The carrying a 100 lb monkey walk because of kids

For my trail walking days I've observed something, it is really easy to identify the men who are "babysitting" their own kids.
The kids will often be a quarter of a mile ahead of the duh. The duh will be on his phone. The dead giveaway is this: 100% of the time the duh will be walking like he is carrying a 100 lb. monkey on his back. There is no lightness in his walk (and he will often be dragging his feet, literally) and it is obvious he doesn't want to be on the trail with the kids. I can literally match the duhs to the kids even when the kids are a quarter of a mile ahead of the dud. Their body language is a dead giveaway.

I've heard numerous kids speed ahead of the duh on the trail and start crying (very loudly-where dud and everyone else on the trail can hear them). Duh always ignore this and the kids eventually stop.

This is very different than the moos, who will almost always have a friend in tow they are gossiping to and the kids will be much more close by.

Contrast this to the rest of the people on the trail who want to be there, they have a lightness in their step and most seem happy to be there.

Imagine the hell of not being able to enjoy a trail walk for 15+ years of your life because you're a parunt. Kids monopolize the lives of parunts.

Maybe the Duhs are hoping if they fall far enough behind, Junior will get lost so they don't have to deal with the little turd for a while. And if he was forced to take the dumplings on a hike by Moo (which is almost certainly the case), losing the kid could be his way to make Moo never ask him to take the kid out ever again. Like what they do to get out of any other domestic responsibility. It's plain as day they don't give a fuck about their kids because it's supposed to be Moo's job to care about them, not his.

Taking kids anywhere is awful, and they can suck the joy out of absolutely any fun activity. You go somewhere you want to go (or even somewhere the kid wants to go) with a brat in tow and you can't even enjoy it because the kid will immediately start crying about everything: they're hungry but don't want any food that is readily available, they don't want to walk anymore, they want to go home, they're upset that they don't have their favorite toy, they piss themselves and now they're wet, they want to take their shoes off, they're thirsty, they don't like how their shirt feels, they fell because they refuse to pick up their feet to walk, they want something they saw and can't have it, they want (other parent that isn't there), they're cranky and do that snot-sucking whine-moan fake crying that sounds like a cow on helium just because they can. Just to name a few.

I've come across parents like you describe, both moms and dads (and I do agree that moms are more likely to have a female friend along). If they're going the opposite way, I usually encounter the kids first. Sometimes they're obnoxious or awful, sometimes they're just kids. The parent is often on their phone. Usually they look woefully under-prepared, with the parent carrying a single water bottle and kids carrying nothing at all.

I've found these types don't venture in more than a couple miles, so if I'm on a popular hiking trail I try to put in a couple miles straightaway. I may run into people 6.5 miles in, but at least it won't be famblee broods. A steep grade right away also keeps out the kiddies. One of the best places I backpacked was miles in, with no town near the trailhead and started with a two-mile uphill grind right out the gate. After that, it leveled off into some gorgeous rolling terrain not typically found in that part of the Rockies. My friend and I ran into a couple other hiking parties, but no one was under sixteen or eighteen years old by my guess.

I see this a lot where I live, which is a tourist town full of famblees this time of year. I can't imagine what the appeal is for these people, taking brat #1, brat #2, and just-hatched loaf in its carrier all over the waterfront, having to brat-wrangle while not being able to do anything fun anyway. I think the Famblee Vacation is one of those things people think they "have to do", just like having kids is something you "just do".

Oh fuck, I have never once heard of anyone actually having a good family vacation. I'm glad my family never went anywhere because vacations are one of the most miserable experiences a family can have for every single person involved. The parents do it for the Kodak moments so they can show everyone online what good parents they are, but I guarantee you anything NO ONE on that trip enjoyed themselves. The younger brats are doing their best to escape and/or Darwinize themselves every single second and the older kids are immersed in their phones and asking 20 minutes after arriving when they'll be going home.

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Cambion
Taking kids anywhere is awful, and they can suck the joy out of absolutely any fun activity. You go somewhere you want to go (or even somewhere the kid wants to go) with a brat in tow and you can't even enjoy it because the kid will immediately start crying about everything: they're hungry but don't want any food that is readily available, they don't want to walk anymore, they want to go home, they're upset that they don't have their favorite toy, they piss themselves and now they're wet, they want to take their shoes off, they're thirsty, they don't like how their shirt feels, they fell because they refuse to pick up their feet to walk, they want something they saw and can't have it, they want (other parent that isn't there), they're cranky and do that snot-sucking whine-moan fake crying that sounds like a cow on helium just because they can. Just to name a few.

