EPIC: Ironic Karma in all her glorious splendor

Hey everyone, I'm still around! At this beginning of the Thanksgiving season, I really wanna give thanks. Here is a breeder story I hope you will all enjoy.

Many moons ago I was married to a right wing racist fundy wannabreed. I've written about it on here before I think. Abusive narc, thought he could abuse me into breeding. He didn't know who he was dealing with. He was always an idiot and I was so so young and traumatized...raised by a narc father to think narc bullshit was normal. Fortunately none of the conditioning entirely took. I beat feet after I got sick of his baby trantrum crap and remarried a CF man and am living the good good CF life, even if we're hiding from the pandemic. I've been generating loads of money working from home and my husband who is a retired veteran cooks, cleans, and builds and does maintenance and general construction. We have two special needs cats. If living well is the best revenge I've got 13 years of it under my belt.

I keep an eye on my ex from time to time as he and his wife leave a few crumbs lying around in public online. He is a man with a Cluster B personality disorder (not talking about snapping selfies, I'm talking about lack of object constancy, splitting, entitlement, tons of other abuse that ran the spectrum including poisoning me) and is probably a danger to society but there's nothing I can do about that; am I looking for warning signs? Yes but also watching for the infamous narcissistic collapse that I know is coming eventually. It helps me heal sometimes to know what I escaped and this triggers huge happy feelings of gratitude in me. It's seriously like watching an episode of Hoarders and looking around and feeling wonderful about oneself that one doesn't live in crazy like that.

The shitty verbal assaults that he used to aim at me (I wasn't fully a woman unless I had kids) have come back to haunt him; his wife had one child and that drained much of their finances because she has fertility problems so they had to use IVF (which they tried to pay for with GoFundMe and got hardly any money from) and then I believe she had to have a hysterectomy. They also have pets and she doesn't really work. He's horrible with money but controls the purse strings so I know he tells her they're flat broke. People, she's shopping on Fakebook for a surrogate who will carry his sperm and have a baby with HIM and give it to THEM. At low or no cost. Can you fucking believe that shit??? Is he going to outright fuck someone else or are they gonna turkey baster his shit into her chunnel or what???? (He aged really badly and is even grosser than when I left him). I mean, these are FUNDIES. It would have to be the turkey baster method, he's probably not allowed to eff someone else to get babby. This is unbelievably ironic because he was so narc injured over my affair with another dude (you'd have cheated too) he lost control and accused me of "extracting sperm" from other dudes like I was a defective machine or something. His exact wording. WHO is engaging in sperm extraction, again??? Motherfucker, it wasn't me, it's now YOU! UNfuckingreal!

I love seeing them unhappy. They supposedly believe in Gawd's will or whatever, and they also believe that couples who have shitloads of kids are suuuuper blessed and godly. So I KNOW their infertility is a great big sad for them. I don't care if it makes me a shitty person to know he is miserable because he didn't end up with the life he envisioned AT ALL and I had plenty to do with that, about which I am supremely happy. I actually hope she leaves him one day. I tell myself this is inevitable because he's definitely a narc, but he'll use their kyd to control her so she's in for some rotten hell ride. I think that will be when he collapses. The irony of our conversation about how he didn't want to be married to me anymore because he wanted to go find someone to have kidS with and then only got one and they're swiftly running out of options to get anymore biobrats and how badly they want to be like the Duggars is...another delicious piece of schadenfreude karma has brought to me over the years. I've seen a couple of people now get what's coming to them after dirty dealing with me. And I had nothing to do with their comeuppances in any of the cases.

Thank you, Karma. I appreciate the holiday cheer. May this horrid RACIST fundy couple never have another child. Ramen.

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I mean, these are FUNDIES. It would have to be the turkey baster method, he's probably not allowed to eff someone else to get babby.

I wouldn't be so sure about that--he's probably telling her that because she has defective parts, he's entitled to fuck someone else. It's his Godly duty, you know.

