Dividing bratcare based on salary: buyers remorse November 27, 2020 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
Re: Dividing bratcare based on salary: buyers remorse November 28, 2020 | Registered: 3 years ago Posts: 129 |
Re: Dividing bratcare based on salary: buyers remorse November 28, 2020 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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misskitty
There’s a clear value clash, so I see a divorce and/or a house of horrors coming up.
Re: Dividing bratcare based on salary: buyers remorse November 29, 2020 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,198 |
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Brats may have been what caused their relationship to start to implode.
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child care and housekeeping costs are greater than the amount that is being earned by the lower-earning spouse; therefore, the lower-earning spouse’s job does not contribute to the family’s well-being
Re: Dividing bratcare based on salary: buyers remorse November 29, 2020 | Registered: 3 years ago Posts: 129 |
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freya
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misskitty
There’s a clear value clash, so I see a divorce and/or a house of horrors coming up.
Me too. Clearly, both love their jobs. I noticed neither had any desire to take care of their house or kids. Depending on where they live the high earner could end up paying out big time if they divorce. This is two grown adults and they can't agree on something that should be relatively insignificant for them. Brats may have been what caused their relationship to start to implode.
Re: Dividing bratcare based on salary: buyers remorse November 29, 2020 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,576 |
Re: Dividing bratcare based on salary: buyers remorse November 29, 2020 | Registered: 3 years ago Posts: 129 |
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bell_flower
The higher wage person may just be pointing out the obvious:Quote
Brats may have been what caused their relationship to start to implode.Quote
child care and housekeeping costs are greater than the amount that is being earned by the lower-earning spouse; therefore, the lower-earning spouse’s job does not contribute to the family’s well-being
Purely from a financial POV, the lower wage person's decision to work results in a net economic loss for the family. This is about career choices: A person who is making $40k a year is likely living a somewhat sparse lifestyle. Lots of people choose rewarding jobs that make less money, HOWEVER, if you are making that salary and you want to have kids you better have a stable job, live in podunk, have family support, etc. Plenty of lower wage earners (usually women) are content to marry higher wage earners and have kids they otherwise would not have been able to easily afford. That's why females often are in poverty more than men after a divorce. And yeah, there are divorce, custody and chyld support laws, but getting payment costs money too. If a scumbag is determined to dodge payments, it can be done.
But back to the present situation. It is somewhat relevant who wanted these kids, but someone is going to have to compromise if they want to stay together. Here's what I would say if I were the columnist:
To the high wage earner: If you wanted these kids, great. Kids cost money. If you want your spouse to be happy, you can afford a nanny or more child care. Yes, your spouse's job may be an economic loss for the family right now, but life is about more than money. You won't always need daycare expenses. Don't have any more kids. Just be glad you make tons of cash and you can afford it. Look at the big picture. Quit being a dick about money and quit harping on it. (Seriously, if this person is making $400k a year working 50 hours a week, I am in the wrong profession.) Tell your spouse you are glad he/she is happy. And be glad you make a living that can provide for everyone's happiness.
If you did not want these kids, and you initially agreed to have them because the lower earning spouse waaaaaaaaaaaaaanted them, you were stupid. Did you think you could have a kid and not have your life affected by it? Nevertheless, the past is gone, and you cannot do anything about that. Do not have any more kids!
If you want to stay married, the advice above still stands. Remember if you break up the family now, you will be paying a whole lot more money and your kids will hate you.
To the lower earning spouse: If you wanted these kids and your partner did not, and you talked your spouse into it, you are a dumbass and this is your fault. Why didn't you stop after one kid? Do you realize that your salary alone does not cover expenses for two brats?
Your spouse is pulling down almost all the money. You are the logical person to raise these kids because it's not cost effective for you to work. You did realize having kids means sacrifice, right? If your spouse absolutely does not want to hire more care, your choices are to quit your job and start it again when the kids do not need daycare, or get divorced. If you stay, tell your spouse that you are happy you have this option and you are willing to be an adult and follow through with your decision to have kids. Quit ragging your spouse to do more housework---his/her contribution is the large amount of cash that you are lucky to have as a family. Be supportive.
If you did not want these kids, you are a HUGE DUMBASS. Not only did you not want them, you cannot afford to raise them alone. So you are really trapped now. But the advice above still holds.
Re: Dividing bratcare based on salary: buyers remorse November 30, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,979 |