Breeding when you have terminal cancer or genetic diseases makes me CRAZY!

I am completely out of synch with rah-rah Breeder Culture when I see what's designed to be a "heartwarming news story," to "help a fambilee," where the Dud was diagnosed with terminal cancer 18 months ago, and they have a four month old infant. It makes me want to scream at the TV.

I proudly wear the badge of "evil, logical person" because yes, I do the mental math in these situations to figure out, was/were the kid(s) born Before or After diagnosis? Quite often, I don't even need to do the math because the parunts in question will come right out and say it. "We didn't want cancer to derail our plans to have a family," which is code for, "we had no problem creating a kid who will only know a sick and suffering parent that will die and leave him/her all-too-soon, because we are selfish fucks who are only thinking of ourselves, and hey, we might even get more donations this way.

It's the same with severe genetic diseases. I do not pretend to understand, even for one minute. WTF is wrong with these people?

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bell_flower
I do not pretend to understand, even for one minute. WTF is wrong with these people?

Nor should you pretend. It's unadulterated selfishness, nothing more. THEY want a kid so THEY have a kid, and fuck that kid and her/his future, because they got what they wanted. If that kid grows up without a parent or suffering from a genetic disease, too damn bad.

And I know what I'm talking about on this one, at least to some extent. I know I've mentioned here that I have a genetic disorder that I inherited from my mother. She did not know it was heritable, but if she had...if I had grown up with this pain KNOWING my mother had chosen to inflict it on me just because she wanted a kid...you can bet I'd feel resentful as all fuck toward her for it.

None of the reasons ever seem to make any sense.

"I want someone to remember her/him by!" Because a screaming baby has so much in common with an adult?

"S/he will feels better about the situation knowing that their memory will be passed on to the next generation." Because the infant is going to remember the dead parent?

"It was their last chance to pass on their genes!" Because the person who inherits that propensity for nasty disease is going to be so grateful for it?

"This gives us hope in our grief." Because there's nothing like the responsibility of a colicky baby to heal grief?

"We aren't going to let this illness change our plans." Because your plan was always to be a single parent, and the kid will never resent that?

And so on.

I especially love the Moos who find out they're pigged up and choose to not get chemo so they can carry to term. Everyone hails them as some kind of selfless martyr giving their lives for their precious children, but if you ask me, it's the epitome of selfishness, especially since every single story I've read about this very thing mentions the Moo in question has at least one other child aside from the incubating loaf.

So she forgoes treatment for her cancer so she can give birth and avoid either aborting or miscarrying, shits the loaf, and then dies two months later because she waited too long to do chemo. That child now has to grow up without a mother, unless Duh can wrangle some other sucker into raising the kid for him, and even then, I'm sure the kid will ask where its biological mother is. I imagine there would be feelings of guilt accompanying the knowledge that their bio mum died to give birth to them, not to mention Duh could use it as a means of guilt tripping when the kids misbehaves. "You need to listen to me, you know your mother died so you could live!"

Let us also not forget how the partner/spouse of the Moo feels when she chooses her unborn brat over herself, meaning she is not only effectively leaving at least one child without a mother, she's leaving her partner a widow and she's forcing many others in her life to lose a sister, cousin, aunt, in-law or friend. I think any of those people would rather keep the Moo around than give her up for a kid. It's not selfish to let yourself be a priority.

I don't fault people who find out after breeding that they're fucked up and are passing on fucked up genes (though getting genetic testing before crapping out a loaf would be wise), but the ones who have any number of illnesses or reproduce while actively sick/dying or knowing full well they have a disease they'll pass on to their kids are fucking assholes. Imagine how the kid will feel if it winds up with the same disease as its parent(s) all because Moo and Duh needed a loaf and didn't care what happened to it.

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Cambion
Let us also not forget how the partner/spouse of the Moo feels when she chooses her unborn brat over herself, meaning she is not only effectively leaving at least one child without a mother, she's leaving her partner a widow and she's forcing many others in her life to lose a sister, cousin, aunt, in-law or friend. I think any of those people would rather keep the Moo around than give her up for a kid. It's not selfish to let yourself be a priority.

