Even more regret from theage.com
May 29, 2021
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/having-a-kid-is-probably-my-biggest-life-regret-wife-concurs-20210525-p57v3b.html

Parenting sucks.
Re: Even more regret from theage.com
May 29, 2021
Quote
cfdavep
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/having-a-kid-is-probably-my-biggest-life-regret-wife-concurs-20210525-p57v3b.html

Parenting sucks.

"James says he feels as though he was tricked into having children. “People say how blessed they are to have kids and how they love them. But once you have kids and complain about school lunches, listening to the Wiggles and the lack of sleep, everybody agrees with you. Why do they wait to tell you how bad it is after the fact?"

There are no shortage of idiots who fall for those lines from payhruntz.
Re: Even more regret from theage.com
May 30, 2021
I think articles like this are good. People need to be able to tell the truth about all aspects of parenthood, and that especially includes the bad, since 95% of media coverage is sunshine and rainbows and TMIJITW.

The baybee crazy, brainwashed, automaton-pod-people will not give articles like this a second thought, but they should. Everyone should know what they are getting into, and if it keeps fence-sitters from breeding when they don't want to, good.

This woman who calls herself a "perinatal counselor," is quoted throughout the article. The dictionary definition of perinatal is five months before birth to one month after birth. In other words, after someone is already knocked up. (Too late to reverse the decision because it's a done deal.)

Quote

Perinatal relationship counsellor Elly Taylor, the author of Becoming Us, explains that most parents have mixed feelings about having a baby, citing “the loss of lifestyle, the loss of spontaneity and the loss of having control of your life” as significant factors.

“Regret can range from looking at each other and thinking ‘what the hell have we done?’ to people whose relationships have broken down because they didn’t have enough support during parenthood.

Here we go again with the "PARUNTS NEED MORE SUPPORT" chestnut. Does it occur to this woman that some people could have fistfuls of dollars thrown at them and all the "support" in the world and they would still HATE being parunts?

Genuine support means counseling people before they are knocked up and giving them advice like this:

What's the hurry to breed? Checking it out more is always a great recommendation. Borrow kids and babysit, etc. Observe with their own eyes. Most importantly, know their own minds. If you believe you'd really resent having kids and your personal freedom is important, don't do it.

If you are determined to have kids, waiting to know each other for four or five years before having kids is really stellar advice. (It's not uncommon for people to date a year, get married and get pregnant right after marriage, and they then wonder why their marriage is rocky. How can you really know someone during that period of time? Bad idea.)

"Support" people who choose not to have children or who want to limit their family size. That includes access to sterilization, BC and abortion for ALL, including the CF

Being CF is not a character defect. It should be the default. Stop treating the CF like mentally challenged freaks.

If two people land in a counselor's office in conflict over whether to have kids, stop treating the person who does not want to have kids as "the problem."

If two people land in a counselor's office and they are miserable after ONE kid, appropriate "support" includes telling them that HAVING ONE CHYLD IS COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE AND WARRANTED and nobody ever died from not having a matched set.

If I were a counselor, that's the kind of advice I would give. It's called occupational excellence. How could you work for decades in band-aid mode, knowing that you are addressing problems after the fact and not showing all the options. They may agree with you in the office for 50 minutes, but if they have kids because you've told them that's the only option, or if they have MORE kids because you reassuring them next time it will be different with more "support," instead of affirming what they are telling you, how could you live with yourself? I could not.

(And if they still breed after really thinking about it and knowing all options, that's on them.)

Quote
Here we go with more bullshit
Taylor says she often counsels parents who feel guilty about wanting to leave and being unable to cope with day-to-day challenges.

“They regret having kidS and wish that they never did, and it’s very hard for them to admit that. A lot of parents don’t anticipate how significant the changes to their lives will be. It’s something they are not sufficiently prepared for.

“Some people expect being a parent to make their life happier, or make them more in love with their partner, and we know from research that is not the case. From counselling I know that when a parent can understand the reasons for their feelings and have those reasons validated, it’s almost as if those feelings clear up.”

bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting bull shitting

The text above makes me think this woman is happy to be in band-aid mode. She sees parunts who are miserable and helps them understand the reasons for their feelings, i.e. parunting really sucks, and then they feel better, whatever that means.

