Quote

I, 22 F, am 33 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend’s, 24 M, child. This is both our first kid and it has been a roller coaster ride so far. He and I have only been dating since mid September and I found out I was pregnant in early October. Our whole relationship has been based off of me being pregnant with his kid. As he and I have been together longer, more issues have become apparent.

He is a gamer and games constantly, everyday and he used to game until 3 or 4 in the morning. It became an issue and it took 3 months of me asking and begging and arguing with him to get off earlier to spend a little bit of time with me or even just spend the day with me without gaming. He is also a complainer. If you ask him to do something he will moan and groan and complain and say things such as “I’m too tired” or “I just don’t feel like doing anything” or “my [insert various body parts] hurts” and in turn, I tell him to forget it.

Since about January I have been in constant, sometimes debilitating, pain and it’s just been getting worse. I’ve asked him to rub my shoulders or back or feet (he doesn’t like feet so I don’t normally ask) or hips and he takes maybe a minute to barely rub or help me stretch and even then 9 times out of 10 I’m met with a sigh or I have to ask multiple times before I get help.

The biggest issue has been him calling out of work and lying saying he was told not to come in. I have talked to him about it at least 3 times now and he has still been doing it. At least once or twice a month he’ll call out. Recently he called out for 3 days in a row telling me and everyone else he was told not to come in because there’s no work. I caught him in his lies yet again, and I’m at the point where I don’t trust him at all. I don’t trust what he says to me, I don’t know how I can trust him to be responsible enough for me to rely on him, I don’t know how I can trust that he’ll be there for me when our baby comes. It is the constant lying that makes it difficult. He picked up our apartment the first day but he mostly played video games or slept. He claimed he called out because his body hurt and needed to rest.

That comment alone made me extremely upset because I’ve been In agonizing pain and have gone to the ER a few times due to the pain and now prescribed medication to help ease the pain. I understand that he has a blue collar manual labor job and that hard work like that takes a toll on the body but I feel resentment towards him for calling out so much when I’m still going to work (an office job) and dealing with the pain on very little to no sleep. Any advice? He is a great guy and I do love him very very much and I want to keep our relationship. But I am almost at my wits end.

Quote
bell_flower
This one is for the "but.....but.....but....who's going to take care of you when you're old?" contingent.

How many parents are old and still taking care of and bailing out their irresponsible, now grown brats?

A lot of them.

Quote

60F, retired after working years of rotating shifts, holidays and weekends after my children were grown. My son, 35M, is going through his second divorce. He has two boys, 7 and 8, who now live with him full time. Mom, 33F, left them, and moved out of state.

He works every Friday through Sunday, 6a-7p, their arrangement when they were together so the boys wouldn't be in daycare. She waited until I retired to announce she was leaving. I have the boys every.single.Friday.thru.Sunday as there are no 24 hour weekend daycares in our area.

The boys are not well disciplined, have anger issues, fight constantly and are exhausting to be around. When I have them, I'm very regimented/consistent and by the time they go back to their dad, their behavior has improved, but the next weekend, we start all over again. My son does little to no housework during the four days he is off work. He games, smokes pot (legal in our state), drinks and spends little time with the boys. They are now falling behind in school.

At first I felt bad for him, recognized he was depressed, helped with housework, laundry, meal prep, etc. Then he began expecting me to do everything as time went on, so I stopped. His house is so dirty that I now drive 45 minutes each way to bring them to my house for the weekend and then drive again to drop them off. I've tried convincing him to get a work-from-home job, but he refuses saying he doesn't want to "push papers." His current employer only has 12-13 hour shifts regardless of the days/position he works.

