Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

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I, 22 F, am 33 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend’s, 24 M, child. This is both our first kid and it has been a roller coaster ride so far. He and I have only been dating since mid September and I found out I was pregnant in early October. Our whole relationship has been based off of me being pregnant with his kid. As he and I have been together longer, more issues have become apparent.

He is a gamer and games constantly, everyday and he used to game until 3 or 4 in the morning. It became an issue and it took 3 months of me asking and begging and arguing with him to get off earlier to spend a little bit of time with me or even just spend the day with me without gaming. He is also a complainer. If you ask him to do something he will moan and groan and complain and say things such as “I’m too tired” or “I just don’t feel like doing anything” or “my [insert various body parts] hurts” and in turn, I tell him to forget it.

Since about January I have been in constant, sometimes debilitating, pain and it’s just been getting worse. I’ve asked him to rub my shoulders or back or feet (he doesn’t like feet so I don’t normally ask) or hips and he takes maybe a minute to barely rub or help me stretch and even then 9 times out of 10 I’m met with a sigh or I have to ask multiple times before I get help.

The biggest issue has been him calling out of work and lying saying he was told not to come in. I have talked to him about it at least 3 times now and he has still been doing it. At least once or twice a month he’ll call out. Recently he called out for 3 days in a row telling me and everyone else he was told not to come in because there’s no work. I caught him in his lies yet again, and I’m at the point where I don’t trust him at all. I don’t trust what he says to me, I don’t know how I can trust him to be responsible enough for me to rely on him, I don’t know how I can trust that he’ll be there for me when our baby comes. It is the constant lying that makes it difficult. He picked up our apartment the first day but he mostly played video games or slept. He claimed he called out because his body hurt and needed to rest.

That comment alone made me extremely upset because I’ve been In agonizing pain and have gone to the ER a few times due to the pain and now prescribed medication to help ease the pain. I understand that he has a blue collar manual labor job and that hard work like that takes a toll on the body but I feel resentment towards him for calling out so much when I’m still going to work (an office job) and dealing with the pain on very little to no sleep. Any advice? He is a great guy and I do love him very very much and I want to keep our relationship. But I am almost at my wits end.

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bell_flower
This one is for the "but.....but.....but....who's going to take care of you when you're old?" contingent.

How many parents are old and still taking care of and bailing out their irresponsible, now grown brats?

A lot of them.

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60F, retired after working years of rotating shifts, holidays and weekends after my children were grown. My son, 35M, is going through his second divorce. He has two boys, 7 and 8, who now live with him full time. Mom, 33F, left them, and moved out of state.

He works every Friday through Sunday, 6a-7p, their arrangement when they were together so the boys wouldn't be in daycare. She waited until I retired to announce she was leaving. I have the boys every.single.Friday.thru.Sunday as there are no 24 hour weekend daycares in our area.

The boys are not well disciplined, have anger issues, fight constantly and are exhausting to be around. When I have them, I'm very regimented/consistent and by the time they go back to their dad, their behavior has improved, but the next weekend, we start all over again. My son does little to no housework during the four days he is off work. He games, smokes pot (legal in our state), drinks and spends little time with the boys. They are now falling behind in school.

At first I felt bad for him, recognized he was depressed, helped with housework, laundry, meal prep, etc. Then he began expecting me to do everything as time went on, so I stopped. His house is so dirty that I now drive 45 minutes each way to bring them to my house for the weekend and then drive again to drop them off. I've tried convincing him to get a work-from-home job, but he refuses saying he doesn't want to "push papers." His current employer only has 12-13 hour shifts regardless of the days/position he works.

He refuses any type of counseling and gets extremely angry and defensive when I try to explain how I feel. His dad lives in another state and won't help, and my daughter and husband have their own children to raise and live an hour away. Sending the boys to live with their mom or even visit, is not an option as she is a horrible mother and will dump them on anyone so she can work/party. She doesn't even have a GED, has limited skills/intellect and can only get minimum wage jobs in restaurants/bars. She is estranged from her family and they're no better. I gave my son a date by which he needs to find another job/daycare and said I'm done and don't care if he gets fired. That has made his drinking worse, and he hasn't attempted job hunting at all. I've had people tell me I'm the only chance my grandsons have of leading a productive life, but I don't want to be a full-time single parent again. He knew my dream was to travel upon retirement and now I can't.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver60/comments/1j64q40/irresponsible_son_and_his_wife/

ETA: I think it's really telling that this woman mentions the ex wife as "waiting until she retires" to leave her lout of a son. AND did anyone else notice how she's mentioning his SISTER as not being able to take care of these brats because she has her own kids and "lives an hour away."

