Childed complaints about kiddie vacations.

Quote
misskitty
I liked Disney as a kid. The trip was not even 1 grand let alone 8 grand because my family lived driving distance and we didn't buy souvenirs. It wasn't that great when I went as an adult, so I don't see why DINKs do Disney unless they missed this experience as kids or have arrested development (even in this case, they're still more mature than breeders!).

Quote
Cambion
Anyone who takes a child somewhere like Disneyworld or Six Flags or wherever is asking for trouble because the child will not only be a miserable shit stain, but they will ruin everyone else's fun too.

Quote
Cambion
I'm not big enough into Disney to go to one of their parks

Quote
misskitty
If you have enough money to not be bothered by all the prices, brats won't be much trouble at Disney parks. The employees are quick to address children who do anything worse than wasting food and the worst brats go to Disney jail.

Quote
misskitty

Quote
Cambion
I'm not big enough into Disney to go to one of their parks

Most adults aren't. That's why I'm surprised at DINKs who do Disney unless they missed this experience as kids. Epcot is great for adults (and kids who prefer less noise or are more mature), but Magic Kingdom is definitely meant for kids.

Quote
kittehpeoples
We're those arrested development perpetual children, I guess, because we love the Disney parks. Mr kittehpeoples and I have made a number of trips together and had some fantastic experiences. And we've done the gamut, from the classic "kiddie" attractions to the "all grown up" Food and Wine Festival.

That being said, I cannot imagine taking kids there and then complaining that you took kids there. Most of the child-induced misery we've witnessed absolutely falls on the parents' poor planning...I speculate that a lot of the meltdowns and unhappiness could be avoided if the parents would take a few hours out of the middle of each day to go back to their hotel and let the kids sleep and cool off, figuratively and literally. But I'm sure the breeders feel like they paid to be there, damn it, and they're going to get their money's worth even if everybody's miserable.

Quote
freya
But you go and don't complain about it and love it. The crowds would be enough to keep me away. There isn't much I'd endure if a crowd (or lots of crowds) are involved. It cuts out virtually anything tourism-involved.

Quote
freya
Lots of brats aren't going to be able to deal with Disney because it is too much at once. I bet it can overstimulate even the calmest brats. Add in bad parunting and it is $8K of regrets. Yikes.

Quote
kman

Yes, this. Some time ago I asked why adults would want to go to Disneyland/Disney World because everything is geared toward young children. A couple of members here then read me the riot act and said they still enjoyed Disney.

I still don't get it. Maybe if your idea of watching fun TV is watching Sesame Street, I'd get it. Most people outgrow that kind of amusement by age 8 or so. In fairness, the company does have other things to see, such as Epcot Center, but the main attractions are for kids.

Quote
kittehpeoples

Quote
misskitty
If you have enough money to not be bothered by all the prices, brats won't be much trouble at Disney parks. The employees are quick to address children who do anything worse than wasting food and the worst brats go to Disney jail.

What are you talking about? Unless a kid does something flat out dangerous, Disney employees don't parent anybody's kids. Can you imagine the entitled breeder reaction if they did?

Quote
misskitty

Quote
Cambion
I'm not big enough into Disney to go to one of their parks

Most adults aren't. That's why I'm surprised at DINKs who do Disney unless they missed this experience as kids. Epcot is great for adults (and kids who prefer less noise or are more mature), but Magic Kingdom is definitely meant for kids.

Quote
misskitty
Cambion claimed that kids walk around barefoot or climb out of rides in Disney parks. Disney employees would immediately address these brats, and their entitled breeders who react would get Disney jailed or kicked out along with the brats. They market themselves as the happiest place on Earth for a reason.

Quote
misskitty
Disney movies and books were originally marketed to toadlers and little kyds.

Quote
Cambion
Being a CF adult means getting to truly enjoy "children's" entertainment without interruptions from brats, be it going to Disneyworld, building a Lego model, playing with Pokemon cards, and so on. Anyone who takes a child somewhere like Disneyworld or Six Flags or wherever is asking for trouble because the child will not only be a miserable shit stain, but they will ruin everyone else's fun too.

I'm not big enough into Disney to go to one of their parks, but I wouldn't object to going to the Harry Potter park in Orlando. I'm not exactly a Potterhead, but some of the items, foods and attractions there look kinda neat.

