Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

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I really want an objective opinion so I’m going to try to be as fact base as possible. I have a six month old baby, and two step kids. I went back to work about three months ago. I haven’t been to a work event in seven months. I was invited to a dinner with a senior level executive at my company tonight. I asked my husband about it a week ago to see if it was OK with him if I went and we were all covered for the kids. he confirmed we were. My son is in daycare and has been teething so he’s had a perpetual cold for the last six weeks as well as generally uncomfortable from the teething.

Today I picked him up from daycare and brought him home. He was a little fussy and I was waiting it out to give him his extra dose of Tylenol. around five I had to get myself ready to go at which point he was crying, but my husband was bouncing him in his room. I picked my head in and said sorry but I’ve gotta leave now and off. I went. Starting 10 minutes after I left the house I started getting text messages from my husband about how he couldn’t believe that I left a “sick baby”. I called him and offered to turn around as he continued on his guilt trip, saying he didn’t know how important this meeting was, but unless it was very important if it were him, he wouldn’t go. I hung up and texted him that I was turning around and would be home in 25 minutes parentheses rush-hour traffic going that direction and parentheses, he told me that he and the baby would already be gone by then dropping my stepdaughter off at soccer, so I turned around again and headed to my dinner event. He has continued to send me text messages about how he is never doing this again and next time I should drop the baby off at my dad’s house if I have somewhere to be.he even sent me a voice note of the baby crying. I understand that the baby is being a pill and it’s highly frustrating. With that said it’s not like I’m going out for drinks with girlfriends, this is 100% work related. Am I the asshole?


UPDATE: Ok- TLDR, he was just having a rough evening with a fussy baby and was frustrated and took it out on me, which is not fair but we’re all human.

When I got home from dinner, he was waiting up for me and what chatted for about half an hour about how it went. He didn’t apologize, but it was clear he had his tail between his legs. I’ll dig in more this AM, but this is definitely not a pattern, I know his ex-wife quite well and while there are certainly things that she doesn’t like about him (hence why they are divorced lol) her and the rest of her family have nothing but great things to say about him as a father.

I know the comment about taking him to my dad’s set a lot of people off so to give more detail- we are very lucky to have an awesome support system around us. We both have the parents who are always offering to come help, and on a night when there was stuff going on with the “big kids” in retrospect would have been a good time to ask for some of that help that they are excited to give.

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EDITS/RESPONSES

OK this blew up real quick while I was at dinner, so I’ll try to answer some questions and provide some more context.

yes, to confirm, this is our baby together

the dinner was planned because a senior executive was in town (who happens to be a woman by the way) but there were 10 people there in total

this is actually not why his ex wife and him broke up- when his kids were younger he did most of the childcare because she traveled for work

this type of behavior is very unusual for him, which is why I was so thrown off and upset. For example, last month he surprised my stepdaughter and I with a two night girls trip and had the baby by himself with 0 complaints

sorry for the awful original formatting/grammar/etc, I was using voice to chat lol.

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I'm the idiot who thought she couldn't have children, and was 1000% okay with that. More than okay - it suited me just fine. I never wanted children, never felt that "urge" to make a family. Even as a kid, I detested dolls, and when playing with my sister, I always found a reason or excuse to get rid of the Barbie characters and just play with the toy animals. After a few years in an abusive marriage (followed by divorce) and some uh, education in the aspects of the dynamics between men and women in the romantic sense, (there was some reckless and careless behavior in there too) I figured I was safely barren.

When I met my (now) husband, I was certain I'd found the missing piece in my life and that together we had everything we needed. Well, he wanted to be a dad. Secure in my belief that I wasn't able to conceive, I told him he could try, but, not to get his hopes up. Biggest mistake I've ever made. I was pretty much pregnant immediately.

I know, every woman who Can't would LOVE to be so "blessed." I figured I'd take care of the kid until school age, and then mostly get my life back. We'll, that didn't happen. Lucky me *sarcasm implied* my husband and I are both carriers of an extremely rare genetic mutation and deletion. As in, one has a mutation and the other has the deletion. Those two things combined to create a child that Looks pretty "normal", but is just a living rag doll. Absolutely handicapped in every way you can imagine. The idea of getting my life back was a pipe dream. To add insult to injury, I became pregnant again 2yrs later - this time with a "normal" child.

I tried to find comfort in having a child who could walk, eat food, talk, and reciprocate attention/affection, but honestly, the existence of this kid is so draining on all fronts. I'm constantly irritated by the whining, entitlement, questions, NOISE, MESS, CHAOS. Additionally, the special needs kid doesn't eat, requires a special homemade blend to be fed through a tube, doesn't sleep very well, and - due to being thoroughly incapacitated over the last decade - has taken a tremendous physical toll on my body. Doctors say to expect an abbreviated lifespan, and I honestly hope they're right. This is hell on earth and I regret that I didn't know I could get other help or push for sterilization when my first child was born.

The thing I hate most is how I was always told "You're too young for a procedure like that." And "You'll regret it later." Yeah, I sure do regret it!! Sterilization should be an option without contest for people who know they don't want kids. If you change your mind, there are procedures to undo it - and there's Always adoption!! But once you have a kid, you can't "un-have" it. You're in a life sentence, and no one cares. They certainly don't want to hear how unhappy you are. After all, "Children are a Blessing!"

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i bet society and relatives also aren't helping much. I have only one child but I'm disabled and we see relatives maybe once per month. They know about my health issues but never offer to help with things I can't do by myself. They're happy to see the kid and play for a few hours but never ask me if I need help cooking or cleaning. And my disability is not recognized as something I could qualify for some assistance for, but I still can't work. My husband works 2 jobs to compensate and also has to do almost everything in the house and the kid barely sees him. I don't regret having her, she's perfect in my eyes, but I'm angry at society and people who don't treat us as human beings with basic rights. No wonder people don't want to have children anymore if they have to do everything alone and be shamed for it.

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Duh
My wife and I have been discussing moving back to my home state to be nearer to family. We just had a job opportunity come up for me and we decided a week ago to pursue it. They are willing to be flexible with start times so we have time to sell our house and move but they want to fly me up and have me spend a day at their facility to make sure it is a good match first. Well today we had to figure out when to make this visit happen and there was only one weekend that worked for everyone’s schedules. It is short notice and they wanted me to fly up Sunday spend the day Monday and fly back. My wife was upset because she didn’t want to do bedtime alone with our 2 kids 2 days in a row.

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i bet society and relatives also aren't helping much. I have only one child but I'm disabled and we see relatives maybe once per month. They know about my health issues but never offer to help with things I can't do by myself. They're happy to see the kid and play for a few hours but never ask me if I need help cooking or cleaning. And my disability is not recognized as something I could qualify for some assistance for, but I still can't work. My husband works 2 jobs to compensate and also has to do almost everything in the house and the kid barely sees him. I don't regret having her, she's perfect in my eyes, but I'm angry at society and people who don't treat us as human beings with basic rights. No wonder people don't want to have children anymore if they have to do everything alone and be shamed for it.

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Idiot
I'm the idiot who thought she couldn't have children, and was 1000% okay with that. More than okay - it suited me just fine.

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Cambion
Some moron in a white coat suggests she will never get pregnant, or she lucks out and doesn't get up the duff after barebacking a couple times, so she assumes she's infertile and doesn't have to be careful.