Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 04, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 3,842 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 04, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,802 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 05, 2020 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,964 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 06, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,978 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 06, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,802 |
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LoveToLurk
I wonder if these adoptees are truly prepared for possible negative outcomes. What happens when they are told they are a rape baby? Or that their birth parents wish them well, but they want nothing to do with them?
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 07, 2020 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,432 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 07, 2020 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,367 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 07, 2020 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,367 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 07, 2020 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,964 |
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LoveToLurk
I wonder if these adoptees are truly prepared for possible negative outcomes. What happens when they are told they are a rape baby? Or that their birth parents wish them well, but they want nothing to do with them?
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 07, 2020 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,708 |
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Cambion
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LoveToLurk
I wonder if these adoptees are truly prepared for possible negative outcomes. What happens when they are told they are a rape baby? Or that their birth parents wish them well, but they want nothing to do with them?
Gonna lean toward nope on this one. Everyone assumes that their birth parents will be thrilled to meet them and don't consider the circumstances under which they were given up. Yes, some people might be happy to meet their surrendered children if it was a case of the parent giving the kid up because they wanted it and couldn't afford it, but it's not going to be as joyous of a reunion when the reason for the surrender was because the father of the child was also the father of the mother or because the parents didn't want to be parents or because the child was taken away from abusive morons at birth.
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 08, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 2,301 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 08, 2020 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,432 |
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Cambion
Everyone assumes that their birth parents will be thrilled to meet them and don't consider the circumstances under which they were given up. Yes, some people might be happy to meet their surrendered children if it was a case of the parent giving the kid up because they wanted it and couldn't afford it, but it's not going to be as joyous of a reunion when the reason for the surrender was because the father of the child was also the father of the mother or because the parents didn't want to be parents or because the child was taken away from abusive morons at birth.
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 08, 2020 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,964 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 08, 2020 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,622 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 09, 2020 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,701 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 09, 2020 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,708 |
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Peace
BTW, in the reddit link that yurble posted, I take the side of the OP. He is not an asshole. He told that 16 year old person that she was unplanned and unwanted by himself since the beginning. The asshole is the mother, who lied to her daughter that she was planned. How did the girl find the guy on FB? Unless he has an unusual name, there are a few billion people on that platform. I'm guessing the mother gave her daughter all relevant details so she could find him and potentially meet up with him. Did they think he'd suddenly love her once he met her? That he'd get all mushy and fatherly once she graced him with her presence?
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 09, 2020 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,701 |
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freya
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Peace
BTW, in the reddit link that yurble posted, I take the side of the OP. He is not an asshole. He told that 16 year old person that she was unplanned and unwanted by himself since the beginning. The asshole is the mother, who lied to her daughter that she was planned. How did the girl find the guy on FB? Unless he has an unusual name, there are a few billion people on that platform. I'm guessing the mother gave her daughter all relevant details so she could find him and potentially meet up with him. Did they think he'd suddenly love her once he met her? That he'd get all mushy and fatherly once she graced him with her presence?
There is no telling what lies the moo has filled the kid with for 16 years.
There is something about a 16 year old suddenly contacting a birth parent who has wanted nothing to do with him/her that makes me curious. If it had happened at 11 or even 13 it wouldn't be as suspicious. I think of 16 year olds as a bucket of money needs: car and college. If she felt like she was missing out on holidays, etc. then I doubt this would have kicked in at 16. And I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the moo egged her on to go see the birth father ultimately for financial reasons.
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 09, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,978 |
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Peace
It's another reason I'm not doing a 23 and Me, or other DNA database test. We have a few questionable people from the past in our family tree, and I have no interest in their progeny learning about us, if indeed there are any. My siblings and nieces/nephews aren't doing the DNA testing, either.
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 10, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 2,301 |
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randomcfchick
MerlynHerne, you make good points about adoptees being "permanent minors" in some respects. I'm in favor of medical info and other seriously important info being made available, with birth parents identities and other personal info about them redacted.
In my opinion, adults are not entitled to relationships. People do not have a right to a relationship with their birth parents, and vice versa. There's a way to prop open that door in case the kid wants future contact, and it's open adoption. I think birth parents should be able to choose open or closed adoption.
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 10, 2020 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,432 |
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Peace
I said this years ago on Bratfree,and it bears repeating: If I were young and pregnant today and couldn't get an abortion, I'd birth it and leave it at a safe haven ASAP with no identification, so it couldn't be tracked back to me. If I was in a secluded, rural area with few people nearby, I'd birth it over a deep hole in the ground in the woods, and fill it up right away. That might sound horrific and indeed it is, but what choice do women have today, with abortion rights on the chopping block, birth control being targeted, and all rights going to the fetus and birthed baby? Women are an afterthought in all of this.
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 10, 2020 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,622 |
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MerlynHerne
Trust me, I never wanted a relationship with them, because my adoptive parents gave me what gory details they had and while there was no physical abuse that they knew of, there was certainly emotional and physical neglect (when CPS had me examined after taking me away from my parents, they discovered that I had both scurvy and rickets). I just wanted the information I needed/wanted, which my sister gave to me. I met her once and haven't seen her since. And we email about once every two or three years. I wouldn't call that a relationship. And I've never wanted more than that.
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 14, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 3,842 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 16, 2020 | Registered: 5 years ago Posts: 34 |
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 17, 2020 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,701 |
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LoveToLurk
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Peace
It's another reason I'm not doing a 23 and Me, or other DNA database test. We have a few questionable people from the past in our family tree, and I have no interest in their progeny learning about us, if indeed there are any. My siblings and nieces/nephews aren't doing the DNA testing, either.
Same. While I would love to know what my ethnic make up is (am I really mostly German?) there are just some other questions I don’t want answered. And I know that you have to opt in to share your info on the public database or whatever it is, but that could change at anytime. Just like these closed adoptions did.
Re: Adoptees can obtain birth parent info February 18, 2020 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,432 |
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Peace
Another aspect about DNA databases is the police being able to get your DNA from these databases if they have a warrant. I've never been arrested, I've never done a DNA test so the police don't have my DNA on file anywhere.
One of these DNA databases is free, open source. Anybody can upload DNA and get matches to others. The police used it to find suspects in a murder cold case. Imagine if somebody wanted to track their bio parents and knew about a free, searchable DNA database. This is just a big NOPE.
My DNA is mine, and nobody's business.
https://fortune.com/2019/02/01/genetic-testing-consumer-dna-familytreedna-fbi/
https://www.forbes.com/sites/thomasbrewster/2020/02/04/ancestry-fights-the-us-government-as-feds-try-to-grab-dna-data/#e29ab825871a