This this this.... parenthood as the giant lie

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/joyful-parenthood-myth-cognitive-dissonance_b_816453?fbclid=IwAR3o0mAMkksU5DlWV7IsBJqtW-25NURLyNXtkdSJbLC127_42Wt0DTMoO38

"The Myth of Joyful Parenting". Not only do they call this mindset of the placenta neanderthals a huge lie, it also explores the propaganda they attempt to spread and/or coerce a fence sitter or cf like we are.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

I wonder what it is about us CF people that look at high cost all around as in kids, and there are no unicorns in our thoughts, but parents heads and even wanna be parent's head are full of unicorn glitter

Quote
cfdavep
I wonder what it is about us CF people that look at high cost all around as in kids, and there are no unicorns in our thoughts, but parents heads and even wanna be parent's head are full of unicorn glitter

That "unicorn glitter" is carefully planned propaganda bombs from the US government ceaselessly falling on any and all heads from all forms of media. The reasons for the ceaseless propaganda is that we have a growth dependent economy for which people choosing to not have brats is a risk and a need for endless supplies of cannon fodder for endless wars overseas. Most Americans have room temperature IQs that cannot separate propaganda and alternative facts from actual facts.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Quote

Don't get me wrong. I love my children dearly, and can't imagine my life without them. But let's face the facts: Study after study has shown that parents, compared to adults without kids, experience lower emotional well-being -- fewer positive feelings and more negative ones -- and have unhappier marriages and suffer more from depression. Yet many of these same parents continue to insist that their children are an essential source of happiness -- indeed that a life without children is a life unfulfilled.

Even the author has to include the whole "I love my kids, buuuuut..." disclaimer.

The reason for the depression and unhappiness with simultaneous claims of pure unfiltered joy both resulting from the same parenthood experience boils down to a very simple answer: Parents are full of shit.

Quote

They suspect that the belief in parental happiness is a psychological defense -- a fiction we imagine to make all the hard stuff acceptable. In other words, we parents have collectively created the myth of parental joy because otherwise we would have a hard time justifying the huge investment that kids require.

So denial. From a clinical standpoint, a defence mechanism is defined as an unconscious thought process or reaction (or series of processes and reactions) that reduces anxiety arising from unacceptable or potentially harmful stimuli. Defense mechanisms generally crop up when a person has experienced some kind of trauma - physical, mental, emotional, you name it. It could range from abuse or major stress to guilt and regret. The fact that parents' brains go into defensive mode over the act of reproducing and raising the aftermath speaks volumes about how shitty it really is. If they tell themselves and others long enough that they're happy and wouldn't have it any other way, they begin to sort of believe it. They have to brainwash themselves to get through life because kids are that horrible.

And it's not like almost any other decision you regret either because when you have kids, you're fucking stuck with them unless they die or get abducted or you give them away, which will get you crucified. Most bad choices do not have permanent consequences. Bad haircut? It'll grow back. Buy a car you hate? Sell it. Get a dog you just can't deal with? Re-home it. Tattooed "Jane" on your ass and she left you? It can be inked over or removed. Gain a ton of weight? You can lose it again. Smoke or do drugs? You can quit before it kills you (it's fucking hard, but it's doable). Kids are a lifelong burden.

But the alternative is people thinking something is wrong with them for not wanting to breed, which might cause judgments and assumptions about their fertility, their sexuality, their mental health as well as accusations of immaturity and greed. People might worry that others will judge them for not breeding and think they're "safe" if they have kids, but the truth is they'll get judged even harder when they have brats. On top of that, people will rip you apart if you dare say out loud that parenthood is anything but wonderful. Dog help you if an infertile overhears you bitching about your kids. CFers are confident in their decision to not breed, but many people will have kids simply because of peer pressure.

Quote

All this makes sense from a historical perspective, the scientists point out: In an earlier time, kids actually had economic value; they worked on farms or brought home paychecks, and they didn't cost that much. Not coincidentally, emotional relationships between parents and children were less affectionate back then -- and childhood was much less sentimentalized. Paradoxically, as the value of children has diminished, and the costs have escalated, the belief that parenthood is emotionally rewarding has gained currency. In that sense, the myth of parental joy is a modern psychological phenomenon.

Bingo! You could put the fuckers to work on the farm, you could send them to work in a factory and hope they came back with all their limbs, you could hand off the younger ones to the older ones and not have to even bother raising them beyond pushing them out. They were still needy little shits, but they "paid theire dues" too. To be fair, I think there was a smaller emotional investment in kids forever ago because of the high likelihood of the kids dying at birth or not long after.

People romanticize parenthood because they think it's some kind of a fairy tale - you fall in love, you marry your soul mate and you complete the puzzle by having kids with them and then it's supposed to turn out just like in the movies where everything is picture perfect. Except for when absolutely none of that shit happens, which is all the time. I hope this is a sign of the tide shifting and the truth about parenthood being less of a secret/lie so people will truly know what they're getting into before making a decision. So, so, so many people would be so much happier if the disaster of parenthood can be prevented rather than tolerated.

the desperate need for constant breeding/growth is what drives this parenthood shit as well. tell the lie often enough they;ll believe it. this proves a statement I've made now and again that, as birth control became more available and reliant the shrill shill (say that 5 times fast) of babysell grew exponentially. Ranging from your 50's sitcoms on an unattainable famblee to todays constant hook ups and breeding. Usually some gaga barf of a resolution, noble cow goes off to become a single mootard. If the shows actually revealed the real outcome of these situations, the despair, the hardships, they would probably lose viewers.