He refuses any type of counseling and gets extremely angry and defensive when I try to explain how I feel. His dad lives in another state and won't help, and my daughter and husband have their own children to raise and live an hour away. Sending the boys to live with their mom or even visit, is not an option as she is a horrible mother and will dump them on anyone so she can work/party. She doesn't even have a GED, has limited skills/intellect and can only get minimum wage jobs in restaurants/bars. She is estranged from her family and they're no better. I gave my son a date by which he needs to find another job/daycare and said I'm done and don't care if he gets fired. That has made his drinking worse, and he hasn't attempted job hunting at all. I've had people tell me I'm the only chance my grandsons have of leading a productive life, but I don't want to be a full-time single parent again. He knew my dream was to travel upon retirement and now I can't.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver60/comments/1j64q40/irresponsible_son_and_his_wife/

ETA: I think it's really telling that this woman mentions the ex wife as "waiting until she retires" to leave her lout of a son. AND did anyone else notice how she's mentioning his SISTER as not being able to take care of these brats because she has her own kids and "lives an hour away."

It's disgusting this woman keeps pointing to the women in this guy's life. Why should this guy's SISTER have to take care of brats he made? He made these brats and he can bloody well take care of them.

I have a feeling this guy is a loser because he was coddled by his Moo and he didn't have to do any housework when he was growing up--his sister probably had to do it.

Quote


Idk what to think… I feel blindsided by his rage, but I’ve seen him angry before and he’s never done anything like this. I’ve told him countless times that he can be mean and scary… I have a tendency to yell, too, but I have come a LONG way in my anger by working with a therapist.

I was out of town this weekend for work. When i got home, my daughter (8) told me that the worst part of her weekend was when her father held her by the back of the neck and pinned her to the bed while screaming at her.

I was HORRIFIED, truly disgusted by his behavior. Am I overreacting for wanting to kick him out? I have no idea what to do. I feel alone, scared, furious…

Quote
bell_flower
WHY WHY WHY do these bints keep their baybees?

Quote

Wife (40F) and I (42M) have one 3-yo together. Since we married I made it clear that I did not see myself having more than one kid. It’s a lot of work, especially the first three years.

My wife was OK with the decision all along, she also considered “one and done”, but now she “is craving” a second one. Her argument? Our family is “not complete” with one.

This all unfolded when I shared my desire to get a vasectomy. This has been on my mind for many years but never took action to actually book the procedure… until now. She can’t accept the idea — or rather, she will, only after I get her pregnant.

I’m on the fence here. My life plan was to only have one kid (I was OK with none, but agreed on one) to give him the best and that’s it. I’m a single child myself, from a small family, wife’s family is large.

However it breaks my heart when I see her cry for a second …

I feel that our entire marriage of 8+ years is starting to go downhill for this reason. Sure, there are ups and downs, mostly “ups” but this situation feels like a breaking point.

I’ve grown as a man by being with her. I’m grateful to have found a great woman, wouldn’t change her for anyone. We both have made concessions throughout, but I feel that another kid is stretching my ability to “compromise”.

Should I cave in for the family ? / make wife fulfill her dream to make her happy and not longer be true to myself?

Quote
Ick
It wasn’t until I had my third & fourth kid with my wife that I actually thought that parenting was overly rough. Having a second kid shouldn’t be a struggle at all, just give in and have another one. Plus it’s not just a gift for your wife, your daughter is also getting a lifelong friend.

Quote
An exchange between OP and the commenters
Commentor one: 1: have the second child

2: wife will always feel incomplete and hold resentment toward you

3: prepare to be single again

These are your options. Only you know which one sounds the most attractive. If my marriage was a happy marriage, I would choose option one because I love my wife.

OP: At this stage, #2 is unfolding.

When I first proposed the vasectomy 1.5 years ago, her words were "I'll resent you if you do that".

Another commentor, who is clearly a moron. WTF?:

Marriage, as I sure you have learned, is not about “fair” or “deals”. Marriage is about what is good for the family unit. Assuming you are a man, you are far more capable of overcoming your emotions than she is, this one will be best put on you, and you are naturally inclined to grow to love and accept your awesome new family. It’s only the first 18 months that really suck anyways, and even those are filled with lots of joyful moments to grasp onto. If you are capable of grasping those, go for it.