Sounds like I was married to the same type of guy minus the Breeder tendencies. I was 22, young and dumb and he was almost 30. He proceeded to run me down for the next three years. He was never happy and his favorite litany was that I was keeping him from what he wanted to do. "I want to flip houses, but you won't let me spend the money." (Because we needed rent money.) "I want to go back to school to be an engineer, but you won't let me." I said, make a plan and take as many classes as you can at night. He and I actually took the first math class together. I got a better grade and that was the end of that plan.

He ran me down constantly. He would make critical remarks about things I couldn't help, such as, my calves are too big? He would make all these critical comments about my legs that were utter bullshit. (I won a sexy legs contest in 1981--lol I was in college and I needed the cash.)

And I couldn't do anything right. "You don't make enough money," so I'd pick up overtime, and then it was "you aren't around here enough." If I talked to a male at a party, it was only because he was looking at my chest--I didn't have anything interesting to say. I remember one time we went to Charleston, South Carolina, which is a beautiful city. We had just checked into our hotel and it was a beautiful afternoon. We decided to walk around, and then he proceeded to tell me that I was Doing It Wrong and I wasn't "exploring the city in an orderly way." Sounds like a super fun guy, right?

When he fucked something up one time, he casually mentioned to me that if I had done similar, he would have never been able to forgive me.

Oh, I just remembered another fun story. One time I found some pretty serious S&M porn. He was unapologetic and said he needed it because I didn't have sex with him often enough. And also, this is just how men are. He told me if my father had not died when I was eight, I would have known that, but he didn't live long enough for me to see that men are not perfect and they need porn.

After three years I left with little more than the clothes on my back and a drained bank account. NOT SORRY!

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I love seeing them unhappy.

If you are a bad person, so am I because I'm happy just reading your story. I feel marginally sympathy for the wife because she is possibly being abused, but then again I've known some women in these types of situations, particularly "Godly" women, who become just as poisonous as their spouse, if not more so, because they perpetuate the evil. The one who gets my sympathy is the kid, particularly if it's a girl child. The kid is living in crazy and probably knows he/she is not enough and never will be.

It's a reality that some people are just irredeemably evil, and I am not losing sleep when they get their just desserts. My ex is currently married to a woman 20 years his junior. She is also from another country--I would not be at all surprised if he sought out someone with an immigration situation that he can exploit.

He was always vain about losing his hair, which has continued and he's almost bald now. How do I know? There is an awesome picture of him on the internet where he got a DUI a couple of years ago. He's puffy and unhealthy looking with a few days' stubble--was probably on a bender.

60+ with a DUI = a loser whose life is definitely not working.

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bell_flower

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I mean, these are FUNDIES. It would have to be the turkey baster method, he's probably not allowed to eff someone else to get babby.

I wouldn't be so sure about that--he's probably telling her that because she has defective parts, he's entitled to fuck someone else. It's his Godly duty, you know.

I'd give money to be a fly on the wall TBH. I get so much vindication out of them it's not even funny. I can't picture him arguing that considering their stance on the bible and sex but who knows how their logic even works anymore. I mean they voted for a dude who bangs porn stars behind his wife's back, so. Shit has changed so much since '07 and I don't even know who I was back then let alone who they are now. Maybe he thinks it would be just fine, and not cheating, if his wife approved of it in advance.

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Sounds like I was married to the same type of guy minus the Breeder tendencies. I was 22, young and dumb and he was almost 30. He proceeded to run me down for the next three years. He was never happy and his favorite litany was that I was keeping him from what he wanted to do. "I want to flip houses, but you won't let me spend the money." (Because we needed rent money.) "I want to go back to school to be an engineer, but you won't let me." I said, make a plan and take as many classes as you can at night. He and I actually took the first math class together. I got a better grade and that was the end of that plan.

Holy hell, we definitely married the same type dude. Mine was SO jealous of my cooking skills. He wanted to be a church pastor (of course, you couldn't ask for more narcissistic supply than a whole congregation of your own) and I said NO because I really honestly wanted OUT of that church and had zero interest in the requirements placed on a pastor's wife. He was SO fucking bitter. Now that he's divorced he literally can't become a pastor in that denomination. I used to feel bad, like I was holding him back. I have grown up since then and am thrilled HIS choices undermined HIS fantasy future.