It's disgusting this woman keeps pointing to the women in this guy's life. Why should this guy's SISTER have to take care of brats he made? He made these brats and he can bloody well take care of them.

I have a feeling this guy is a loser because he was coddled by his Moo and he didn't have to do any housework when he was growing up--his sister probably had to do it.

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Idk what to think… I feel blindsided by his rage, but I’ve seen him angry before and he’s never done anything like this. I’ve told him countless times that he can be mean and scary… I have a tendency to yell, too, but I have come a LONG way in my anger by working with a therapist.

I was out of town this weekend for work. When i got home, my daughter (8) told me that the worst part of her weekend was when her father held her by the back of the neck and pinned her to the bed while screaming at her.

I was HORRIFIED, truly disgusted by his behavior. Am I overreacting for wanting to kick him out? I have no idea what to do. I feel alone, scared, furious…

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bell_flower
WHY WHY WHY do these bints keep their baybees?

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Wife (40F) and I (42M) have one 3-yo together. Since we married I made it clear that I did not see myself having more than one kid. It’s a lot of work, especially the first three years.

My wife was OK with the decision all along, she also considered “one and done”, but now she “is craving” a second one. Her argument? Our family is “not complete” with one.

This all unfolded when I shared my desire to get a vasectomy. This has been on my mind for many years but never took action to actually book the procedure… until now. She can’t accept the idea — or rather, she will, only after I get her pregnant.

I’m on the fence here. My life plan was to only have one kid (I was OK with none, but agreed on one) to give him the best and that’s it. I’m a single child myself, from a small family, wife’s family is large.

However it breaks my heart when I see her cry for a second …

I feel that our entire marriage of 8+ years is starting to go downhill for this reason. Sure, there are ups and downs, mostly “ups” but this situation feels like a breaking point.

I’ve grown as a man by being with her. I’m grateful to have found a great woman, wouldn’t change her for anyone. We both have made concessions throughout, but I feel that another kid is stretching my ability to “compromise”.

Should I cave in for the family ? / make wife fulfill her dream to make her happy and not longer be true to myself?

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Ick
It wasn’t until I had my third & fourth kid with my wife that I actually thought that parenting was overly rough. Having a second kid shouldn’t be a struggle at all, just give in and have another one. Plus it’s not just a gift for your wife, your daughter is also getting a lifelong friend.

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An exchange between OP and the commenters
Commentor one: 1: have the second child

2: wife will always feel incomplete and hold resentment toward you

3: prepare to be single again

These are your options. Only you know which one sounds the most attractive. If my marriage was a happy marriage, I would choose option one because I love my wife.

OP: At this stage, #2 is unfolding.

When I first proposed the vasectomy 1.5 years ago, her words were "I'll resent you if you do that".

Another commentor, who is clearly a moron. WTF?:

Marriage, as I sure you have learned, is not about “fair” or “deals”. Marriage is about what is good for the family unit. Assuming you are a man, you are far more capable of overcoming your emotions than she is, this one will be best put on you, and you are naturally inclined to grow to love and accept your awesome new family. It’s only the first 18 months that really suck anyways, and even those are filled with lots of joyful moments to grasp onto. If you are capable of grasping those, go for it.

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Geezer Breeder, probably with a first family that is either behind the couch in all the pictures or already grown and staying away from the shitshow
I got remarried at 44 and had kids at 50 and 51. I wouldn't want it any other way. Sure, I didn't think i wanted kids at this age, but now that we have them, they are the best. My youngest is my fun partner, we do stuff together. Yes, it costs money, but so worth it. My only reservation is straight up bringing children into this messed up timeline.

