Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

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60F, retired after working years of rotating shifts, holidays and weekends after my children were grown. My son, 35M, is going through his second divorce. He has two boys, 7 and 8, who now live with him full time. Mom, 33F, left them, and moved out of state.

He works every Friday through Sunday, 6a-7p, their arrangement when they were together so the boys wouldn't be in daycare. She waited until I retired to announce she was leaving. I have the boys every.single.Friday.thru.Sunday as there are no 24 hour weekend daycares in our area.

The boys are not well disciplined, have anger issues, fight constantly and are exhausting to be around. When I have them, I'm very regimented/consistent and by the time they go back to their dad, their behavior has improved, but the next weekend, we start all over again. My son does little to no housework during the four days he is off work. He games, smokes pot (legal in our state), drinks and spends little time with the boys. They are now falling behind in school.

At first I felt bad for him, recognized he was depressed, helped with housework, laundry, meal prep, etc. Then he began expecting me to do everything as time went on, so I stopped. His house is so dirty that I now drive 45 minutes each way to bring them to my house for the weekend and then drive again to drop them off. I've tried convincing him to get a work-from-home job, but he refuses saying he doesn't want to "push papers." His current employer only has 12-13 hour shifts regardless of the days/position he works.

He refuses any type of counseling and gets extremely angry and defensive when I try to explain how I feel. His dad lives in another state and won't help, and my daughter and husband have their own children to raise and live an hour away. Sending the boys to live with their mom or even visit, is not an option as she is a horrible mother and will dump them on anyone so she can work/party. She doesn't even have a GED, has limited skills/intellect and can only get minimum wage jobs in restaurants/bars. She is estranged from her family and they're no better. I gave my son a date by which he needs to find another job/daycare and said I'm done and don't care if he gets fired. That has made his drinking worse, and he hasn't attempted job hunting at all. I've had people tell me I'm the only chance my grandsons have of leading a productive life, but I don't want to be a full-time single parent again. He knew my dream was to travel upon retirement and now I can't.

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Grandmoo
"She waited until I retired to announce she was leaving. I have the boys every.single.Friday.thru.Sunday as there are no 24-hour weekend daycares in our area."

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Moo hawking Amare
Now, I have the energy to show up, the clarity to focus, and the patience to be the mum I want to be.
It's not just about surviving anymore, it's about thriving in every moment with my little ones!

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My bf (28M) and I (33F) are together for 1 year and living together. He has clearly communicated with me that he sees us growing old together, he sees a future for us etc.

However, when I was talking to him about timelines etc, he seems very hesitant and conflicted.

I had an abortion few months back; at that time I was so conflicted and anxious about everything and he told me he’s not really/timing is not right, I was weak and scared so I didn’t choose to keep the baby(still mourn and cry for my baby every day, please please don’t judge…) when I had my abortion, he chose to prioritise his meeting with a friend (they had a drink form 1.5 hours) and came to see me later. He thought he was sacrificing his weekend to stay at home with me because he had to miss some events.

This incident made me realise it’s time to have some serious discussions.

I told him I’d like to have kids next year (I’ll be 35 by the end of next year), he was visibly stressed and said that will be a lot of work, he told me he would give me the answer in a week but now it’s been two weeks and he hasn’t said anything, so I guess that’s it. Although he constantly says how much he loves me, he’s so happy to be with me. when it comes to serious commitment, he’s scared. The max he can do right now is to live together.

Our relationship is generally good but has its own issues.

He has schizophrenia, which leads him to question my fidelity from time to time. 6 months ago, he yelled at me on the street because he thought/imagined I was cheating, then several days after, he yelled at me at home for the same reason (thought I was cheating but of course I wasn’t) and called me a slut. Both time ended up with him sincerely apologising and acknowledging his mistake; since then he asked for more meds from his doctor and so far all is ok.

He often thinks God sends signs to him from posts on social media, slogan on the clothes from random strangers on the street, or from words in ads posters in public.

