Giving breeders the benefit of the doubt

I found this on reddit/cf

"Thank you. I flip flop back and forth between fence sitter and CF, so I subscribe to the CF sub as well. Unfortunately, the CF sub are so quick to jump down any family member, friend or coworker that might have question your decision. The thought of being CF has never even crossed the mind of many people, they're not aware that it's a viable option. Introducing a new concept to people can often be met with resistance. Some even need time to morn the fact that they may never become a grandparent/aunt/uncle etc, because they're entitled to their own feelings, just as we are. Most people have also felt that being a parent was a great experience for them, and if they love you, they want the best for you, for you to be happy, and they're sad or worried that you'll miss out on what brought them such joy. Now, should you set boundaries for those who continue to disrespect your opinion, sure. But I'm awfully sad how quick the CF community jumps straight to removing family, friends, or coworkers who don't understand our stance."

The poster thinks that when breeders and family freak out on the CF they are just being introduced to a new concept as they don't know being CF is a thing, so it hits them hard the first time and they just need "understanding" and all will be well. This has never been my experience with people when they learn that you think differently from them. My trans uncle is 71 and acceptance never happened

Fencesitter can be as understanding as they want, but CF people know damn well they are hearing that bingo for the 600th time. It doesn't matter if it's the first time person A has said it, person A needs to engage their brain before engaging their mouth.

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It doesn't matter if it's the first time person A has said it, person A needs to engage their brain before engaging their mouth

THANK YOU. And I'll add-- it's two thousand fucking nineteen. People can make all kinds of declarations regarding gender, sexual orientation, etc. and same sex people can now marry, (I'm not saying this is a bad thing) so why is the idea that not every wants to breed still the last taboo and still OFFENSIVE TO so many people?

I don't think this person is smart enough to come down on the CF side. Case in point:

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Some even need time to morn the fact that they may never become a grandparent/aunt/uncle etc, because they're entitled to their own feelings, just as we are.

Nobody is ENTITLED to have a feeling over someone else's reproductive choices, period. If it's not your womb or dick, it does not pertain to you, therefore you should STFU. That includes family members.

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Most people have also felt that being a parent was a great experience for them, and if they love you, they want the best for you, for you to be happy, and they're sad or worried that you'll miss out on what brought them such joy.

This person sounds about fifteen. Has he or she never heard of the Dear Abby survey? Does this person not see thousands of websites where parents are clearly not having a "great experience?" Doesn't Reddit have a huge "regret" thread.

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But I'm awfully sad how quick the CF community jumps straight to removing family, friends, or coworkers who don't understand our stance."

*** sniff *** Won't someone think of the poor widdle busybody Breeders who cannot stop bingoing those nasty CFers for their life choices?

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bell_flower

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But I'm awfully sad how quick the CF community jumps straight to removing family, friends, or coworkers who don't understand our stance."

*** sniff *** Won't someone think of the poor widdle busybody Breeders who cannot stop bingoing those nasty CFers for their life choices?

I just don't see any benefit in spending time with people who fundamentally don't respect me. There's no respect in assuming you know a person's mind better than they themselves, unless they have a history of being indecisive or flip-flopping (which might explain why the fencesitter isn't offended). And that's the best case: sometimes they go further and express wishes for CF women to be denied bodily autonomy. Anyone who can't see how arrogant and rude those statements are is simply too stupid for me to enjoy spending time with.

The thought of being transgender has never crossed MY mind, but I know enough to accept that my experience isn't anyone else's, and keep my trap shut. Which is more than most breeders can manage.

The day it becomes just as socially acceptable to question the choices of breeders as it is the childfree I will agree with this. At that point, perhaps everyone will shut up and mind their own business out of fear that they can be questioned.

Why do people get so upset about how other people conduct their private lives? I may not like every lifestyle choice in the world, but I know it is not worth losing my shit over things that don't affect me. As for why some people do what they do, I just have to accept not everyone thinks the way I do. In fact, the way I think seems to be pretty damn uncommon. I feel like a fucking alien. Maybe people who have much more common personalities or ways of thinking feel entitled to try to correct anyone who's different because they know their views have widespread social support.

This person doesn't seem to grasp that a true CFer that verbally shoots down relatives and friends when interrogated about their reproductive choices is doing so because they've been bingoed a million times already and these people just won't fucking let up. It shows that they refuse to listen, refuse to acknowledge the person's life choice, and undermines it by constantly telling them they'll change their mind, they need to have kids before they get old and ugly, etc. It's no different than someone coming out of the closet and their family members all tell them at Christmas, "So when ya gonna quit this gay shit and get a girlfriend/boyfriend?" or telling an author, "So when ya gonna get a real job?" It gets old having to repeat yourself all the time because your own family won't believe you.

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Some even need time to morn the fact that they may never become a grandparent/aunt/uncle etc, because they're entitled to their own feelings, just as we are. Most people have also felt that being a parent was a great experience for them, and if they love you, they want the best for you, for you to be happy, and they're sad or worried that you'll miss out on what brought them such joy. Now, should you set boundaries for those who continue to disrespect your opinion, sure. But I'm awfully sad how quick the CF community jumps straight to removing family, friends, or coworkers who don't understand our stance."

Yes, they are entitled to their feelings because feelings are an offshoot of opinions. However, they are not entitled to use their butthurts to harass someone for their choices that have no impact on the "morning" person.

Also, just because one person derived pleasure from something does not mean someone else will have the same experience. Some people get off on jamming things into their urethras, that doesn't mean I want to do it or would like it.

I feel like if a CF person goes no contact with family, friends or coworkers, it's because the offending people refuse to treat the CFer's decision as a serious one. If you're a fencesitter, then "you'll change your mind" might feel like nothing more than friendly picking that family and friends will do. But when you're childfree and they fucking sit there and tell you over and over again that your choice is wrong by questioning or ridiculing it, it's sometimes better for your sanity to cut those people out of your life.