Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

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twocents
always the refrain (also in divorce attorney's offices) 'and then the kid(s) came'

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reeniebessagain
I'm always stunned that so few people EVEN considered. that kids are just LIKE THIS before they bred! I so often feel like a person from outer space or something, when it seems my reality is so different from so many. Looking at the body and "grooming" standards the media seems to promote, I shake my head till I'm dizzy. I mean, the whole-body shaving, the 5 inch stiletto heels, and insane fixation on having a "glowing complexion", the 3" fingernails with enameled designs , the list of things I don't "get" just goes on and on! And now, "all body deodorants" and fabric scents that smell" clean" for weeks (chemicals, anyone??). It feels like society is just....insane---or is it me?

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Throw away for obvious reasons. Hi, this post is more of a rant and word vomit. I don't even know how to move forward OR if I should move forward or if I should just bury my head in the sand until I can't anymore. I'm sorry about any grammatical or punctuation errors. It's never been my strong suit and I'm not really thinking straight right now. I (24F) have been with my husband (24M) for 6 years, married 4 years. I just found out two days ago that he has been messaging about 4 other women actively in the last 4 months and probably about 15 or more since we got together. He has adult photos and videos from and to half of these women. He has most likely met up with over half of them. One of them considers themselves a male and is trans and that person has a video of my husband engaging in what a court would consider an indisputable infidelity act. Pictures between both of them. Few words had been saved since it was through Snap but the videos were there. I used my phone and recorded all of the conversations I could find and I got the real life name of this most recent individual. This would be a lot easier had we only been married, however we have a child (1 F) and my husband and I had been actively trying and successfully got pregnant with our second. I am most likely 10-12 weeks along by now. He met up with and had the most recent encounter (that I have proof of) right before our first child was born. I also think he slept with his coworker more recently but I have no proof. I talked to him a little bit about some random things and brought up the fact that he could probably have gotten whoever he wanted (in reference to before we were together). His response to me was to snort, saying that no, I'm the best that he could do. So, he settled. Ouch. I don't really have any money to my name, but I'm not concerned about where I'd go or how I'd support our kiddo without him. Now we come to the nasty part other than the above... His job is one where if you are found guilty of adultery you could face jail time and disaplinary action. I have one of his close family members saying that I should absolutely out him to his job and go full scorched Earth. The problem is mentally that I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can even confront him. Last time I upset him he hurtled a stack of books at me while I was pregnant and also holding our 1 year old. I like to think It could be better for our children for us to just stay together and for me to mentally remove myself and enter a roommate type living arrangement and just force him to make his own choice. I know this most likely wouldn't actually be good for our kids but I'm not stable enough to make rash decisions at this exact moment. I could just make him think I'm drifting away. He'll carry on with whatever the hell he's doing and I can live my happy little life at home with my kids, supposedly unaware of what he's done. I think I'm going through shock because my emotions haven't really kicked in yet, they will and I'm going to have a full breakdown but right now I just feel numb. Again, I'm not really asking for advice. I just need to tell someone. I am the sole holder of the ability to ruin my family. Do I live happily in this life he's building for us, pushing out the feelings for the possibly false betterment of my children? Or do I bring to light the ruin he caused and destroy my family? Some third option?

Side note; he has no plans to leave me. Ever. He is planning on buying us a house and having more kids with me. He would never divorce me willingly which is why I'm so confused as to why he'd do this in the first place. I guess I'm just a means to an end to him. What do I even do?

