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Neither do parents have to legally support grown children

Posted by twocents 
Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 02, 2020
Ha. But this guy is described as having 'mental issues'.

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/man-41-loses-legal-bid-to-force-very-wealthy-parents-to-financially-support-him-and-he-has-to-pay-them-60-000-in-costs-11601571701

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children
and I defy anyone to prove me wrong:

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my pets.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Entitlement, thy name is mooooooooooooooo

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 02, 2020
I have a 31` year old cousin who never left home as his well-to-do parent only gave him the best of everything, paying for a drama degree when he couldn't act his way out of a paperbag and then when college ended he was only qualified for crappy jobs. The fun on his parent's dime was too much and he now lives with them waiting for them to die to inherit as he has no siblings
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 02, 2020
My 30+ year old brother is constantly dropping in and out of the nest. He has an chronic medical condition, which I know doesn’t make things easy, but it doesn’t stop him from being able to work in many jobs. The real issue is that he has been coddled his entire life because of said medical condition and expects the same kind of leeway now that he’s in the real world. He finds jobs, but eventually gets fired or quits when the free passes run out.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 03, 2020
This is a very real thing now, enough so that I'm seeing tons of ads with the theme of adult kids moving back in with parents, often with sprogs in tow. The ads are usually for snack foods or cleaning supplies. There's some laundry detergent ad where the grandparents are lamenting how much more laundry they have to do now, "now that our daughter moved back home with her kids". It shows them folding piles of clothes while the brats run wild in the background.

There's another one for Nationwide insurance where Peyton Manning has this weird model community, and an example of how the insurance benefited people in his made up neighborhood was "The Smiths get lifetime income after their son Kyle moved back in with them". The model of "Kyle" is an adult holding a suitcase. I'm assuming they don't mean that "Kyle" moved back in due to medical issues.

It is totally insane to me, for a few reasons: 1) what is wrong with these adults that they want to be supported - in their adulthood - by their parents?, and 2) why is this so normalized now, that parents are allowing this? In my own case, I have advanced degrees and have still taken low paying jobs when I've been otherwise unemployed because I hate not working and I'm an able-bodied adult so why not work?
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 03, 2020
Quote

It is totally insane to me, for a few reasons: 1) what is wrong with these adults that they want to be supported - in their adulthood - by their parents?, and 2) why is this so normalized now, that parents are allowing this? In my own case, I have advanced degrees and have still taken low paying jobs when I've been otherwise unemployed because I hate not working and I'm an able-bodied adult so why not work?

I can think of two basic reasons: 1. when parents were allowed to keep their children on their insurance until age 26. That extended childhood for a lot of them. 2. Also, we can blame hyper-consumerism, HGTV blaring 24/7 with fantasy lifestyles, and the embracing of celebrity culture by dumbasses who cannot save a red cent because they think that's "normal."

Note: and yes, there is also the economy and fewer middle class jobs, (maybe) but many of these kids stay home because, why leave if mom and dad's is so great, complete with all the creature comforts like phones and electronics?

I know MANY adult kids who don't pay one red cent of rent to their parents, nor are they expected to even clean up after themselves or contribute to other bills. One of my friend's kids just bought a "starter home" at $300,000 with her parents' assistance of course. (They took out a home equity line of credit on their own house.) WTF?

A particularly egregious case in DH's family: a niece with three degrees says she's "too anxious" to work and working is "too stressful," so she is 40 years old and has not worked for a dozen years.

Well work is stressful--that's why it's not called "play." I was a very anxious person when I was younger but I had to support myself. It really is true that challenges and adversity lead to self confidence. Just sitting around and being too afraid to do anything and having your parents support you is a recipe for more depression. Young people are a lot more resourceful than we give them credit for, but many of them are never challenged.