Quote
Geezer Breeder, probably with a first family that is either behind the couch in all the pictures or already grown and staying away from the shitshow
I got remarried at 44 and had kids at 50 and 51. I wouldn't want it any other way. Sure, I didn't think i wanted kids at this age, but now that we have them, they are the best. My youngest is my fun partner, we do stuff together. Yes, it costs money, but so worth it. My only reservation is straight up bringing children into this messed up timeline.

Quote
De lu lu and in La La Land because Siblings Always Luv Each Other Ya Know
I was reluctant to have kids, until my wife became pregnant with our first. After having my daughter, I couldn’t imagine my life without her. We decided to have a second within a short period, due to my parents advice, that they will “raise themselves”. And for the most part that has turned out to be true, with them being only 2 1/2 years apart they were the best of friends and played with each other constantly… to the point where we used to wonder where were they. Now that I’m older, it was the best decision, and once we’re gone, they’ll have each other! Siblings are the best, (provided they’re raised properly and taught to value one another).

Quote
This one says he's a doctor but is still a moron nonetheless--what does this have to do with anything?
NTA, however, as a psychiatrist working with traumatized soldiers, I have had some soldiers who have decided to no longer go on and find peace from the nightmare they lived while serving in combat. Unfortunately, they are not fully successful, and their children have to make medical decisions.

Those who are only children often express they wish they had another sibling they could lean against for support and help make these hard decisions.

I'm not trying to shame anyone into having a second child, but as a physician, this is something that I can say is expressed many times in stressful situations like this, and I usually see the child for grief counseling after they have to make this decision (even if a directive is in place).

Quote


Husband’s unemployment runs out. What is a temporary job that can get $1k-2k per month for our situation

My husband has been laid off and unemployed since the beginning of the year. He could not find any job and his unemployment will run out soon.

I’m pregnant with our child. We discussed option to earn extra money (similar to what he earner for unemployment) for him to continue to support our finance, given the upcoming cost of baby and delivery. I’m still working and my salary covers most of everything. With mortgage and bills and others, we are breaking even now, maybe saving a few hundred extra. It’s important that he shared this responsibility because this has been causing me lots of stress, apart from my stressful work.

For context, He can’t do DoorDash or Uber since his driving skills are bad, he got us into almost accidents a few times a year. Plus, we only have one car so this is a lot of liability, we need the car for everything later with the baby. He can still drive from/to work, as long as he’s familiar with the way. It’s just not feasible for him to drive as a job.

He told me that other than that, he does not know what to do. His health is not great, he can not lift heavy items or do labor work.

He was a product manager, has an MBA, some analytical skills (Tableau, Sql, basic python). He also had a phd in not-related area. I’m trying to collect ideas so that we could discuss options. I would appreciate your help in sharing ideas that help us through this time.

Quote
Reality Check
Girl let’s be real here. Your man doesn’t WANT a job and has no work ethic. Look at his history.

Also, you do realize you’re wildly over income for any assistance and having a child is an enormous expense.

You are going to have no financial assistance from him or the government and your expenses are increasing. You need to change your living situation and downsize your house. The mortgage is an outrageous chunk of your income.

And he sucks at driving? What does this man actually do for you?

I hope you’re ready to support this baby and him. Such an unfortunate situation for the child.

Quote

We’ve been together for 2.5 years and we have a baby together. His attraction towards me has been a constant problem in our relationship. He’s never called me beautiful or hot or sexy, the most he’s ever called me is “cute” on occasion, he’s said it maybe like 3 times. I see him looking at other girls, and I don’t say anything anymore because the first time that it happened it caused a huge argument and it made me feel so ugly.

Before our baby, our sex life was ok I guess. We had it every day, sometimes multiple times a day. It never felt completely satisfyingly to me though. It was good enough but not great. I’ve only had 1 orgasm ever in the entire time we’ve been together. I never felt desired, I mostly felt like he was just using my body because I was there and that he’d have sex with a hotter girl if he could. Anyway now our sex life is pretty much dead since I had our baby. I’m always initiating but he just doesn’t want it anymore. And when we do have sex even he can’t orgasm anymore.