Last night he asked calmly me if I was seeing someone else, because he kept seeing some news about a girl leaving a famous YouTuber to be with a swimmer, then he saw a post saying “your test is 100% correct..etc, and he thought it’s a sign.

This made me feel more and more uncomfortable.

He has no empathy when I was injured from falling from the stairs (hurt my leg had some blood) and lacks some basic understanding towards human emotions; he sometimes makes empty promises about things (let’s do X thing tonight, let’s go Y place next week)

He cheated on both of his exes but now has learned from his mistakes and trying to give me security as much as he could. We’re both anxious attachment.

We’re both very independent when it comes to taking care of ourselves.

He also has a lot of wonderful qualities, he’s affectionate, sincere, honest, adorable, loves spending time with me, introduced me proudly very early on to his family and friends, contributes a lot for special days and occasions, sometimes cooks for me, and so on.

I love him very much.

I don’t know if I should wait for him to be ready for big commitment, to be mature enough to be a father …

Please share your thoughts.

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My (27m) husband and I (28f) made an agreement that he would work while I raise the kids. However, I'm not going to get too far into our agreement but he's been working for almost the last 5 years as state employee. He's been doing well but recently a SGT (sergeant) got investigated and he got stuck in the mix of it. Now, I'm not in this job so I don't know the specifics but what I do know it's been going on for a month now. The investigation was sparked after the SGT did something sketchy and my husband unfortunately forgot to report it until a day later after another SGT told him to him too. Essentially the item was out in the van and they thought he stole it but it was eventually retrieved after a day or so. We'll today, he finally had a meeting, they asked him 3 questions (yes and no) and the union rep said "this could go either way" the SGT who initiated this was also questioned last Monday but still has her job. He's worried he's going to get fired and so am I. Our son is due any day now and I'm freaking out, but I will work if I have to. I have degrees I can work off of but I'm concerned on what's going to happen during my recovery and he's worried about finding another job and losing his pension. Should we really be concerned or? The comment "this could go either way" freaks me out.

Thanks.

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bell_flower
This has to be fake. Ninny wants to marry and breed with an abusive cheater who has schizophrenia. Already got knocked up once and terminated but wants to have another one.

And she's 33 years old. Of course the guy is living with her.

I really want to roast this bitch. You know she's going to get knocked up again and birth a schzio baby.

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bint
He cheated on both of his exes but now has learned from his mistakes and trying to give me security as much as he could. We’re both anxious attachment.

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..... I have degrees I can work off of but I'm concerned on what's going to happen during my recovery and he's worried about finding another job and losing his pension. Should we really be concerned or? The comment "this could go either way" freaks me out.

Thanks.

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My partner spent the first 7 months of my pregnancy wasted. Many nights he didn’t come home and I didn’t know if he was even alive. I was alone most of the time and really sad and stressed and celebrated milestones alone. When he was home, he was drunk and extremely mean. With the help of my family he finally listened, and has been sober for a month or so, doing an outpatient program. I’m extremely proud and happy for him. We still have a lot of issues to work out. I still feel extremely abandoned during this pregnancy, and have to beg for bare minimum. I work full time, cook for myself, clean etc. all I’m asking for is for a little emotional support, example “ I know you’ve worked all day, can I get you anything?” Or even a simple “ How was your day?” We are fighting a lot still. I don’t feel Loved or supported at all.

he’s very very upset with the idea of me giving our baby my last name. I told him when we get married we will both change our names together (if we ever get through this). I truly can’t see how after putting me through hell during my pregnancy he thinks he’s has the right to give her his last name. He just keeps saying how all his friends think it’s fucked up, etc.

My question is- what would you do? Is it okay to give her my last name and when he’s in a healthy place, and I know he will be a present father, change it?

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Gotta love the commentor who says "having a baybee always changes everything for the better." Orly?

