Paranoid moos and assault SUV's

https://www.yahoo.com/news/momfluencer-promoted-499-000-armored-014508229.html

I think is is the ultimate assault vehicle out there, if it is out there yet. Some influencer moo is going on about how parents need one of these $500,000 vehicles because you just never know when someone is going to open fire on your regular SUV on the way to a school drop off.

The influencer does have a point. Shooting is almost a daily occurrence. However buying an assault SUV isn't the answer. There is no answer.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

I can't help but to view this as a shameless humble brag. I can practically hear the whiney judgemental sneer in her voice:

"Ayyyyee paid $.5 M large for the safety of muy brats, what have you other parents done recently to keep your famblees safe?

Wait, you don't have $.5 M to blow on a specialized vehicle, you poor pieces of shit?
I do, I have so much money and feel so validated when I can unleash a humblebrag where I display my wealth in a way designed to shame over 99% of all parunts. Few see through my facade."

I'd almost guarantee this isn't the first luxury item she has exploited in the name of proving how wealth ee she is safety for brats, but we all know it is about the humble brag.

Statistically people are much more likely to die from a mosquito bite than someone shooting them in their car.
But there is no internal validation about bragging about spending $7 on freaking bug spray because over 50% of people can afford it.

Brats are more likely to be shot out of the vehicle.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Unless Moo is driving her brats around through an active mine field every damn day, why would any civilian need a $500K vehicle that can survive explosions? A gigantic monstrosity S-Moo-V won't protect their precious brats if an armed student or nutcase waltzes into the school and blows away a third of the student body, which has been happening a lot more and will continue to increase in frequency.

Frankly I think Moos are a bigger threat to their brats. Ever see those bizzy mommies who are texting while driving with their precious spawn in the backseat? Speaking of which, what if one of these Moos gets into an accident with her darlings strapped into one of these fucking tanks? If the car can withstand explosions, does that mean it would be harder to free trapped victims from them? Would the jaws of life be able to provide an escape from such a strongly reinforced vehicle if Moo runs a stop sign, gets T-boned and the car rolls and lands on its roof?

Can you imagine how much gas something like this bullshit probably guzzles? I mean if you can afford a six-figure car, you can probably afford to fill the tank too. Not to mention something like this probably has to be taken to a very specialized mechanic or even the dealership for maintenance. Can you imagine being a small-town grease monkey and someone rolls this stupid thing into your parking lot?

And you KNOW there will be Moos who think driving this heap makes them invincible and that they can be aggressive on the road and both engage in and provoke road rage. Not like anybody can shoot them. I know there are a lot of dumb motherfuckers out there who do shit like brake check semi trucks on the highway and driving something like this would probably make the dumbest of the idiots feel confident enough to pull such shit.

Rich Moos will buy this tank of a vehicle to protect their darlings, so does that mean owning this $500K vehicle will protect the brats from Daddy when he has a few too many drinks and throws the kids through the wall? Will it protect the precious snookumses from the wandering hands of frisky Uncle Chester? Will it stop the kids' retarded older brother from strangling them because they looked at him funny? Violence is a real threat, but kids are in much more danger at the hands of familiar people.

This problem has a much easier and much cheaper solution: if you don't want your kids to get injured or killed, then don't have any damn kids.

Yep!

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Unless moo's kids are such hellspawn terrors that she bought that behemoth to protect the rest of the world from her spawn