More breeder selfishness from reddit

A guy posts asking if he's an asshole for convincing his sister (after also "convincing" his girlfriend to support this) to renege on adopting her child out after the couple had the baby for two weeks. He said she was saying things like "this was for the best," but he could "tell" that she was regretful so he harangued a hormonal post-partum woman until she agreed to take back the child. The father had already bailed, and in this guy's words, his sister was "single mom, one bed apartment, hand-to-mouth budget, emotionally in a bad space." But of course she NEEDS the child back because SHE'S regretful. He keeps insisting that he and his girlfriend will support his sister with anything she needs, but with that set up, I'd like to know where they are when the kid's older and looking to go to college and maybe needs a car and definitely has medical bills and daily expenses and...that woman, who tried to do the right thing, has just locked herself into continued poverty for the foreseeable future.

When people told the guy of course he's an asshole for interfering and getting the child removed from a financially stable environment, somebody told him his post had been reposted on the adoption sub and he wound up going there for sympathy.

Let me tell you, what a wild ride that was for me as an outsider looking in.

I'd have thought a sub dedicated to the adoption process would have been more sympathetic to it, but nooooo, at least not on that post. Top comments are stuff like "I’m not an adoptee or an adoptive parent at all, but people rallying around a couple that can buy a baby instead of a baby and a mom that want to stay together was just… shocking to me." What's shocking to me is that people, even in an adoption sub, would rather have children raised in poverty than adopted out where they can have a stable home life instead. The comment that really got me was this:

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Selfish Moo
I’m a run of the mill parent and I was appalled at comments saying the mom was worse off WITH her baby than she was without. Maybe materially, but money sure as shit ain’t everything. I’ve lived in poverty and know its contours, and I still would choose poverty with my son over luxury without him.

Well, isn't that nice for you, dear. Now what would your son choose? Would he rather live in poverty's contours with you, or would he rather have a safe home and food stability?

I think these asshole breeders who romanticize (or fetishize) struggling to raise their kids in poverty while they say things like "love is more important than money" seriously underestimate the damage done to children who grow up going without basic needs or worrying whether they'll get to eat that day. But sure, CF people are the selfish ones.

There is NO WAY she should be allowed to take the child back after two whole weeks in a new home. As soon as papers are signed and the couple leaves with the baby there should be no going back

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cfdavep
There is NO WAY she should be allowed to take the child back after two whole weeks in a new home. As soon as papers are signed and the couple leaves with the baby there should be no going back

I agree. She shouldn't have been able to back out once the contracts were signed. One of the reasons the original poster said he pushed her so hard was because if they waited, the adoption would become irrevocable. Like, if she really wanted the child back and thought it was something she could handle, you wouldn't need to push at all, my dude. But he was in a hurry because of that.

He just sounded like pro-forced birth scum, to me.

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cfdavep
There is NO WAY she should be allowed to take the child back after two whole weeks in a new home. As soon as papers are signed and the couple leaves with the baby there should be no going back

I agree with you. Breeders should not be allowed to keep playing games with people's lives.

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"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

I am not too surprised by the shit-show on the adoption subreddit. A lot of internet adoptees are incredibly whiny, stupid and ungrateful. They stunk up Yahoo! Answers when that was a thing and now that that's dead, they've moved onto Reddit to continue the Whine. They don't seem to understand that their bio-breeders were not able to care for them or did not want to raise them. As soon as they turn 14 or 16, they go running after their bio-breeders like lost dogs, leaving their adoptive parents (i.e. the ones who did the dirty work) in the wind. They are ungrateful as fuck and they rarely pass the favor on by adopting themselves. Oh no, they just have to breed and have someone with their own genetics.

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"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

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peace-n-quiet
I am not too surprised by the shit-show on the adoption subreddit. A lot of internet adoptees are incredibly whiny, stupid and ungrateful. They stunk up Yahoo! Answers when that was a thing and now that that's dead, they've moved onto Reddit to continue the Whine. They don't seem to understand that their bio-breeders were not able to care for them or did not want to raise them. As soon as they turn 14 or 16, they go running after their bio-breeders like lost dogs, leaving their adoptive parents (i.e. the ones who did the dirty work) in the wind. They are ungrateful as fuck and they rarely pass the favor on by adopting themselves. Oh no, they just have to breed and have someone with their own genetics.

The only reason there was frequent talk about my adoption was I had significant health issues and due to there being a California Clusterfuck around it. I was adopted twice, taken from my first home by CPS at a time when children were RARELY taken from homes, then re-adopted after a year and a half in foster care.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

I don't know why it's okay for anyone to be allowed to take a kid back once it has been adopted, especially since I'm pretty sure the adoptive family does not get a refund. Imagine spending untold thousands of dollars and going through all kinds of bullshit red tape and meetings to prove you're a fit parent and then the birth parents can just up and snatch your kid back, regardless of their living/financial situation. Why don't they have to at least go through the same vetting process? It's like reproductive nepotism.

So what kind of life is the sister going to be able to give the kid if she lives in an apartment and can barely afford to live as it is, and the Duh left? A biological parent is not always automatically the best choice. It sounds like the woman was doing what was best for her child - even if it wasn't an easy choice - and her asshat brother got in her head.

Money may not be everything, but it's certainly as fuck a LOT of things. It's not fair for a child who never asked to be born to be forced to grow up and go without. Why wouldn't you want what's best for your child? There is no shame in being unable to afford a child and giving them to someone who can, but I think there is a lot more shame in having/keeping a child knowing damn well you can't afford to take care of it.

Why is the birth mom's life more important than the baby? I wish people would make up their minds and stop going back and forth on who deserves what. The baby deserves a good home with loving parents who can afford to fund his life and he has had this taken away. And the dumb birth mom only did this for money in the first place.

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peace-n-quiet
I am not too surprised by the shit-show on the adoption subreddit. A lot of internet adoptees are incredibly whiny, stupid and ungrateful. They stunk up Yahoo! Answers when that was a thing and now that that's dead, they've moved onto Reddit to continue the Whine.

I'm going to have to check out this subreddit. For some reason I thought it would be a rational and boring subreddit. Ha!