guy sticks by his friend who raped a babysitter because the friend is a "nice guy" and a duh

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tibetan_salad

For everyone who is saying you would just stop being friends, they clearly haven’t been in this situation. Enter what my friends group is dealing with currently. My best friend from college (Kevin) had a best friend from high school (Tony). Over the years Tony and I have become great friends as well and I would consider our relationship very close. July 4th comes around and we go to a BBQ expecting to see Kevin, Tony, and the rest of our friends. Tony doesn’t show up, his wife doesn’t show up, and nobody has heard from them. Later that night as fireworks were going off we get our own little firework: Tony had been arrested and jailed for rape of their babysitter the night before. Apparently Tony and his wife had gone out for a night of fun and when they got home they were a bit tipsy and the babysitter decided to stay and have a drink with them before leaving. Fast forward and wife falls asleep, Tony’s drunk and proceeds to rape her.

I’ve known Tony drunk, I’ve known him sober, I’ve seen him high, I’ve seen him low, I would never ever in a million years think this man is capable of raping someone. The father of 2 beautiful little girls who were in the house with him. But here we are and we are trying to still come to terms with what is going on and what happened, but from all evidence and account he is very clearly guilty. It’s hard to accept and I think part of me is still accepting that this happened and someone who is a friend has done something terrible I couldn’t imagine them doing. He isn’t a perfect person and I wouldn’t go out of my way to say he always did the right thing, but he’s someone I’ve seen absolutely go out of his way to help people as well and it’s a hard duality to accept. A good person isn’t always going to do good things and a bad person isn’t always going to do bad things. It’s hard to process what’s going on still and Kevin has turned into a mess the last few months but he’s starting to come to terms with it to. At first it was awkward getting texts and calls from a prison number but none of us have cut of contact with him. We’re all disappointed in what happened and wish his wife and their babysitter the best for helping heal through this, I don’t think she’s talked to him at all since he was arrested. But it’s not the same anymore, I see that number now and I don’t get the same happy feeling when he reached out before. I get sad for him, I get anxious he’ll ask for more money on his commissary, I get angry that we’re all just kind of helping his family pick up the pieces, but most of all I just feel like I didn’t know someone. It’s like getting a DUI, if you’re getting a DUI it’s not the first time you’ve driven drunk, it’s just the first time you’ve been caught. I just feel like there’s so many more things I don’t know that are going to come out and change my thoughts about someone (which they should, that’s how learning works). It’s just a difficult emotional rollercoaster at times that isn’t as easy as “1 less friend, 1 more enemy”

I hope if this situation is happening to you that you can talk to someone to help process your thoughts feelings. I’ve been very confused by a lot of mine and a therapist has really helped