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Baby name consulting is apparently a thing

Posted by Cambion 
Baby name consulting is apparently a thing
December 09, 2025
The owner of this site claims to make such a good living from doing this that she was able to quit her job as a nurse practitioner.

https://www.namingbebe.com/

And a Buzzfeed interview with her: https://www.buzzfeed.com/lily_grossinger/tiktok-baby-name-consultant-interview?origin=web-hf

Why would anyone pay for this shit? I have a book of 5,001 pet names that I got for like a buck at a thrift store. Are millennials that fucking worthless that they need someone to hold their hand and name their brats for them? Or did this lady wisely cash in on what complete suckers breeders are for anything babby-related?

They aren't even normal or good names - two she pitched to a couple of fucktards with "creatively" named brats welcoming a fourth l'il mistake were "Peachy Bean" and "Twiggy Lore." Those are not human names - those are My Little Pony names! Twiggy Lore could pass for a porn name too.



I thought this was a joke. Her rates are as follows:

Name 911 - $81

Not looking for a full consultation but need help honing in on the perfect name? Book a Name 911 if you want expert, detailed feedback on your list of top contenders or having simple questions like:

Does this first name work with this last name?
What types of middle names go with our chosen first name?
Is our favorite name getting too popular?
We’re worried about pronunciation of our top contender.



Standard Consultation - $175

Feedback on your list of top contenders
Curated list of name ideas (10-15) based on your style/criteria



Deluxe Consultation - $500

Zoom call: let’s chat!
Detailed feedback on your top contenders
Curated list of baby names (30+) with commentary on popularity/style/rationale based on our call
Ongoing support until your baby is here! (support for WHAT??)
Re: Baby name consulting is apparently a thing
December 09, 2025
Wow, that's what I should have been when I grew up. What a con.
Re: Baby name consulting is apparently a thing
December 11, 2025
Dear goodness, so much cringe! Even calling it 'namingBEBE'! Blergh! Using bloody baby language or whatever that cutesy-abomination is supposed to be.

But on the other side it kinda makes me laugh too, she does con the suckers, that's for sure. And she's a serial breeder herself, so gotta keep the gravy train rolling. Breeders getting conned by breeders. Charming.

The My Little Pony Names cracked me up too XD

How about we pitch some more truthful ones, like

Busted Rubber
Drunken Hookup
Lifescript Lore
ProLife Peachy

lol

Seriously though. Why do these mouth-breathers only think of 'baby' names?? That poor bastard will likely grow up to be a teen, and then a person of standard size, and then what?
Getting bullied and not taken seriously for 70+ years because some breeders needed to be assistedly cre8ive to seem extra speshul?
Sheesh. I feel bad for those poor people.
Re: Baby name consulting is apparently a thing
December 11, 2025
I feel like it should be a legal requirement for parents to set aside however much money is necessary for a legal name change in the event their child does not want to be known as Gronkatella Desirable Muse Harambe Smith forever. Because it used to be that parents would give their kid a retarded first name to feel creative, but then a normal middle name in case the kid didn't want the stupid name. But now both names are stupid. Can you imagine being a kid and having to decide which name is less likely to get you beat up: Peachy or Bean?

The names people give their kids now, I wouldn't even give to a pet, let alone a human being. They may as well just flip through a dictionary, point at a random word and name their child that. It worked for Dadaism.
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