I’m just so miserable and depressed. I thought that after having our baby, things would get better. But they’ve just gotten worse, obviously. I tried bringing these issues up with him multiple times, but he never wants to talk about it and he gets mad at me when I try to talk. I tried again last night and he was more willing to hear me out, but he fell asleep halfway through.

This morning he’s just been acting like everything’s normal despite seeing me crying and I just feel like he doesn’t even care and it hurts so much. I want to leave and be with someone who actually desires me, but I feel like leaving would be selfish because it would probably cause our son to suffer. I also do love him and want things to work with him, but I feel like his attraction towards me is never going to change, and if it doesn’t change then I don’t think that I’m ever going to be happy. AITA for wanting to leave?

Quote

I thought that after having our baby, things would get better.

Quote

So, not really sure how to start, as I never done one of these before, so bare with me. I (28F) have a boyfriend, we'll call Tim (43M) and we've been together for about 8 months. I moved in shortly after getting with him, as I was going through a lot in life, and had gotten REALLY injured at work. I have 3 kids myself, my oldest almost 6, and he has a son, 9, we also have one together on the way, due in September. His son is with us every week, half the time and he's with his mom the other half. When we first moved in, everything was great, and I expected a little more pushback from his son, just because his parents recently finished their divorce, and his mom and dad have both moved on to other people, but he seemed to get a long with me and my kids really well . That is, until Christmas. He had wanted a VR headset, and his dad got it for him (a long with other things that we both got him). Ever since then, I've noticed a change in him and every time I bring it up to his dad, his dad just says, "it's a work in progress, I talk to him about it", and "his mom says he acts that way at her house too". The issue at hand is.. at 9 years old, he's seems to have gotten EXTREMELY whiney. I/we do not allow MY 3 young kids to get whiney or an attitude with us, but with his son, it's just accepted. I'm talking like, you just ask him what he wants for dinner and you get, "ugh, I don't KNOOOWWWAAHHH" (insert high pitched whine) not even when he's in trouble, it's for EVERYTHING. And I personally have never heard his dad correct it. I've brought it to his dad's attention several times, because I personally don't like it. It's not how a kid should act or talk to an

adult, and we both seem to agree on that when it's my 6yo, 4yo and 3yo. Maybe it's pregnant hormones, but I'm about to my wits end with it. He's also withdrawn a lot from me, which I don't hold against him, because he's going through a lot right now with adjusting to his new life and new families. I recently told Tim that I'm about to the point that I'M gonna say something to him and he didn't really respond to that, other than, "it's a work in progress, I'm talking to him about it"

I try to stay away from disciplining someone else's child, aside from nieces and nephews in the past, but even then, I know their mom appreciated the help. I don't really know what to do anymore, as I'm just getting really tired of hearing the whining. I'm genuinely not trying to be an AH, but I feel that if I don't let my own children talk to me like that, I shouldn't let someone else's. It's even gotten to the point where we've asked him what he wanted for breakfast from a ff place, he said he didn't know, so I was told, "get whatever with a lot of sausage and cheese as he doesn't like anything else" so I got a breakfast croissant, light bread, double sausage, cheese, and he can take the egg off it. When I got home and gave it to him he FLIPPED, "UGH I DON'T LIKE CROISSANTS" so I gave him one of my breakfast sandwiches I had gotten (with attitude because we ASKED and he didn't answer) and went to my room after eating. No thank you. Nothing. His dad came in and asked what was wrong and I unloaded on him with how I feel. Still never got a thanks from the 9yo.

Do I just sit quietly and let his dad handle it or do I say something? I care about him a lot. His dad and I get along really well and I can see us being together a long time. But it's gotten to the point I've almost considered trying to stay somewhere else with my kids when he comes over but that's 3 almost 4 days a week and I don't have anyone or anywhere else to go during that time with 3 kids, their school, and my work. I hope I explained this clearly enough.

