Guy inherits sister, gf has to leave

https://old.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/ezohrn/dude_suddenly_inherited_his_sister_from_parents/

Their parents die in a car accident apparently and the twenty something brothers adopts his sister, as it is either that or foster care. GF has to end relationship as she will not be a step parent to the kid, but turns on the kid for ending the relationship without meaning to, gets ripped to shreds on reddit and cf/reddit.

It was awful to act like an ass to the kid for sure, but at 23 one can't expect a lot of maturity, plus dealing with sudden grief that the loss of moving on from someone you thought was "the one" could not have been fun and she lashed out in a kinda douchebaggy way, but still what a sudden mess. At least she left as the kid would've curtailed their future in a big way.

That sub has some really ridiculous rules, about not linking to posts or even having screenshots without blurring. Without reading the original story it's hard to determine what I think about it.

Here's a tl;dr version from the comments:

Quote

For those who haven't seen it, the BF's (age 23) parents both died unexpectedly in a car wreck, leaving behind his 8 year old sister. He decided to take her in and was doing as much as he could by getting her into therapy, being close by because she was scared to be alone, etc. His GF of 9 years ended up lashing out at his little sister in various ways as soon as a few weeks after their death and saying OP had to choose between she and and sister. Eventually they had to break up.

Kinda wish the original story was still there, but based on the comments, it seems like the girlfriend who didn't want to be a step-parent didn't leave right away and instead stuck around and forced her boyfriend to try and choose between her and his sister. Plus it sounds like she was just expecting her partner to snap back to normal a measly two weeks after his parents' death.

Not wanting to raise someone else's kid doesn't make her an asshole, but the rest of her behavior does. I can definitely understand feeling fucked over if I was with someone for nine years under the impression that there would be no kids in our lives and then one shows up. That has to suck, especially since the kid will likely be very needy and messed up from the loss of her parents (nobody's fault, just an observation), but if she didn't want to deal with the guy's sister, she could have just left instead of mindfucking the two of them. Yes it would have sucked because I'm sure the boyfriend needs all the support he can get while he's grieving, but the girlfriend turned toxic and it wasn't good for anyone for her to continue living with her partner and his sibling.

It just sucked for everyone involved. The boyfriend probably felt like he had no choice but to raise his sister, the kid needs special attention because of the impact her parents' deaths are going to have on her and the girlfriend kind of had the rug pulled out from under her and tried to defend her "claim."

Hope this helps:

https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/ezohrn/dude_suddenly_inherited_his_sister_from_parents/

To see what was removed:

https://www.removeddit.com/r/childfree/comments/ezohrn/dude_suddenly_inherited_his_sister_from_parents/

The person who posted:

https://www.reddit.com/user/nothingeatsyou/

I guess the guy on the reddit story was sleeping in the same bed as the sister who was eight.

"They're so young (he's 24, she's 23) both newly graduated college (she still has some time left in college), and the now ex girlfriend likely saw how the dynamic changed from early on, big one being that the sister is 8, came over to their home, and the guy instead of doing the method of "comfort little sis, help her fall asleep" then promptly go sleep in his own bed with his girlfriend, what he instead did is fell asleep in his sisters bed with her, which seems minor but really sends the message to the girlfriend "you're not even a thought anymore, and good luck getting any sex cause that won't happen either" like yea he's grieving his parents too and that's a totally valid reason to not want to have sex, but by not making the girlfriend even a slight priority at all, she was literally last priority, seems it went from "Job first priority" (Cause gotta pay for stuff), Girlfriend 2nd priority, everything else last. Now the priority order is Job, little sister (which is a lot of stuff), then girlfriend is barely even a thought. I for one am glad they broke up. Ex girlfriend despite them being together 9 years clearly wasn't ready to be a parent to a clingy 8 year old"

the math indicates the couple has been together since around the ages of FOURTEEN! I suspect, what with him graduating college and the parents dying, the break up was nearly inevitable sister or no sister!

Quote
Cambion
Here's a tl;dr version from the comments:

Quote

For those who haven't seen it, the BF's (age 23) parents both died unexpectedly in a car wreck, leaving behind his 8 year old sister. He decided to take her in and was doing as much as he could by getting her into therapy, being close by because she was scared to be alone, etc. His GF of 9 years ended up lashing out at his little sister in various ways as soon as a few weeks after their death and saying OP had to choose between she and and sister. Eventually they had to break up.

Yes, I'd surmised that from the comments but that was filtered through the opinion of the people commenting so I didn't know if they were being reasonable in condemning her behavior, or just breeder-pleasing.

Peace - Thanks, but I'm looking for the original post that the person was referencing, not the write-up about it on the CF subreddit.

Quote
yurble

Quote
Cambion
Here's a tl;dr version from the comments:

Quote

For those who haven't seen it, the BF's (age 23) parents both died unexpectedly in a car wreck, leaving behind his 8 year old sister. He decided to take her in and was doing as much as he could by getting her into therapy, being close by because she was scared to be alone, etc. His GF of 9 years ended up lashing out at his little sister in various ways as soon as a few weeks after their death and saying OP had to choose between she and and sister. Eventually they had to break up.

Yes, I'd surmised that from the comments but that was filtered through the opinion of the people commenting so I didn't know if they were being reasonable in condemning her behavior, or just breeder-pleasing.

