My Wife Doesn't Want Kids. Did I Marry a Freak?

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Boris Chi
OK. I'm in a weird position many males don't complain about. I've been married to my wife for almost four years. I'm 34 and she's 32. I want kids and she still doesn't. I haven't bugged her for them since I figure she'll come around and don't want to b*tch abou the issue since it makes me look pathetic and weak.

She's told me she has no interest in having children. She's never had an interest and she told me (even before we married) that she knows she's not meant to have kids and that she feels fine going through life without feeling the "societal pressure" to have them. She gets sick of people asking her when she wants to have kids, and makes jokes about it.

I can't help but feel that something is wrong with her. A woman her age typically wants kids at her age. She says she loves our life (well her life) the way it is and that she's never be ready to be so tied to a kid.. She already has an M.A degree and has a career...so why the heck won't she settle down already.

Here's the thing. She told me even before we were married that she flat-out doesn't want kids and that she should consider that before we get married. I just said okay at the time because I figure a typical woman changes her mind once she gets older...but she's not budging and still stands firm by her issue. Now I feel angry, but I figure since she told me upfront about the issue that I have no say in the issue anymore.

Who's right and do I have the right to be angry now?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090522215722AA6XEfd

WTF is wrong with this guy? His wife told him before they got married no kids, and now he doesn't understand why she doesn't change her mind like a "normal woman"? s

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I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

Fucking asshole. She deserves better. God, that could be my story and I just don't know it yet. Right down to the flat-out part...

"Fucking asshole", I second that! Divorce the douche, lady!

Has the guy been so stone cold with his feelings on this issue that she hasn't picked up the tiniest vibe? To me, he sounds like a guy whose assholery would shine through, considering how dismissive he is about the way she feels on the kid issue. Someone who says "I can't help but feel that something is wrong with her", "I just said okay at the time because I figure a typical woman changes her mind once she gets older" has got to have a hell of a poker face to keep that attitude hidden. That, or she has a set of mental earplugs/blinkers that doesn't let that kind of attitude get through to her.

I third the "fucking asshole" statement, and agree with Medusa that a divorce is wise. This moron pretty much bingoed himself: "Durrrrr, she say she no want kyyyyyds! Hurrr, she change her mind! I iz a scholar! Herp-derp!"

At least *most* of the replies flat-out told him that he had no right to be pissed. There were a couple of replies though, where the writers just.didn't.get.it. Yup, "fucking asshole" is about right about that OP.

Ugh. Did you see the comments that said "There's always that one accident"? That's just super. I want to take off my shoe and beat them with it.

What a stupid fuckup. Shit like this makes me glad I like being single.

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herbalgeek
Ugh. Did you see the comments that said "There's always that one accident"? That's just super. I want to take off my shoe and beat them with it.

This. She can hope she's been sterilized.

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lab mom

This guy needs to have a cactus shoved up his ass. For him to just take her feelings on such a significant issue so lightly and then act all butt-hurt when she doesn't want to start calving like a good little woman requires quite a level of both stupidity and assholery. Not to mention that she seems to be a highly successful woman, but he wants her to throw it all away to make him a little DNA replica of himself. If someone says they don't want kids ever, then that is a statement that should be taken seriously.

I agree that she should leave his ass - she's far better off without him. Hopefully she's in charge of the birth control or has access to abortion services, just in case he tries to get smart and impregnate her.

Nothing's wrong with her, you fucker - there's something wrong with YOU because you don't even regard your wife's feelings and then act shocked when she hasn't changed her mind like you wanted her to.

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herbalgeek
Ugh. Did you see the comments that said "There's always that one accident"? That's just super. I want to take off my shoe and beat them with it.

Douchebags like that make me glad I got myself spayed.

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What is a home without children? Quiet. ~Henny Youngman

I don't want people who want to dance, I want people who have to dance. ~George Balanchine

"I took the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator"

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Cambion
Nothing's wrong with her, you fucker - there's something wrong with YOU because you don't even regard your wife's feelings and then act shocked when she hasn't changed her mind like you wanted her to.

Totally agree but, again, why is SHE still with HIM? If she's not sterilized (from the way he talks, it sounds like she's not. that, or she is and hasn't told him), the woman has to be carrying around a big dose of paranoia. He sounds like the kind of guy who would tinker with her birth control. He even sounds to me like a potential abuser - probably more mental than physical - escalating from butt-wounded feelings to whining and guilt tripping to get what he wants. This guy just doesn't sound like that great a mate. If she's in a good place with her career, with the potential to live just fine without Mr. Baby Rabies, why hasn't she booted his ass?

Similiar to the bullshit i went thru' . My ex-girlfriend had three kyds in foster care. She told me that "she had let them go" to live their own lives. About a year into our relationship she started talking about her stupid ass kyds all the time. Then she decided that when each turned 18 they could " move in " with us if they so desired . screw that . needless to say , we ain't together no more!!!

Well, he stated that he hasn't bugged her about it, because he doesn't want to look pathetic and weak, so she may think he's totally on board with her way of thinking. He needs to tell her how he really feels, so that they can get divorced and she can find someone else who TRULY Agrees with her, and not just someone who pretended to.

Am I the only one who gets a bit salty when the phrase "typical woman" is used? This douche bag has no clue.

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palominogrl_78
Am I the only one who gets a bit salty when the phrase "typical woman" is used? This douche bag has no clue.

That phrase didn't sit well with me, either. The guy is clearly a chauvinist.

I hope this woman finds this thread he started. He's deceiving her, and has never respected her ability to reason or hold an opinion. She deserves to know what sort of person he is. I really hope this doesn't come as a big shock to her, but even if it does, she's better off finding out now so she can ditch his manipulative ass.