Quote

My (26f) husband (26m) has been telling me he wants more traditional roles in our home and idk how I feel about it. For some context I moved out of my parents house at 18, had a job at 16 and always supported myself. when me and my husband started dating I moved in a year of dating and then we got married 3 years later so a total of 5 years together. We have a 3 three year old now and when I gave birth I gave up everything to be a SAHM. Sold my car, quit my job. Recently we put our 3 year old in daycare and I have two part time jobs a pet service job where I’m gone 1-2 hours a day walking the dogs or feeding the cats another retail job. That given I have been trying to find who I am OUTSIDE of mother and wife since that has been my whole life for 3-4 years now. And so I haven’t been keeping up with the laundry or the dishes and it has been a big problem for my husband. He thinks that is only my job and if he has to do it then he only does his clothes or only does dishes HE NEEDS! And I just don’t feel that way. I feel like he can pick up the slack and Ive told him this and he doesn’t seem to see it the way I do! I just need some advice on how to go about this or if nothing is gonna change! I can’t keep feeling like shit when I forget to do something during the day cuz he doesn’t have socks or a clean plate and he rages.

Edit: I have seen all your comments and everyone saying to get a divorce, needs to go to therapy and figure out how you can dispose of someone you love so easily, because that’s a you problem. Besides that I’m not gonna divorce my husband cuz he’s actually a good man. Also I don’t only work 1-2 hours a day that was for my pet service, I work 36 hours plus 1-2 extra a day with the pet service. But I did talk to him, he understood that my intentions were to never be a trad wife and he understood that’s not how I was raised even tho it was for him. We’ve always had a good understanding of where our expectations were but they got blurred when going from SAHM to working mom. He fully understands now it’s both of our jobs to help out with the home along with bills. Divorce is not always the answer especially if you love someone and their partner, a simple conversation can fix everything. I just needed advice on how to tackle the convo not advice on how to divorce my husband and to take all his money. Thank you everyone who was reasonable and actually offered advice, instead of bashing me or my husband. And to the men/women who asked about our sex life, you’re weird, In no way does that have anything to do with it.

Quote

Throwaway account because this is embarrassing. So I have been breastfeeding and pumping everyday for my son for the last 6 months. My husband is at home for a couple feeds/pumps a day. At first my husband just said things like he's turned on because my boobs are huge and are out alot. I thought okay that makes some sense. But then he started pestering me for sex right after I'm done, taking his dick out and masterbating while I'm breastfeeding/pumping, and wanting me to stop and breastfeed him instead. These things all make me very uncomfortable like I'm either holding our baby and/or providing food for him. The last thing I'm thinking about is anything remotely sexual. I've asked him dozens of times to stop, told him how it makes me feel, have cried to him about it. My husband continues to do it. We only have one couch in our house and that is the most comfortable place to feed and pump but my husband will ruin that for me and ill have to go hide away from him in our bedroom or my car.

I'm at the point of wanting to leave him tbh. He helps out a bit with childcare and household chores but also complains alot. This and his weirdness with breastfeeding makes me feel this way. Am I overreacting? Do other men do this?

For reference we have had sex about once a week since 4 weeks postpartum. Im exhausted and dont even feel very attracted to him but I just do it mostly so he leaves me alone.

Quote

He makes me feel bad. He's accused me of being into someone else because I don't show much interest in him or am very intimate with him. I don't know what will stop him. I thought if someone else talked to him like a therapist or my mom then he would listen. I'm just so embarrassed by this. And reading all the comments make me feel so ashamed now too. I don't even know what to do anymore but to leave.

Quote

Throwaway because I want to fix this and I'm paranoid about more people in our lives finding out. Its all so fucked up already...I don't want more stress.