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My daughter is 14 months old. i love her to DEATH, and would do anything for this baby. the only thing i cannot handle is her high pitched screams sounding like a broken record, or her throwing herself around if she doesn’t get want she wants. she gets a lot of attention, love, and care. i have no idea why’s she’s doing this. i can’t be the only one. i’m trying to work on my patience level, but i can’t help but to get frustrated. i always have to leave the room for a minute and come back. i can’t be too long because i have to make sure she doesn’t bang/bash her head on stuff. i never get a break or able to do self care. i do try my hardest, but im not what else. i’m not sure if these actions are normal in a 14 month old or not, but it’s breaking me..

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So long story short, the father of my child cheated on me bc he felt lonely during my pregnancy. I find out AFTER i had the baby that he started cheating on me my last month of pregnancy and got her pregnant days after our kid was born. He’s begging and saying he will change. And i don’t want my baby to grow up in a broken home….what do i do?

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Little background info: My husband (24M) and I (24F) moved about 2 years ago while I was pregnant with our first son who is now 15 months old. I had a very difficult pregnancy as well as working horrible hours as a night shift bedside nurse which led to a lot of complications and I was hospitalized the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy. So we did not have a lot of time to make friends or be social. I’m an introvert so I have no problem having no friends, but my husband was previously in the military and was having a hard time not being social.

Current: My husband recently started a new job and has been doing really well. he works M-F and I still work as a nurse Friday-Sunday. i worked this past Friday but came home super sick (also currently 28 weeks pregnant). i ended up calling out on Saturday because i had a fever, my throat was on fire, and i couldn’t sleep at all due to the pain in my throat, congestion, and muscle aches.

Apparently, my husband had been planning on going out with his coworkers for the first time to a brewery Saturday afternoon but wasn’t planning on going because I was supposed to be working that day. After getting a small nap in, I told him it would be fine if he went because I could take some medicine and handle the baby and dogs for an hour before bedtime as well as telling him that I would probably be calling out on Sunday as well since I was still very sick. He felt bad because he knew I was sick and also we’ve had some issues with him going out in the past (he doesn’t have any limits around drinking and has no self-control once he starts). But again, I reassure him it would be fine and I wouldn’t be upset if he went out and that I was planning on going to bed after I put our son down.

So I dropped him off, came home and went to bed. I woke up several times in the middle of the night and each time he was still not home. No texts, no calls, no nothing. I checked his location to see if maybe he was on his way home but he was at a bunch of different bars. The last time I woke up was at 3:30 when I heard him coming in the front door. I fell back asleep until the dogs and our son woke up at 6am (if I had been working, I would have been leaving at this time). I ended up getting up with everyone and getting the day started. As I was walking toward the living room, I saw that the guest bathroom was a complete mess with everything knocked over and covered in vomit and his phone was in the tub with no battery.

It’s currently 9am and he still hasn’t woken up yet. I know I told him to go out and that I wouldn’t be upset, but now I am. I just wish that he could’ve controlled himself or at least come home sometime reasonable, like midnight or even 1am.

I know I am home today but I didn’t call out of work and use my PTO so he could get wasted. I called out because I’m sick. Now I’m just imagining if I hadn’t called out today and wondering if my child would still be in his crib screaming because we have been quite loud this morning and my husband hasn’t even stirred. I don’t want to start a fight with him if it’s just the pregnancy hormones getting me worked up. And I don’t want him to feel like he can’t go out with his friends and that I’ll be mad at him. But I literally just get mad when he goes overboard.

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Divorce after 42 years

Location: Massachusetts My husband (60) and I (72) have been married almost 42 years and have four adult children (28-40 yo). My husband has been a successful physician and I was a stay at home wife. We bought a beautiful 1815 house in the country that I restored. After 20 years of marriage my husband had a midlife crisis, and without telling me took a job in Nashville and bought a condo there. I only found out about it from a friend after he'd signed the contract.