No thinking, logical person believes being raised by a parunt with one foot out the door is a good outcome for the chyld. Won't someone think of da childrun?
Re: Even more regret from theage.com
May 30, 2021
Quote

James says he feels as though he was tricked into having children. “People say how blessed they are to have kids and how they love them. But once you have kids and complain about school lunches, listening to the Wiggles and the lack of sleep, everybody agrees with you. Why do they wait to tell you how bad it is after the fact? I can honestly say it’s harder than I ever imagined and if I had my time again, I would never have done it.”

Because misery loves company, James. Why would they warn you what a shitshow parenting is if it meant you might avoid making the same mistake? Nah fam, they want to drag you down with them - they don't want you "getting away with" being happily unchilded, so when you say you don't want kids, they attempt to shame you into having them with tired old bingos like "You don't know true love until you've had kids" and accusations of immaturity and selfishness. Some people are so insecure and afraid of being seen as weirdos that they'll make a whole new human being just to fit in like it's fucking high school.

I'm glad to see stuff like this becoming more mainstream because it's about time people learn how awful parenting is before making kids that they proceed to fuck up because they only learn after breeding that they never wanted kids. That whole thing about an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure applies here, only when it comes to kids, there's really no "cure" unless you want to pull a PNA and it's a hell of a lot easier to just not have kids.

And I call bullshit on every single one of those idiots who claims they love their kids, but regrets having them. That is not how regret works. You cannot love someone or something you regret. I think it's just a form of Stockholm syndrome where they think they bond with their captors, because that's what kids are. Most things you do or don't do in life that you regret can be fixed in one way or another, but you can't un-make a child. The better parents in such situations will pretend to love their kids when they wish every day they had never been born and would just disappear. The not-so-good parents will make damn sure their kids know every day how unwanted they are.
Re: Even more regret from theage.com
May 31, 2021
We know the regret parunts having while kids are growing up. Obviously, it's much better after they grow up (besides the other annoying probs we already know). But, I wonder if it was socially acceptable, how many divorced (especially) dads, and moms, wouldn't see their adult kids. Like "that is a nice person but I dont want to hang out and make small talk and try to connect, I rather just make connections with people I choose as a friend."

I've had a divorced dad on twitter tell me now that his son is an adult, the son is his best friend. Sure, I'm thinking, becuz while working your ass off and dealing w/ all the kids stuff, you didnt have time to make adult friends and keep in touch. And, you wonder, even if adult kid likes/loves dad and doesnt mind spending time w/him, how much of that is a certain percent obligation and a certain percent guilt at least some of the time. Even families I know that appear very close, there still seems like an underlying guilt complex underneath it all, becuz it is something they 'should do' or dont want to hurt feelings. It is just another social norm people dont want to break, as fear being judged.

And, we already spoke about how many siblings we know dont really want to talk to each other or do so at family obligations only. After awhile, all this stuff seems like a scam. Altho, I guess we can't get born and just be turnt out feral. LOL
Re: Even more regret from theage.com
May 31, 2021
Quote
cfuter
But, I wonder if it was socially acceptable, how many divorced (especially) dads, and moms, wouldn't see their adult kids. Like "that is a nice person but I dont want to hang out and make small talk and try to connect, I rather just make connections with people I choose as a friend."

Good point. And I wonder if it flows the other way...how many adult kids wouldn't see their parents. Not because the parents are toxic narcissists or anything, just...they don't click together socially and probably never really will.

I live several states away from both my parents, and while they're lovely people I love them both and really like visiting them, I don't feel any impulse whatsoever to move any closer. And my parents and I DO click pretty well...so I'm sure there are plenty of other adults out there who're actually utterly indifferent about their parents, but keep up appearances.
Re: Even more regret from theage.com
June 01, 2021
Talk about regret, I just saw an out of state friend, she basically was telling me stories about her friends that I have met over the years. EVERY single one of them has kids on meds for some type of mental illness. All these kids came from nice families, never been spanked, emotional support, good schools, etc. It sounded like non-stop drama. One teen went down south to live w/ grandma for awhile, and beat her up becuz she didnt give him money. This was not a grandma that was in good condition in the first place. I cant put my head around having a child, and having my ailing mother beat up by him someday. I said to friend i'm sure she loves her kids but....and w/ the mental illness,you get what you get....but I couldnt' handle having kids and have 10 yrs grunt work to have 10 or more years drama. No one truly signs up for this when they get pregnant. I said I cant believe people dont have some hidden regret. She said her friend knew she wanted to be a mother and loves her kids. She to do so, she did so with a knucklehead juvenile personality of a man who is not much help after the divorce. She is stressed but in other words didnt voice any regret. But, to me, this sounds like a canned response.
Re: Even more regret from theage.com
June 01, 2021
More about regrets, I have another middle-aged Dad friend on twitter, and he never fails to tell me how stressful his life is now that he's married and has kids. He actually is 'early retirement' becuz maybe he inherited some money. He and his wife are home all day w/ the kids. IDR they could be homeschooling, they likely were for sure during covid. He never bashes his wife or kids but says his single sans child friends always express their happiness that it aint them. He knows i'm in a very long marriage and relationship. He says marriage is so much easier w/o kids. He said after kids it is nothing but stress, tension, he mentions divorce alot but doesnt say he wants to get a divorce.

