Reddit moos flock to say "it's different when it's your own"

A reddit posts asks moos who never liked brats but endd up having them anyway, what their experience is like.

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Main thread
Women who never liked brats but became mothers anyway, how did things turn out for you?

THread; https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1pymkvq/comment/nwjmrog/
The responses are something else:

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LydiLouWho


I ended up having 3. I still don’t like the kid stage. I don’t like playing, or pretending. I don’t like “watch me”. I don’t like sticky fingers and germs. I don’t like the same conversation day after day after day… But it was never a sacrifice to love and care for my children. And then they became teenagers and became AWESOME. I simply could not get enough of them at that age and being a mom finally felt important and I felt effective as a parent.

A couple are young adults now and they are still just as amazing as when they were teens and I am so happy that I had them. I learned that while I may not like the little kid stage, I was built to be a mom of teens to the point that when my last child finishes high school I am seriously considering fostering/adopting children 12 and up. Nothing would give me more joy than to be a support, and to help them navigate such a challenging time of life.

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musicmaj
I don't really like young kids, and know this because actually I teach elementary music, kindergarten- grade 5. I was forced into the role by my district because they had NO elementary music teachers and I was a high school band teacher. They told me not to expect more job offers if I turned down this job (I had already turned down other elementary jobs, too). I've now been in this role 10 years.

So I knew I really wasn't fond of kids until they're about 9, because I work with them. But I really loved working with teens, and thought if I could birth a teen that would be ideal. I'm the type to try and get out of anyone asking me to hold their baby. Never changed a diaper. Just not a baby or kid person at all. Had a childfree wedding. But I really liked how funny and quirky teens are so I thought if I had a kid, I could just white knuckle it until they reached double digits. I was really afraid of not being able to bond with the baby for awhile.

After having a baby, I still don't like babies. I don't want to hold babies. They hold no interest for me.

EXCEPT MY BABY. She is currently 18 months old and is THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME AND I LOVE EVERY SECOND WITH HER. I love holding her, cuddling her, reading to her, playing with her, just spending my whole day with her.

So in short, I don't feel any different about babies and kids in general after having one, with the exception of my own baby, who is the love of my life.

THis is the same person who admitted to having brats because she wanted a guaranteed friend and admitted to being absolutely miserable during pregnancy in another thread.

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ManeaterTM
Now that my 2 kids are adult/teen, I enjoy motherhood. It definitely was not for me when my kids were young. I had kids because I thought my partner really wanted kids. 1 changed his mind and walked out on us. The other, definitely wanted kids and is a great dad.

But motherhood was really rough and traumatic with my first child (former teen mom) and I went through with having a child because I came from a terrible home and wanted to prove a point to my parents (addicts) that I could be a better parent than they ever were.

I did well and I can pat myself on the back. However, it was traumatic raising a child with disabilities as a kid with disabilities myself.

I do not enjoy small kids. I hate small kid activities. I hate loud noises. I like privacy and need like 4hrs of alone time a day.

Would i do it again? Hell no. I put on an academy award winning act to survive it and not traumatize my kids. I did not enjoy any part from birth to 17 years old with my oldest. She is in her 20s now and i can actually enjoy her now. My youngest was way easier and I started to enjoy her when she turned 11years old. They are the absolute best young adults on the planet and I am so proud of them daily.

But i do love my kids more than life itself. I really do not like anything young kid-related though. Even with friends, I experience immense guilt because I do not want to be around their kids (and all my friends are just having kids in their mid/late 30s).

If I had to do it all over again, I'd wait til my 30s and foster teens.

These are responses are pretty interesting since most breeders despise the teenager stage (too rebellious). Its rare to see a breeder that actually likes the teenager stage

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Criseyde2112

Kids? Ugh. I was raised to be annoyed by children but I also changed career paths and began teaching third grade when I was 37. Suddenly I really enjoyed being around kids. They were fun and appreciated my silly humor.

And then, out of nowhere, I wanted to have a baby. I was 40 when my second IVF cycle was successful. I was over the moon with joy. I loved being pregnant. I loved every stage of my son’s life. I especially appreciated that I was in a fantastic place with my marriage and our finances and our education. Most people don’t get this lucky. There are a million outcomes that might have happened, and I’m so pleased with mine.

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UnicornQueenFaye


Being fully honest, the first three months was rough, I lacked any feelings of attachment, in fact I felt detached, bonding wasn’t coming and I had a harsh bought of postpartum that I didn’t realize I was suffering from.

Thanks to my countries medical care and my spouse’s attentiveness, both issues resolved with time. Now, after three years. I love my kid.