My husband (29M) and I (30N have been married for 5 years. I gave birth to our first child in September, a girl. My husband was present for most of my labor but things went very pear-shaped and I had to have an emergency C-Section. The doctors told him to leave the room and wait outside.

In short, he did not see our daughter be born.

A week ago he informed me that he wants to divorce and "start over on his dreams of having a family." He insists that he "cannot bond" with our daughter and says its because he didn't see her being born. He said alot about how its always been a dream of his to have a "small, close knit family" and now he can't have that with me because of the C-Section and his not being in the room.

His dad suggested therapy but Husband refused saying "he knew it wouldn't work." I've made sure he knows I'm open to the idea if he changes his mind but he's been very insistent that he "knows this can't be fixed."

Part of me knows I'm basically asking for a magic spell here but does anyone have any ideas how/if this can be fixed? I'll try to answer any questions anyone may have. Sorry if the Flair isn't correct, I just guessed.

Quote

I care about my husband, but I'm not sure that I love him anymore. I don't respect him. I don't trust him. He's verbally abusive when upset and emotionally distant most of the time. Nothing is more important than his personal priorities - including me or our one year old. But if you ask him, he thinks that everything is going great.

I would love to divorce him and stop minimizing myself to make him happy. My family and friends would love for me to divorce him. The problem is the lawyer that I consulted advised that the state would likely try to give him 50/50 custody (or work up to it) because of their high standard for neglect. All because he can't bother to look up from his phone, the baby has: fallen from small heights in the same room as him and he has no idea what happened, climbed up and down the steps unsupervised, and closed themselves in a room with gardening chemicals - all without my husband noticing and all within me being gone for less than 5 minutes.

So do I stay in the marriage so that I can protect my baby at all times? Any advice greatly appreciated.

Quote
Moo commenter
The reality is that you will be unable to protect your child half of the time if you get divorced. I knew I no longer loved my husband but stayed as long as I could in order to protect them. My marriage broke when my daughter was one and my son was five. My original goal was to stay until my daughter turned eighteen. But things became progressively more miserable and we divorced when she was five.

I did 99.9% of the parenting before the divorce. After the divorce we had 50/50 custody and I had to watch from a distance while he fucked it up as a parent, over and over again. And there was not a goddamn thing I could do about it. He left our young children unattended in public places on multiple occasions. He did not keep up with what was going on at school and five days later I would find my daughter's homework assignment crumpled up in the bottom of her bag three days past its due date. He wouldn't help her comb her long hair and her hair would be all matted when I would pick her up five days later. She was allergic to strawberries (head-to-toe hives) and he packed strawberry-containing items in her lunch not once but twice. (Luckily, at age five, she could read well enough to understand those items contained strawberries and she did not eat them.) He took my kids on vacation and entered the ocean when there were jellyfish all over and, predictably, my daughter got stung. She wouldn't go in the ocean for a year after that. I could go on and on. The mixture of rage and helplessness I felt when I learned about these incidents–days after they happened–was extreme.

Yes, you deserve happiness. But as a mother, you might want to wait a few years until your child is a bit older and can fend for him- or herself a bit more. There's my two cents. I am so sorry you are in this situation.

Quote

You think staying with an abusive man is somehow good for your child? Make that make sense.

Quote

I can make it make sense.

That abusive man is going to get 50% custody of your one year old and you will not be allowed to be present to take care of your one year old while their dad has custody time. If you can’t prove to a court that they are abusive enough to deny them custody, then it may be safe for them to stay u til you can. Verbal abuse will likely not count either.

Quote

I mean, it worked for me. I basically single parented my kids while living in the same house as my ex for years. As long as I didn't try to talk to him or ask him to get off the computer, he completely ignored us and everything was fine. I got out when my youngest was a month away from turning 6 and starting Kindergarten. Took maybe 4 or 5 years or so for me to recover from the trauma and anger, but I did recover (with a good doctor and medication). When I finally left, my ex stepped up because the kids were in school and talked to everyone about everything, and he didn't want to look bad or get in trouble. Me and my kids are great now.