After he moved my older son found out he was having an affair with my youngest child's godmother. He was gone for three years. We were legally separated, but never divorced. Then he asked to come back. However he took a job in a city three hours away, and the children and I stayed in the family house in the country because none of us wanted to live in the city. When my youngest graduated he asked me to sell the family home and move into his condo in the city. I said I wouldn't move to the city condo, but I'd happily move to a house in the suburbs with a yard for my dog and space for a garden. He refused. So for 22 years we've lived separately. Over the years he's pressured me to move to the condo. I've held out for a house in the burbs. I kept asking for marriage counseling, but he refused. Almost two years ago he forced the sale of my beloved family house and U found out that he had emptied his savings account. He told the kids that now I'd have to move to the condo. I rented a little house in my town instead, reiterating that I need marriage counseling and a house in the suburbs. He filed for divorce. We are trying to negotiate alimony. He makes over half a million a year. I get an allowance of $79,000 to live off. I live in Massachusetts so over half that goes to rent. Most recently he announced he's retiring so he won't have to pay me anything. My lawyer said we're out of luck because we certainly can't force him to work. I'm overwhelmed and depressed. Sorry this is so long.

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20 years ago I had small children and I loved my husband. I didn't want a divorce. When things are good, they're very good. I promised for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until Death do us part. I meant that. Still do. I still love my husband. I still don't want a divorce. I want marriage counseling and to live somewhere we can both agree on. But that's not going to happen. I just want enough to live independently. We don't have a lot of assets because my husband is a spendthrift and doesn't save, doesn't invest. What happens when he quits his job? Do I really not get any alimony? I only get $1,200/month in Social Security.

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Quotes from why parenting sucks
* losing your job to become a full time stay-at-home mom because your baby cries too much

1st time i flew with the kiddo he was 18 months old, the intrusive thoughts have ruined every travel moment ive ever had since.

"If the plane goes down n im unconscious will anyone know i have the baby? Will someone try to save him?"

Daycare drama - ie you never know if your kid will have behavior issues and get kicked out, sickness, etc.

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freya
It is really too bad that the costs of daycare ($500+ a week), giving birth ($2500+), raizing a brat ($350-500K), etc. aren't published somewhere easily accessible. Oh waiiit....a simple internet search can provide to these and all other questions in about the same amount of time it takes to research a car.

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I (22M) became a dad two months ago. My girlfriend (21F) and I didn’t plan it, but she wanted to keep the baby, so I stuck around. I moved in, picked up more hours at work, and I’ve been helping out as much as I can.

The thing Is I don’t feel anything. I take care of her I change diapers, feed her, stay up with her if needed but there’s no emotional connection. People say you just “fall in love” with your kid. That hasn’t happened for me.

My girlfriend is obsessed with her. She looks at her like she’s the best thing in the world. I want to feel that, but I don’t. And I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

She asked how I was feeling the other night, and I told her the truth that I don’t feel connected. She got really upset, started crying, said I was cold and maybe I’ll never love my own kid.

Now things are weird between us. She barely talks to me, and I feel like the bad guy. But I wasn’t trying to be mean. I just thought honesty would help.

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I'm eroding away

I don't know if I belong here but I didn't know where else to go.

I just put away another box today, into the tomb of my basement closet. This one had my baking things in it. I haven't baked since my child was born. The box joined my other box of sewing, my other box of paints, my other box of gardening tools, my pottery tools, my books, my yoga gear, my scrapbooks, and the box of dog toys. Each box filled with something we don't use anymore because of my child's existence.
I can't bring myself to throw them out. There's a pinch of hope that maybe one day I'll have the space (literally and figuratively) to go back to what used to bring me joy.

But this box was particularly difficult because it was the last one. All of my real hobbies are gone now, replaced by motherhood and chores. I love my child ... But I feel like I'm slowly eroding. Who I am...was ... no longer exists.

I wanted my child so much I went through IVF, but it took five years, and having a child at 35 is a lot harder than at 30. At 30 I was ready, I had open time to fill, a new husband to forge a new life with... And money to get us over any humps. Instead I spent five years trying to have a baby and forging a new me... Now I feel so inflexible and I wanted this... But it was supposed to be different. We were supposed to have close cousins and raise our children together... But a seven year old doesn't really play with a 2 year old. I don't know if I truly regret having my child, but I definitely regret what my life has become.

Everyone around me seems to enjoy parenting, but it seems like my joy, and my identity, got packed into those boxes”.