He’s taught me so much about my life. How to be a better person, what really matters in life, how to take time to just play and rest, how to remain calm, how to reframe things to better explain them or have myself be understood.

His existence makes my life better and every day I do everything I can to make his life better, he’s my reason to keep going, keep trying, keep living. His silly happy self brings me a level of happiness I never knew was possible.

I love being a mom.

Still can’t stand other peoples kids.

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Maleficent_Glove_477
To be honest, I still don't really much enjoy kids, including my kid but when she is not here I miss her very much, and I do love cuddle her. She is just very active, always bouncing of the walls, jumping everywhere, rough housing or being up to no good (as a 4 years old kid so it's like if I don't watch her one second she will hide to draw on the walls or climb something she sbouldn't!). She is also very very defiant, always has been, and rough, and I had a chart with stars that she could earn if she didn't hurt me for an entire day. We have yet to see stars on this chart. Not blaming her though her dad is useless and showing the bad example.

She has awesome qualities though, she us insanely strong compared to others kids her age and very athletic, she is smart and curious, come with really nice jokes, her being defiant is I Guess her way of questionning the rules. She won't obey if she doesn't understand.

Even as a kid I was very quiet and more of a reading kid, so even as a kid I didn't like the others kid to be honest.

Wouldn't avoid to have her and start all over because she is still my favorite person but damn, I don't like motherhood much.

Baby rabies suddenly hit

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Tiny-historian289
I’ve never liked other people kids but always always wanted to be a mum. I love my kids. I’ve found I’m incredibly patient with small people that are learning and don’t know better yet. Not patient at all with adults that knowingly make poor decisions. I’m a better person to my small people than I am to anyone else.

I don't get people who are all like "I've never liked kyds but I want to be a parent". To me that's like saying "I don't like dogs but I've always wanted to be a dog owner"

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Helanore
I was the go to babysitter growing up. I took care of neighbor kids, my brother, and my dad's boss' kids. I hated it. Swore I wouldnt have kids and when my doctor said I had PCOS, I felt relieved.

When I was 21 I met my now husband. Watching him with the nephews, made me feel a desire to see what kind of father he would be. We had one child and i loved being a mother. It was very different experience to babysitting. I have 4 kids now. I couldnt imagine life without them.

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littlehulky
I never wanted kids, I had a great career and I was perfectly content being a cat lady. But my husband really wanted them and my ovaries started playing tricks on me in my late 20s. Once I had one child, I knew that I wanted her to have siblings, so we had 3.

I hated the baby years. I got terrible PPD and I was convinced I would never know happiness ever again. My mantra was “you can be a good parent or you can have fun, but not both.” I thought that being a good mother meant putting myself last and doing everything for my children. I was so sleep deprived and every day was painfully exhausting, thankless, and boring. It didn’t help that I had 3 under 3 during covid lockdowns, so dealing with a newborn and two toddlers without being able to live normal life felt like torture.

However. When my youngest turned 3, it was like the sun came out again and I could breathe. I realised I didn’t have to completely lose myself to motherhood like some misguided martyr, and I started to incorporate some of my old hobbies and passions, and I began to love being a Mum.

Now they are a little older and they are just my favourite humans in the universe. I enjoy their company, I love hearing their little theories on life and how excited they are when they discover new ideas or old ideas for the first time. I miss them so deeply when I am away from them and I would choose this path again every time. They make every experience better, and getting to see the world through their eyes is a special gift. So yeah.

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Stinkykitty71
Not always. I never liked children, then despite two forms of bc I got pregnant the day my ex and I moved into our new house. Everything changed when I found out. I loved being pregnant, and I adore my son. Had another intentionally years later. Best thing ever. But I still don't like kids, just mine. It's a ton of work, and it's exhausting those early years giving them consistency so they don't turn into assholes. They need so much structure and freedom at the same time lol.

Guaranteed friend????

Isnt that a Michael Scott joke from The Office????

"I want 100 kids so I can have 100 friends, and no one can say they wont be my friend"

A good rule of thumb is to never have a child just to give it a job. A loaf should not be created to be a friend, a source of affection, a marriage saver, a spouse catcher, a caregiver or a money maker. No adult should be making friends with a very small child, especially not their own parent. When Moo tries to be her brat's BFF, she will do considerably less parenting because she wants to remain "friends" with her child, meaning the child will likely get no discipline or boundaries.

I see a lot of them say that either they don't like other people's brats and like their own, or they do like kids in general but they like their brats even more. Makes me wonder how many of them say that because they "have to." Or if it's because breeding is basically a DIY project and someone could make the ugliest fucking piece of "art" that ever existed, but the creator would probably think it's a masterpiece just because they made it. I think it's the same logic with kids.