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He ran me down constantly. He would make critical remarks about things I couldn't help, such as, my calves are too big? He would make all these critical comments about my legs that were utter bullshit. (I won a sexy legs contest in 1981--lol I was in college and I needed the cash.)

Narcs usually focus on denigrating stuff they already know you feel insecure about. What a cunt. He probably hated his own body. I know for a fact mine did. He never really criticized my body as it was, just what I chose to do with it.

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And I couldn't do anything right. "You don't make enough money," so I'd pick up overtime, and then it was "you aren't around here enough." If I talked to a male at a party, it was only because he was looking at my chest--I didn't have anything interesting to say. I remember one time we went to Charleston, South Carolina, which is a beautiful city. We had just checked into our hotel and it was a beautiful afternoon. We decided to walk around, and then he proceeded to tell me that I was Doing It Wrong and I wasn't "exploring the city in an orderly way." Sounds like a super fun guy, right?

He sounds like the same garbage I married - a guy who could literally fuck up anything and would, and did. It didn't matter how trivial - a trip to Seattle, a day trip to the beach, my birthday. It always felt like he was merely indulging me if I asked to go somewhere on a weekend when I was off work. He had no desire to leave the house let alone go do stuff. All he wanted to do was sit at home and play computer games and was literally a whiny bitch who would march in front of me to display his superiority every time we went somewhere unless it was Costco where he happily walked in front of me.

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When he fucked something up one time, he casually mentioned to me that if I had done similar, he would have never been able to forgive me.

I hope you told him you'd never forgive him for saying so.

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Oh, I just remembered another fun story. One time I found some pretty serious S&M porn. He was unapologetic and said he needed it because I didn't have sex with him often enough. And also, this is just how men are. He told me if my father had not died when I was eight, I would have known that, but he didn't live long enough for me to see that men are not perfect and they need porn.

After three years I left with little more than the clothes on my back and a drained bank account. NOT SORRY!

I regretfully overlooked red flags for 10 years before I finally said enough's enough. When I met him he had gotten a medical discharge from the Navy and was on psychiatric meds which he quit taking around that time. He had pictures of animal porn and shit porn on his computer back then which he thought were hilarious. I didn't think much of it but I was a teenager then. Warning flags back to back and I was so oblivious. I had already seen so much in my life it didn't faze me. He, too, tried to make shitty backhanded comments about my parents, but he didn't have any idea what he was talking about and we both knew it, and I told him so. He was so bitter being with me, a woman who flatly refused to submit to him, which is what he demanded, because the Bible gave him the right to expect so. He never bothered to examine himself to find out why he wasn't a person to whom anyone would be inspired to submit.

Fucking ridiculous asshole.

We went to two marriage counselors, one of which HE picked and he quit her after ONE session. He quit mine after two sessions. He saw the therapists weren't automatically going to take his side in the fight over my affair and that was all he needed to know about "therapy." It's like "What? I'm not allowed to call my wife a whore all the time? Fuck you!"

I continued to go to mine and he was the best therapist I ever saw, to this day, and I'm still friends with him on FB (which I never really use anymore and should).

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I love seeing them unhappy.

If you are a bad person, so am I because I'm happy just reading your story. I feel marginally sympathy for the wife because she is possibly being abused, but then again I've known some women in these types of situations, particularly "Godly" women, who become just as poisonous as their spouse, if not more so, because they perpetuate the evil. The one who gets my sympathy is the kid, particularly if it's a girl child. The kid is living in crazy and probably knows he/she is not enough and never will be.

EXACTLY, 100% how I feel as well. I was a total right wing asshole for 9 years being with him. I mean, I can break down how, now, since I learned about things like micromanipulations. You lay down with narcs you wake up with narc fleas. I buried who I had been intended to become and the position was too uncomfortable to hold that long. And it was a blatantly abusive relationship. I wonder how many right wing women are the way they are because they're psychologically forced into it just trying to make some fat asshole happy. I have very strong evidence she's being narc abused.

