An awful situation for a CF woman

https://old.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/n94vdn/i_recently_found_out_that_my_husband_of_25_years/

A CF woman married to a man for 25 years just found out that that he has a daughter who is about 30ish. He waited months to tell his wife after he found out and she is now devastated. At the beginning most CF commenters were sympathetic, but then the tone changed to wondering why the wife would have such a problem with this new addition.
Some pointed out the problem of the girl having kids in the future and them being saddled with grandsprogs, which the ex cf guy may be into down the road and where would that leave the cf wife.

It would be awful to want to travel and retire, maybe get a boat and relax, but now it won't be happening because...well..."we can't afford it because we need to help my grandkids with college expenses"

or she sprogs in the near future with a with a nasty guy and we need to adopt the grandkids. Many of the "CF" commenters never pointed any of this out.

Also MIL is jumping for joy over the "kid" and the OP was hurt over that because finally.....a grandchild, even though the kid is an adult. Some of the commenters were calling her "selfish" for being bothered over MIL's joy in the face of her grief and hurt. MIL would probably have loved it if her son had an affair and it resulted in a baybee regardless if it led the CF wife to suicide.....cause grandbaybees.

I guess that should be another thing for those looking for a spouse, making sure there are no 30 year old surprises on the doorstep down the road if that is possible.

Stories like this are absolutely why I would never do one of those at home DNA tests. I don’t expect that I would find a secret step-child, but who knows what other drama it could unearth. And Lord knows a person would be expected to happily endure said drama, because faaaammmmmbly!

I don’t particularly care for the few family members I already have. I don’t need to go finding any new ones.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

I, too, give lots of side eye to those DNA test kits. Your DNA data is not yours once you give over that swab. Makes me cringe.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Sucks for her, absolutely, but looking at the comments...or more specifically, the downvoting on the comments supporting her...really makes me think there are too many breeders haunting that sub.

That does really suck, and I can't imagine the author has an easy decision to make. It's going to be hard to just walk away from the person she's been married to for 25 years, but at the same time, she's having the role of step-Moo and Grandmoo forced on her at the same time. I imagine the husband is taking an interest in these long lost sprogs of his because he didn't have to lift a finger or pay a dime to raise any of them. Having kids probably sounds great on paper when they can be someone else's problem until they reach adulthood.

Some people suggest the secret kid and her brats might not be so bad because they're either adults or almost adults, but do they think for one second that these fuckers won't start sticking their hands out to the presumed rich semi-CF author and her husband for favors and money? Sounds like breeding young runs in this family, so it might not be long before the teen grandshits start crapping out their own loaves and expecting Peepaw to help pay for them.

It's far from an ideal situation, but I hope the author can at least move away. I'm sure giving a "them or me" ultimatum will not end in the author's favor because the secret sprogs are faaaaaaaamily and she's "just" his wife. But it really doesn't sound like they're in shallow enough water to rescue at this point, between the existence of the kid and grandkids, but also the fact the husband kept this information from his wife for months and struck up a relationship with the kid behind her back. This marriage is lost at sea, floating on a hunk of driftwood and slowly drowning.

https://pressfrom.info/uk/news/world/us-news/-315165-two-sisters-bought-dna-kits-and-the-results-blew-their-family-apart.html


This is the best article I could find about this case. Two sisters took a DNA test and found out they were really half sisters because their moo had an affair. They also found a man who was the half brother of one but not the other because their duh had an affair.

Creepy stuff. I would not go near those DNA tests.

What was really bad was way down in the comments was someone who had to be a breeder just flippin on the OP for daring to have a problem with the husband's daughter and every concern the OP or anyone else had had was just not supposed to be a concern.

They then went on about how much they could not stand "radical" CF people who make being CF "their personality and identity" to the point where such a person would allow a sudden 30 year old sprog to blow up their marriage and to them it was an indication of not being a supportive and caring wife. A CF commenter told them that many CF people do see their CF selves as a huge part of themselves like being gay or their gender and told them they were obviously a lurking breeder. As if breeders did not see breeding as part of who they are.

Breeder then freaked out hugely and told the "radical" CF'er to f*** off.

I think the breeder was glad the "radical" cf'er was forced into semi-breederhood and was glad that such a person who had $$$ and their spouse to themselves for 25 years now had to live like everyone else. Breeders are glad when a cf'er loses all their luxuries. I think their are a lot of breeders posing as CF on that sub to stalk CF'er who they see as living it up and come out of the woodwork when a story like that breaks. No surprise as the number of signed in people there is pretty huge.

