Hang on, this is a loooong read and started with a post from Reddit, several different forums there, but titled 'The Time I was 'asked' to be a surrogate for entitled religious couple. asked is in quotes for a reason. There is an update so this is not over.
Part 1:
I already posted this story on r/childfree at the request of a friend but I thought it could work here as well. I am sorry if you've already seen it on that sub.
So a little backstory. I was basically homeless for a while beause of some issues I'd rather not talk about. I am completely safe now but during my time in a homeless program I met a couple who were very religious. They were very sweet to me and are not the problem in this story. At all. But they used to take me to church and it was okay for the most part. (Note that I am not Christian myself. This will come up later.) There I met some of their friends including a couple (We'll call them Martha and John) who had tried for years to have children. IVF, adoption, you name it, they apparently tried it. (They wanted a baby specifically.) Nothing stuck. Eventually they just gave up. Or at least that's what they said.
Fast forward a little bit and I got an offer to live with family for a while. So I moved where they were. During this time I got a new number which I did give to the couple who had showed me so much kindness but did not give it out to anyone else from that area. Well earlier this year I'm pulling into a parking spot at my local Target when my phone pings. I put my car in park to check the new message I had just received. Turns out it was Martha and the message was her basically just saying "hi! is this OP?" I didn't want to be rude so I just said something along the lines of"Yes this is OP" and just left it at that because I thought it weird that she had my number and I was wondering what she wanted.
I get out my car to do my shopping and had just found what I was looking for when my phone starts going off several times. The messages went like this: "As devout believers we know that God has a plan for each and every one of us. Sometimes He puts people in our lives as an answer to our prayers. OP, as you know, John and I have tried for almost ten years to have a baby and while we have had many heartbreaks we always held fast to our faith and believed that God would answer our prayers in His own time. John and I believe that our prayers were answered when we met you. If you would agree to be our donor and surrogate we would be more than happy to offer you a home during the pregnancies. All we ask is that you follow certain guidelines during the time you are carrying our children." (Then she sent a list of these "guidelines" which I don't really feel like posting right now)
I'm pretty much just shellshocked in the middle of the shampoo aisle because WTF did I just read? And don't respond for a minute so she keeps sending me messages like "We would like to move you into our spare room sometime this month so we can start your treatments immediately." And clarifying that I will need to sign a contract for each pregnancy. I eventually just messaged back with a simple "I'm sorry but I'm not interested." I don't feel that I was rude at all but she got PISSED and basically gave me the typical bingo of "How selfish can you be?!" So I blocked her. And that was that, right? WRONG! So I get my freaking haircare products and a fewand get to the checkout line when my phone starts blowing up. The cashier even made a comment on how someone REALLY wanted ro get in touch with me.
Guys...... it was basically the whole church. Or at least all of that very very large friend group. Apparently Martha had messaged a group chat or something (that is the only way I could see them all getting my number that fast) to give them my number and tell them that I had turned down her and John's proposal that the whole group had apparently discussed! Or at least that's what I got from the messages that I read. My phone got so many messages it seized a few times. I ended up having to get a new number again. But That was my experience with baby crazy religious people.
(I should note that I personally love children but am sitting on the fence about being childfree because of an issue that my doctor is worried will harm me should I ever get pregnant. These people aparently knew this from the couple I was friends with. So not only was I not a real candidate because I have never carried a baby to term I also have an issue that could put me at risk during childbirth. But they still assumed I'd do it to get a roof over my head.)
My friend asked if I would post some of the rules they had for the pregnancy so other people might get a laugh out of it. I didn't find them funny but sure.
I could only work part time as to keep from "putting strain on the babies"
I had to eat a specific diet and would have to give up drinking and smoking..... even though I don't drink or smoke already so that stipulation was odd
I would be required to check in with them when I wanted to go somewhere (including work)
I had to go to church every Sunday and Wednesday and would have to take time off for it
I wouldn't be allowed to date anyone unless it was someone from church and I would have to sign papers saying I would remain celibate during treatment and the pregnancies so they knew for sure the kids were John's
There were several more but those were the ones that kind of stand out.
It did come to my attention tonight that the couple (and the church) saw my original post on r/childfree and are very upset about it. Honestly all they're doing is telling on themselves seeing as I didn't use their real names.
