Fencesitter becomes a single duh

https://old.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/d09mwa/my_brother_was_left_a_single_father_after_a_car/

Guy never really wanted kids unless it was all Kodak all the time, but wife begged for them and he caved. Had that Kodak life until wannabreed who was their main parent dies in a car accident. Now he is ready to date and women without kids don't want him, but single moos do and he can't stand single moos as he don't want the kids he has.


Wants wife back from the dead and kids gone, but claims to "love them" She is not coming back and the commenters say kids will know they are unwanted.

Clearly this couple didn't have any serious talks prior to marriage. Because kids/no kids is one of the most obvious deal breakers. And this man didn't think through the idea that he could become a single parunt. Guessing he is thinking now but the damage is done.

It is really sad to read the comments. So many people who knew their parents didn't want them and that is why they don't have kids but it is much better than having kids and regretting it. They consciously broke the cycle. I hope their adult hoods are happy. I'd rather be made aware of all the shit involved with being a parent as a kid instead of growing up thinking how wonderful it will be to have kids and then learning the reality is a clusterfuck. As an adult it is really easy to see why parunting is something many people hate.

I saw that one. Some of the comments saying being unwanted would be better than adoption made me cringe. I've seen how unwanted kids turn out. Spoiler alert: badly. They turn out badly.

Give the guy time - eventually, the idea of murder will be completely justified in his mind as a way to take back his freedom.

Many parents who don't want their kids will be able to hide their resentment at least for a little while, but it sounds like this guy isn't even trying to do that much. Those kids didn't ask to be born and Duh is taking out his poor decisions on them. It's okay, it'll only fuck them up a LOT. He won't give the kids to a family that wants them because then he'll probably be disowned by his own family, and he won't date single Moos because if he doesn't want his own brats, he sure as fuck doesn't want someone else's. So his options are give them away, put up with them, or dispose of them in a less legal fashion.

Either he's already planning out the PNA or he's just going to live life however he pleases and never miss an opportunity to blame the kids for existing.

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kittehpeoples
I saw that one. Some of the comments saying being unwanted would be better than adoption made me cringe. I've seen how unwanted kids turn out. Spoiler alert: badly. They turn out badly.

Abortion would be better than being unwanted.

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yurble

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kittehpeoples
I saw that one. Some of the comments saying being unwanted would be better than adoption made me cringe. I've seen how unwanted kids turn out. Spoiler alert: badly. They turn out badly.

Abortion would be better than being unwanted.

I agree wholeheartedly. But in this particular instance, it's too late for that. He's got two kids now he claims he loves but doesn't want.

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Cambion
Give the guy time - eventually, the idea of murder will be completely justified in his mind as a way to take back his freedom.

Many parents who don't want their kids will be able to hide their resentment at least for a little while, but it sounds like this guy isn't even trying to do that much. Those kids didn't ask to be born and Duh is taking out his poor decisions on them. It's okay, it'll only fuck them up a LOT. He won't give the kids to a family that wants them because then he'll probably be disowned by his own family, and he won't date single Moos because if he doesn't want his own brats, he sure as fuck doesn't want someone else's. So his options are give them away, put up with them, or dispose of them in a less legal fashion.

I think one of the OP's comments said he's planning on sending them to boarding school. So he doesn't have to parent them but also doesn't take flak for giving them up for adoption. It's the worst of both worlds!

I also would not be surprised if there's a PNA or two in his future.

I wonder if it is possible to love but not want? Seems strange

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cfdavep
I wonder if it is possible to love but not want? Seems strange

I never understood that either. People who say they regret having kids, but still love them. How's that work? Generally speaking, when you want something and/or love it, you don't regret it. It might be hard or painful, but it's worth it in the end.

Love and regret don't really go hand in hand, so I think when parents say it, it's because they don't want people chewing them out for saying they regret having kids and leaving it at that.

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Cambion

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cfdavep
I wonder if it is possible to love but not want? Seems strange

I never understood that either. People who say they regret having kids, but still love them. How's that work? Generally speaking, when you want something and/or love it, you don't regret it. It might be hard or painful, but it's worth it in the end.

Love and regret don't really go hand in hand, so I think when parents say it, it's because they don't want people chewing them out for saying they regret having kids and leaving it at that.

I agree. You can't love kids you regret, or regret kids you love. Pick one.

I think the truth is they don't really love them, but to say that out loud is to admit the worst taboo and they will become a total pariah.

Maybe they care about them knowing the kids did not decide to be born, but if the kids died through no fault of the parent, the parent would be more relieved in the long run.

