Childless woman mad that her SIL knows a stillbirth isn't a baby

One of those "I'm still a mom, my baby's just in heaven" types asks reddit if she's an asshole for chewing out her SIL after SIL admitted her stillborn child didn't matter like her living ones do. Reddit tells her yes, yes she is:

A flapping beef twat is a flapping beef twat.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Yes. Yes she's the asshole.

Don't tell people how to feel, and don't expect people to react the way you do. The end.

Geez that woman's rant was so full of bullshit language, all that "born sleeping" and other nonsense. It's been like 7 years and she is still obsessing. She needs psychological help.

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yurble
Geez that woman's rant was so full of bullshit language, all that "born sleeping" and other nonsense. It's been like 7 years and she is still obsessing. She needs psychological help.

It is possible that the baby quickened inside the Moo, and the Moo was flooded with oxytocin as a result.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

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craftyzits

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yurble
Geez that woman's rant was so full of bullshit language, all that "born sleeping" and other nonsense. It's been like 7 years and she is still obsessing. She needs psychological help.

It is possible that the baby quickened inside the Moo, and the Moo was flooded with oxytocin as a result.

For seven years? Either way, she needs therapy, not to berate other women for coping better than she has.

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craftyzits

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yurble
Geez that woman's rant was so full of bullshit language, all that "born sleeping" and other nonsense. It's been like 7 years and she is still obsessing. She needs psychological help.

It is possible that the baby quickened inside the Moo, and the Moo was flooded with oxytocin as a result.

Or she’s just a bitch. The simplest explanation is usually the right one.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

It was stillborn, so technically it "quickened" since that refers to when it starts to move, and if it died before then it would have been a miscarriage (induced or natural). But what does that have to do with anything?

The hormones can still happen, regardless of when the pregnancy ends. Some members who had abortions talked about the hormones fucking them up for a while.

Regardless of what hormones were caused by the pregnancy, the situation would normalize within a few weeks of the pregnancy ending.

There's really no excuse for her behaving like a histrionic asshole.

My mother mentioned in passing that she had a miscarriage in the 1950s. No big deal histrionics.

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khan
My mother mentioned in passing that she had a miscarriage in the 1950s. No big deal histrionics.

My mother had a miscarriage that upset her so badly she rarely talked about it (maybe twice in my lifetime). I don't know how far along she was, but far enough that she delivered *something*. And when asked how many children she had, she never included the miscarriage. My mom LIVED to be a mother, her identity was her kids, and she still fucking knew the difference between a baby and a miscarriage. "Quickening" and hormones has fuck all to do with it seven years after the fact.

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kittehpeoples

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khan
My mother mentioned in passing that she had a miscarriage in the 1950s. No big deal histrionics.

My mother had a miscarriage that upset her so badly she rarely talked about it (maybe twice in my lifetime). I don't know how far along she was, but far enough that she delivered *something*. And when asked how many children she had, she never included the miscarriage. My mom LIVED to be a mother, her identity was her kids, and she still fucking knew the difference between a baby and a miscarriage. "Quickening" and hormones has fuck all to do with it seven years after the fact.

My mother had a late-term miscarriage, well in the third trimester. While well aware that the miscarriage wasn't a baby, she still had a strong urge to parent but knew that her body wasn't up to the challenge of carrying a baby. She went and adopted a special needs toddler who was two and a half years old (me).

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Apparently the unchilded sister had her own stillbirth, which is probably why she's getting shitty about this. Her sister's opinion is supposed to mirror the author's in order to validate it, so by SIL saying her dead kid didn't matter as much is implying that the author's dead kid didn't matter either.

So for the folks who didn't read the topic, it seems the SIL gave the dead kid a weird kre8ive name because it wasn't going to have to live and deal with having a dumb name, which is probably the most rational use of a stupid name I've ever heard. This SIL is a PNB for sure, and I also wonder if maybe the stillborn loaf was unplanned and unwanted, which is why the SIL didn't really give a shit. Or maybe it's not so much that this kid mattered less, but more it was "easier" because the kid died before the parents and other kids had time to develop an attachment to it like if it had died of SIDS instead.

At the end of the day, the author needs to mind her own fucking business and get some goddamn help if she's obsessing this much over someone else's dead kid. I'm sorry she had a stillbirth because I can't imagine how much that would hurt when the child is wanted, but you can't bitch at someone for handling the same situation differently. How her SIL grieves has nothing to do with this asshole and her dead loaf.

I hope the SIL goes no contact because this bitch is most likely going to continue being super toxic about this.

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Cambion
So for the folks who didn't read the topic

I had included a link. I don't know why it disappeared.

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Cambion
This SIL is a PNB for sure, and I also wonder if maybe the stillborn loaf was unplanned and unwanted, which is why the SIL didn't really give a shit. Or maybe it's not so much that this kid mattered less, but more it was "easier" because the kid died before the parents and other kids had time to develop an attachment to it like if it had died of SIDS instead.

Yeah, it just sounded to me like she was being really rational about it and the OP just couldn't handle the miscarriage not being the center of her existence or something. OP definitely wanted validation about her delusions. After all, OP has been identifying herself as a mother since the stillbirth, and if anyone demonstrates that a miscarriage isn't a child, then does that mean OP isn't actually a mother? She has her entire identity invested in her dead baby...she is definitely in need of therapy. And I agree, she's going to keep being shitty to her SIL about it, whether passive aggressively or outright.

from a Robert Frost poem titled 'Out, Out'
the key phrase is the last line.
Life goes on. To focus on the loss, wanna moo going to be mopey no matter what rest of her life? next kid going to have to suffer eternally for the lost child?

"And then—the watcher at his pulse took fright.
No one believed. They listened at his heart.
Little—less—nothing!—and that ended it.
No more to build on there. And they, since they
Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs."

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.