https://www.yahoo.com/news/dating-coach-reviewed-mans-match-122000162.html

His dealbreakers are conservatives, smokers and people who "do not like kids" as his son will "always come first"

As someone once said on reddit cf, the kid probably should 'always come first" as a sign of a good parent, but that reality ends any chance of meeting a cf person who will put up with a kid. If the kid is ignored for the cf person then he is a not so good parent which makes him kinda an ass. It must be hard for older cf people out in the dating world now. That is all that there is out there it seems, is parents

I think this dude will only be attracting single moos.

The dating coach needs to pull their head out of their ass. Dealbreakers absolutely SHOULD be listed in a dating profile, because otherwise, two people might be wasting their time on a date when they are incompatible. Wouldn't you feel a little miffed if you went out with someone and learned after making a connection that they have wildly different beliefs/ideals than you? Like you're vegan and they eat nothing but meat, or they're Catholic and you're an atheist, or they're a Neo-nazi and you're Jewish?

That's good the guy doesn't want people who don't like kids because that would be a shitty thing to do to date someone who hates kids and subject your kid to them. Not that a little thing like disliking brats stops single parents from trying to get with someone who clearly doesn't want or like kids. But then I'm sure he'll be whining and moaning when the only people that want him are single Moos when he wants a pretty, slim, single, childless woman who just loves kids so much and who will just adore his brat. If he's looking for someone like that in his age range, GOOD LUCK.

The fact of the matter is having a brat significantly shrinks your dating pool because nobody wants to deal with someone else's goddamn kids - not even other parents. There's a reason you have to pay people to deal with your damn kids and it's because they SUCK. Doesn't matter how much his profile "pops," it doesn't change the fact he has a presumably minor child at the age of 62. Nobody is going to want to be dealing with a possible teenager in their fucking 70s and 80s, unless Duh wants to score a significantly younger woman than him so she can wrangle his kid for him. Because that's usually the reason single Duhs date - to find someone with a vagina to deal with their kids for them.

Quote

Dave said that he's also looking for someone who believes that everyone deserves to be treated with respect.

No they don't. They have to earn respect, and plenty of people do not deserve a speck of respect.

The article wouldn't load for me, but I'm definitely in favor of putting your dealbreakers in your profile. I put mine there, and 90% of men and 50% of women ignore the fact that I say I'm not interested if you have or want kids. When I go to check out their profiles, and they say right up front that they have kids, great - I can exclude them.

I feel like dating apps suck for both men and women, but for different reasons (speaking strictly for heterosexual matches). Men don't get many matches, women get too many matches. The result of this is that women are stuck looking for the needle in the haystack, and the bigger the haystack, the lower the chance that they will actually carefully wade through it. The numbers are ridiculous - I saw a Reddit post by a woman saying her sister who lives in London had something like 5,000 men swiping right in the space of a weekend. Even from my vantage point of a less populous city, not being a great beauty, and being over 40, I will get about 1,000 in a week. (And perhaps 50 of those will be interesting enough to warrant a second glance, and I'll end up matching with ~10 at most.)

This is, in essence, the tragedy of the commons. Because dick is widely available, men seek to maximize their matches by swiping right on anyone that they find at all attractive, and by having the most bland profiles imaginable so as to not put anyone off. That's precisely what the dating coach is encouraging with suggesting removing dealbreakers: become one of the indistinguishable masses. Of course this approach has the opposite effect on any woman who is genuinely interested in meeting someone. After I remove everyone with dealbreakers, I remove everyone with a bland profile. What makes me more likely to swipe right is if someone has the guts to put opinions in the profile, and those happen to be my opinions too.

Both men and women would be better off if men would put more opinions in their profile and start exercising some discrimination (in the selective sense, not the bigotry sense!) in their swiping.

Being an older CF person is not that bad. There are definitely options of people my own age "never married, no kids", the trick is making sure it isn't because they are emotionally unavailable, and of course compatibility in general. But I'm also pretty indifferent to age, so this helps a lot as there are ample people in their 30s without children, and of course most people in their late 20s don't have them either.

What on earth possesses a 55-year-old to think it is a good idea to reproduce? How about focusing on retirement? Planning a vacation? Anything but reproducing. Bad judgement broadcasted right there. Has he not figured out yet how to wrap it up? Is this some last chance desperation to reproduce or gain some kind of weird cellular immortality?

He has a 7-year-old and is 62. He is old enough to freaking retire and has a young kid, not a teen or adult child. And he wants a long-term relationship this is likely to translate to seeking an unpaid/permanent caretaker/housekeeper/cook who has sex with him. Caretaking for his kid for the next 11 years, then him because he will be 73 at that point, then any grandkids. I guess by age 73 he won't care if the remainder of his retirement goes to pay for the kid's student loans.

A 45–62-year-old woman isn't going to want him, if she has kids her kids will likely be older anyways.

He only has his kid every other weekend currently. Often that changes rapidly once a man makes his new relationship legal. The ex might be a perfectly decent human being but even perfectly decent human beings can have their fill of doing the majority of the childrearing and decide to bequeath that honor on the other parent. "I did the hard part from birth to age 9, now it is your turn to raise the kid from 9 to 18" or some other nonsense.

The ex extorts her well-planned revenge when the ink is barely dry, suddenly develops a health condition or some other complication and all of the sudden the kid announces it "wants to live with dad" and the kid comes first. Women have exaggerated medical conditions along with obtaining whatever else they want by manipulating their ex, especially if he is one of those "the kid always comes first" types. She already knows his hot button, anything she wants just needs to be reframed into being in the kid's best interest and he will comply. IOW, his ex has him by the balls.

He is too freaking old for a woman under 45. And a child-free woman of any age isn't going to want him either. But he does mention one of his interests is in Women's empowerment, ha ha.

I just don't see how this could possibly work out decently for any woman, she is likely to be the one who does all the giving in the relationship and is going to have to be a total doormat to be willing to deal with him, his kid and his ex. Her best bet would be to date him exclusively (if for some reason she derived something she greatly prizes out of it) and say no to living together or marriage. I just hope he doesn't manage to trap a woman who would be much better off saving for her own retirement and looking for a partner/companion instead of settling for a man who could very well be setting her up to be a permanent caretaker.

I agree about the dealbreakers thing, especially something as big and divisive as childfreedom. Who the hell wants to spend time, money, and energy on fostering a potential relationship, maybe get deeply emotionally invested, only to find out that you are fundamentally incompatible and absolutely shouldn't be together?

(Of course, there are always the bottom of the barrel morons who think eventually they'll change the other person's mind (aka wear them down), or worse, buy into the lie that "you'll love it if it's yours" and have a kid they knew they didn't want just so they could keep their partner. At least the first scenario only fucks up two lives.