Have you ever been in a relationship that went on longer than it should, because you still cared for the person and therefore stuck it out, even if the joy had vanished? That's what I imagine it's like, a grim burden, which will eventually see the love turned into bitterness if the people involved don't cut their losses.

But there's no divorcing your children, so these breeders are trapped in a prison of their own making. I can believe that they both love and resent their children, but I can't believe that any of it is remotely emotionally healthy for anyone concerned.

I think it's possible to have conflicting emotions about someone, especially when it comes to people to whom you've made some type of commitment. Family members could fall into this category. I've also felt this type of internal conflict for long-term friends. In those cases, the friends had banked enough goodwill that I was willing to hang in there for a bit, because even though they were annoying the fuck out of me, I did still love them. It's possible to love someone even if they do stupid shit. After a while they'd burned through enough of that goodwill that I could see that my love was for the person they were in the past, and I dumped them.

But you can't dump your kids, so people are stuck with that conflict. Plus kids are dependent on you in ways that friends never are, so that's different, too.

Yep, abortion would be better than having unwanted kids. I'm sorry his wife died. That's awful. But you know who else for whom it's also awful? His kids. They need him, and he should man up and figure out some way to soldier on and make his childed life work and be an involved parent, not contracting that shit out to boarding school. Yes, he should have stuck to his guns. Woulda coulda shoulda; bed made lie.

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randomcfchick
Yep, abortion would be better than having unwanted kids. I'm sorry his wife died. That's awful. But you know who else for whom it's also awful? His kids. They need him, and he should man up and figure out some way to soldier on and make his childed life work and be an involved parent, not contracting that shit out to boarding school. Yes, he should have stuck to his guns. Woulda coulda shoulda; bed made lie.

Very true. I can't imagine what the poor kids must be feeling - their mom is dead and their dad doesn't want them. They have no parents who genuinely love them and there's no way they either don't know it or won't figure it out.

If he doesn't off them, Duh will probably give in and settle for a single Moo just so he can have someone to deal with his kids so he doesn't need to. Never mind that won't work either because single Moos in the dating world also suck. A single Moo will fully expect him to neglect his kids and devote all efforts to her kids while not lifting a finger in regard to his kids, so they'd just be ignored by two people instead of one.

It's too bad he has no relatives who could adopt the kids so they'd at least have someone who gave a damn about them. But the upside for Duh is if he keeps this up, the kids will probably leave at 18 and never speak to him again.

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Cambion
But the upside for Duh is if he keeps this up, the kids will probably leave at 18 and never speak to him again.

At this point, that's probably what he's hoping for.

I was basically an unwanted kid. My mother got knocked up by my dad, and he didn't want me. He was a severe alcoholic and party-boy type. She didn't really want me, she wanted to be with him and felt that she got the short end of the stick. My mother and I moved to a different province, and the only thing I ever got from him was a couple of letters when I was a kid.

She had no trouble telling me often that I should've been aborted or drowned in a river when I was a loaf. She also threatened to toss me in a foster home. I lived with that fear for so many years. I remember cowering in the corner and crying, while my mother stood over me, smiling, and telling me how she was going to get rid of me.

I wouldn't wish that on any kid. I feel bad for this guy's kids, and he should've considered the possibility that he would be raising them on his own if he had them. I hope that he has the decency to at least not make it overt that he doesn't like them.

I agree. You can't regret what you love, and you can't love what you regret. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

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yurble
Have you ever been in a relationship that went on longer than it should, because you still cared for the person and therefore stuck it out, even if the joy had vanished? That's what I imagine it's like, a grim burden, which will eventually see the love turned into bitterness if the people involved don't cut their losses.

But there's no divorcing your children, so these breeders are trapped in a prison of their own making. I can believe that they both love and resent their children, but I can't believe that any of it is remotely emotionally healthy for anyone concerned.

Exactly. If it is a relationship with an adult they'd be gone from your lives. Since it is a kid, they're stuck with it. And the socially acceptable answer is to claim love but regret/resent.

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kittehpeoples

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Cambion
But the upside for Duh is if he keeps this up, the kids will probably leave at 18 and never speak to him again.

At this point, that's probably what he's hoping for.

Until he gets old and needs elder care. Then he’ll remember he’s got two kids out there that he views owe him for existing when he didn’t want them to and want to invoke filial responsibility laws to force them to care for him for free.

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

mumof6birds...

I presume you don't deal with your mother...

at the very least, you can find the worst nursing home..

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

The other option he has is to date a young naive woman and overwhelm her with romance and promises. Marry her as soon as possible and then leave her on parenting detail 24/7. She'll need to have something she desperately wants to escape to fall for him, such as a terrible minimum wage dead-end job she wants to quit. Instead of paying for a domestic (cook, nanny, cleaning) he marries one. It is cheaper. She'd have to lack ambition and opinions though in order to stay in this arrangement.

