horses or 2) she wants two but doesn't want to do any of the associated work, in which case she probably should have none.

Is she a breeder, too? She sounds that level of ignorant/stupid and/or whiny.

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kittehpeoples

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freya
This reminds me of a woman I know who has two horses. She has complained that she has to either pay someone else to house them or rent a place with a barn. She has also complained about food and medicine costs. And the fact that she has to have two (because herd animals) and that she is the only one who knows how to take care of them out of her house, so she has to do everything. And of course, the time investment.

Sounds like the author and it is 100% self-inflicted. Last time I checked no one was forced to have children or horses.

Hey, freya, it's worse than that-- horses ARE herd animals, but you DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER HORSE to satisfy their herd instinct. Any companionable animal will suffice. Goats, cats...there have been plenty of horses with companion chickens. She has two horses because 1) she's totally ignorant of what the herd instinct actually entails, in which case she really should educate herself about having horses or 2) she wants two but doesn't want to do any of the associated work, in which case she probably should have none.Is she a breeder, too? She sounds that level of ignorant/stupid and/or whiny.

Thanks kittehpeoples,
I didn't know horses could have their herd instinct satisfied with another companion animal but I don't claim any knowledge of horses either. And you nailed it, she is a breeder and most of what she says is nonsensical (like not paying taxes for two years and expecting the government to pity her). And talking about the consumerist behaviors of others while living way WAY beyond her means. I think cause/effect is not something everyone gets. I recall being lectured ad naseum about it as a kid from parents, teachers, and adults so something must get in the way for many people.

After all, who in their right mind would pay taxes if there wasn't a consequence for not doing so? Same with owning pets that have high monthly costs, etc. Why not own a serval if it were magically paid for? But there are the little issues of them costing thousands of dollars, finding a veterinarian that specializes in exotics, special food and habitat. Not to mention trying to find a rental that allows a serval as a pet.

Yeah, my first thought was who is the arbiter of whether someone without kids is childless by choice or not? How many workers are going to be needed to decide that and process the paperwork to funnel the money to breeders?