When I was 22 years old I had a full time, albeit low paying, civil servant job. At 23 I co-owned a very modest house and rented out the bottom of it. I remember going on a business trip (alone) and if I were not employed by the government, I would not have been able to rent a car due to age. While I got training for my job, nobody held my hand, if anything, the attitude was, hey, you only got in the door because you are a woman and you have a degree, so you'd better prove why you should even have a job.

People talk about Da Economy and yes, it's taken a dive because of COVID, but in the 1970's and 1980's there was no Fed propping up the economy and high interest rates (not necessarily bad), inflation and expansion/contraction were NORMAL. Many kids today have not lived during hard times, thanks to their parents.

When I was that age I had to be resourceful. My friends and I went to happy hours for dinner. I'm not much of a drinker, but the food was free. Dinner was that or sometimes noodles or tuna or pre-packaged food. I watched the local grocery store for the "10 for $10" sales on canned food. I did not have a lot but I ate okay, dressed okay, etc. I had enough to get by.

Today, many kids want fresh food, prepared to order, and they have no clue how to cook thanks to coddling. There are people I socialize with and those on my FB page who do not go to a restaurant themselves without buying their adult kids entrees too. Another friend was complaining about the long line at Chik-Fil-A. Her kids (who all drive) wanted CFA, so the mommy/slave snapped into action to retrieve it for them.
WTF?

I know people who fetch their teenaged and 20-something kids food ALL THE TIME. And that's just food. Their little darlings have tons of trendy clothes and all the latest electronics and they do not have to do any work for any of it. No wonder America is falling behind other countries in terms of kids having any intelligence or drive. The average teenager in Calcutta has 100% more smarts and drive than the average American kid.

This is all hyper consumerism and laziness. These kids do not know how to cook or run a household efficiently. They blow every cent they have. They don't save money. They and their parents stay in debt.

/ old foagie rant
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 03, 2020
Other countries, especially in Europe, have ruled differently on the matter. Some recent cases in Italy resulted in parents being ordered to support their able-bodied adult children in their 20s and 30s to keep them off the taxpayer-funded welfare systems. Can't remember, but we might have discussed those cases here.
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 03, 2020
The guy is allegedly mentally disabled enough to warrant long-term financial support, yet he managed to earn two degrees in spite of his disability. That alone tells me he's full of shit. He'd better hope his name doesn't get published in relation to this case because I guarantee nobody will hire someone who is such a spoiled brat that they would sue their own parents for money. That is someone who will constantly fish for a reason to sue an employer.

To be fair, I blame both parties. I blame the guy for not trying harder to be independent and I blame the parents for enabling his dependence and not cutting him off sooner. You can't give your grown-ass child everything their whole lives and then just cut them off at 40 and expect them to take it well. See my recent thread about the guy who murdered his parents and chopped them up for wanting to retire instead of working to support his ass.

But here's the big question: will Junior ask his parents for money to pay what he owes them from the case? Because he sure as fuck has no money. Hope nobody involved is holding their breath waiting for him to pony up.
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 03, 2020
To add to the old fogie rant....

Also these adult kids who "can't afford" to live on their own, well, they can't afford becuz they are overpaying for all their UberEats foods they order everyday and also dont take public trans but Uber everywhere door to door. The bus might be a PITA but it only costs $2.50. My nieces and nephews seem to have 0 plans to ever move out of their parents' homes. They do what they want, when they want. And, if they're bored, they play w/ their $600 phone and share a plan w/ their parents. If they moved out, they wouldn't settle for the ugly itchy green ratty couch, they want some new and trendy from IKEA at least, and a Kerruig, and a InstantPot, and whatever other gadget.

I dont know how their parents let this happen. I'm glad it's not me.
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 04, 2020
Quote
Ketchup
It is totally insane to me, for a few reasons: 1) what is wrong with these adults that they want to be supported - in their adulthood - by their parents?, and 2) why is this so normalized now, that parents are allowing this? In my own case, I have advanced degrees and have still taken low paying jobs when I've been otherwise unemployed because I hate not working and I'm an able-bodied adult so why not work?