His kids need constant interaction and while he agrees that giving in to that is causing this aggravation, he still does nothing about it. I'll never understand this, as we older middle-aged people on here have stated. Most of us after a certain age did NOT want our parents hanging over us. I cant understand what type of adults we are raising here as a society.
Re: Even more regret from theage.com
June 01, 2021
This is from reddit

"Parenthood is like being a junkie: it leaves you broke, ruins your life, but you have occasional 'highs' of bliss and meaningfulness that make you forget the hell you're in."

Poster told a childed friend, and the friend didn't get it.
Re: Even more regret from theage.com
June 01, 2021
Quote

EVERY single one of them has kids on meds for some type of mental illness. All these kids came from nice families, never been spanked, emotional support, good schools, etc.

Quote

I cant put my head around having a child, and having my ailing mother beat up by him someday.

Quote

I can't understand what type of adults we are raising here as a society.

I think we've had a fundamental shift in our society, and it's not for the better. It used to be a given that growing up was hard. Becoming an adult was hard. And kids are born uncivilized. All this makes sense to me. I do not see how any thinking person thinks a small human is inherently good. Kids lie and follow their base impulses unless trained otherwise. Lord of the Flies was a documentary, etc.

But generally, it was a parent's job to train a child, to discipline the child and raise the child to become an adult.

The change in terminology amuses me. Kids are no longer being "raised" (up); now they are being "parented" in a passive way. It used to be if women stayed home, they were homemakers, focused on the home. Kids were expected to fit within the home and pitch in. Now kids are the center of the home. Moos are 24/7 entertainment centers and they are called 'stay at home mothers,' which implies a person who is centered on the chyld, not the home, the marriage or anything else.

Instead of recognizing that growing up is hard, and it's the chyld's job to do it with paruntal support, today Moos are expected to sacrifice their personal identities to insure the chyld has a pain-free, Disney-fied, bubble-type existence where he/she is never disappointed and is always "happy" and has "high self esteem."

John Rosemond may be a Fundy, but he's on to something. Check this column. which extorts parunts to stop "analyzing" bad behavior--grow a spine and weed it out.
Re: Even more regret from theage.com
June 02, 2021
All of that up there that bell_flower said, right on target!

I really do think a lot of current crop of young/young-ish parents still hold grudges against their own parents for spanking them or otherwise using real punishments when they acted like shits. So now that those former children are all grown up with their own kids, they're gonna show their parents and the rest of the world that it's possible to raise children without "violence" and instead, doing things like discussing feelings, ignoring bad behavior, apologizing for scolding the kid, going to therapy for what is clearly bratty behavior and so on.

The parents tell themselves it works, but anyone can see how full of shit they are when their gentle methods fail and the kids are beyond horrible. It's not like raising a kid is an experiment and if it fails, you can just throw it in the trash and try again another day. Parents don't seem to get that they have chosen to create a whole new human being and NEED to raise it to be able to function in real life by teaching it boundaries, consequences, delayed gratification, how to work hard and so forth. A lot of them just seem to think their job is to keep their kids alive until they reach 18, and while that is definitely a part of it, there's much more to it than that.

There has definitely been a shift in the wrong direction with how kids are brought up. They all grow up getting their own way all the time, facing no consequences for their actions, having their parents support them no matter what they do, never being told no, never having any responsibility, nothing. And by the time the parents wake up and realize they should be trying harder, it's too late. Any attempt at rule enforcement or punishment after years of passive "parenting" will be met with serious resistance, tantrums, maybe even violence. Good luck trying to force your 46-year-old bouncing baby boy to get a job after letting him live in the basement unemployed for three decades, Moo.

And just think - these biological misfits will grow up and start having kids in another couple of decades. Imagine how awful the next generation of brats will be when their parents are so fucked up. I suspect we'll be seeing a whole lot of new entries in the DSM in the future because these kids will be too fucked up to fit into any of the existing mental illnesses we know.
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.

Click here to login