Peace - Thanks, but I'm looking for the original post that the person was referencing, not the write-up about it on the CF subreddit.

I found the original. Somebody who commented on the original thread had their post removed by the mods, but remove showed that. I found the original, and the updates. They are posted below.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/e1py86/i24m_adopted_my_little_sister8f_after_our_parents/

Here is the update a few months later, the post that everybody is talking about.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ezivwn/update_i24m_adopted_my_little_sister8f_after_our/

I was reading the original and the update.

While everybody is shitting on the girlfriend, nobody realizes that taking in an 8 year old grieving child is a huge responsibility. Plus, the girlfriend is still in college and young. She wasn't ready to play stepmom and frankly, I don't blame her. Some people might not like the girlfriend's ultimatum, but I would have said the same thing. She'd been with her boyfriend for 9 years. You'd think that 9 years together would mean something, but I guess it meant nothing when an orphan child suddenly came along.

Don't read the comments, they are cringe worthy.

I hope the girlfriend meets a fantastic man who is perfect for her and who won't throw her over for a child. Meanwhile, boyfriend is now saddled with his 8 year old sister, because he legally adopted her. Good luck finding a girlfriend or wife, because not many women want to play stepmommy. Little sister will always come first to this guy.

I really don't blame the GF, especially since there were an aunt and uncle who, while not ideal, would have been a much better choice for adopting the kid (established lives, raising kids including one a couple years younger). The brother didn't have to take his sister, he just decided he was the only one who could do the job and to hell with what his GF wanted or needed.

I'm glad this happened now and not three years down the line when the couple was married. I'm kind of surprised they haven't discussed what they would do if a relative lost his/her family in their 9 years together.

The GF is smart to cut her losses because if he is anything like the typical parunt it will be 100% about the kid and the GF will be second fiddle in every respect. It sounds as if he already has a demanding job so their quality time was likely limited before he adopted his sister. I can see how this would make her react with guilt and anger towards the sister because she was having a hard time processing such a drastic shift.

Many many relationships ends because one partner or the other isn't willing to prioritize the relationship.

Quote
freya
The GF is smart to cut her losses because if he is anything like the typical parunt it will be 100% about the kid and the GF will be second fiddle in every respect.

It sounded like that's exactly what was happening already. The GF saw the writing on the wall, confronted him about it, he said tough, and she left. I mean, he was within his rights to say he was going to prioritize his sister over his GF of 9 years, but then he shouldn't turn around and be angry and surprised that the GF walked.

Quote
Peace
I found the original.

Thanks! Reading the original post I think he's disingenuous. In one breath, he says that his aunt and uncle can't afford the kid (although he could of course help out financially if that was the issue), and in the next he says that he'll get money from the government for the adoption. So which is it? And of course he gives her positive reinforcement when she does what he wants: "It was as if seeing my GF go from being a child to an adult in a matter of a day." Reading the first post my impression is: fuck that guy and the moose he rode in on.

Update doesn't make him look any better, he's co-sleeping with an 8-year-old? He and others are calling the girlfriend selfish and heaping abuse on her because she didn't want to inherit a child. Maybe they should save some of their abuse for his geezer breeders. They may have died in an accident, but why did they have a second child 16 years after the first, instead of two kids of close to the same age?

The people in the CF subreddit were pretty harsh with the girlfriend, and I think it's telling that some of them responded that in similar circumstances they would adopt the kid, too. (Although the person who posted the thread was quite unapologetic in saying that she would not, wonder what she's doing hanging out in such a wishy-washy place.) Well, I would not adopt the kid nor would I want to live with anyone who would.

Good for the girlfriend for getting the fuck out of that situation.

The GF was going to lose no matter what. Either she stayed with him and took on the stepmother role that she did not want, or she left him and was painted as the evil witch that abandoned a long term relationship and a grieving child. It sounds like she chose the option that will allow her to move on and make a life that she wants. Good for her.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

There is a sentence or two there the OP and the girlfriend got into a final argument, and the guy told his girlfriend that she was sleeping somewhere else from now on. So basically, this guy threw her out of her own home on a moment's notice, and set up a time in the future where she could come get the rest of her stuff.

What about all the joint purchases? She is entitled to her personal items. Every joint purchase would have to be worked out, but I don't think this guy did that, I think he kept the home and contents and moved his sister in.

This guy is a POS.

Quote
Peace
Don't read the comments, they are cringe worthy.

Many of the commenters have bought into the idea that anyone over the age of 18 is an adult and if a child comes into their lives they should be willing to give up their lives for a child. Not only does that not make sense but an 18 year old is one year away from being a minor. So, the 23 year old woman is incredibly selfish for making it six years past 18 and not miraculously wanting to turn into a parent overnight.

I always found it strange as a teenager that we were told that pregnasty would ruin our lives but once we hit 18 no one seemed concerned at all. How is an untrained young adult any better off than a teenager in supporting a parasite? At what age does pregnasty not ruin a life? Because I have yet to see a pregnancy improve a life.

And some are saying there is a wonderful woman out there who would be happy to help him parent his sister. As if the only criteria for being a wonderful person is one's willingness to do something they have no experience in. Try applying that same reason towards obtaining a new job, insist on being hired with no experience and see how that works out. Maybe this is why moos expect to get those high paying jobs with no experience. Since they are wonderful people for becoming parents they should have any job they want. I think I'm beginning to understand the truly messed up mentality of many breeders.