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Fencesitter becomes a single duh

Posted by cfdavep 
Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 06, 2019
https://old.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/d09mwa/my_brother_was_left_a_single_father_after_a_car/

Guy never really wanted kids unless it was all Kodak all the time, but wife begged for them and he caved. Had that Kodak life until wannabreed who was their main parent dies in a car accident. Now he is ready to date and women without kids don't want him, but single moos do and he can't stand single moos as he don't want the kids he has.


Wants wife back from the dead and kids gone, but claims to "love them" She is not coming back and the commenters say kids will know they are unwanted.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 07, 2019
Clearly this couple didn't have any serious talks prior to marriage. Because kids/no kids is one of the most obvious deal breakers. And this man didn't think through the idea that he could become a single parunt. Guessing he is thinking now but the damage is done.

It is really sad to read the comments. So many people who knew their parents didn't want them and that is why they don't have kids but it is much better than having kids and regretting it. They consciously broke the cycle. I hope their adult hoods are happy. I'd rather be made aware of all the shit involved with being a parent as a kid instead of growing up thinking how wonderful it will be to have kids and then learning the reality is a clusterfuck. As an adult it is really easy to see why parunting is something many people hate.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 07, 2019
I saw that one. Some of the comments saying being unwanted would be better than adoption made me cringe. I've seen how unwanted kids turn out. Spoiler alert: badly. They turn out badly.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 07, 2019
Give the guy time - eventually, the idea of murder will be completely justified in his mind as a way to take back his freedom.

Many parents who don't want their kids will be able to hide their resentment at least for a little while, but it sounds like this guy isn't even trying to do that much. Those kids didn't ask to be born and Duh is taking out his poor decisions on them. It's okay, it'll only fuck them up a LOT. He won't give the kids to a family that wants them because then he'll probably be disowned by his own family, and he won't date single Moos because if he doesn't want his own brats, he sure as fuck doesn't want someone else's. So his options are give them away, put up with them, or dispose of them in a less legal fashion.

Either he's already planning out the PNA or he's just going to live life however he pleases and never miss an opportunity to blame the kids for existing.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 07, 2019
Quote
kittehpeoples
I saw that one. Some of the comments saying being unwanted would be better than adoption made me cringe. I've seen how unwanted kids turn out. Spoiler alert: badly. They turn out badly.

Abortion would be better than being unwanted.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 07, 2019
Quote
yurble
Quote
kittehpeoples
I saw that one. Some of the comments saying being unwanted would be better than adoption made me cringe. I've seen how unwanted kids turn out. Spoiler alert: badly. They turn out badly.

Abortion would be better than being unwanted.

I agree wholeheartedly. But in this particular instance, it's too late for that. He's got two kids now he claims he loves but doesn't want.


Quote
Cambion
Give the guy time - eventually, the idea of murder will be completely justified in his mind as a way to take back his freedom.

Many parents who don't want their kids will be able to hide their resentment at least for a little while, but it sounds like this guy isn't even trying to do that much. Those kids didn't ask to be born and Duh is taking out his poor decisions on them. It's okay, it'll only fuck them up a LOT. He won't give the kids to a family that wants them because then he'll probably be disowned by his own family, and he won't date single Moos because if he doesn't want his own brats, he sure as fuck doesn't want someone else's. So his options are give them away, put up with them, or dispose of them in a less legal fashion.

I think one of the OP's comments said he's planning on sending them to boarding school. So he doesn't have to parent them but also doesn't take flak for giving them up for adoption. It's the worst of both worlds!

I also would not be surprised if there's a PNA or two in his future.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 07, 2019
I wonder if it is possible to love but not want? Seems strange
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 07, 2019
Quote
cfdavep
I wonder if it is possible to love but not want? Seems strange

I never understood that either. People who say they regret having kids, but still love them. How's that work? Generally speaking, when you want something and/or love it, you don't regret it. It might be hard or painful, but it's worth it in the end.

Love and regret don't really go hand in hand, so I think when parents say it, it's because they don't want people chewing them out for saying they regret having kids and leaving it at that.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 07, 2019
Quote
Cambion
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cfdavep
I wonder if it is possible to love but not want? Seems strange

I never understood that either. People who say they regret having kids, but still love them. How's that work? Generally speaking, when you want something and/or love it, you don't regret it. It might be hard or painful, but it's worth it in the end.

Love and regret don't really go hand in hand, so I think when parents say it, it's because they don't want people chewing them out for saying they regret having kids and leaving it at that.

I agree. You can't love kids you regret, or regret kids you love. Pick one.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 07, 2019
I think the truth is they don't really love them, but to say that out loud is to admit the worst taboo and they will become a total pariah.