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De lu lu and in La La Land because Siblings Always Luv Each Other Ya Know
I was reluctant to have kids, until my wife became pregnant with our first. After having my daughter, I couldn’t imagine my life without her. We decided to have a second within a short period, due to my parents advice, that they will “raise themselves”. And for the most part that has turned out to be true, with them being only 2 1/2 years apart they were the best of friends and played with each other constantly… to the point where we used to wonder where were they. Now that I’m older, it was the best decision, and once we’re gone, they’ll have each other! Siblings are the best, (provided they’re raised properly and taught to value one another).

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This one says he's a doctor but is still a moron nonetheless--what does this have to do with anything?
NTA, however, as a psychiatrist working with traumatized soldiers, I have had some soldiers who have decided to no longer go on and find peace from the nightmare they lived while serving in combat. Unfortunately, they are not fully successful, and their children have to make medical decisions.

Those who are only children often express they wish they had another sibling they could lean against for support and help make these hard decisions.

I'm not trying to shame anyone into having a second child, but as a physician, this is something that I can say is expressed many times in stressful situations like this, and I usually see the child for grief counseling after they have to make this decision (even if a directive is in place).

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Husband’s unemployment runs out. What is a temporary job that can get $1k-2k per month for our situation

My husband has been laid off and unemployed since the beginning of the year. He could not find any job and his unemployment will run out soon.

I’m pregnant with our child. We discussed option to earn extra money (similar to what he earner for unemployment) for him to continue to support our finance, given the upcoming cost of baby and delivery. I’m still working and my salary covers most of everything. With mortgage and bills and others, we are breaking even now, maybe saving a few hundred extra. It’s important that he shared this responsibility because this has been causing me lots of stress, apart from my stressful work.

For context, He can’t do DoorDash or Uber since his driving skills are bad, he got us into almost accidents a few times a year. Plus, we only have one car so this is a lot of liability, we need the car for everything later with the baby. He can still drive from/to work, as long as he’s familiar with the way. It’s just not feasible for him to drive as a job.

He told me that other than that, he does not know what to do. His health is not great, he can not lift heavy items or do labor work.

He was a product manager, has an MBA, some analytical skills (Tableau, Sql, basic python). He also had a phd in not-related area. I’m trying to collect ideas so that we could discuss options. I would appreciate your help in sharing ideas that help us through this time.

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Reality Check
Girl let’s be real here. Your man doesn’t WANT a job and has no work ethic. Look at his history.

Also, you do realize you’re wildly over income for any assistance and having a child is an enormous expense.

You are going to have no financial assistance from him or the government and your expenses are increasing. You need to change your living situation and downsize your house. The mortgage is an outrageous chunk of your income.

And he sucks at driving? What does this man actually do for you?

I hope you’re ready to support this baby and him. Such an unfortunate situation for the child.

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We’ve been together for 2.5 years and we have a baby together. His attraction towards me has been a constant problem in our relationship. He’s never called me beautiful or hot or sexy, the most he’s ever called me is “cute” on occasion, he’s said it maybe like 3 times. I see him looking at other girls, and I don’t say anything anymore because the first time that it happened it caused a huge argument and it made me feel so ugly.

Before our baby, our sex life was ok I guess. We had it every day, sometimes multiple times a day. It never felt completely satisfyingly to me though. It was good enough but not great. I’ve only had 1 orgasm ever in the entire time we’ve been together. I never felt desired, I mostly felt like he was just using my body because I was there and that he’d have sex with a hotter girl if he could. Anyway now our sex life is pretty much dead since I had our baby. I’m always initiating but he just doesn’t want it anymore. And when we do have sex even he can’t orgasm anymore.

I’m just so miserable and depressed. I thought that after having our baby, things would get better. But they’ve just gotten worse, obviously. I tried bringing these issues up with him multiple times, but he never wants to talk about it and he gets mad at me when I try to talk. I tried again last night and he was more willing to hear me out, but he fell asleep halfway through.

This morning he’s just been acting like everything’s normal despite seeing me crying and I just feel like he doesn’t even care and it hurts so much. I want to leave and be with someone who actually desires me, but I feel like leaving would be selfish because it would probably cause our son to suffer. I also do love him and want things to work with him, but I feel like his attraction towards me is never going to change, and if it doesn’t change then I don’t think that I’m ever going to be happy. AITA for wanting to leave?