---

This is about how a vacation would go with young children (let's say 5 years old): Taking an entire day just to get out of the fucking house because the brats won't pack their own shit, or the parents have to pack it for them because they refuse to pack anything besides coloring books and Gushers. The kids decide they don't want to go and they want to stay home for reasons unknown. Screaming ensues when they are forced to go, followed by kicking and flailing when they are physically picked up and thrown into the car. They refuse to wear seatbelts, so they have to be bribed with food.

The car ride feels like it's 50 years long because the kids are constantly screaming, fighting, hitting one another, bitching about being hungry (but not hungry enough for the snacks you brought), throwing things out the window, crying over trivial crap like how one of them wanted the Twizzler the other one has. Never mind there is a whole bag of Twizzlers - the screaming child wanted the specific one their sibling has and they will scream and cry because they can't have it. Both children will throw up multiple times and will likely soil their pants in one way or another and will swear they don't have to pee as urine runs down their legs and into the cloth car seat.

First day at the park, both kids throw huge fits because they don't want to hold their parents' hands. One of them decides they don't like their shoes anymore and insists on taking them off and walking around barefoot, then throws himself on the ground kicking and screaming and sobbing when he's told he has to wear shoes. One parent picks the fucker up and the family continues on their way and the brat in question is whine-moaning and snot-sucking the whole time because he wants to go home - not back to the hotel, but HOME.

The other child NEEDS a giant stuffed animal from a game, even though she has more toys than she knows what to do with, she MUST have THAT toy at all costs or she cannot go on living. More whining and sobbing because if she does not have that particular toy right now (happens to also be the biggest prize), the world will literally end. Spend $300 trying to win a piece of shit doll that probably cost $2 on Alibaba, the person running the game gives the parent a consolation prize because they feel sorry for them. Child throws this inferior toy on the ground and screams that it's the wrong one. One parent tries to console the tiny screaming asshole while the other one holds the toy like it's made of solid gold becaue they just blew hundreds of dollars on it.

Let's go on rides! The lines are insanely long and right when you and the sproggen are about to get on the ride after being in line for two hours, one child shits his pants and the ride operator won't let him on and won't allow the parent to get back in line if they step away to clean up their shitty brat, so the parent has no choice but to step out of line and take the fucker to the bathroom to hose him down while the other two stay in line. This takes approximately 90 minutes because the brat won't stay still or stop crying because he's tired and claims the water hurts because he doesn't want to be cleaned off. Parent must endure sideways looks from strangers because they have a sobbing half-naked child with them.

Meanwhile, right as the other parent and the other child are in the process of boarding the ride, the child decides the ride is too scary and starts sobbing that she doesn't want to do it. So they get out of line. Before leaving the park later, the same child will see this same ride and scream that she needs to go on it because it looks fun, but there is no time that day because the park is going to close. Reminding her she was scared of the ride earlier means nothing because she has changed her mind. Cue screeching a la, "I WAAAANNNNNAAAA GO ON THUH PEEEERAAATBUUUUUTT! (pirate boat)" Child has stopped walking and becomes dead weight and is being dragged across the park now.

Pay $100+ for dumb bullshit park food in the shape of Mickey Mouse ears or whatever. The kids eat two bites of it and throw the rest on the ground. They decide they NEED to have what their parents are eating. Never mind it's the exact same food they threw on ground moments before - Mom's and Dad's are magical and more delicious and special. One bite and they are in love! They demand their own, and when the parents remind them that they had the exact same thing and they wasted it and won't be getting more, more screaming and lots of "I HATE YOU" and "I WANNA GO HOOOOOME" and "WHY WON'T YOU LET US EEEEEAT MOMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" echoing throughout the park.

Parents give up their food to their kids to shut them up, one child vomits because they didn't chew their food and wind up gagging. Oh, and let us not forget spending over three hours searching the park for at least one of the brats when it decides to bolt off somewhere and the whole place comes to a standstill as security picks the park over. The child is found hiding in a bush under a roller coaster and nobody knows how he got over the safety fence or past the ride operator. Said child has no shoes because he didn't want to wear them anymore and threw them somewhere - security only manages to locate one of them. These shoes were also brand new and the child picked them out himself because they had Minecraft characters on them.

