Kids and reality in old age

What an honest parent said:

"When I turned 60, I looked back at my life and thought: “Well, I’ve pretty much reached the final stretch.”
And then what? Much of what I once believed in turned out to be just an illusion.
Children? They have their own lives now.
Health? It slips away faster than water from a leaky bucket.
The government? Just numbers in the news and empty promises.
Old age doesn’t show mercy. It strikes right where it hurts most — at hope.
And I’ve drawn some conclusions. Harsh, bitter, but saving ones.
Children won’t save you from loneliness.
We like to think: “Once we raise our kids, old age will be happy. They’ll be around, they’ll support us.” Sounds nice, doesn’t it? But reality is different.
Children have their own lives — work, loans, responsibilities, kids of their own. And you wait for a phone call as if it were a holiday. The phone stays silent for weeks, then a short message arrives: “Hi, Dad. Everything’s fine.”
You look at the screen, and you’re glad they’re alive and well. But the emptiness inside doesn’t go away.
I realized one thing: children are not an insurance policy against loneliness. They are a joy, not a crutch.
Health is not eternal.
You no longer want to go places you used to rush to like a kangaroo. You finally understand: health isn’t just the background — it’s your main capital.
Pension and money.
No need for many words here. A pension is mockery, not a living. If you rely on the government, you’re digging your own grave.
For years, I believed, “The state won’t abandon us.”
Ha! It will — and how! Your pension barely covers utilities and medicine. For everything else — you’re on your own.
So what helps you live with dignity?
When I realized the old supports had fallen, I had to find new ones. And here’s what I came up with — hard, sometimes bitter, but honest rules. They’re not about fairy tales, they’re about reality.
Five Hard Rules of Life
Rule 1. Money is more reliable than children.
Don’t be offended, but it’s true. Children are love and joy, not a retirement fund.
Conclusion: save for yourself. Work, set money aside, think ahead. You must have your own safety cushion — even a small one. That’s freedom.
Rule 2. Health is your main job.
Everything else means nothing if you can’t get out of bed. Start exercising, swim, walk more.
Ten squats in the morning, less sugar and salt — simple, but it works. Illness doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, but it often passes by those who take care of themselves.
Rule 3. Learn to be happy on your own.
Expectations are your worst enemy. You wait for calls, gifts, attention — and get disappointment instead.
Happiness must be made by yourself — in small doses: a tasty dinner, a good book, beautiful music. The ability to find joy alone is the best vaccine against despair.
Rule 4. Old age is not an excuse to be weak.
I’ve seen some of my peers turn into eternal complainers. “Oh, it hurts. Oh, help me. Oh, everyone’s to blame.”
You know what happens? Even the closest people start avoiding them.
Weakness doesn’t inspire pity — it causes irritation. People respect those who stand tall even when it’s hard.
Rule 5. Leave the past behind and live in the present.
The most dangerous trap is endless “back in my day.”
Yes, the grass seemed greener, the kids more obedient, the sausage tastier. But “back then” is gone. Only “now” exists.
I’m learning to let go of the past. I don’t expect life to return to how it was in the 80s. It’s different now — and my job is to live this life.
Freedom and strength are in your hands.
Old age is an exam. No one will take it for you.
You either accept life as it is and rebuild it by new rules, or you sit on the couch, complain, and wait for someone to come and save you — but no one will"

When my parents were like in their 50s, and definitely early 60s, it seemed like the were acting like they were 90, and expecting me to be their main entertainment and companionship even tho I had a demanding job, downtown commute, a whole house/yard to take care of on weekends, later post graduate work, and of course a marriage to nurture. (of course at least my dad couldnt understand why I didnt give him grandkids) My ILs were always demanding w/ our time for forced family fun.

I dont understand this mindset as I'm that old now. Since Covid, I've really stopped being the initiator in friendships and now, I never socialize bcz no one else initiates. I mean it aint like they have small children or grandchildren (thank gawd for the youth putting that off way into their 30s-40s now) so I spend a lot of time alone, w/ spouse. But I dont sit here thinking Oh if I just had kids they could visit me! A lot of family stuff is just mediocre obligations, why would I want to be on the other side of that now, its still the same polite boring conversation, nosy questions, celebrations of milestones that you just go thru the motions on. I mean does anyone say, Wow we havent had a graduation or christening in a while, I wish we had more? No! I wouldnt think that my nieces and nephews would want to come over and by obligation sit here and keep me company, and they dont even have homes, kids, or very complicated jobs.

This person may be more isolated bcz health issues so it may be different, but otherwise, even if you dont have a lot of friends nearby, one could join senior citizen groups and/or start volunteering to have a passion, keep purposeful, actually HELP the so-called village, meet people of similar mindset that actually have time to be the same place you are. My parents and ILs did none of that (my 80y.o.MIL still works tho), their whole focus was what we(I) did or did not do for them even tho they knew my plate was full. Do parents actually 'act older' and get this mindset for attention and maybe a reward of parenthood? I swear its the only reason they want grandbrats so badly.

A lot of breeders don't know how to entertain themselves. I think it's one reason they have kids. They think they will be bored without them. They were boring before kids and are boring with them.

The writer seems like the type of old crotchety fart that he/she is writing about. I'm less than two decades from traditional retirement age but I can't imagine complaining about boredom - life is full of things to do, see, and experience. I lmfao when breeder brains taunt us with threats of despair and boredom in old age without brats and famblee around us. They live on a different planet.

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Ketchup
A lot of breeders don't know how to entertain themselves. I think it's one reason they have kids. They think they will be bored without them.

I agree. I've seen multiple instances of people arguing the childfree should have kids because "what else are you going to do with your time?" "What do you do all day if you don't have kids?" I know a woman who went back to work after having a child even though, after adding up commuting and childcare costs, it was CHEAPER for her to stay home, because she "just didn't know what to do" with herself all day. And here I literally don't have the time left to learn all the things I want to learn and develop the skills I want to develop and read all the books I own. Wtf.

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kittehpeoples
I know a woman who went back to work after having a child even though, after adding up commuting and childcare costs, it was CHEAPER for her to stay home, because she "just didn't know what to do" with herself all day.

I also think a lot of breeders will be thrilled to go back to work after spawning because, between work and brat care, working 9 to 5 is far more bearable than dealing with a screeching child all day long. Many of them stay home for the first few years of their kids' lives because the Moos find that if they go right back to work, their entire paycheck was being eaten up by daycare.

Much like you, I have no fucking kids and I don't have time to do everything I want to do either. I wish I could afford to take a year off just to read/write/make/play all the things I want to read/write/make/play.

But after you fry your brain for years taking care of a mindless brat and being unable to do adult things or even exist as an independent individual (rather than just someone's mommy), it's like they don't know how to do anything unrelated to kids.