We know what the kyd's fate will be. He will either be all good, or all bad, in his father's eyes, because narcs can't see anything any other way. Either you're giving daddy high grade supply or pulling it in somehow from others for being cute or talented, OR you're worthless for not displaying the exact kind and level of loyalty Daddy requires to "love" you.

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It's a reality that some people are just irredeemably evil, and I am not losing sleep when they get their just desserts. My ex is currently married to a woman 20 years his junior. She is also from another country--I would not be at all surprised if he sought out someone with an immigration situation that he can exploit.

He was always vain about losing his hair, which has continued and he's almost bald now. How do I know? There is an awesome picture of him on the internet where he got a DUI a couple of years ago. He's puffy and unhealthy looking with a few days' stubble--was probably on a bender.

OMG. WOOOOW. What sweet, sweet vindication. Hahahaha! Guarantee you he's exploting her immigration status. Narcs are unbelievably shitty people. This is not beyond them.

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60+ with a DUI = a loser whose life is definitely not working.

Pretty sure the fate of a narc is not likely to be a good one.

Which is why I check back for updates.

Through my personal experience with marriage I can attest to the fact that divorce can definitely be the fault of one party. The "experts" saying it is 50/50 are living in a dream world and until they have been married thousands of times they would be much better off shutting their mouths. It is no different than any other relationship and one person (or both) can tank any relationship.

I'm glad law is away from this man and can watch the karma from a distance where it won't affect her (except to make her laugh). Their house sounds miserable, just the fact that they are begging for a free or near free surrogacy speaks volumes. Guess the first kid wasn't good enough! Was it a girl by chance? Perhaps this is the quest for the golden penis despite the wife's hysterectomy?

Certain religions (typically extreme) attract narcissistic men like fireflies as they fit their agendas perfectly. Fundie ones come to mind as an example.

Freya, GREAT response, thank you so much for it. So very true about the fundies. I look back at the time I spent in churches populated by straight up horrible people and if I could take anything back from that relationship it would be the time I spent in it. It was quite the discovery on my part to see what it is about certain groups or jobs that attracts shit people, and they ways these groups exploit you (If you're a woman you get to babysit for free!). But it's almost like coming up with a really great comeback 10 years after someone insulted you. LOL. There is no doubt in my mind at this point that that marriage was indeed abusive and it was far worse than I originally thought because there was a lot I overlooked on purpose. Fortunately I don't have to do that anymore.

Their goldensprog is a boy. What's funny is that I left my ex with our house. The housing market in the region we all lived in had a huge boom relatively recently so my ex made a pile of money on it and also on his second house. They live in a half a million dollar house right now (one far away from that area actually. He made her move just like he made me move, so he could isolate me).

See, HE controls the money. They can afford to do anything they want, but HE spends the money how HE sees fit and doesn't give a fuck about her feelings otherwise they'd downsize and use the extra money to adopt, etc. They CAN, in fact, afford to do so, if they really wanted. I doubt she sees it this way. I think he would rather see her unhappy than try to reproduce so he is, as usual, in a win situation at her expense.

I sometimes think about how intractably unhappy narcs are, and of the evidence I have that he tries to turn her into me - giving her gifts of animals that were MY favorite, how she uses phrases that originated with MY mother, etc. It's so incredibly dysfunctional, if she only knew that she married a man whose personality is cobbled together from people he has known including 10 years worth of MY influence, because he's an empty shell otherwise and has nothing to offer of his own.

Bumped because zomg as of last night, she asked her facebook friends for referrals to a xian counselor.



There are no words for how FUCKING validated I feel today, y'all.



I tolerated his shit for 10 miserable years in total. He became a raging withholding angry judgmental cunt as soon as the ring was on my finger.

He married her in 2010.

Watch out for that 10 year mark, guys, it's a real doozy. If they get divorced I'm buying an entire Chersecake Factory cheesecake.

My hubs and I are awesomeness together. I have so much to be thankful for including you guys.

This calls for a commemorative piece of jewelry.