http://www.glorialemay.com/blog/?p=34 Copy/paste.

After the Birth, what a family needs
Posted on October 28, 2008 by gloria

“Let me know if I can help you in any way when the baby is born.” … “Just let me know if you need a hand.” … “Anything I can do, just give me a call.”

Most pregnant women get these statements from friends and family but shy away from making requests when they are up to their ears in dirty laundry, unmade beds, dust bunnies and countertops crowded with dirty dishes. The myth of “I’m fine, I’m doing great, new motherhood is wonderful, I can cope and my husband is the Rock of Gibraltar” is pervasive in postpartum land. If you’re too shy to ask for help and make straight requests of people, I suggest sending the following list out to your friends and family. These are the things I have found to be missing in every house with a new baby. It’s actually easy and fun for outsiders to remedy these problems for the new parents but there seems to be a lot of confusion about what’s wanted and needed…

1. Buy us toilet paper, milk and beautiful whole grain bread.

2. Buy us a new garbage can with a swing top lid and 6 pairs of black cotton underpants (women’s size____).

3. Make us a big supper salad with feta cheese, black Kalamata olives, toasted almonds, organic green crispy things and a nice homemade dressing on the side. Drop it off and leave right away. Or, buy us frozen lasagna, garlic bread, a bag of salad, a big jug of juice, and maybe some cookies to have for dessert. Drop it off and leave right away.

4. Come over about 2 in the afternoon, hold the baby while I have a hot shower, put me to bed with the baby and then fold all the piles of laundry that have been dumped on the couch, beds or in the room corners. If there’s no laundry to fold yet, do some.

5. Come over at l0 a.m., make me eggs, toast and a 1/2 grapefruit. Clean my fridge and throw out everything you are in doubt about. Don’t ask me about anything; just use your best judgment.

6. Put a sign on my door saying “Dear Friends and Family, Mom and baby need extra rest right now. Please come back in 7 days but phone first. All donations of casserole dinners would be most welcome. Thank you for caring about this family.”

7. Come over in your work clothes and vacuum and dust my house and then leave quietly. It’s tiring for me to chat and have tea with visitors but it will renew my soul to get some rest knowing I will wake up to clean, organized space.

8. Take my older kids for a really fun-filled afternoon to a park, zoo or Science World and feed them healthy food.

9. Come over and give my husband a two hour break so he can go to a coffee shop, pub, hockey rink or some other r & r that will delight him. Fold more laundry.

10. Make me a giant pot of vegetable soup and clean the kitchen completely afterwards. Take a big garbage bag and empty every trash basket in the house and reline with fresh bags.

These are the kindnesses that new families remember and appreciate forever. It’s easy to spend money on gifts but the things that really make a difference are the services for the body and soul described above. Most of your friends and family members don’t know what they can do that won’t be an intrusion. They also can’t devote 40 hours to supporting you but they would be thrilled to devote 4 hours. If you let 10 people help you out for 4 hours, you will have the 40 hours of rested, adult support you really need with a newborn in the house. There’s magic in the little prayer “I need help.”

Your life sucks because you had a baby, BED.MADE.LIE. Sucks to be moo.

---

lab mom

Oh, I call bullshit all over that. They want STUFF and MORE STUFF.

Five years ago my now frenemy announced her in-pig status. I wanted to be a supportive friend and at her shower I feted her with all manner of gifts, plus brought over lots of food for the white-trash event. About a week before the shower, I talked to her husband and told him that I also wanted to get them a gift certificate for a mid-price restaurant and I'd provide babysitting services (I like little babies. You put them in one place and they stay there. And they are kind of fun to feed, but that's just me).

I told him to keep this secret "gift" on the downlow and to just kind of prod moo to be where she might like to go to eat sometime, after all, they were kind of low on cash and I know they didn't go out much for dinner ever really.

A few days later, her husband calls me and says, "Uh, yea, I talked to Moo to be and she said she just wants stuff."

I could write an entire essay on how fucked up the entire situation was, and needless to say, I stopped talking to her the day after the shower and haven't spoken to her since. But I do read her public attention whore FB page! Imagine my shock when she announced that Child Protective Services showed up at her door! HA! (I swear, I did not have anything to do with it.)

http://www.glorialemay.com/blog/?p=34 Copy/paste.

After the Birth, what a family needs
Posted on October 28, 2008 by gloria

“Let me know if I can help you in any way when the baby is born.” … “Just let me know if you need a hand.” … “Anything I can do, just give me a call.”

