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From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards
Posted by Cambion
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From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 22, 2022 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,965 |
They really are bastards too because all of them are products of affairs she had and her husband isn't the biological father of any of them.
Not only does the terminal sister expect her CF sibling to take in her three pet sperms when the author barely knows her sister, but she also fully expects her to do the exact opposite of the author's lifestyle - not being CF (and thus resulting in a divorce with her CF husband), raising the kids Catholic when the author is an atheist, and living in an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FUCKING COUNTRY from the toxic sister.
I'm sorry the sister has terminal cancer - that is a shitty diagnosis that I wouldn't wish on about 99% of the population (but let's face it, there's a handful of people I hate enough that I would pay to watch them slowly die) and no 30-something is prepared to deal with the effect of their early death on their kids, but it is still not the author's responsibility to mind these kids.
If Moo's ex-husband doesn't want them and she won't find the bio-fathers and she has no friends who can take them, then they get to go into foster care. That's all there is to it. The author should not be expected to upend and ruin her whole life for this and I'm happy to see that people not only have her back, but that she is sticking to her guns and not accepting these kids when her sister shits the bed.
Author agreed to pay for DNA tests so Moo can find the baby-daddies of these unfortunate crotch dumps and sister said no.
https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/swfx0v/aita_for_refusing_to_take_my_sisters_kids_after/
Not only does the terminal sister expect her CF sibling to take in her three pet sperms when the author barely knows her sister, but she also fully expects her to do the exact opposite of the author's lifestyle - not being CF (and thus resulting in a divorce with her CF husband), raising the kids Catholic when the author is an atheist, and living in an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FUCKING COUNTRY from the toxic sister.
I'm sorry the sister has terminal cancer - that is a shitty diagnosis that I wouldn't wish on about 99% of the population (but let's face it, there's a handful of people I hate enough that I would pay to watch them slowly die) and no 30-something is prepared to deal with the effect of their early death on their kids, but it is still not the author's responsibility to mind these kids.
If Moo's ex-husband doesn't want them and she won't find the bio-fathers and she has no friends who can take them, then they get to go into foster care. That's all there is to it. The author should not be expected to upend and ruin her whole life for this and I'm happy to see that people not only have her back, but that she is sticking to her guns and not accepting these kids when her sister shits the bed.
Author agreed to pay for DNA tests so Moo can find the baby-daddies of these unfortunate crotch dumps and sister said no.
https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/swfx0v/aita_for_refusing_to_take_my_sisters_kids_after/
Quote
My sister (31F) was recently diagnosed with brainstem glioma. Apparently it’s big and untreatable due to the location. I’m not sure how long she has, but most likely it will shorten her life span by a significant amount. Apparently she’s already experiencing some bad symptoms
My sister has three kids; a new born and a 2 year old and a 6 year old. She asked me to take them once she dies.
No we don’t have family, and her ex husband wants nothing to do with the kids since she had cheated on him for years with many men and they aren’t his. She doesn’t know who the dad is.
Personally I (25F) am CF. My husband (25M) is CF as well. I told her no for the following reasons:
1.) since we are both child free it would be unfair to ask my husband to make this kind of sacrifice. We both agreed to no kids when we got married; to change something like that generally means a divorce.
2.) I am atheist, my sister wants me to raise them religious and to “know god” and take them to church. No
3.) I live in a different country, where English is not the primary language. I can’t teach a 6 year old a new language when they don’t know English well
4.) 6 year age gap meant we didn’t really grow up together; and the memories I do have she was always awful to me-like cynical. And After she moved out at 18 we haven’t talked once besides at my parents funeral. I don’t even know her kids let alone her.
She cried and called me awful but it’s my life, and Ultimately I get to be selfish with it, a child isn’t a 18 year commitment; it’s lifelong, and one I have decided not to take. She cheated with multiple different men and lost her husband; I don’t think it’s my job to swoop in and save her from consequences of her own actions. I don’t feel like I owe her anything.
Other people disagree. Friends of hers whom I’ve never met have been reaching out to me and calling me at all hours to leave nasty voice mails. Saying I need to step up as a sister, but I just feel like she’s trying to use me as her ticket out to dying and not feeling guilty
-I am going to edit so I don’t have to continue to say this: I have offered to pay for DNA kits, and a PI and anything else she needs to help find the fathers of these children. She doesn’t want too-
Last edit: This will be my last edit, and then I’m logging off.