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I (29F) have always been open about not wanting children with people from the first date. I dont want to waste mine or their time. I met fiance (32M) ~2.5 years ago online. We had a lot in common including not wanting children. He proposed 4 months ago and a few days ago we were at his parents house for dinner and his mother commented about his sister who is pregnant which led to talking about us having children. When children come up i usually just change the subject asap but before I could find an opportunity fiance answered that we wouldnt start trying until after the wedding and after we have a house so we wouldnt have to worry about moving while i was pregnant. I was surprised but figured maybe he hadnt discussed not wanting children with his family and he was just not wanting to talk about it.

after when we were driving home i made a comment saying maybe we should tell his fam now we aren't having children to avoid talking about it down the road and then he told me he wasnt sure about being child free. I was shocked and wasn't sure what to say except to tell him that i was sure and to ask when did he start thinking he might want children. He told me he was never sure and that now he thought he wanted them. I was really hurt that he lied to me because when we started dating I was very clear that under no circumstance would i want children and if he wasnt sure it wouldnt work. we argued and he basically told me he thought I might change my mind. But he didnt know is that I was sterilised at 25.

when I was 22, despite using birth control, I got pregnant and got an abortion. Afterword's, the stress of that possibly happening again was too much and it began to take a toll on my mental and physical health. To make a long story short after 2 years of looking from doctor to doctor I was able to find one willing to sterilise an unmarried, childless, early 20s year old women. My mental health improved over night as soon as I had a date scheduled and I no longer have so much anxiety. This was 1.5 years before i met fiance. I never said so because it doent matter because i dont want children.

I told him that i cant have children becasue i was sterilized and then he got mad at me for not telling him and that he might not have dated me if he knew. he called me an AH and dropped me off at home and when to stay with a friend.

At this point I'm not hopeful for the relationship. I am sad about it becasue i do love him but i was clear about children from the start becasue it is a deal breaker. what i want to know is if im the AH for not telling him I cant have children. ive gotten messages from his friends saying i am, not that i worry about their bias opinions but I couple of my friends have said i should i have told him while others are on my side that is doent matter because I dont want children.

So AITAH?

EDIT: I didnt mention that i am sterile because it is irrelevant to the fact that I dont what children. No adoption. No surrogacy. No step-parenting. I dont even want to babysit children for 3 mins while someone goes to take a shit. It never explicitly came up until now. On both our profiles we had said no children

• Days after I moved in, the oldest, (M17), developed a sudden terrifying fear of sleeping alone in his room. He asked, and to my shock, his mother told me to please sleep on the floor or in the guest room. Mind you, this is a child who actually thrived for 6 months at a wilderness camp in Utah at 15.

• I'm glad when they're not around.

• “I absolutely never miss your kids.”

• i don’t sleep the night before our time starts and i find great relief when they go back to the other parents house

• I wish you’d been as smart as I was and didn’t have children with someone even though you knew it was wrong at the time

• This is never my kid and I rather to give my time money and love to a cat. Stop thinking I should treat the kid as my family, it is your debt from your old family.

• It took me six years to say it, but I said, "I care about your [adult] child but I don't like her. I don't think I ever will."

• I would never want primary custody of the kids. I don’t want to be the one responsible for them while he works. I don’t care about any of their school or sports stuff. No I don’t want to look at pictures of them from whatever bs your ex sent. When they leave I feel like our house is finally back to normal

• I popped my top today and told my SO “this is why I never want to go anywhere together with y’all because your kids are bad and they don’t listen. Clearly no one is correcting this behavior consistently and I’ve had enough.“

• I am happy when they aren't home.I will never put them above my or your health/happiness/whatever. They are not even in my top 5 of people. I sometimes wish they'd still live with their mother.

• I wish SD didn't exist.

• I don't like them at all, they are entitled and rude and spoiled and such behavior disgust me to no end.

• I wish you pulled out in college.

• Your kid is not welcome in our bedroom. Ever. Get him OUUUUTT

• I hate whenever we have my SK. It does nothing but stress me out.

• I hate living with your past and bad choices shoved in my face every. Single. Day.
  I dont miss your children when they aren't around

• No SD, you can’t join the military after having been committed to a mental institution, twice. Please start having realistic expectations of what your future is going to look like. We know you’re not going to graduate with a 4.0 and go to nursing school right after, please stop lying to your grandparents. Getting married right out of high school is the dumbest idea and your marriage will fail, you are turning out to be exactly like your pathetic mother. I regret spending all my hard earned money and time on you when we first met. I can’t wait to not have to hide that we went on vacations. Yes, we did go to Vegas and went all out even though we said we don’t have money to pay for the ugly ass class ring from a school you don’t even go to anymore. And yes, I am watching everything unfold with a big bag of popcorn.