Dotter made it the age of around 30 without knowing about this and another man raised her as his dotter. What could dotter possibly want from his at this point in life? She has been an adult for 12 years.

One of the commenters is telling her to keep an open mind about the situation because she never knows how it might turn out. I agree, keep an open mind whilst her and her husband look at cities 1000 or more miles away from his new dotter. More than one city may work out perfectly well!

Also, keep an open mind until he puts his foot down and insists dotter will be part of his life then file for divorce. She is around 30 years old and likely has or will have brats, someone will be expected to watch them and pay for their shit. MIL is already schoozing grand-dotter and if her husband values MIL he may just jump on board. And clearly MIL is letting DIL know she is completely disposable, she sounds like a major cunt.

He may think he is out of the woods because dotter is 30 but some 30 year olds are still children. And even if she is a darling she may well have satan spawn.

And some people are telling her to put herself in her husband's situation. No can do, as women are the ones who become pregnant. They do not impregnate.

Of course there are the practical considerations like if husband suddenly wants to play grandpa, which is something I certainly wouldn't be able to deal with. But the feelings of betrayal seem quite valid to me, because my ethics are informed by my CF views. Suddenly finding out that someone I love and have been with for many years not only doesn't share my views but has been dishonest - hiding the truth for any length of time - would be devastating. It would be a bit like finding out that your husband was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter in his youth. You'd want to know the circumstances that led to the charge, whether it was a freak accident or involved bad decisions on his part, and why he had never informed you. If something could potentially be a dealbreaker in the early stages of a relationship, it absolutely has the potential to completely destroy a relationship once the deceit is discovered, because then you have the original problem plus the lying to contend with. That poor woman.

Quote
kittehpeoples
Sucks for her, absolutely, but looking at the comments...or more specifically, the downvoting on the comments supporting her...really makes me think there are too many breeders haunting that sub.

That sub is mostly two things: breeders, and actual children wanting to show the world how edgy they are.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

I find all that goes on on that sub are "CF" people who hang out with the worst asshats whether it be family, friends, co-workers who treat them like crap for being CF and then they come back to that site and constantly complain about. It is full of "CF"ers starting fights with Uber drivers, etc telling COMPLETE strangers they will never see again that they are CF, claiming the stranger turned on them for it and maybe they did. If people are doing this, why tell the pizza delivery guy and mailman, maintenence guy that you are CF. It does seem to full of fence sitters, breeders, and 20 somethings playing the CF card to show everyone that they are edgy.

Quote
cfdavep
I find all that goes on on that sub are "CF" people who hang out with the worst asshats whether it be family, friends, co-workers who treat them like crap for being CF and then they come back to that site and constantly complain about. It is full of "CF"ers starting fights with Uber drivers, etc telling COMPLETE strangers they will never see again that they are CF, claiming the stranger turned on them for it and maybe they did. If people are doing this, why tell the pizza delivery guy and mailman, maintenence guy that you are CF. It does seem to full of fence sitters, breeders, and 20 somethings playing the CF card to show everyone that they are edgy.

I also find that there is not insignificant number of actual children posting on that sub. Things like “I’m 12 and OMG I hate my five year old brother so much! I’m so childfree!” I believe that someone can know they don’t want kids at a young age, because I already felt niggles of it at the age of five when I watched my mother give up her life to care for my infant sibling. But I don’t want to have to talk to children on a sub about not wanting children. They’re just as annoying as their younger siblings are.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

Quote
LoveToLurk

I also find that there is not insignificant number of actual children posting on that sub. Things like “I’m 12 and OMG I hate my five year old brother so much! I’m so childfree!” I believe that someone can know they don’t want kids at a young age, because I already felt niggles of it at the age of five when I watched my mother give up her life to care for my infant sibling. But I don’t want to have to talk to children on a sub about not wanting children. They’re just as annoying as their younger siblings are.

The little shits are all over YouTube also, often on videos that children should not watch. But what do you expect from a parental population of all but entirely of breeders?

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

I hate that subreddit. Why is it FLOODED with fucking breeders? Why don't they fuck off back to their own spaces?

there are 2 cf forums on reddit, r/childfree and r/actuallychildfree

ac was formed because a lof of real cf were getting banned for hurting the feefees of the invasive breeder trolls. you have to watch what you say. I referenced susan smith once as an example of something and they banned me for it. I tend to be blunt. and the redditers cannot handle truth.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.