I will not be taking in the kids
It’s not because I want to teach my sister a lesson/because the are “less” for being a product of an affair. I brought it up because I know everyone would ask “where’s the father”
It’s because my sister is a stranger. I haven’t talked to her in over 10 years. I’ve never met her or her kids-and I do not want kids. My husband (yes we talked) would leave.
Realistically it wouldn’t workout, with his income, I wouldn’t be able to afford the children anyway.
I am child free, not just because I’m selfish like so many of you suggest, but because I have mental health issues that would prevent me from ever being a good parent.
I have OCD, not the “I like my house clean” ocd, but where I need to shut a door several times until it’s completely shut, or noises like dripping water drive me insane, imagine having a new born when sound can drive you mentally insane-it’s debilitating.
My sister doesn’t deserve to die, and her kids don’t desserve their fate, but realistically their un-biological father is the one who needs to step up; not me.
To those of you who said I’m an AH, fair, but then let me ask you, why aren’t you adopting? Why aren’t you fostering? Why aren’t you making sure you get kids out of the system? Get off your damn high horse.
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 22, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,363 |
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 22, 2022 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 3,842 |
A Glioma is a horrible cancer. Horrible. Useless to take those kids in.
I've been kicked off AITA and both the narcissism forums there. They don't like bluntness or reality.
two cents ¢¢
CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!
people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong
Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.
The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.
Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke
Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
I've been kicked off AITA and both the narcissism forums there. They don't like bluntness or reality.
two cents ¢¢
CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!
people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong
Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.
The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.
Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke
Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 22, 2022 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,196 |
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 22, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,363 |
Quote
bell_flower
I often don't read these threads, but seriously, why do people discount fathers? These guys made these kids and they should now have to take care of them. The sister is not responsible for these kids.
I agree, but the moo won't disclose who the fathers are or how to track them down*. So really she's the one condemning the kids to foster care because she's pouting that her CF sister won't take them.
*To say nothing of the man who raised them until he found out they weren't his. I guess as soon as he found out they weren't perpetuating his own precious genetics, he no longer loved them. Moo really picked some good ones, didn't she?
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 23, 2022 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,965 |
Even if the sister did track down the baby-daddies, would they be forced to take care of the kids legally once Moo died? Or could they say no too? It sucks, but foster care might be what's best for these kids because at least when a kid is fostered, there is a chance they might actually be wanted as opposed to a childfree person raising them against their will or forcing unwilling bio fathers to raise them (good recipe for abuse and/or neglect).
I know foster care is far from enjoyable and there is a good chance they'd be split up because I'm sure no one will want to take in three siblings - the infant will probably be adopted out immediately because it's still a cute babby. Older kids are a harder sell. I honestly don't know what's worse - to languish in foster care until you turn 18 because nobody wants you, or to be fostered/adopted by people who treat you like crap because they wish you didn't exist.
It's a shit situation all around. Not that I think the bio-Duhs should get off scot-free, but they should have to pay child support. Forcing someone to physically take on the responsibility of a kid they don't want is a good way to ensure that child is mistreated, but the Duhs should at least take financial responsibility. I also find it very hard to believe that these people have no family whatsoever who they could ask to take the kids. Really? No aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, nieces, nephews, step-parents or close friends? I find that very hard to believe. Who are all these friends screaming at the author for not taking the kids? Why aren't they taking them? Why would they want these kids who are going to lose their mother to be raised by people who explicitly do NOT want kids? I would never adopt a cat to someone who very loudly says they hate cats.
I know foster care is far from enjoyable and there is a good chance they'd be split up because I'm sure no one will want to take in three siblings - the infant will probably be adopted out immediately because it's still a cute babby. Older kids are a harder sell. I honestly don't know what's worse - to languish in foster care until you turn 18 because nobody wants you, or to be fostered/adopted by people who treat you like crap because they wish you didn't exist.
It's a shit situation all around. Not that I think the bio-Duhs should get off scot-free, but they should have to pay child support. Forcing someone to physically take on the responsibility of a kid they don't want is a good way to ensure that child is mistreated, but the Duhs should at least take financial responsibility. I also find it very hard to believe that these people have no family whatsoever who they could ask to take the kids. Really? No aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, nieces, nephews, step-parents or close friends? I find that very hard to believe. Who are all these friends screaming at the author for not taking the kids? Why aren't they taking them? Why would they want these kids who are going to lose their mother to be raised by people who explicitly do NOT want kids? I would never adopt a cat to someone who very loudly says they hate cats.