I notice a distinct lack of people who flat-out said they never wanted kids, had them, hate them and regret ever reproducing. I have a feeling those people were smart and migrated over to r/regretfulparents so they wouldn't get eaten alive.

I do find it interesting how there isn't a universally liked age range for brats. Some women say they adore the baby phase (and these are the ones who will have a new loaf every 1-2 years so they can have another infant to play with) while others want to commit murder-suicide to escape from their screeching loaves. Some women in that discussion say they love the teen years, but other women (like in r/breakingmom) might absolutely hate the teen phase with every fiber of their being. And everything in between.

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Cambion
A good rule of thumb is to never have a child just to give it a job. A loaf should not be created to be a friend, a source of affection, a marriage saver, a spouse catcher, a caregiver or a money maker. No adult should be making friends with a very small child, especially not their own parent. When Moo tries to be her brat's BFF, she will do considerably less parenting because she wants to remain "friends" with her child, meaning the child will likely get no discipline or boundaries.

The funny thing is that giving a child a job almost always backfires. IF the moo has a kid just to have a (captive) friend then the kid will likely either go no contact with moo as soon as they hit adulthood to escape the smothering or grow up to be an entitled, socially inept monster. IF kid goes zero contact , the moo will act so surprised.
eg.

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forfarhill


Me. I don’t like babies and little kids, yet we have a close knit family and I knew I wanted an adult family one day. Unfortunately they don’t come pre-grown lol
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Honestly I don’t love babies. Or toddlers. But I loved being a kid with my family and I’m super close with my family. When I think of being 80 I think of family; my children and grandchildren, chilling out and chatting. Doing stuff together. And that’s how I know I want kids. Of course having them doesn’t mean I’ll get that; but not having then guarantees it.



I don’t like kids, and I still don’t like other people’s kids, but I chose to have kids because I want a family.

Having kids just to ensure companions later in life is def foolish and selfish. Kids are not a guarantee against loneliness later in life. If anything having them for that purpose makes it more likely they will cut contact with them in the future.

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Cambion
I see a lot of them say that either they don't like other people's brats and like their own, or they do like kids in general but they like their brats even more. Makes me wonder how many of them say that because they "have to." Or if it's because breeding is basically a DIY project and someone could make the ugliest fucking piece of "art" that ever existed, but the creator would probably think it's a masterpiece just because they made it. I think it's the same logic with kids.

I think it's both. Some of them say that because they have to. Saying they regret, let alone don't like their kid is a huge stigma that will likely get them ostracized. Others are low-key narcissists that only "love" their kids because they subconsciously see the kid as a mini-me (which is why they decided to spawn a dna replicant instead of adopting. They couldn't like, let alone love something that didn't share their dna)

Can you imagine finding out your own mother said she didn't "enjoy" you, or "would I do it again? Hell no" when asked about raising you? Damn. And fuck the mom whose child hurts her every day and who knows the father is partially responsible for her kid's terrible behavior, but is staying with him anyway. Moron.

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kittehpeoples
Can you imagine finding out your own mother said she didn't "enjoy" you, or "would I do it again? Hell no"

Mine did something in a similar vein. I remember being like seven and my mother found a cassette tape in a random kitchen drawer that was called something like "the woman's miracle." And she went, "The woman's miracle is no kids!" Right in front of me. In fairness, I was a huge brat, but it still hurt to hear it would be a miracle if I wasn't there. And I imagine there are some parents who are even more blatant about their hatred of their kids. If you want to regret your kids, then fine. But for fuck's sake, don't tell them that. I'm sure there are PLENTY of obvious signs that the kid will pick up on, but having it spelled out for them in plain English (or whatever language they speak) is just an unnecessarily cruel slap in the face.

I do wish it was easier for Moos to leave shitty husbands so they didn't feel like they "have to" stay "for the kids." Because the alternative is a kid growing up in a dysfunctional home where they think it's normal for two people in a relationship to scream at one another and treat one another like crap, and probably treat the kid like crap too because they are the "reason" Mommy and Daddy "have to" stay together.

It's particularly heinous when the Moo knows the Duh is harming the kid in one way or another, but still doesn't try to leave. Do they not realize that if the kid tattles and Duh is doing something illegal (like sexual abuse), Moo could also be charged for knowing the abuse was happening and allowing it to happen? I wonder how many Moos who turn a blind eye to abuse regret having those kids? Like they "deserve" it for daring to be born.