Breeder-brained obituary

Came across thie gem in an obit in our local fishwrap where they just HAD to mention the great-grandloaf still in the oven:

“He is survived by his wife of 66 years, 2 daughters, 4 grandchildren and 4.8 great-grandchildren (1 is due in ~3 weeks).”

Just imagine the effort these placenta-brains expended doing that math.

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Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

LOL wut, that's the first time I've ever seen someone refer to an unborn fetus as a decimal. How the hell can you be survived by someone who isn't even born yet? By that logic, the deceased is also survived by billions and billions of great-grandchildren because their grandkids still probably have viable sperm and eggs in their bodies. Sounds fucking stupid, doesn't it? So does referring to an incubating great-grandshit as a fraction. Man, anything to brag about crotch fruits.

If they wanted to use their loved one's obituary to babystalk, couldn't they include a line like, "...and a fifth great-grandchild who (dead person) was, sadly, not able to meet before his/her passing?" Still attention-whoring, but sounds a little better.

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Cambion
LOL wut, that's the first time I've ever seen someone refer to an unborn fetus as a decimal. How the hell can you be survived by someone who isn't even born yet? By that logic, the deceased is also survived by billions and billions of great-grandchildren because their grandkids still probably have viable sperm and eggs in their bodies. Sounds fucking stupid, doesn't it? So does referring to an incubating great-grandshit as a fraction. Man, anything to brag about crotch fruits.

Don't give them any ideas or they'll send in names for all those stupid sperms and eggs and bleat endlessly until their local paper publishes the nonsense.