Having kids is a concession that will cost you your dreams

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Former first lady Michelle Obama said in a new Netflix documentary that having kids was a “concession” that cost her “aspirations and dreams.”

In the documentary “Becoming,” which was released Wednesday, Obama, 56, describes her life from childhood until her time in the White House as first lady.

“My relationship with Barack was all about our equal partnership,” she recalls. “If I was going to have a unique voice with this very opinionated man, I had to get myself up and set myself off to a place where I was going to be his equal.”

But the birth of their two daughters — Malia, 21, and Sasha, 18 — “changed” the dynamic of their relationship, she said.

“The thing that really changed it was the birth of our children. I wasn’t really ready for that. That really made it harder,” Obama says. “Something had to give and it was my aspirations and dreams.”

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yurble
It always amazes me that women who are otherwise smart continue to fall into that trap.

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craftyzits

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yurble
It always amazes me that women who are otherwise smart continue to fall into that trap.

Were the brats planned?

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mr. neptune

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craftyzits

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yurble
It always amazes me that women who are otherwise smart continue to fall into that trap.

Were the brats planned?

Well, since the term "family planning" means NOT having kids, kids and pregnancies are Never planned.

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freya
I think Michelle Obama really wanted to be in Barack's life. He may have been one of those men who insisted on children (there are lots of men who do this). I would guess she is absolutely thrilled for them to be empty nesters now. I wouldn't be surprised at all if she had thought it out before getting married and decided that she was willing to have kids to remain in Barack's life. As always, she likely underestimated just how much work brats are.

It isn't that difficult lurking wanna-breeders. Imagine waking up every morning absolutely thrilled to go work at a job just to get away from your brats. Or volunteer to watch a couple of kids for at least 5 days. See how much happier, relieved and satisfied you are with your life circumstances after they leave. Even a 350 ft. efficiency feels like paradise when you have 100% volume/chaos control over your circumstances. And everything is right where you left it, unharmed and nothing is covered with sticky gunk. The furniture is intact and there are no messy puddle surprises waiting for you.

I met many parents when I was working two jobs who would have traded places with me in an instant.

If men did 50% (or even 40%) of all the child rearing then the birth rate would fall dramatically and the new norm would be either 1 kid or no kid households. Women are still expected to do the lion's share of everything. I don't mind cleaning and cooking for myself. It is a completely different story to be stuck cleaning and cooking for a spouse. Seriously, are his legs broken? The work essentially doubles because two people are making messes. Of course, it is much easier to balance out the workload amongst a couple because both want to stay in the relationship and realize both have to contribute to make it work.

My favorite are the couples where the woman does everything and they decide to have a kid. How dumb can you be? Did you think there would be less messes? Less drudgery work? The do nothing husband would wake up and become Mr. Perfect? Even worse are these same women who decide having #2 makes sense in these circumstances and they want to "save the marriage."

With children, many women stop buying clothing because all their clothes are ruined by children. Children exponentially add messes and grunt work. Moos spend every waking moment doing grunt work and if they aren't doing grunt work it is piling up and waiting for them.

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It always amazes me that women who are otherwise smart continue to fall into that trap.

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So much for household equality.

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Barack clearly has had political aspirations since a young age, and part of that is having kids. It's really hard to advance politically and be CF. You have to project the "family man" image. I don't think people vote on issues as much as they vote on relatability.

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freya
I think Michelle Obama really wanted to be in Barack's life. He may have been one of those men who insisted on children (there are lots of men who do this). I would guess she is absolutely thrilled for them to be empty nesters now. I wouldn't be surprised at all if she had thought it out before getting married and decided that she was willing to have kids to remain in Barack's life. As always, she likely underestimated just how much work brats are.

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Ketchup
Barack clearly has had political aspirations since a young age, and part of that is having kids. It's really hard to advance politically and be CF. You have to project the "family man" image. I don't think people vote on issues as much as they vote on relatability.

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freya
It also bothers me how relatability is more important than the issues but that comes from the majority of the population being unable to think critically.

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ondinette
Recently I heard the Unholy Shrub (George W. Bush) is not dumb, he's just really good at acting dumb because he knows that is what most people want. Not sure if I believe this, but it is something to think about. This world is damn depressing.