After all is said and done, the family has managed to go on one ride - something lame like the merry-go-round or the teacup ride. They have wasted in excess of $500 on day one in the park for various dumb crap. The famblee goes to McDonald's for quick and easy food that the brats will actually eat because it's late and the parents don't want to deal with taming two assholes in a sit-down establishment. Welllll they would do anything for McDonald's any other day, but that night is the night both kids decide they hate McDonald's and want something strange like eggplant and absolutely no amount of cajoling will change their minds. It's eggplant or nothing, so the parents buy them each a Happy Meal. The fries from both wind up on the floor of the car, one kid unwraps the burger and mashes it down into the back seats and the other peels the breading off the nuggets and throws the "meat" out the window. Grease from the nuggets is wiped on the seat. Then both kids fight over the toys because they both want the same one. One child clocks the other in the face over the toy and causes a nosebleed. The parents have no tissues on hand, so a shirt has to be sacrificed to stop the bleeding. It's the white shirt the idiot parents bought at the park for $30. The barefoot child wants his Minecraft shoes now and when he is reminded that he threw them away, he denies it and starts sobbing because they were his favorite shoes.

Get back to the hotel and somehow these brats have gotten a second wind and are no longer tired and cranky. They stomp and scream across the room until one of the staff members comes up and tells the parents to make them be quiet because they are disturbing the other guests. Trying to put the kids to bed is a joke because they don't want to sleep, and they decide they're hungry and want McDonald's at 1am. No can do, McDick's is closed - more screaming, and nothing will placate them, not even promises of candy bars from the lobby vending machine. Promise to get McDonald's for breakfast if they just stop screaming and go to sleep. Nope, gotta be tonight! Kids finally cry themselves to sleep at 4am, with both of them wetting the bed during the night. Contemplate smothering them with pillows, but it would require too much energy, so parents pass out on their bed. Alarm goes off at 7am to get an early start on day two in funland.

---

Anyone who chooses to take a young child on a vacation is certifiably mentally ill. I would rather lovingly lick every seat in a gas station bathroom than take a child to a vacation spot for a day.

Quote
kman
This is brilliant, Cambion. This could be a new National Lampoon's Vacation movie—except maybe for all the truth in it!

Quote
kittehpeoples

Quote
misskitty
Cambion claimed that kids walk around barefoot or climb out of rides in Disney parks. Disney employees would immediately address these brats, and their entitled breeders who react would get Disney jailed or kicked out along with the brats. They market themselves as the happiest place on Earth for a reason.

People have climbed off of rides before, and they're apparently escorted out of the parks pretty swiftly. I've not heard of kids doing it, though. It's usually guys who are in their late teens or early 20s. And I still don't know what "Disney jailed" is, but the image it evokes is amusing.

Quote
Cambion
I know my small novel is probably fairly accurate too, and somehow I know this stuff without having bred first.

Quote
misskitty

Quote
kittehpeoples

Quote
misskitty
Cambion claimed that kids walk around barefoot or climb out of rides in Disney parks. Disney employees would immediately address these brats, and their entitled breeders who react would get Disney jailed or kicked out along with the brats. They market themselves as the happiest place on Earth for a reason.

People have climbed off of rides before, and they're apparently escorted out of the parks pretty swiftly. I've not heard of kids doing it, though. It's usually guys who are in their late teens or early 20s. And I still don't know what "Disney jailed" is, but the image it evokes is amusing.

It's just the security office where they hold misbehaving guests before taking further action, but it's called "Disney jail" for fun.

Disney parks swiftly handle the smaller shit as well. Other parks say they're not responsible for lost belongings and stop there, but Disney will close rides to retrieve them.

Quote
Cambion
Vacations like that are wasted on really little kids because they don't give a fuck and they'll wind up tired and cranky in a big hurry all so Moo and Duh can put cutesy photos on Facebook to tell the world, "See? We're good parents! See? SEE??" Slightly older kids will likely be fine, like 7 or 8 or older. But what is a toddler gonna get out of a big fancy vacation?

Quote
kman

This is brilliant, Cambion. This could be a new National Lampoon's Vacation movie—except maybe for all the truth in it!

Quote
freya

Quote
kman

This is brilliant, Cambion. This could be a new National Lampoon's Vacation movie—except maybe for all the truth in it!

I agree, this could be a screenplay Cambion.