You have remarkable observation Cambion and write in detail which most moos and duhs couldn't do, despite living with kids.

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randomcfchick
I've come across parents like you describe, both moms and dads (and I do agree that moms are more likely to have a female friend along). If they're going the opposite way, I usually encounter the kids first. Sometimes they're obnoxious or awful, sometimes they're just kids. The parent is often on their phone. Usually they look woefully under-prepared, with the parent carrying a single water bottle and kids carrying nothing at all.

I've found these types don't venture in more than a couple miles, so if I'm on a popular hiking trail I try to put in a couple miles straightaway. I may run into people 6.5 miles in, but at least it won't be famblee broods. A steep grade right away also keeps out the kiddies. One of the best places I backpacked was miles in, with no town near the trailhead and started with a two-mile uphill grind right out the gate. After that, it leveled off into some gorgeous rolling terrain not typically found in that part of the Rockies. My friend and I ran into a couple other hiking parties, but no one was under sixteen or eighteen years old by my guess.

I've seen this too randomcfchick. The trail I frequent is paved, within walking distance and has no grade and I like to do about 5 miles a day 5-6 times a week. And lots of kids still whine left and right on it. There is one in another direction (but still walking distance) that has an immediate grade so I'll start walking that one instead. The grades tend to kick my ass too but after a few weeks or a month or two that will pass. The whiners vanish along with the public facilities, nearby car parking and low grade trails.

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Cambion
Taking kids anywhere is awful, and they can suck the joy out of absolutely any fun activity. You go somewhere you want to go (or even somewhere the kid wants to go) with a brat in tow and you can't even enjoy it because the kid will immediately start crying about everything: they're hungry but don't want any food that is readily available, they don't want to walk anymore, they want to go home, they're upset that they don't have their favorite toy, they piss themselves and now they're wet, they want to take their shoes off, they're thirsty, they don't like how their shirt feels, they fell because they refuse to pick up their feet to walk, they want something they saw and can't have it, they want (other parent that isn't there), they're cranky and do that snot-sucking whine-moan fake crying that sounds like a cow on helium just because they can. Just to name a few.

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freya
You have remarkable observation Cambion and write in detail which most moos and duhs couldn't do, despite living with kids.

Seconded. That was a freaking masterpiece.

I do not know why parunts drag there kids to theaters, museums, etc. with the expectation that anyone will enjoy anything because with little kids in tow it's guaranteed that nobody will enjoy anything.

Well I probably do know the reason: the parunts want to get out of the house and why not make everyone suffer because they forgot to take birth control.

Seriously, raise them correctly and wait until they are maybe 10 or 11 and are old enough to appreciate something, if you haven't handed everything to them. (I realize that's a big IF.)

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bell_flower

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Cambion
Taking kids anywhere is awful, and they can suck the joy out of absolutely any fun activity. You go somewhere you want to go (or even somewhere the kid wants to go) with a brat in tow and you can't even enjoy it because the kid will immediately start crying about everything: they're hungry but don't want any food that is readily available, they don't want to walk anymore, they want to go home, they're upset that they don't have their favorite toy, they piss themselves and now they're wet, they want to take their shoes off, they're thirsty, they don't like how their shirt feels, they fell because they refuse to pick up their feet to walk, they want something they saw and can't have it, they want (other parent that isn't there), they're cranky and do that snot-sucking whine-moan fake crying that sounds like a cow on helium just because they can. Just to name a few.

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freya
You have remarkable observation Cambion and write in detail which most moos and duhs couldn't do, despite living with kids.

Seconded. That was a freaking masterpiece.

I do not know why parunts drag there kids to theaters, museums, etc. with the expectation that anyone will enjoy anything because with little kids in tow it's guaranteed that nobody will enjoy anything.

Well I probably do know the reason: the parunts want to get out of the house and why not make everyone suffer because they forgot to take birth control.

Seriously, raise them correctly and wait until they are maybe 10 or 11 and are old enough to appreciate something, if you haven't handed everything to them. (I realize that's a big IF.)

Haha, in spite of my introversion, I am a people watcher. And there is no better birth control or validation of CFdom than watching other people deal with their kids in public. The owners of these screaming bastards will sit there there happily tuning them out because they're dead inside, meanwhile I'm contemplating making an appointment with ENT for potential eardrum rupture as the precious darling's tantrum hits the 20-minute mark.