Even WITH work many adults find themselves unable to afford rent for their own place. Even with roommates it is too expensive.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 05, 2020
Quote
craftyzits
Quote
Ketchup
It is totally insane to me, for a few reasons: 1) what is wrong with these adults that they want to be supported - in their adulthood - by their parents?, and 2) why is this so normalized now, that parents are allowing this? In my own case, I have advanced degrees and have still taken low paying jobs when I've been otherwise unemployed because I hate not working and I'm an able-bodied adult so why not work?

Even WITH work many adults find themselves unable to afford rent for their own place. Even with roommates it is too expensive.

I've known adults who shared a large house (in Seattle proper) and were all making minimum wage or close. They split the rent, each had a bedroom and did fine. Some had cars and some didn't. House was a bit run down as expected. Because their bills were so low they all had some spending money.

Many people I knew lived this way in their 20's. It was typical.
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 05, 2020
Quote
bell_flower
When I was that age I had to be resourceful. My friends and I went to happy hours for dinner. I'm not much of a drinker, but the food was free. Dinner was that or sometimes noodles or tuna or pre-packaged food. I watched the local grocery store for the "10 for $10" sales on canned food. I did not have a lot but I ate okay, dressed okay, etc. I had enough to get by.

Exactly this! Of course I missed being a teen at times (especially air-conditioning, something I used to take for granted) but I wouldn't ever have traded being an adult for being a teen. I think parunts today go out of their way to make their homes way too nice and spoil their kids way too much so they don't want to leave. I've also seen lots of helpless teens: they can't do basic housekeeping, don't know how to drive or cook their own meals. I had over 12 years experience housekeeping and 10 years experience cooking by the time I was eighteen. More than one kid I knew had it so hard they moved out at 16 and were able to support themselves and go to school and their lives were better. Parunts do their kids a real disservice by not making them self-sufficient.
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 06, 2020
I'm willing to sympathize in some cases because some parents infantilize their kids well into adulthood because they want to mommy fully grown adults forever in order to be validated. Other parents will do their best to sabotage their kids' efforts to be independent, lest the kids become more successful than their parents.

I'm one such case, which is a story I've told here more than enough. I didn't know how to do jack shit until college because I wasn't allowed to to anything in my childhood. Wasn't allowed to do chores like folding clothes or dusting, wasn't allowed to cook, wasn't allowed to shower on my own until I was 12, wasn't allowed to do laundry, I wasn't even allowed to do my own homework until I was 15 and put up a fight over it. My mother got mad at me when she learned I knew how to pump my own gas at the age of 23.

But then I'd get told how dumb I was for not just intrinsically knowing how to do all those things. If I attempted to learn on my own, she'd stop me and tell me I was too dumb to do whatever I was doing. Basically I would be wrong no matter what. I was set up for failure because she wanted to swoop in and save me from my own stupidity so she could look like a model parent. In spite of her efforts to keep me dependent, I managed to figure out all the stuff I should have been taught had she been a competent parent.

I still can't afford to move out, but in all fairness, the only reason I can't afford to live is because of my mother's poor decisions, so those chickens coming home to roost are kinda her own damn fault. It sucks because I know at a glance, I just look like a lazy freeloader millennial and I'm thoroughly ashamed, but in reality, I would love nothing more than to have my own place with nothing to my name except a curbside couch and a bunch of mismatched thrift store dishes. I just can't. Like I even got professional advice on budgeting and debt management and was told there was absolutely no way I could make it work.

As much as I don't want to make myself out to be the special snowflake exception, there is definitely a difference between failing at being a proper adult due to external circumstances and being perfectly capable of adulting and choosing not to because Mommy and Daddy have money that you feel entitled to. Breeders who coddle their brats all their lives have no grounds complaining when those kids expect Moo and Duh to finance their lives in their 30s and 40s because that's what they've been taught is acceptable. Undoing a lifelong dependence - especially one they've come to expect - is damn near impossible.
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 06, 2020
Quote
freya
Quote
craftyzits
Quote
Ketchup
It is totally insane to me, for a few reasons: 1) what is wrong with these adults that they want to be supported - in their adulthood - by their parents?, and 2) why is this so normalized now, that parents are allowing this? In my own case, I have advanced degrees and have still taken low paying jobs when I've been otherwise unemployed because I hate not working and I'm an able-bodied adult so why not work?