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ondinette
Recently I heard the Unholy Shrub (George W. Bush) is not dumb, he's just really good at acting dumb because he knows that is what most people want. Not sure if I believe this, but it is something to think about. This world is damn depressing.

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freya

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Ketchup
Barack clearly has had political aspirations since a young age, and part of that is having kids. It's really hard to advance politically and be CF. You have to project the "family man" image. I don't think people vote on issues as much as they vote on relatability.

What is weird is that they have to have brats to project the "family man" image but can be wealthier than sin and still be considered "relatable." That doesn't make the slightest bit of sense to me. Normal people cannot afford to spend $80K on school per year for their grade school aged kids. Earning $80K a year is more than the average.

It also bothers me how relatability is more important than the issues but that comes from the majority of the population being unable to think critically.

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twocents
"In the USA our public school system isn't fit for purpose, or even as a babysitting function."

crazy, I think it actually is becoming something of a glorified daycare

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LoveToLurk

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twocents
"In the USA our public school system isn't fit for purpose, or even as a babysitting function."

crazy, I think it actually is becoming something of a glorified daycare

That’s absolutely what it has become. When I began teaching, I had one non-teaching duty per day, meaning a lunch duty or something. Basically babysitting. So about 2.5 hours a week total. My final year I had 3 duties per day (so about 1.5 hours a day) plus 2.5 hours every Tuesday morning as an aide to another teacher. All of this duty time came out of my planning time, which was a contract violation but my teacher’s union did nothing about it (they were useless for anyone that wasn’t a core subject area).

The only planning I got was .5 hours every morning, which totals 2.5 hours a week. 2.5 hours a week to do all the behind the scenes work associated with music teaching, vs. about 10 hours a week in non-music related babysitting tasks. And 27 classes a week, so that’s 22.5 hours a week of actual music teaching. Oh, and 15 minutes of classroom setup time every morning and afternoon, before and after students were in the building.

Needless to say, my work suffered. In addition to not having any time to prepare, the schedule was physically exhausting (duty, teach four classes, .5 hour lunch, duty, teach two classes, duty) and by the end of the day I was only good for sitting there and shouting at the students if they got too out of hand.

I was a well-qualified, expensive babysitter.

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LoveToLurk

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twocents
"In the USA our public school system isn't fit for purpose, or even as a babysitting function."

crazy, I think it actually is becoming something of a glorified daycare

That’s absolutely what it has become. When I began teaching, I had one non-teaching duty per day, meaning a lunch duty or something. Basically babysitting. So about 2.5 hours a week total. My final year I had 3 duties per day (so about 1.5 hours a day) plus 2.5 hours every Tuesday morning as an aide to another teacher. All of this duty time came out of my planning time, which was a contract violation but my teacher’s union did nothing about it (they were useless for anyone that wasn’t a core subject area).

The only planning I got was .5 hours every morning, which totals 2.5 hours a week. 2.5 hours a week to do all the behind the scenes work associated with music teaching, vs. about 10 hours a week in non-music related babysitting tasks. And 27 classes a week, so that’s 22.5 hours a week of actual music teaching. Oh, and 15 minutes of classroom setup time every morning and afternoon, before and after students were in the building.

Needless to say, my work suffered. In addition to not having any time to prepare, the schedule was physically exhausting (duty, teach four classes, .5 hour lunch, duty, teach two classes, duty) and by the end of the day I was only good for sitting there and shouting at the students if they got too out of hand.

I was a well-qualified, expensive babysitter.

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freya

Your school could have played it fair and spread out the duty evenly among the staff.

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yurble
I don't understand that at all. I mean, I like to see female or minority politicians because it is indicative of decreasing bigotry, but I'm not going to vote for a woman just because she's a woman and I'm a woman. I want to relate to someone by feeling that the person is intelligent and shares my views on things that matter to me.

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LoveToLurk
There’s a clear hierarchy of “important” teachers: special areas (music, art, library, gym) are at the bottom. I was told more than once that it was my job to support the other teachers. This is a common problem for special area teachers almost everywhere, which is part of why I left teaching altogether rather than just switching districts. I didn’t study music from the age of 5 just to become someone else’s bitch.

Agreed about how most adults don’t actually like being around children. I think it’s what we’re seeing now, with all these parents during lockdown. They’re realizing that a relationship with a child isn’t like a relationship with an adult. Adults have a sense of give-and-take, but the child doesn’t really care about the adult’s side of things.