It also is responsible for importation of people from third world nations. Media and everyone can glamorize it all they want but what is coming over the border; people who are illiterate even in their own language. The border patrol turned loose over 100 that were covid positive. So, my prediction of biological shit coming across the border is now more or less fulfilled. Yeah, the ccp virus is already here: but now we are dealing with variants. I don't know why that caught everyone by surprise, they all do it including the flu and cold virus'.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Quote

the desperate need for constant breeding/growth is what drives this parenthood shit as well. tell the lie often enough they;ll believe it. this proves a statement I've made now and again that, as birth control became more available and reliant the shrill shill (say that 5 times fast) of babysell grew exponentially. Ranging from your 50's sitcoms on an unattainable famblee to todays constant hook ups and breeding. Usually some gaga barf of a resolution,

Quote

noble cow goes off to become a single mootard. If the shows actually revealed the real outcome of these situations, the despair, the hardships, they would probably lose viewers

.

So true. The other night I saw commercials for some ridiculous Teen Mom show in MTV. WTF has happened to MTV anyway?

I said to DH, with all this "empowering of women" going on (which I'm not against of course but we there's no doubt we are being socially engineered by networks and advertisers) WHAT. THE. LIVING. FUCK. is empowering about glorifying a teen that was too stupid to use birth control or get an abortion? I'd rather see a portrayal of a young, smart woman who used birth control and made something of herself.

And while a very few teen Moomies (with TONS of family and taxpayer support) may go on to make something of themselves, they are scarce.

Great going to make a show where the decision to TANK ONE'S LIFE and GUARANTEE your life will be a shit show is GLORIFIED.

I'm thinking of movies like Knocked Up and Fools Rush In, which are all about unplanned pregnancies between people who should have been no more than a casual fuck. These movies definitely sell the Love Conquers All^TM and Baybees Magically Make Problems Disappear^TM mentality.

I'm sure there are people on this page who have been in shitty relationships, usually when young but not always. Sometimes you get into a relationship that looks good until you figure out you have nothing in common or cannot grow together and/or live together or the person changes and you no longer respect him/her.

We all know how crappy that feels, right? So let's imagine having a brat with someone in that situation. Being tied to that person makes things 1,000 times shittier not better. I'm not going to watch a 2-3 hour movie that tries to sell me otherwise, but apparently the ignorant masses eat it up like the pablum that it is.

This is a very old article, as the date indicates. I ripped it outta a magazine back then and kept it. I've saved it in my computer. I think it was initially headlined Parenting All Joy and No Fun. Later I think a book or podcast came out.

I did send it to some childed friends at the time(with kids of different ages) and asked them to read it with an open mind.
I asked about it and they all very controlled said something like "it is really very interesting" w/o any caveats or platitudes that it's different when it's your own blah blah blah, which is much better than I expected.

It's one of the best CFish article I ever read. I'm glad it is making the rounds again.

OK, I was reading all the quotes of the article and some of it was word for word from the All Joy No Fun article but this article seems a bit different on a longer skim.

I would like them to do a survey of parents w/ their adult kids in the basements who refuse to get out even if they have opportunities to do so. See what trade-offs they feel about it now. Some of my pals are well into the 60s and still have kids around.

"We all know how crappy that feels, right? So let's imagine having a brat with someone in that situation. Being tied to that person makes things 1,000 times shittier not better."--Bell.

point that out in Reddit and it will get you banned or you are shaming the dumb broad (or dick). Read enough of them there and you get some stupid person in a situation that is obviously bad or worse. I am beginning to think that a lot of this is due to the 'baabbbeee saves relationship/marriage' lie. And the growth of this 'fiance' shit is downright annoying now. It's another lie.

It may well be annoying to admit but in some ways, the 'old fashioned' way of doing some things cut down on a lot of this garbage. Most of it grew out of doing what we want to do and don't care about consequences.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Quote

We all know how crappy that feels, right? So let's imagine having a brat with someone in that situation. Being tied to that person makes things 1,000 times shittier not better.

Yep, and that's an entire shitshow of a process that does not need to happen. Two generally fucked up and incompatible people date or hook up and the woman gets pregnant accidentally. The woman won't abort because she just caaaaan't kill her baybeeeee, so she craps out the kid and keeps it even if the father obviously does not want a kid. The next mistake is they decide that instead of just going their separate ways and figuring out either child support or severing of parental rights, they'll stay together (maybe even get married) "for the child" because they want to "be responsible." There is some prevailing belief that a child must be raised by two parents, even if those parents hate one another and are awful when they're together.

When attempting to raise this creature that should have never been born, the parents realize even more how much they truly hate one another and are generally always fighting about one thing or another and accusing the other of being lazy and useless. Moo often suggests couples therapy to "make it work" and Duh either refuses to go at all or he goes along with it and then refuses to do anything he's told to do, or he changes for a little while if Moo threatens to leave and then goes back to being a dickbag. Making a relationship work is what you do when you've been married for 30 years and something happens like addiction or affairs and you're emotionally invested in the person. If you need to pay someone to help you "make it work" after being together for 10 months and only because of a child, the relationship is not healthy and should not continue.

Inevitably, amid all this dysfunction, the Moo gets pregnant again generally within 2-4 years of the first child's birth. She'll keep it and start the whole cycle over again, and she'll keep complaining about all the same problems, continuing to be shocked that Duh still won't help raise his own kids, wash dishes, clean the toilet, and so on.

I think if at least one of the people involved got therapy and sorted out some of their shit before climbing in bed with someone equally messed up, this miserable union wouldn't happen and a child wouldn't have to be raised with such a screwy and unhealthy idea of what a relationship looks like. This happens more often than not, from what I can tell. People in good healthy relationships often cannot survive parenthood, so those who are together because stand no fucking chance of their relationship improving with the addition of brats.