Bet she breeds before it's over

Copy of a letter to Carolyn Hax.
She had a good answer, but not sure if this dumdum will heed it. Only reason he talks and talks is he just wants sex. He WILL dump her ass once she gets a fat belly. But then, this is the gaga type that believes baby saves a relationship or marriage. Stupid bint.

'Hi, Carolyn: My boyfriend and I are very much in love and plan to settle down, marry and have kids someday.

However, his plans change all the time. One minute he says we could move to a different country to study together, the next he is saying he isn't sure he wants that anymore. Or he could say something like, I should pursue my dreams and he should pursue his and we will meet up and settle down. At the moment, he is saying he isn't sure of us traveling together anymore and I might have to go first, and he would come meet me.

Also, he isn't ready to meet my parents because they are in a different city and he isn't ready to come down.

All these excuses and patterns are making me think maybe he actually doesn't plan to settle down with me, but then he talks about our future so passionately that I'm so convinced he really wants it. Also, he pushes me to be a better person in every area. Always saying things like he wants me to make habits with him that are impossible to replicate. Please help me, I really need your advice.

— Anonymous
Answer:
Anonymous: You plan to settle down, marry him and have kids someday.

He has no such plans.

This isn’t something I’m telling you; it’s something you told me. You already know he’s not committed.

He just hasn’t told you himself because he’s too scattered to — or too content to have you on a string.

Nevertheless, you’re straining to hear anything to support a case for his being committed to you, and then focusing on that. It’s wishful waiting.

Please don’t do that to yourself. Cherry-picking data to support the conclusion you want may feel good in the short term, but it only postpones the truth — as it becomes progressively more painful to hear.

To know where you stand with people, always, you need to listen to all of what they say and note all of what they do, then weigh it accordingly.

Maybe you do indeed love each other, and your relationship’s uncertainty is in part a byproduct of being young and in flux.

Advice Perspective
Carolyn Hax: He sends mixed signals about our future. But are they really mixed?
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(Nick Galifianakis/for The Washington Post)

By Carolyn Hax
Advice columnist
May 12
Hi, Carolyn: My boyfriend and I are very much in love and plan to settle down, marry and have kids someday.

However, his plans change all the time. One minute he says we could move to a different country to study together, the next he is saying he isn't sure he wants that anymore. Or he could say something like, I should pursue my dreams and he should pursue his and we will meet up and settle down. At the moment, he is saying he isn't sure of us traveling together anymore and I might have to go first, and he would come meet me.

Also, he isn't ready to meet my parents because they are in a different city and he isn't ready to come down.

All these excuses and patterns are making me think maybe he actually doesn't plan to settle down with me, but then he talks about our future so passionately that I'm so convinced he really wants it. Also, he pushes me to be a better person in every area. Always saying things like he wants me to make habits with him that are impossible to replicate. Please help me, I really need your advice.

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Anonymous: You plan to settle down, marry him and have kids someday.

He has no such plans.

This isn’t something I’m telling you; it’s something you told me. You already know he’s not committed.

He just hasn’t told you himself because he’s too scattered to — or too content to have you on a string.

Nevertheless, you’re straining to hear anything to support a case for his being committed to you, and then focusing on that. It’s wishful waiting.

Please don’t do that to yourself. Cherry-picking data to support the conclusion you want may feel good in the short term, but it only postpones the truth — as it becomes progressively more painful to hear.

To know where you stand with people, always, you need to listen to all of what they say and note all of what they do, then weigh it accordingly.

Maybe you do indeed love each other, and your relationship’s uncertainty is in part a byproduct of being young and in flux.

But immaturity is its own problem, and neither of you is mature enough yet to see “he isn’t ready to meet my parents” is a dead giveaway, a “nope” in neon lights. Someone ready to commit wants to meet your people.