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 23, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,060 |
There are people out there who have no family even though they have "family". If my parent died when I was a wee one there would have been not one soul on either side that would've taken me in. "Family on both sides would've taken every cent, land, house for themselves somehow and I would've been placed in abusive fostercare. Family seeing family as strangers for whatever reason is a thing.
The ones that scream about the author taking in the kids are trying to look like good guys knowing no one will ask them to take them in.
The ones that scream about the author taking in the kids are trying to look like good guys knowing no one will ask them to take them in.
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 23, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,363 |
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 24, 2022 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 2,217 |
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 26, 2022 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,708 |
This is such a great example of the Karpman drama triangle!
Moos just assume someone will magically step up as they play their "victim" card and it better damn well be the person they had in mind and are literally pointing their finger at or hell will break loose. And they never want to pin the responsibility on the birth father(s) because that is too logical. Moo will use her standing as a victim to her sister to get all kinds of sympathy from others....she will milk it for all it is worth! And from what I've seen of them they love to zero in on the child free relative to "step up." I suspect this stems from their collective jealousy of the unencumbered child free, who have the audacity to not pretend to be childless and heartbroken about brat free living. While not all of us are blissfully happy it wouldn't be an overshoot to assume we experience a radically higher degree of happy moments and satisfaction as we are true to our authentic selves. I've had days where being around someone else's brats for 20 minutes in a day was the worst part of my day and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how much worse it is to be stuck with said brats 24/7.
Moo expect her sister to be her "rescuer" despite them never being close nor speaking to each other for ten years. Not to mention they live in different countries and seem to have diametrically opposed views. They are clearly related by blood only.
Moo's friends being "persecutors" and going after her sister? Not surprising in the least. This is partly fueled by their righteous indignation that they couldn't bully the sister and very likely also their anger that her sister thinks she has the right to live life on her own terms and not be bullied by their drama. They were all very likely bullied by similar drama in their past and I wouldn't be surprised if some of them had brats solely because of this. I'm sure they think of the sister as a blissfully happy married woman with few obligations and no liabilities (bratz).
Good for the sister and her husband for refusing to play any role in this triangle!
Moos just assume someone will magically step up as they play their "victim" card and it better damn well be the person they had in mind and are literally pointing their finger at or hell will break loose. And they never want to pin the responsibility on the birth father(s) because that is too logical. Moo will use her standing as a victim to her sister to get all kinds of sympathy from others....she will milk it for all it is worth! And from what I've seen of them they love to zero in on the child free relative to "step up." I suspect this stems from their collective jealousy of the unencumbered child free, who have the audacity to not pretend to be childless and heartbroken about brat free living. While not all of us are blissfully happy it wouldn't be an overshoot to assume we experience a radically higher degree of happy moments and satisfaction as we are true to our authentic selves. I've had days where being around someone else's brats for 20 minutes in a day was the worst part of my day and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how much worse it is to be stuck with said brats 24/7.
Moo expect her sister to be her "rescuer" despite them never being close nor speaking to each other for ten years. Not to mention they live in different countries and seem to have diametrically opposed views. They are clearly related by blood only.
Moo's friends being "persecutors" and going after her sister? Not surprising in the least. This is partly fueled by their righteous indignation that they couldn't bully the sister and very likely also their anger that her sister thinks she has the right to live life on her own terms and not be bullied by their drama. They were all very likely bullied by similar drama in their past and I wouldn't be surprised if some of them had brats solely because of this. I'm sure they think of the sister as a blissfully happy married woman with few obligations and no liabilities (bratz).
Good for the sister and her husband for refusing to play any role in this triangle!
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 27, 2022 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 3,842 |
What is Karpman?
I wonder if the bint in this tale was a 'rent a cunt'...
two cents ¢¢
CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!
people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong
Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.
The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.
Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke
Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
I wonder if the bint in this tale was a 'rent a cunt'...
two cents ¢¢
CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!
people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong
Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.
The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.
Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke
Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
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Re: From r/AITA, CF woman asks if she's the asshole for not taking in her terminally ill sibling's three bastards February 27, 2022 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,756 |
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangleQuote
twocents
What is Karpman?
I wonder if the bint in this tale was a 'rent a cunt'...
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