parent pressure

I am a bit apprehensive at even asking the question. I am not myself struggling with the question to reproduce. My husband and I will not have children for all the reasons the people on this wonderful site understand. I also do not feel pressure from strangers- don't care if they accept my choice, I don't accept theirs. The one and only place that still is a problem is with my mother. Her belief that the only thing that will make me whole is having a child. The judgment is harsh; often painful, as she thinks what I might have said I wanted at 16 years old under her roof, is what is still real now. She thinks I have just put it on the back burner because my husband is against having kids. At 37 I see life in a way I could not then. Of course the demon in all this is my husband, she feels she is the only reason I am not having kids. That if I married someone else I would be happy and have many babies and find bliss. Of course I don’t know anyone that has ever found that. Never mind I am in a wonderful marriage of eight years that continues to grow stronger. Never mind that in my maturation I have seen what having kids is about and I refuse to give up my life for it. This struggle is one that I have not over come and I would very much like to hear how the rest of you found your strength to stand up to the parents?

Hold the fort. The bottom line it is YOUR decision. And this 'parenthood by proxy' mentality gets more married couples in trouble. The decision has to be for yourself, what is in your best interest because ultimately (if there was to be a kid) that would determine if a kid would have a good home to grow up in.
Also, the decision not to have children is, in a way, a repudiation of her existence so there is a bit of 'misery luvs company' attitude, or "I enjoyed it so much, I want her/him to enjoy what I had."
Trouble is, you get ma to admit it, have to really back her into a corner..
Depending on how bad she has the 'baby rabies', it may determine how much contact you have with her. If you cannot have a decent conversation without it degenerating into a 'why don't you get pregnant' scenario within minutes, it is time to limit her contact.. before she strong arms you into a decision you will regret.

two cents ¢¢

Thanks two cents- my husband loved your response and you are right on the money.

I agree with 2 cents. I would talk to her, lay it all out, and tell her if she cannot accept this and let you live your life as you see fit, that you will have no choice but to cut her off. And really, that is all you can do, even if it is painful.

I don't think all contact should be cut off... just limited... mainly once a month or so, just call say 'hi'... You know you will 'get it' both in terms of 'I wanna grandbaaaybeee' plus hostility as to the fact that contact has been limited. You could, at that point, inform her that it is the 'baby rabies' attitude that inplemented that plan.
Sad, but sometimes necessary.


two cents ¢¢

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