What a thunderdouche. SHE TOLD HIM BEFORE THEY MARRIED! There was no deception involved here but he thought "she would change." Because "typical women want babies."

He sounds like a whiny manipulative little chick! "Oh I know he hits me but I thought he would change when I married him." She should divorce him because he is weak and whiny.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

There are some real winners on that topic.

Like that dumbass Joseph who says she "really isn't being honest" why she doesn't want kids. WTF? Not wanting them is reason enough not to have them, and it seems to me the original poster is the one with honesty problem. Joseph says kyds take alot (sic) away from women. He thinks she dose (sic) not want the child baring (sic) process. (Huh, she doesn't like them naked?) Then he goes on to suggest possibly fostering or adopting them. Earth to Dumbass....she doesn't want kyds, and that also means she doesn't want to foster or adopt them.

But you have to consider the source. Joseph became a father at age 16 & 19.

Some of the womben responders are the worst, and of course they have double standards. I love it how one womban says "nobody is right or wrong in this situation." Excuse me, but lying to your spouse about how you really feel, being pissed off because she "still" doesn't want kyds and going to a public forum to diss her and call her a freak are definitely wrong.

Note how womben respond to this other guy's question, where he says he does not want kyds and has to figure out how to tell his wife. They are downright vicious and many of them use the word "betrayed" and "lied."

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060821122920AAyG5Pu

Again, I do believe not coming clean with your spouse is wrong, but how come the womben aren't getting on the man in thread #1? I think we know the answer......it's because the person who wants kyds is always right, even if he/she lied along the way.

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She already has an M.A degree and has a career...so why the heck won't she settle down already.

Maybe because she has an M.A. and a career? After working hard to achieve that (which I'm assuming is less than we can say for him) why would she want to throw it all away to get pregnant with your bozo kid? Do you expect her to stay home with the shit like a good little woman or is your unemployed ass gonna rear the thing?

In today's world, if he was the one who didn't want kids and she did, he'd still be in the wrong. Men just can't win these days.

JD

When I was married to my ex, he told me he really wanted kyds after about 3 years. I think the thing that made me maddest was not being believed. (And I was sterilized to boot!)

And yes, he was having an affair with a married childLESS woman. I don't know if this makes any sense: I was pissed he'd broken his vows, but I was even more pissed that he devalued my opinion on the issue, and when he got whiny and broody he expected me to say, "Yes, OG want baybee, Og's wife will immediately change her mind and make baybee!" In my book that's abusive. He believed his desires were more important than mine and he had every right to run right over me to get what he wanted.

I think Dude #1 has some ugly dominance issues going on. It's almost as if she's a leeeetle too fancy-free for him and he likes the thought of saddling her with a brat and taking her down a peg:

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Whiny Ass Complainer
She already has an M.A degree and has a career...so why the heck won't she settle down already.

settle down = do what Og say

This is the type of wishy-washy, passive-aggressive dude who'd whine for a baybee, then complain his wife gained weight or doesn't have as much time for him after the baybee is born, or doesn't look as hot as she did before, etc.

I hope she kicked him to the curb and never looked back.

I don't think that the thinking that a spouse will "change" to whatever it is that the other spouse wants after marriage is unique to this kid issue, although THIS is one of the "big ones" that I consider a deal breaker regardless of which side is attempting to change the other. His shitty little commentary regarding "like all women do" is indicative of a Chauvanistic attitude and I can't help but wonder if this is something that he withheld as well about himself. I have noticed that the "kid" issue generally rears it's ugly head about 5 years or so into most marriages, even after one spouse or the other has made it CLEAR that they do not want to sprog. I don't think it's so much of a case that he didn't believe her as it is that something else is going on in this relationship that he has failed to mention.

When women do the kiddie-reverse stance thing, it generally seems to be because the husband has become inattentive or is possibly having an affair or is thinking about it. and she senses it. She may feel that having a baby will tie him to her or do that ridiculous "bonding" thing that they often talk about. She may (mistakenly) think that if she gets knocked up, then he won't leave. When the men do it, it's generally because the wife has excelled in other areas since the marriage such as she has earned an advanced degree or recently received a promotion which will cause her to be more absent from the home and less available to care for HIS needs. In these cases, the men are trying to remove her independence, make her helpless and vulnerable, and therefore more dependent on him.:crz

Also, most 6-9 months knocked up women are likely to come right home after work (if they don't quit work) and it's a given that the new kid will most definately keep them at home entirely for an extended period of time and most likely will keep them COMING home sooner and more often should they ever venture out to work, or wherever. In both cases, it usually seems to be a control issue with the whining spouse. That, and they are attempting to "hold on" to something that perhaps no longer exists within the relationship. Personally, I think that having a baby in an attempt to hold on to a fledgling relationship is STUPID, selfish, and idiotic, but that's just me. Oh and it NEVER works out the way they want it to if they spawn for no other reason than to, "hold onto the marriage".

I am seeing that this man's marriage is likely on the rocks for an unrelated reason(s) and that he is dredging up an issue which he KNOWS public opinion will slant towards his behalf, where he can moo and grunt to anyone who will listen about what a monstor his wife has become. Sadly, his target audience is breeder filled so he is quite likely to get TONS of approving nods, which of course he already knows. If he REALLY gave a damn about his marriage then he would be discussing his marriage with the only one who matters, HIS WIFE!:bdid

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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JohnDrake
In today's world, if he was the one who didn't want kids and she did, he'd still be in the wrong. Men just can't win these days.

JD

No, if she married him anyways, she would be at fault. Or, like what happened to an old bf of mine, she would get pregnant on the sly and seal the tomb on him.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

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Cambion
This guy needs to have a cactus shoved up his ass.

larious z smile

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Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan