You must change the rules!

Kid lost his parents and grandparents took him in. Just one problem: grandparents live in a 55+ community. HOA sends them a letter telling them it's against the rules etc and now they're screaming to change the rules. I'm sorry but I would be pissed if my neighbors did this. It's 55+ for a reason and it's unfair for you to demand it change. I know it sucks but if you want to keep the kid I would suggest moving to a more amenable area instead of expecting the community to change for you. If they change the rules, what's going to be the next bleeding heart story? Tawny the methmom lost custody of her kids and now her 12 crackmonkeys need to stay with grandma and grandpa? Just tell everyone who moved to an area where kids are not allowed to stay to just deal the the screaming, running around and destroying property assholes. They're just kyds!!11!

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"It is better not to look like what you are; it is better to look like a bourgeois woman because then all the doors are open for you and then you can just go and make hell." - Marjane Satrapi

I think HOAs are bullshit, but my approach to it is not to live in a neighborhood with an HOA, not move in and then demand that their rules not apply to us.

Yup, ITA that HOAs suck. In Canada, they're called Strata properties. I would never choose to live in one of those places. The rules are ridiculous, but they decided to live there. They can't expect the rules to be changed because of their circumstances. They can move if they don't like it.

You let one person do this, and next thing you know, the entire neighborhood will be overrun with kids. I'm sure that a lot of people who chose to live in this particular community did so because they don't want to be around noisy, destructive kids.

I live in a condo complex with an HOA and accompanying crap. Before we bought the place, we checked out the neighborhood (including parking and just listening to what it sounded like in evenings) and read ALL of the HOA rules, covenants, etc. Ours is actually pretty laissez-faire as far as HOAs go...but they do cover the basics. If for some reason their rules and structures don't work for my spouse and me someday, we will up stakes and move to a place that works better. We knew going in.

So did those grandparents. They need to buy/rent elsewhere if they're making a major commitment to those grandkids. That neighborhood isn't for kids. Tough beansies, grands.

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randomcfchick
So did those grandparents. They need to buy/rent elsewhere if they're making a major commitment to those grandkids. That neighborhood isn't for kids. Tough beansies, grands.

That's it exactly. Sucks the kid lost both parents almost at once, sucks the grandparents lost their son/daughter, but it doesn't change the fact that they chose to live someplace where they knew they could never raise their grandkid if need be. Just one more reason not to breed-- you might not just wind up responsible for the generation you chose to spawn. There may be subsequent generations you have to raise, too.

I am so jealous of those 55+ communities. It seems unfair that older people can cluster together without kids, but the rest of us can't. If I lived in a community like that, I'd be exceedingly zealous in ensuring that rule was followed. It might even be worth putting up with all the other nonsense that seems to come with a regulated community.

But I think my first choice is more and more a cabin alone in the woods...

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randomcfchick
I live in a condo complex with an HOA and accompanying crap. Before we bought the place, we checked out the neighborhood (including parking and just listening to what it sounded like in evenings) and read ALL of the HOA rules, covenants, etc. Ours is actually pretty laissez-faire as far as HOAs go...but they do cover the basics. If for some reason their rules and structures don't work for my spouse and me someday, we will up stakes and move to a place that works better. We knew going in.

Same. I don’t hate my HOA because they are pretty laid back, and they do help keep my trashy neighbor in check. You know, because they enforce the rules.

I would be absolutely livid if I moved somewhere and later found out that a neighbor was being granted a pretty huge exception. And I’m confused why the grandson being 19 would mean that he can live there. If I bought a home in a 55+ community, I wouldn’t want a college kid living next door. Those are two very different life stages.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

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LoveToLurk

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randomcfchick
I live in a condo complex with an HOA and accompanying crap. Before we bought the place, we checked out the neighborhood (including parking and just listening to what it sounded like in evenings) and read ALL of the HOA rules, covenants, etc. Ours is actually pretty laissez-faire as far as HOAs go...but they do cover the basics. If for some reason their rules and structures don't work for my spouse and me someday, we will up stakes and move to a place that works better. We knew going in.

Same. I don’t hate my HOA because they are pretty laid back, and they do help keep my trashy neighbor in check. You know, because they enforce the rules.

I would be absolutely livid if I moved somewhere and later found out that a neighbor was being granted a pretty huge exception. And I’m confused why the grandson being 19 would mean that he can live there. If I bought a home in a 55+ community, I wouldn’t want a college kid living next door. Those are two very different life stages.

The only exception I would make would be if the young person was a caretaker of an old fart or two.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

HOAs suck all the dicks and I honestly don't get why anyone would willingly pay to live in a place that has assholes coming to your house with a ruler to fine you for your lawn being 1/16 of an inch too high or telling you what shade of blue you can paint your mailbox. But that's besides the point.

The point is the community is explicitly for people older than 55 (or apparently 19?), and while I'm sure it's fine for sproggen to come visit now and then, they don't get to live there long-term. I'm very sorry this kid's parents died, but if the rules say no brats, then that means no brats, not "no brats except orphans." You can't live in a no-pets apartment building and bring in a pet anyway and expect to get away with it. I know people do that because they're dumb, but rules are kinda there for a reason.

The options are give the kid to the state or move. There's a reason people live in senior communities and it's to get away from screaming destructive asshole kids, and maybe this kid is okay after all, but it still stands that it's an age-restricted community and he's too young to be there. If the HOA bends the rules for one family, they run the risk of complaints from all the other families who all paid to be there for the absence of children. Are Meemaw and Peepaw going to stomp over to a strip club and demand Junior be let in despite being underage because his parents are dead? Sympathy often stops where legal issues start.

Having kids (or grandkids) involves sacrifices, and in this case, it probably means moving out of the child-unfriendly community to some place in the 'burbs. I'm sure the grandparents didn't plan on moving again, but it sounds like they need to if they don't want their grandson going into foster care.

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Cambion
Having kids (or grandkids) involves sacrifices, and in this case, it probably means moving out of the child-unfriendly community to some place in the 'burbs. I'm sure the grandparents didn't plan on moving again, but it sounds like they need to if they don't want their grandson going into foster care.

Yes. That's the risk they took when they moved into a 55+ community while knowing damn well they had progeny who might someday need to live with them. They made the choice. I'm sorry they all lost loved ones, but I have zero sympathy that they're getting busted for breaking rules they agreed to.