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guy sticks by his friend who raped a babysitter because the friend is a "nice guy" and a duh

Posted by redrat33 
full thread https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xqpq7h/comment/iqcdo3p/?rdt=37979

Quote
tibetan_salad

For everyone who is saying you would just stop being friends, they clearly haven’t been in this situation. Enter what my friends group is dealing with currently. My best friend from college (Kevin) had a best friend from high school (Tony). Over the years Tony and I have become great friends as well and I would consider our relationship very close. July 4th comes around and we go to a BBQ expecting to see Kevin, Tony, and the rest of our friends. Tony doesn’t show up, his wife doesn’t show up, and nobody has heard from them. Later that night as fireworks were going off we get our own little firework: Tony had been arrested and jailed for rape of their babysitter the night before. Apparently Tony and his wife had gone out for a night of fun and when they got home they were a bit tipsy and the babysitter decided to stay and have a drink with them before leaving. Fast forward and wife falls asleep, Tony’s drunk and proceeds to rape her.

I’ve known Tony drunk, I’ve known him sober, I’ve seen him high, I’ve seen him low, I would never ever in a million years think this man is capable of raping someone. The father of 2 beautiful little girls who were in the house with him. But here we are and we are trying to still come to terms with what is going on and what happened, but from all evidence and account he is very clearly guilty. It’s hard to accept and I think part of me is still accepting that this happened and someone who is a friend has done something terrible I couldn’t imagine them doing. He isn’t a perfect person and I wouldn’t go out of my way to say he always did the right thing, but he’s someone I’ve seen absolutely go out of his way to help people as well and it’s a hard duality to accept. A good person isn’t always going to do good things and a bad person isn’t always going to do bad things. It’s hard to process what’s going on still and Kevin has turned into a mess the last few months but he’s starting to come to terms with it to. At first it was awkward getting texts and calls from a prison number but none of us have cut of contact with him. We’re all disappointed in what happened and wish his wife and their babysitter the best for helping heal through this, I don’t think she’s talked to him at all since he was arrested. But it’s not the same anymore, I see that number now and I don’t get the same happy feeling when he reached out before. I get sad for him, I get anxious he’ll ask for more money on his commissary, I get angry that we’re all just kind of helping his family pick up the pieces, but most of all I just feel like I didn’t know someone. It’s like getting a DUI, if you’re getting a DUI it’s not the first time you’ve driven drunk, it’s just the first time you’ve been caught. I just feel like there’s so many more things I don’t know that are going to come out and change my thoughts about someone (which they should, that’s how learning works). It’s just a difficult emotional rollercoaster at times that isn’t as easy as “1 less friend, 1 more enemy”

I hope if this situation is happening to you that you can talk to someone to help process your thoughts feelings. I’ve been very confused by a lot of mine and a therapist has really helped


This person also claims to love kids and work with them and pparently was also a foster parent. One wonders if he'd blind eye to someone abusing the kids he works with/fostered if the abuser "was a duh or fun to hang around with".
Also another comment where a different person expresses that they would stick by their rapist "friend".

It never ceases to amaze me how society and people will give a pass to seemingly "nice" famblee men. they can literally commit rape and still have people around supporting them because "they're so nice" , meanwhile the introvert who lives alone is treated with suspicion and scorn.
Ugh. This is so triggering to me. I can honestly say that a lot of these people get away with their crimes because they use the "good famblee man" cover as a shield for their evil intentions. They're also good liars and because of that, they get a lot of protection and support from people who think they're actually nice, helpful people.

This is not uncommon and how a lot of serial killers and murderers, pedos and other criminals manage to get away with their crimes for years without getting caught. In other words, these idiots are part of the problem.

Anyone IMO who thinks rape is okay and that even "good people" do it sometimes should spend a day in my shoes as a sufferer of PTSD, chronic anxiety and depression. One day won't do it justice but if they had any idea how the victims of rape are affected even a little, they may change their minds on how good these people are.

This goes for men and women both, not just men although they are more often the ones to do this.
I have a lot of thoughts about this that would probably just be an incoherent bundle of rage if I tried to express them, but I will say this: I'd bet actual money that any of these guys who stay friends with their rapist buddies would will sing a different tune when it's their daughters coming home from babysitting or prom or work or school and say they've been raped. Then it'll be "I didn't understand until it happened to my daughter." Because the poor babysitter in OOP's story is just an NPC compared to the guy they like to hang out with. Her suffering isn't real, because it doesn't affect them.

This whole thing really hits like politicians who have to say "As a father to a daughter" before they admit women are humans.
Men side with other men. I can guarantee there was a conversation about “what did the babysitter do to lead him on” amongst the friend group.

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