Most pregnant women get these statements from friends and family but shy away from making requests when they are up to their ears in dirty laundry, unmade beds, dust bunnies and countertops crowded with dirty dishes. The myth of “I’m fine, I’m doing great, new motherhood is wonderful, I can cope and my husband is the Rock of Gibraltar” is pervasive in postpartum land. If you’re too shy to ask for help and make straight requests of people, I suggest sending the following list out to your friends and family. These are the things I have found to be missing in every house with a new baby. It’s actually easy and fun for outsiders to remedy these problems for the new parents but there seems to be a lot of confusion about what’s wanted and needed…

1. Buy us toilet paper, milk and beautiful whole grain bread.

2. Buy us a new garbage can with a swing top lid and 6 pairs of black cotton underpants (women’s size____).

(Can't you buy these things for yourself, you know before the big day when you finally pop your loaf? Why can't your husband or babbbeeedadddeee do it for you? Why do I have to buy you a garbage can or underwear! Gross!)

3. Make us a big supper salad with feta cheese, black Kalamata olives, toasted almonds, organic green crispy things and a nice homemade dressing on the side. Drop it off and leave right away. Or, buy us frozen lasagna, garlic bread, a bag of salad, a big jug of juice, and maybe some cookies to have for dessert. Drop it off and leave right away.

(Fuck you bitch! What the hell do I look like, your freakin' slave? You want me to cook for your entitled fat ass and then just leave, humbling myself to you like I don't deserve to be in the presence of you and your spawn? I may have done those things out of the kindness of my heart, but now I'm just going to take my salad greens and get the hell out of your hair.)

4. Come over about 2 in the afternoon, hold the baby while I have a hot shower, put me to bed with the baby and then fold all the piles of laundry that have been dumped on the couch, beds or in the room corners. If there’s no laundry to fold yet, do some.
(Fuck you again, bitch! I don't mind holding your baby, but you can put yourself to bed. I don't want to fold your laundry because I have plenty of my own to fold. I just don't use guilt and whining to get someone else to do my chores.)

5. Come over at l0 a.m., make me eggs, toast and a 1/2 grapefruit. Clean my fridge and throw out everything you are in doubt about. Don’t ask me about anything; just use your best judgment.

(Who in God's name do you think I am?? Mr. Fucking Belvedere??? I'm not making your damned breakfast, and I'm not cleaning out your disgusting, filthy fridge! That's what hired help is for!)

6. Put a sign on my door saying “Dear Friends and Family, Mom and baby need extra rest right now. Please come back in 7 days but phone first. All donations of casserole dinners would be most welcome. Thank you for caring about this family.”

(You are making the false assumption that I give a shit about your fucking family. Maybe I used to, but now that I've had a healthy dose of your entitled attitude, you can sit on it and rotate)

7. Come over in your work clothes and vacuum and dust my house and then leave quietly. It’s tiring for me to chat and have tea with visitors but it will renew my soul to get some rest knowing I will wake up to clean, organized space.

(Oooh yeah, girl and I'm so fucking tired of having to look after you and your spawn all damned day without pay. I enjoy having a clean, organized environment also, but I don't try to harrangue friends and family members in to do my dusting and vacuuming...btw: my work clothes consist of a collection of latex catsuits and riding crops. Care for me to come dressed in my "work attire?")

8. Take my older kids for a really fun-filled afternoon to a park, zoo or Science World and feed them healthy food.

(Isn't that what the kid's father is for? Feed them healthy food? On my dime too? (Of course! why not! I'll just add it to my tab which you will receive at the end of this month.)

9. Come over and give my husband a two hour break so he can go to a coffee shop, pub, hockey rink or some other r & r that will delight him. Fold more laundry.

(Your husband doesn't need a freakin' break lady, get your head out of your asshole! he can look after you, since you are so freakin' demanding and needy! Let him shoulder part of the load. And as for your laundry, shove it!)

10. Make me a giant pot of vegetable soup and clean the kitchen completely afterwards. Take a big garbage bag and empty every trash basket in the house and reline with fresh bags.

(Your begging and whining never stops, does it lady? Isn't garbage bags for your husband to carry out, not your friends? What the fuck is he doing all day long? He's probably off gifting another woman with his sperm. I'm not cooking for you, I'm not cleaning for you, I'm not lifting a single finger to help you. Now that I've read your list of demands, I'm giving you and your kid the big middle finger!!)