Edit: I had someone message and ask me how old I was and I am in my early twenties. Just wanted to post for clarification.
Edit: I have been asked to post what the email they sent yesterday said. I responded to someone who commented with the gist of it ( I'm not posting the full email because there would be a lot to edit out in terms of personal info and I'm afraid I'd miss something and it would get me in trouble.) So here is the copy and paste answer to that request.
They wanted me to remove the post because it was going to lead to the further prosecution of Christians in America. That I should be ashamed of sharing such a private matter. That I should have taken it as a compliment because they thought I was attractive enought to be their children's biological mother even though I am severely troubled and come from a much lower level of social status (even though my family has more money that they do and they probably are aware of that fact) and then they made the offer again and said that Jesus loves me and that I should pray over this and be sure I make the right choice. I am not responding to their email but will be emailing their pastor with proof.
Update: The friend group now has my email address so I am now getting email. Thankfully I don't have those notifications turned on otherwise my phone would be blowing up. Also their pastor has responded to me. Fudge it all.
Part 2:
Original post for this sub can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/itmpoi/the_time_i_was_asked_to_be_a_surrogote_for_an/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
So I originally posted this to r/childfree at the request of a friend and it is now on r/childfree, r/religiousfruitcake, and r/entitledpeople. I've had a lot of comments with advice and a few people messaging me for updates as this was not an ongoing issue before posting but "Martha" and "John" found the post somehow on r/childfree (I do not know what they qere doing on there or if someone else showed it to them point is they found it and recognized themselves). John wrote me an email. I updated my original posts with the paraphrased content of that email so if you didn't see it you can check it out on the original post.
I was advised to contact their pastor which I did this morning. I sent him an email explaning what had happened and that Martha and John had made contact with me again. I got a response a little while ago and it is honestly sickening. I do not know if he was part of this from the start and this is gaslighting but he basically told me that I should not have agreed to have been their donor or offered to be their surrogate if I wasn't going to follow through and that Martha, John, and their friends have every right to be upset with me. That is what they have told the pastor. That they asked me to donate an egg and that I offered of my of own free will to carry their child. I sent screenshots in my email to him but obviously he did not look at him or did not care. So I have sent him a second email telling him that I will be taking action against the church itself if he does not put a stop to the harassment and urged him to read the actual messages I sent in my first email as they contradict everything he's told me about agreeing to "help them with building their family." I will also be telling the internet which church is involved if this does not stop.
If he responds I will post the update here. Until then I'll be going through the hundreds of new emails I've gotten from John and Martha's friends and archiving them.
Update 1: The pastor is not happy with my "threats" to expose his church and is now saying he will be involing the authorities. I directed him to the officers I spoke with about his flock last night and this morning and again encouraged him to read the messages I sent screenshots of.
Update 2: The pastor wants me to guve him my number so he can call me to discuss this. Yeah no we're good with email. You don't get to have my new number.
Update 3: Pastor says he bieves me after reading the screenshots I sent. (Took you a minute but okay insert eyeroll here) He has received screenshots of my posts in both r/childfree and r/entitled people. He said that Martha said she tried to reach out in the comments on one of the posts which is something a redditor told me earlier but that those coments were deleted. If anyone saw them would you mind letting me know what they said? He still wants to talk over the phone but I'm still resisting. He seems to be unsettled by the idea of his church and people being named here. This is honestly exhausting.
Update 4: Y'all....... I think I'm going to have to sue a church. God!
Update 5: The pastor kept trying to get me to call him and I refused without my lawyer present (and without using a different phone) so I just contacted my lawyer who called him insted. I have been told that after a few minutes of speaking to my attorney the pastor hung up mid-conversation. The conversation apparently did not go well. The pastor soes not want me posting about his church members. He said he would speak with the couple and address it with the rest of the church but at this point in time my lawyer wishes to proceed with serving the couple and everyone else a cease and desist. sigh
Update 6: I have gotten a message from Facebook that I now have at least twenty new friend requests. They're all in the friend group. I am so glad all my social media is private.
Update 6 part 2: And they have found my Instagram...... again it's private. I'm not going to accept their follow requests idk what they think they're doing.
two cents ¢¢
CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!
people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong
Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.
The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.
Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke
Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.