It could easily backfire on him if she decides she wants kids "of her own" so best he obtain a vasectomy no matter what he does.

I've noticed many single parunts immediately want to find a spouse replacement and I'd bet it has to due with wanting reprieve from their kids in nearly all instances. I've known single parents who have jumped into serious dating relationships before the ink has dried on their divorce paperwork.

At least this option is legal but it is a disservice to the potential woman.

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twocents
mumof6birds...

I presume you don't deal with your mother...

at the very least, you can find the worst nursing home..

My mother passed away a couple of years ago from vascular dementia. She was in a home the last three years of her life because nobody was able to take care of her.

The odd thing is that when I saw her after she was placed in the home, I forgave her for a lot of the things she did to me. I've forgiven, but unfortunately I'm unable to forget.

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freya
The other option he has is to date a young naive woman and overwhelm her with romance and promises. Marry her as soon as possible and then leave her on parenting detail 24/7. She'll need to have something she desperately wants to escape to fall for him, such as a terrible minimum wage dead-end job she wants to quit. Instead of paying for a domestic (cook, nanny, cleaning) he marries one. It is cheaper. She'd have to lack ambition and opinions though in order to stay in this arrangement.

It could easily backfire on him if she decides she wants kids "of her own" so best he obtain a vasectomy no matter what he does.

I've noticed many single parunts immediately want to find a spouse replacement and I'd bet it has to due with wanting reprieve from their kids in nearly all instances. I've known single parents who have jumped into serious dating relationships before the ink has dried on their divorce paperwork.

At least this option is legal but it is a disservice to the potential woman.

That's probably going to be his only chance. I don't remember if the guy's age was mentioned, but he'd probably have to pursue a stupid young girl who doesn't know any better, especially if she happens to come from an abusive home, in which case she might be more determined to have validation and someone to love her and may be more likely to throw herself at anyone that will take her in. Or he could marry a really fucking ugly chick of any age because odds are she won't turn him down even if he's got kids.

Many parents I've known who became single after reproducing also immediately started looking for a new mate, like they split up Friday and they're on a date with someone else by Sunday. Big shock, almost none of them could actually hang onto a partner for more than a few months, even if they did produce One of Our Own^TM. One friend of mine was a very smart woman with a good job and was a PNB, but goddamn she was rubbish at picking men and she would dump the decent guys and stick around with the assholes.

So he has options, but he sure as hell isn't gonna be getting the cream of the crop. But since parents think so highly of themselves, I'm sure he'll pursue attractive unchilded women and complain when they don't want to raise his damn kids for him.

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Cambion
So he has options, but he sure as hell isn't gonna be getting the cream of the crop. But since parents think so highly of themselves, I'm sure he'll pursue attractive unchilded women and complain when they don't want to raise his damn kids for him.

We've seen that, haven't we? Breeders whining that nobody wants to date someone with brats, when you know that they're shopping for live in babysitters. How dare young single people not want that.

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Cambion
Many parents I've known who became single after reproducing also immediately started looking for a new mate, like they split up Friday and they're on a date with someone else by Sunday. Big shock, almost none of them could actually hang onto a partner for more than a few months, even if they did produce One of Our OwnTM. One friend of mine was a very smart woman with a good job and was a PNB, but goddamn she was rubbish at picking men and she would dump the decent guys and stick around with the assholes.

Part of that may be that they are unaccustomed to sex. Since moos tend to forget about their husbands once the baybeez arrive some men may not have had sex for a long time. And finding a woman to have sex with and who may be okay with babysitting has got to be very tempting. And moos may feel revived in dating especially if they associate the duh with offloading drudgery and housework onto her. A new man may be very tempting for sex and he may also be okay with babysitting. After a few months the sex glow can wear off.

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Cambion
So he has options, but he sure as hell isn't gonna be getting the cream of the crop. But since parents think so highly of themselves, I'm sure he'll pursue attractive unchilded women and complain when they don't want to raise his damn kids for him.

I guess he could lie and pretend he is childless but the truth will come out and if he is dating an attractive unchilded woman then she will likely kick him to the curb. Or he could make lots of money as this will widen the net of women who find him attractive despite his kids. At least these options are legal!

the sticky 'baby stalking...' pertinent here perhaps..

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

What a selfish prick. Their mother is dead, they need their father. He needs to quit the pity party, grow the pair he should have used to say no kids, and parent the children that certainly did not ask to be born.

No, women with no kids won't want you but we have nothing in common. Something about making one's bed and all that.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."