These are the kindnesses that new families remember and appreciate forever. It’s easy to spend money on gifts but the things that really make a difference are the services for the body and soul described above. Most of your friends and family members don’t know what they can do that won’t be an intrusion. They also can’t devote 40 hours to supporting you but they would be thrilled to devote 4 hours. If you let 10 people help you out for 4 hours, you will have the 40 hours of rested, adult support you really need with a newborn in the house. There’s magic in the little prayer “I need help.”

I am appalled. I can't believe someone would ask for their friends to buy them new underwear, garbage cans, and bring over specific dinners, but then leave right away (unless they are staying to clean and fold laundry!) Fuck her.

That's really ridiculous. The first three looked almost sane, but after that it went into complete entitlement mode. About the only thing I actually would do is put some frozen meals in their freezer before the event...maybe.

I do bring over food for people who are sick, or elderly. I like cooking so it isn't such a chore for me to fill the freezer with ready-made meals. I might even accept that if a person is sick they don't want to talk, and I should just drop off the food and leave. But since having a baby is planned, I wouldn't accept that. I'd come over maybe a month before to drop off the food, and I'd expect to have some social interaction at that time. Otherwise, why am I bothering with that person?

I can think of many proactive answers to all that:

don't moos go into "nesting" mode in the weeks leading up to birth? that's the time to make casseroles, lasagna, and other dishes that can be frozen. also, head to Squalmart and stock up on a lot of non-perishables (and underwear. black cotton? okaaay, I'm not gettin' what that means :crz)

for the baby shower, instead of registering for all sorts of twee crap, put out the word that you'd be vastly appreciative if a few people would get together and get a gift certificate for housecleaning service for those first few weeks

where's the damned husband in all this? hell's fire, he's 50% responsible for this pickle, let him take up the slack

new babies bring out the relatives. I've see many posts by new mothers who gripe that people want to come see the baby and expect the weary new mom to act as gracious hostess, providing food and drink. show some spine and demand admission. if they want to see the baby, they can do one of the easier chores outlined in the OP.

My standard baby shower gifts are a gift certificate to a restaurant that does take-out, and a gift for their dog or cat, lest they forget the poor thing exists once the baby arrives. If I were visiting a new mom, I would offer to hold the baby so she could take a shower or fold some laundry, but I'm not fixing meals to her specification, or buying her underwear. That's what her husband is for.

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Dorisan
I can think of many proactive answers to all that:

don't moos go into "nesting" mode in the weeks leading up to birth? that's the time to make casseroles, lasagna, and other dishes that can be frozen. also, head to Squalmart and stock up on a lot of non-perishables (and underwear. black cotton? okaaay, I'm not gettin' what that means :crz)

My guess? Those torn up bits leak. For some reason they don't want to just use a pad. Anyhow, black won't stain.

Cotton so it doesn't stick to the stitches or create a hospitable environment for infection (as many man-made fabrics do).

Now, was that TMI or what?

What the....???!!!

I can't even begin to comprehend this. Does she really think ANYONE is going to go along with this? Ridiculous.

I am with Gymrat. My gifts are usually things a mother needs en masse: onesies, bibs, diapers and wipes in a nice box or basket. It is not expensive and is usually very well received since babies go through a ton of all of the above. If I am close to mom, I throw in something for HER...a GC, some perfumed lotion, something to pamper herself. I too will offer to hold the baby so mom can grab a shower, or drink a cup of coffee unhindered.

This list goes over the top....why should I buy a new garbage can or clean the house when you are married to someone perfectly capable of doing all of the above.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

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It’s actually easy and fun for outsiders to remedy these problems

Yeah, that sounds like a fucking barrel of laughs, tip-toeing around someone elses house doing their chores, and bringing them food.

If that's her idea of fun then she needs to get out more.

Oh gag! I read the comments and someone said, "Come over and wash my bloody sheets too."

Then another person tells Gloria-Doula that she loves her new logo and come to find out, it's a placenta.

I would deliver a box of generic trash bags, a loaf of Wonderbread, some government butter and American cheese. Go to town and enjoy, entitled idiots.

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mumofsixbirds
(Oooh yeah, girl and I'm so fucking tired of having to look after you and your spawn all damned day without pay. I enjoy having a clean, organized environment also, but I don't try to harrangue friends and family members in to do my dusting and vacuuming...btw: my work clothes consist of a collection of latex catsuits and riding crops. Care for me to come dressed in my "work attire?")

larious

You just know that this moo will be nagging, complaining and criticizing the poor, hapless chump the entire time because the free labor/catering isn't up to the moo's high standard. Meanwhile Hubby will be sitting on his lazy ass watching the game.