Quote

okay so for a little context. my boyfriend (33m) still lives with his mom. i (24f) personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with being an adult and living with a parent but maybe 33 is a little old. he makes about 4k a month and i work as well. im about 7 months pregnant with his child, she wasn’t planned but i am really really excited for her.

i live with him currently at his moms house and i recently expressed that i don’t feel comfortable raising her there. his mom is a slight hoarder, there is dust everywhere, the occasional roach and 3 pit bulls that are about 70 lbs each. when i told him i wanted to get an apartment or rent a house he just says there is no point and he would rather buy a house. i said that could take decades to save up for in this economy and he pretty much just said then we’ll stay here (his moms). i refuse to raise a baby in that condition so im moving back to my moms. i obviously want my family together but i know her health and safety comes first. he’s just making me feel crazy and im honestly kinda heartbroken that me being uncomfortable isn’t enough for him to get our own place. AIO?

Quote

Is staying in a marriage for the kid worth it?

Quote

Hi all, I’m 30F, he’s 31M. We’re both engaged. I understand it’s too late to ask for advice at this point, but I do think it’s important to confirm before we register marriage. My fiancé was diagnosed to have Asperger’s and adhd by a government psychologist, and had took medication but have stopped for a few months now. My partner is wonderful, but he really struggled a lot due to his condition. I am asking for advice because I am unsure if I am capable to be the woman he needs, and if I am really okay to marry him.

Both of our needs cannot be 100% met, but both of us has been trying our hardest to achieve 100% for each other. In my opinion, he puts in more effort than I do.

His good:

He is hardworking intelligent and disciplined. While he has Asperger, he is classified as the high functioning Asperger patient which makes him a genius. He does really well at work.

He helps with house work without complain. In most cases he actually took initiative because he is unable to be sit still and comfortable if something is messy or dirty.

He takes very good care of me when I am sick, he brings me to the doctors. He make sure to buy me herbal drinks when I’m sick.

He takes good care of his parents and others (including mine), make sure their needs are met before his needs. Example, if we go out to eat, he will almost always give me 60% of his share of food, and when I offer the same, he will reject it and gives me back.

He will think of the many ways he can give me and treat me better. He knows I like bag, so he buys me one every year. He brings me to an impromptu trip when he realize I was super stressed out with my work.

His bad:

He has a very bad temper. He gets frustrated very easily, I personally think mostly is due to his condition (I might be wrong, please let me know if anyone understands Asperger well). He raises his voice often to his family, myself anyone… the short fuses are very brief, but it happens frequently. One time he did slap me, but he was quick to realize that it was uncontrolled and was quick to apologize and stop all the fight, he also admitted that he didn’t realize he raised his hands he felt extremely guilty, I was at fault too, I triggered him… so I don’t blame him, but emotional control is difficult for him.

He doesn’t really care about his image in from of people. He don’t dress up, usually just a spoilt t shirt and pants and slippers. This is fine, but he does that even when the occasion calls for better dressing example other wedding occasions, other events

He might not want a kid due to his condition… it is inheritable but not guaranteed.

He doesn’t like it when I put up a facade to the outside world, he thinks I’m fake. He wants me to be my raw self at all times. He thinks my emotional control outside is a form of a facade.

He constantly tells me to find other better man when I tell him that we need to communicate better our needs. He thinks that he has provided me a lot, and I’m asking too much that he could not satisfy. He thinks it is better off for me to find another man who can satisfy me.

Due to his condition, he lost his job very easily. Although he has been making improvements. He would leave his job if he find that something is wrong with the job (indeed there was some suspicious company he joined, so I don’t blame it on those). But, objectively, for the past 6 years, none but one of his job lasted more than 6 months.

With that I want to share some of my concerns:

I am not sure if I am capable to handle this frustration for the rest of my life. To be fair to him, he told me about this issue of his from the start and I honestly thought I could handle it. I do think now on hindsight knowing his Asperger condition, I could still try my best to not see it as a frustration but rather his communication style.