This is so bad I'm all but a hermit cuz of how severe the migraines can get.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

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Cambion
And there is no better birth control or validation of CFdom than watching other people deal with their kids in public.

Agreed. I still remember when my spouse and I made the mistake of going out to breakfast on a mid-Saturday morning, which is peak Famblee Togetherness Breakfast time. There was a family of four at a table nearby...they were already nearly done when we arrived, so we didn't have to put up with them long...but during that time the kids' behavior and the parents' dead-eyed frustration was stunning. I swear that I felt my fallopian tubes tie themselves. I leaned over and told Mr. Random that exact thing, "I think my tubes just tied themselves" and he cracked the fuck up.

bell_flower, I remember my parents taking us to museums when I was probably about four or so...I liked those kinds of places a lot. Still do. Maybe my parents just managed to get kids who were into museums, or they conveyed their own enthusiasm well enough that we bought into it. Maybe they timed the trips based on the stamina of the youngest kid. Either way, I'd ASK to to go the natural history museum and the living history village. I guess it can be done.

As for theatre and symphony concerts, I agree about kids' ages and when they're ready for that...I think i was about nine when I was taken to see The Nutcracker. Mom explained it was a "fancy" occasion and I felt very sophisticated all dressed up. We looked at the story of the Nutcracker beforehand. She explained etiquette and when to applaud, etc. Got to go out for ice cream sundaes afterward. I think in that case it worked because I was OLD ENOUGH to have had experience in other public events. Kids who're super-young just aren't ready.

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bell_flower, I remember my parents taking us to museums when I was probably about four or so...I liked those kinds of places a lot. Still do. Maybe my parents just managed to get kids who were into museums, or they conveyed their own enthusiasm well enough that we bought into it. Maybe they timed the trips based on the stamina of the youngest kid. Either way, I'd ASK to to go the natural history museum and the living history village. I guess it can be done.

Yeah, I guess the parunting bar today is so low that I forget it is possible.

The bolded part is key too. They should know their kid and plan for breaks, etc. I would suspect a lot of the kids I see today having meltdowns, particularly the ones that are out at night, are overtired or hungry or just plain tired of being out.

I've worked with quite a few parunts that shelled out a lot of dough for some big Disney Vacation^TM only to have a meltdown because their kids were too young to enjoy it. Some idiots drag toadlers and pre-schoolers to Disney. Their money I guess, but I'd be damned sure the kid was old enough to appreciate it, also so one wouldn't have a hellish time with a melting-down monster.

Well, it WAS possible...I was a 70s/80s kid. I think parents weren't as hard-charging and over-cranked as today's parents.

Never been to any Disney property, but from what I've seen of giant theme parks and all that goes with 'em I'd say a kid really needs to be around nine or ten to have the stamina for such an intense, stimulating experience. Little kids can't go as long and they're too small to get onto all the rides. Waste of airfare and gate cost.

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randomcfchick
Maybe they timed the trips based on the stamina of the youngest kid.

I don't think parents now use that much forethought. They're just "Let's take the kids HERE!" either because one or both parents want to go, or because they want a "cute" photo opportunity with the famblee. Or they just plain don't want to pony up for a sitter, so they drag Junior along. They don't care if the kids want to go or how tired they will be or if they have tards, they won't care if the kids get overwhelmed by people, noises and lack of routines. Then the entire rest of those in attendance get treated to a never-ending chorus of screaming and intelligible bawling. I think most of us have probably happened upon a child sitting or laying on the ground in public, sobbing and screeching something akin to "NUHHHHHHHHHIwannagohomeMOMMMMAYYYYYYYYREEEEEEE!"

Breeders don't seem to comprehend that their kids do not have the same stamina as adults. Yes, they might have more energy, but not only do they get upset/tired faster, they also have zero self-control and don't keep their bad moods to themselves. I mean holy hell, fully grown adults are exhausted after a whole day at an amusement park and a long-ass car ride! Then the adults won't remove the kids because they paid X dollars to get in and they are going to finish what they started no matter how the kids feel. Then not only does the whole family have a miserable experience, everyone within earshot does too.