• I don’t miss her at all. I count down every minute that she goes to her mom’s.

• I never miss either of your kids when they’re gone.

• Mine would be "Your kid is not mine. I don't get anything from having him around, he's just a person I put up with. A roomie I didn't ask for or choose. He's a good kid, but if I had the option I wouldn't choose to have him in my life. His personality and mine are not compatible, and I wished it wasn't like that but it is. He makes me tired, he's too demanding and over stimulating. I'm not in this relationship for him, I'm only here for you.

• MOD NOTE: It's great everyone is getting these thoughts off of their chests, but we are still enforcing the rules. We don't call kids names, ever.

• I’m not the dumbass who mated with that wildebeest

• I DON’T WORK FOR YOU!

• I really wish you didn't "stick your dick in crazy". Twice. Also, I count down the minutes until they go to their mom's. I love the life we have on the "off" weeks.

• I love you so much, you're an amazing woman, and I wish I met you 9 years ago, but recently have been wishing I never met you

• Oh my god this was and still is to a certain degree, the hardest part for me. YOU fucked up and had a child with a person you knew was shitty from the start, and then you chose to do it AGAIN?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

• I give up a lot to be with you. You are strictly gaining from being with me and I still feel like the bad guy for wanting to do things for myself.

• “I resent you so much for your past choices in the and that we constantly have to deal with them”

• “It really pisses me off you’ll never spend a dime on me but if your kids want to do activities when they are here you’ll drop $200-$300 if my money”And finally “Your kids will not receive inheritance from me”

• “I don’t want to hear anymore about how divorce is hard on the children . ENOUGH already. Someone please acknowledge that it’s just as hard, if not worse, for the partners/spouses of divorced parents. No one feels sorry for us.”

• That my life after remarriage has been a massive disappointment.

• You dedicated your entire life to bringing another man’s child into the world, and now I’ve been manipulated by false love as a means to use me for financial support, so now my life revolves around your decisions.

• that i know i’m the better parent compared to both bio mom and dad

• BE A PARENT, because stepkids so often resent stepparents already. Please don’t make me be the bad guy. Be consistent. Have expectations. Address the hard stuff (like finding weird porn on their devices). We are a TEAM, so I expect your full presence instead of leftovers when dealing with the kids.

• Your kids' horrible behavior is due to you making a dumb decision with 2 different men, and you continuously making excuses for their actions. Not everyone is out to get your kid's, they are disrespectful, entitled, and you don't discipline them properly.

• Oh my god this was and still is to a certain degree, the hardest part for me. YOU fucked up and had a child with a person you knew was shitty from the start, and then you chose to do it AGAIN?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

• BE A PARENT, because stepkids so often resent stepparents already. Please don’t make me be the bad guy.

• “I hate living under the constant threat of ‘you’ll go on court ordered child support’”

• “I resent you so much for your past choices in the and that we constantly have to deal with them”

• “I don’t want to hear anymore about how divorce is hard on the children . ENOUGH already. Someone please acknowledge that it’s just as hard, if not worse, for the partners/spouses of divorced parents. No one feels sorry for us.”

• That my life after remarriage has been a massive disappointment.

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Cambion
Sterilized CF woman gets engaged to a guy over their mutual childfreedom, only for the guy to spring it on her that he was actually a fencesitter and wasn't sure at the time they began dating if he wanted sprogs. He decided during the engagement that he did want them after all.

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freya
I don't know if it will work but there seems to be an uptick in liars who claim to be childfree, when in actuality they are temporarily childless.

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Cambion

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freya
I don't know if it will work but there seems to be an uptick in liars who claim to be childfree, when in actuality they are temporarily childless.