And you aren’t mature enough yet to hear the alarm bell: He “pushes me to be a better person”? He “wants me to make habits with him”? I have no idea what “impossible to replicate” means here, but I do know what it means when someone wants you to be better: It means you aren’t good enough as you are, and he’s the one to fix that.

No, no, no, no. No. Serious power imbalance there, a common precursor to even more serious control problems. Already, whether by manipulation or accident, you’re taking orders from his heart, not yours.

We aren’t who we might become; we are only who we are, right now, today. Always. Don’t trust yourself to anyone who isn’t thrilled with today’s version of you. Whether you want or need to be better is entirely up to you.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

I wonder how old they are. I'm gonna guess not older than early 20's if even that. He's probably telling her what she wants to hear in order to string her along and continue to get laid. He probably has other women he's seeing too. The habits thing is likely that he's setting the bar so high that he's hoping she'll end it eventually (without him looking like the bad guy) or he's manipulative and controlling.

That was seriously cringe-worthy to read. He's obviously saying what he thinks she wants to hear to Keep The Pussy Rolling^TM and she sounds desperate and naïve.

And he's helping her to be a Better Person? Pl-ease. And "habits that are hard to replicate" made me think of sex. This chick has been hoodwinked.

She needs to collect what's left of her tattered self-regard and kick his ass to the curb, pronto.

Oh boy. A future talker! Talk is cheap hon and future talkers are a dime a dozen. Always yammering on about a fictitious future where everything is wonderful and somehow saying just what her heart desires to hear at least some of the time. Almost as if he watches romance movies to know just what to say! And if his future narrative widely varies, that isn't immaturity talking, that is him not remembering what he has said in the past because it is all meaningless lies anyways.
Or worse yet, he changes his narrative to manipulate her. Reeling her in and then releasing some line to keep her off-balance and under his control. Perhaps she hasn't been so thrilled with some self-improvement suggestions he has made to her recently and he figures it is time to give her a metaphorical kick to the stomach. He'll be back to love-bombing her with talk in no time.

Except in her case she is giving up her future in exchange for hearing the words she desires and sometimes hearing the words she least wants to hear. Did her mama neglect to tell her men will say anything for sex?

She should try cashing in on his talk to find out where she stands. Shit-test him left and right. It is very likely he will fail miserably and very unlikely she will listen to any advice - from Carolyn or anyone. Wondering how many people she knows have told her this already? I bet her parents have told her this because she was likely upset that he refuses to meet them.

But she needs to be ready to slam the door in his face if he fails on the shit-testing and I don't think she is there yet.

If he's smart, he won't let kids happen. Seems like he's probably a young guy who wants to do some living, but wants a steady supply of pussy too, so he'll make empty promises, tell this chick what she wants to hear and tell tall tales of their exciting future together to keep her interested. So what you guys have already said.

Sounds like SHE is very much in love, SHE plans to settle down and SHE plans to have kids. It could be because he's feeding her lies to keep her around, or it could be that she's desperate and is interpreting things in a totally different way. If they've been together long enough for at least one of them to decide they're going to get married and have kids, him not wanting to meet her family is a HUGE red flag that he isn't in it for the long run.

These two would be one of those couples where they go out to dinner and one of them wants to propose and the other wants to break up.

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Always saying things like he wants me to make habits with him that are impossible to replicate

What the fuck does this mean? It sounds like she's saying he's holding her to standards that are too high.

Buuuut yeah, I'll bet this dumbass figures that her wonderful may-unn just needs a nice baby to give him the push he "needs" to make good on his word. She'll oops the guy, he'll leave, and she'll spend the next two decades bitching and moaning about it.

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Cambion
If he's smart, he won't let kids happen. Seems like he's probably a young guy who wants to do some living, but wants a steady supply of pussy too...

Nah, this is the kind of dude who'll end up knocking up some psycho chick, having a shotgun wedding and then whining on Reddit about how he hates his life and can't stand babysitting his kid(s). Not a clue beyond his next screw.