Most kids do not want to go on vacation, period. It can't be worth what breeders save on a sitter to have their entire trip/outing ruined, can it?

don't recall where I read this, but two experienced hikers went up...and back some canyon trail. it was an experienced only trail. but they passed a moo and duh who seemed bound and determined to get to the end. they were handing 2 kids up and passing them down. the 2 hikers said the kids were wet, shivering, obviously tired... ... they outdistanced them. On their way back they passed the same assholes still trying only things are sorta going downhill.. with the kids. .. I think the one posting it said he felt they should have allerted the park rangers when they got back to the beginning, but didn't so they really don't know how it turned out.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

When I told my mom a few decades ago that I never wanted kids, one of the things she brought up that I guess she thought would change my mind was "Don't you remember how fun it was going to Disney World when you were a kid?" Honestly I didn't enjoy it at all. My dad made me go on roller coasters that I was terrified of, I hated waiting forever in the lines, and when I was about 3 or 4 we did this Disney brunch where Mickey Mouse came to our table and I had a meltdown. My mom still has pictures of the meltdown and thinks it's funny and cute.

I can't imagine how much it must SUCK to have to travel with kids.

If you go to Disney World...or Universal Orlando...or any regional theme park...and you look around at the parents, almost all of them look completely miserable. As do a great number of the children.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

I know one childed couple who went to Disney World in their pre-kid years, and one thing the wife said was that she noticed that the people there with their kids never looked happy, and the kids usually looked overtired. That couple now has two kids who're like twelve and nine or something, and now that I think about it, they've never taken those kids to Disney World. Maybe they don't want to subject themselves to that. They've stuck with road trips in their home state, and I think even those trips wore them down.

We didn't go on "big" trips when my siblings and I were really small. Mostly we drove all day to Grandma and Granddad's place and stayed there for a bit. I adored my grandparents so that was a "big trip" as far as my tiny mind was concerned. Eventually when I was around seven (siblings around ten and thirteen) we drove across a couple states for a week at a beach house. No major agendas, no theme parks, just swimming and playing on the beach. I'm sure that wore out my parents, but at least they didn't try to overschedule our trip, ya know? I think they figured that for 3 kids from a landlocked state, being able to swim in the ocean every day was truly awesome enough.

My dad was really keen on very long drives in a car that was not suited. Sometimes that had consequences for me, such has suffered heatstroke while driving in an unconditioned VW Bug at 2 pm in July. Mom knew I was in trouble when I spewed in a store. She proceeded to bring down my temp by putting me in an air-conditioned hotel room then sat me in the pool of the Hotel.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

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Cambion
Oh fuck, I have never once heard of anyone actually having a good family vacation. I'm glad my family never went anywhere because vacations are one of the most miserable experiences a family can have for every single person involved. The parents do it for the Kodak moments so they can show everyone online what good parents they are, but I guarantee you anything NO ONE on that trip enjoyed themselves. The younger brats are doing their best to escape and/or Darwinize themselves every single second and the older kids are immersed in their phones and asking 20 minutes after arriving when they'll be going home.

Every time I think of a famblee going on vacation, I remember National Lampoon's Vacation. That's about how I imagine it would be. Chock full of misery and disappointment for all.

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randomcfchick
Eventually when I was around seven (siblings around ten and thirteen) we drove across a couple states for a week at a beach house. No major agendas, no theme parks, just swimming and playing on the beach. I'm sure that wore out my parents, but at least they didn't try to overschedule our trip, ya know? I think they figured that for 3 kids from a landlocked state, being able to swim in the ocean every day was truly awesome enough.

This would have been my perfect idea of a vacation as a kid. Not all kids enjoy theme parks. Some kids do, I remember the kids that were Disney maniacs and all things Disney. Typically these kids also happened to strongly resemble the appearance of the most angelic characters.

Sometimes it is the parents who want to go to the theme parks and drag their kids along.

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freya

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randomcfchick
Eventually when I was around seven (siblings around ten and thirteen) we drove across a couple states for a week at a beach house. No major agendas, no theme parks, just swimming and playing on the beach. I'm sure that wore out my parents, but at least they didn't try to overschedule our trip, ya know? I think they figured that for 3 kids from a landlocked state, being able to swim in the ocean every day was truly awesome enough.

This would have been my perfect idea of a vacation as a kid. Not all kids enjoy theme parks. Some kids do, I remember the kids that were Disney maniacs and all things Disney. Typically these kids also happened to strongly resemble the appearance of the most angelic characters.

Sometimes it is the parents who want to go to the theme parks and drag their kids along.

I loved Disneyland but I certainly didn't resemble an angelic character.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!