It's probably people who are too lazy to find someone else they're compatible with, especially if the CF person is attractive, rich, or the rest of their personality checks all the boxes. So they just lie and say they're childfree and figure the other person will change their mind, they themselves will change the other person's mind over time, or will oops them. Assholes like this don't bank on their partner being sterilized beforehand and then they get all shitty because the person they're trying to trick exercised responsibility and forethought, and in doing so, took away the liar's ability to carry out an oops.

Or these people think "childfree" and "childless" mean the same thing. I know a lot of people still use those terms interchangeably.

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y'all im sorry to complain. i rly am and i know most folks dont care. but dink friend of mine j posted raybanz her fiance gave her for mother's day bc "dog moms are moms too" and lovingly, no they are not. I have a dog too but he is not my child. i didnt expel him from my body and struggle to feed him milk. I didn't have postpartum depression rage, ocd, and depresso w him. i am not his primary parent. (So by this logic, step-mothers and adoptive mothers are not real parents either because they did not push their kids out of their vaginas and nurse them.)

i j want one day that's actually about celebrating us and not people who don't have children. ik some people can't have kids of their own so having doggos helps, but im rly talking about dinks here who openly joke this one day where mothers get celebrated.

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Cambion
Of course he wants to stay with the author - he has a broodmare to provide him with sprogs as well as raise those sprogs, and he'll stay married to her so he has someone to do all the chores. He'd be dumb to divorce his personal domestic slave. Given his violent reaction to a simple confrontation, he also probably figures he has her too scared to try to leave him, so he can carry on banging all his side dishes.

And let me guess. In typical fashion, this woman has no friends, no family, no money, no job, no skills, and nowhere to go.

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mumofsixbirds
The ironic thing about it is that there are a lot of people who absolutely value and cherish their pets in a way that actual parents don't with their own kids.

The first time my dog got seriously sick from a stomach ailment, I spent three days cradling her in her blankie, assuring her she'll get better. I was actually scared to leave her just to go to the bathroom because she was so ill. Those three days I cleaned vomit and bloody diarrhea from every carpet in the house until the antibiotics kicked in.

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twocents
I can understand hers and others pov but she has always stood on the side of THINK BEFORE YOU BREED... so i give her a pass.

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twocents
I was kicked off a narcissist forum because a pathetic little bitch had grown up in a narc household, had started shacking up with a succession of narcissist bf's.... and as of the post she was now with #4. I suggested taking a break from dating and get therapy to find out why she was attracting these types. ANYONE with any experience with the victims of narcs, they are damaged to the point that they only know these dynamics and have gravitate towards seemingly nice understanding people (a good ploy of narcs). They lack the self esteem and confidence to see through these turds and end up doing the same thing. hence the therapy. they did NOT like that advice at all and said I was victim shaming..

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Cambion
I hope more people hijack Moo Day for whatever they feel they are mothers of. Pets, plants, cars, houses, and so on. Moos don't need to be appreciated for doing the fucking jobs they signed up for, and most of them do a shit job at it anyway.

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Peace
Happy Moo Day!

Today is the day that cows on breakingmom moo, low and whine over what their brats and sperm donors did or didn't do for them on this Holiest Of Days

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buttonhumper
If I have to hear one more fucking rant from a grandma on tiktok pissed because mothers day is more for mothers in the most active stages of parenting I'm gonna fucking scream. Watching your grandchild twice a week is not in the trenches. Your adult child going to college is not in the trenches. If you do not have to worry about the hellish costs of daycare you're not in the trenches. If you only have to schedule doctor appointments for yourself you're not in the trenches. Fuck out of here old boomer bitches. When my children become parents it's their fucking turn to be celebrated not me. I've done my job. I have an 18 year old I'm still his parent but I'm not 24/7 mothering him like I am with my 3 year old. You can downvote. Tell me I'm wrong. I don't care. It's all over my page and from a mother who just wanted to be seen for all the fucking shit I have to do in active parenting on mothers day I'm really fucking angry.