I am financially stable but should I be worried that he is losing his job so frequently?

if we bring a kid to this world, will it be okay for the kid with the father battling with his condition and frustrated with kid most of the time? Will it be fine if I’m the stable mother with the higher emotional intelligence, will our kid grow up to be okay, to have a healthy mind

should I be concerned for his lack of need to maintain his image in the public. I’m not so concerned now though…

should I be concerned of him telling me to “go find another man” all the time? I asked him before why he keep says that and he say objectively I can do without him (because he thinks I’m financially independent)

TLDR: My man have equal extremes of good and bad. I love him and he loves me, but he has actual diagnosis of Asperger and adhd and I’m not sure if I can handle it. If you have any thoughts, feel free to share.

Quote

My husband and I have twin boys who are under a year old. I am a stay at home mother and he owns his own trucking company. Since I take care of our children full time, I am exhausted by the time he comes home. I cook, clean, do in home workouts to stay fit, and care for our children.

I also understand my husband is exhausted as well he comes home but he still has the energy for sex. My sex drive has actually increased after having children, but my energy has done the total opposite.

Yesterday my husband came home and wanted to have sex but I was tired so I told him let’s wait until the morning (after I have rested, and the babies are still sleep.)

He was upset by my suggestion and took it personal as if I didn’t want to have sex with him at all. Before we had kids we used to have sex all the time everywhere. Now we can’t do that and plus I don’t want to do quickies, I want to make love.

Please give me tips so that we can find some sort of compromise. Other couples with children or any kind of caregiver responsibility I would love to hear your answer. Thank you in advance

Quote

How did your relationship change after having a baby?

I am 29 F and my fiancé is 36 M. A few weeks ago I found out I was pregnant with twins. I am so excited because I always wanted to be a mother. I love my fiancé but he has a lot of issues that he needs to sort through on his own, so we are taking a break from our relationship .

I also never really noticed how different our cultural upbringing and expectations were. I’m African American and he is Puerto Rican so we see a lot of things differently. This also causes lots of arguments.

He wants to be back together and is in counseling but I’m not ready for that. A friend of mine told me that after she had her baby her relationship with her and her husband got significantly better, but I have also heard otherwise.

Please share any advice, wisdom or your personal experience.

This is not a situation where I think a baby will keep a man I know better than that. My fiancé wants to get married but I don’t think it’s what’s best. I’m just curious on any one’s experiences on how their relationship changed after having a baby. I would love to hear from male and female.

Quote

My fiancé is an amazing guy. We first started off as friends so the foundation of our relationship is pretty strong. He is so perfect and good to me in every way a man can be good to a woman. However he can be very controlling, territorial, and because of his childhood he has a lot of trust issues.

He owns his own trucking company and sometimes is gone for days evens weeks at a time. Recently he went away and was coming back and I was excited to see him. When he came back the neighbor car was parked in my driveway ( which it never is) but I gave him permission to do so because of an event he was having at his house and our hoa doesn’t allow parking on the street.

When my fiancé came home I was in the bathroom shaving and all of a sudden he came in yelling” who the f*** is in the house” and checking in the shower, closet, bed, ect. I remember feeling so confused I didn’t even respond. He grabbed me by the arm and kept shaking me and calling me a f****** liar, and saying I was like his mom, and a lot of other hurtful things. When he found no one in the house I eventually realized he saw the neighbor car and thought I had another man there. There were also a man’s boots on the steps but they were his so I’m confused on how things escalated in his mind so quickly.

My fiancé fractured my arm so I had to go to the hospital. Now he is apologizing and I feel like in my mind if I marry him I am allowing him to think his behavior is ok. But another piece of me feels he is a good man. I have distanced myself from him since and he keeps bringing me expensive gifts, jewelry, roses, and other nonsense. I have never experienced this side of him and we have been together 2 years. I am so torn and don’t know what to do.

I am 29 female He is 36 male