Even WITH work many adults find themselves unable to afford rent for their own place. Even with roommates it is too expensive.

I've known adults who shared a large house (in Seattle proper) and were all making minimum wage or close. They split the rent, each had a bedroom and did fine. Some had cars and some didn't. House was a bit run down as expected. Because their bills were so low they all had some spending money.

Many people I knew lived this way in their 20's. It was typical.

How long ago was this Freya? Where I live the average 1 bed apartment rents for $1500. The average wage for a job (if you can get it at all) is $7.00.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: Neither do parents have to legally support grown children
October 06, 2020
Quote
Cambion
I'm willing to sympathize in some cases because some parents infantilize their kids well into adulthood because they want to mommy fully grown adults forever in order to be validated. Other parents will do their best to sabotage their kids' efforts to be independent, lest the kids become more successful than their parents.

I'm one such case, which is a story I've told here more than enough. I didn't know how to do jack shit until college because I wasn't allowed to to anything in my childhood. Wasn't allowed to do chores like folding clothes or dusting, wasn't allowed to cook, wasn't allowed to shower on my own until I was 12, wasn't allowed to do laundry, I wasn't even allowed to do my own homework until I was 15 and put up a fight over it. My mother got mad at me when she learned I knew how to pump my own gas at the age of 23.

But then I'd get told how dumb I was for not just intrinsically knowing how to do all those things. If I attempted to learn on my own, she'd stop me and tell me I was too dumb to do whatever I was doing. Basically I would be wrong no matter what. I was set up for failure because she wanted to swoop in and save me from my own stupidity so she could look like a model parent. In spite of her efforts to keep me dependent, I managed to figure out all the stuff I should have been taught had she been a competent parent.

I still can't afford to move out, but in all fairness, the only reason I can't afford to live is because of my mother's poor decisions, so those chickens coming home to roost are kinda her own damn fault. It sucks because I know at a glance, I just look like a lazy freeloader millennial and I'm thoroughly ashamed, but in reality, I would love nothing more than to have my own place with nothing to my name except a curbside couch and a bunch of mismatched thrift store dishes. I just can't. Like I even got professional advice on budgeting and debt management and was told there was absolutely no way I could make it work.

As much as I don't want to make myself out to be the special snowflake exception, there is definitely a difference between failing at being a proper adult due to external circumstances and being perfectly capable of adulting and choosing not to because Mommy and Daddy have money that you feel entitled to. Breeders who coddle their brats all their lives have no grounds complaining when those kids expect Moo and Duh to finance their lives in their 30s and 40s because that's what they've been taught is acceptable. Undoing a lifelong dependence - especially one they've come to expect - is damn near impossible.

I was 'coddled' it could be said as it legit took me a very long time to grow up. Much of that could be blamed however on two major mental illnesses and Autism, the former making themselves known in my late teens and Autism complicating my childhood. In adulthood, my physical health failed, so true independence simply slid out of my reach. What I did learn early and well was the management of money, as I was the one of my family who managed to not go into debt and pay my bills. I needed my mother's help most of my life getting around the city and dealing with other human beings, but I never had any problem getting that rent paid.

I moved out on my own so to speak at age 23 into my sister's house where I paid rent for a room. At this time I had SSI. When I turned 27, my entire family and I left California as none of us could afford the rents. Now that Arizona is creeping up to unaffordable, I moved in to special mental health housing with an affordable rent. I share a house with 3 other women. I plan to live here until I am unable to manage on my own anymore.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
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