Maybe they care about them knowing the kids did not decide to be born, but if the kids died through no fault of the parent, the parent would be more relieved in the long run.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 08, 2019
Have you ever been in a relationship that went on longer than it should, because you still cared for the person and therefore stuck it out, even if the joy had vanished? That's what I imagine it's like, a grim burden, which will eventually see the love turned into bitterness if the people involved don't cut their losses.

But there's no divorcing your children, so these breeders are trapped in a prison of their own making. I can believe that they both love and resent their children, but I can't believe that any of it is remotely emotionally healthy for anyone concerned.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 08, 2019
I think it's possible to have conflicting emotions about someone, especially when it comes to people to whom you've made some type of commitment. Family members could fall into this category. I've also felt this type of internal conflict for long-term friends. In those cases, the friends had banked enough goodwill that I was willing to hang in there for a bit, because even though they were annoying the fuck out of me, I did still love them. It's possible to love someone even if they do stupid shit. After a while they'd burned through enough of that goodwill that I could see that my love was for the person they were in the past, and I dumped them.

But you can't dump your kids, so people are stuck with that conflict. Plus kids are dependent on you in ways that friends never are, so that's different, too.

Yep, abortion would be better than having unwanted kids. I'm sorry his wife died. That's awful. But you know who else for whom it's also awful? His kids. They need him, and he should man up and figure out some way to soldier on and make his childed life work and be an involved parent, not contracting that shit out to boarding school. Yes, he should have stuck to his guns. Woulda coulda shoulda; bed made lie.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 09, 2019
Quote
randomcfchick
Yep, abortion would be better than having unwanted kids. I'm sorry his wife died. That's awful. But you know who else for whom it's also awful? His kids. They need him, and he should man up and figure out some way to soldier on and make his childed life work and be an involved parent, not contracting that shit out to boarding school. Yes, he should have stuck to his guns. Woulda coulda shoulda; bed made lie.

Very true. I can't imagine what the poor kids must be feeling - their mom is dead and their dad doesn't want them. They have no parents who genuinely love them and there's no way they either don't know it or won't figure it out.

If he doesn't off them, Duh will probably give in and settle for a single Moo just so he can have someone to deal with his kids so he doesn't need to. Never mind that won't work either because single Moos in the dating world also suck. A single Moo will fully expect him to neglect his kids and devote all efforts to her kids while not lifting a finger in regard to his kids, so they'd just be ignored by two people instead of one.

It's too bad he has no relatives who could adopt the kids so they'd at least have someone who gave a damn about them. But the upside for Duh is if he keeps this up, the kids will probably leave at 18 and never speak to him again.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 09, 2019
Quote
Cambion
But the upside for Duh is if he keeps this up, the kids will probably leave at 18 and never speak to him again.

At this point, that's probably what he's hoping for.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 09, 2019
I was basically an unwanted kid. My mother got knocked up by my dad, and he didn't want me. He was a severe alcoholic and party-boy type. She didn't really want me, she wanted to be with him and felt that she got the short end of the stick. My mother and I moved to a different province, and the only thing I ever got from him was a couple of letters when I was a kid.

She had no trouble telling me often that I should've been aborted or drowned in a river when I was a loaf. She also threatened to toss me in a foster home. I lived with that fear for so many years. I remember cowering in the corner and crying, while my mother stood over me, smiling, and telling me how she was going to get rid of me.

I wouldn't wish that on any kid. I feel bad for this guy's kids, and he should've considered the possibility that he would be raising them on his own if he had them. I hope that he has the decency to at least not make it overt that he doesn't like them.

I agree. You can't regret what you love, and you can't love what you regret. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 09, 2019
Quote
yurble
Have you ever been in a relationship that went on longer than it should, because you still cared for the person and therefore stuck it out, even if the joy had vanished? That's what I imagine it's like, a grim burden, which will eventually see the love turned into bitterness if the people involved don't cut their losses.

But there's no divorcing your children, so these breeders are trapped in a prison of their own making. I can believe that they both love and resent their children, but I can't believe that any of it is remotely emotionally healthy for anyone concerned.

Exactly. If it is a relationship with an adult they'd be gone from your lives. Since it is a kid, they're stuck with it. And the socially acceptable answer is to claim love but regret/resent.
Re: Fencesitter becomes a single duh
September 09, 2019
Quote
kittehpeoples
Quote
Cambion
But the upside for Duh is if he keeps this up, the kids will probably leave at 18 and never speak to him again.

At this point, that's probably what he's hoping for.

Until he gets old and needs elder care. Then he’ll remember he’s got two kids out there that he views owe him for existing when he didn’t want them to and want to invoke filial responsibility laws to force them to care for him for free.

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"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
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Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
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