THAT part gets me, too. It's a giant "fuck you" to the partner, relatives, friends, and other children, if they exist. It's the moo telling EVERYBODY in her life that they matter less than a non-existent child. If any of these guys decided to leave his pregnant partner for choosing a fetus over treatment, I wouldn't blame him a bit. She's basically telling him she'd rather be a dead moo than be with him. Who the hell should want to stay with that?

And how much does this have to fuck up kids they already have? Their mom would rather be dead than give up a fetus...and then they're stuck in a grieving family with, potentially, a sibling they're expected to love unconditionally in spite of the fact that it cost them their mother. I mean, if the moo died in childbirth, at least that wasn't her *choice*...she wasn't actively choosing to leave the other kids motherless in favor of the fetus. But to do it on purpose? How does a child ever understand or get over that? What compassionate adult would expect them to?

What exactly is wrong with terminating the pregnancy, undergoing treatment, and then having another child if it's so fucking important? Good lord.

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yurble
None of the reasons ever seem to make any sense.

"I want someone to remember her/him by!" Because a screaming baby has so much in common with an adult?

There seems to be this collective fear of being forgotten. Most people are forgettable. Once dead, that person isn't going to care in the least.

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yurble
"S/he will feels better about the situation knowing that their memory will be passed on to the next generation." Because the infant is going to remember the dead parent?

The best way to be remembered is to do something memorable to society. The most realistic way to be remembered is to be a good person to others so that they will speak of you fondly once you pass.

Personally, I'd rather leave the world a better place than be remembered.

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yurble
"It was their last chance to pass on their genes!" Because the person who inherits that propensity for nasty disease is going to be so grateful for it?

Not just that but after 6-7 generations any of their specific genes will be gone, including the bad genes.

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yurble
"This gives us hope in our grief." Because there's nothing like the responsibility of a colicky baby to heal grief?

I guess being miserable AND busy is better for some than being miserable AND having idle time.

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yurble
"We aren't going to let this illness change our plans." Because your plan was always to be a single parent, and the kid will never resent that?

They never look at this as a possibility. It is almost as if they are doubling down and willfully challenging the spaghetti monster to take away one parent now that they have sluiced. They never see themselves as a statistic but above the odds. It is childish, willfully ignorant, and inconsiderate to the baby and any other children they may have.

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yurble
None of the reasons ever seem to make any sense.

"I want someone to remember her/him by!" Because a screaming baby has so much in common with an adult?

I never got that one either. Like you have absolutely NOTHING else to remember your late partner by other than the brat that is half theirs? No photos, their favorite shirt, something they made for you, wedding bands - there are no objects of sentimental value whatsoever that they could look at fondly? Why does the precious keepsake have to be a loaf? If they didn't do or give the person anything memorable during the entirety of the relationship, then it sounds like it was a pretty shitty relationship.

I think the only longing a screaming loaf will create for a widower is Duh going, "Boy, I sure wish Amanda was still alive so she could go feed that fucker instead of me."

The other day I read about a 27 year old man who died, and his 24 year old wife birthed his brat the same week he died. He was smart enough to insure his life for $400,000 before he got sick, which will likely be eaten up by medical bills, and the kid is still being raised without a father.

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I think the only longing a screaming loaf will create for a widower is Duh going, "Boy, I sure wish Amanda was still alive so she could go feed that fucker instead of me.

From what I've seen in real life, a lot of the widows or widowers in these situations marry hastily.

Here is a previous bratfree thread where we discuss dumb cows who are dying to have a loaf. Also a reference to the woman who was the inspiration for Steel Magnolias. Her widower husband was remarried to someone else within six months of her death. No surprises there.

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bell_flower
Her widower husband was remarried to someone else within six months of her death. No surprises there.

Wow. She must have meant so much to him....