He won't even be there - he'll be at the pub!

Don't newborns sleep most of the time? What is Moomy doing whilst the brat is snoozing? Online writing up lists of chores for her friends when she could be doing them herself? How much "rest" does she need? Sounds like a lot of histrionics to me. The abrogation of responsibility is beginning right at the start of the kid's life now, eh?

There's no way this is real, right? It's almost like a parody of itself. "Organic greens and homemade dressing?" Because people have that much money and time to spend on you you you when they have their own lives and problems to worry about?

Buy a new garbage can? Couldn't you have planned ahead and done that before you had the baby?

Drop the food off and leave? Because Moo can't devote ten minutes to enjoying a casserole with a friend who obviously cares about her if they're going through the trouble. The least she can do is appreciate her, not kick her out of the house so she can scarf down the entire dish by herself.

There's no way this is real. Please tell me it's not.

Whenever I've visited a friend or relative who is a new mom, they have wanted the company. They don't want people to drop off food and run - they want people to visit with them and see the baby. I wouldn't hang around for hours, or expect the mom to wait on me hand and foot, but most people who are stuck home with a newborn enjoy the adult company for a bit!

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Sorceress
Don't newborns sleep most of the time? What is Moomy doing whilst the brat is snoozing? Online writing up lists of chores for her friends when she could be doing them herself? How much "rest" does she need? Sounds like a lot of histrionics to me. The abrogation of responsibility is beginning right at the start of the kid's life now, eh?

She's posting nauseating updates on FaceBooger and sending pics of the little angel to Aunt Sarah's printer for her to bask in the glow of goldensprog.

Most of the comments are mooooooooooos about how great the list is, but near the end you can see where some CFs found the site and commented also. Muuuuahahaha.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

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CrabCake
Most of the comments are mooooooooooos about how great the list is, but near the end you can see where some CFs found the site and commented also. Muuuuahahaha.

Here's a gag-worthy one.

I’d like to see this list tacked up on every hydro pole, doctor’s office & fence in the universe. It is true, women esp. are too shy to ask for help or even accept it when it is offered.

... (description of a neighbor who cleaned her sister's home) ...

Why aren’t women with such character & caring running this world, instead of the ones with dyed hair, botox & “important” paying jobs outside the home…

WOW!

Vomiting out live offspring DOESN'T give you an excuse to be treated like a QUEEN, you self-serving bitch!

Wow...just wow.

You know, I am working the equivalent of two full-time jobs right now and for reasons I won't go into, taking care of three residences -- leaves, fall yard cleanup, indoor/outdoor, bills, etc. -- as well as moving carload after carload my late parents and grandparents stuff into my house to be sorted. All with zero assistance. I am as exhausted as any new moo and would love to wake up to a clean, organized house and well-stocked fridge too, and would love to have someone nip out to replenish my tatty underwear drawer and shower me with gift cards to pick up my spirits. But of course, since I am doing all of this WHILE being a full-fledged taxpayer with no credits or entitlements, and did not emit a little resource-sucker that will entitle me to even more largesse, I can just handle everything on my own. Unlike the sainted parents. How did our society become so upside-down?

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yurble
Here's a gag-worthy one.

I’d like to see this list tacked up on every hydro pole, doctor’s office & fence in the universe. It is true, women esp. are too shy to ask for help or even accept it when it is offered.

I saw that and wondered what the HELL a "hydro pole" is. Not sure I really want to know.

Entitlemoo, it's not that some women aren't "too shy" to ask for help. It's called have a sense of DECENCY as well as self-reliance and realization that their having had a baybee is their OWN LIFE CHOICE. They DON'T feel entitled to their friends' and family's free time and money.

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Why aren’t women with such character & caring running this world, instead of the ones with dyed hair, botox & “important” paying jobs outside the home…

You stupid fuck. If everyone sat at home on their fat ass like you do, who do you suppose would actually DO all those "important" jobs? What about when YOU need a doctor, teacher, plumber, etc. etc. etc. Are they "important" then? Idiot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

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CrabCake

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Why aren’t women with such character & caring running this world, instead of the ones with dyed hair, botox & “important” paying jobs outside the home…

You stupid fuck. If everyone sat at home on their fat ass like you do, who do you suppose would actually DO all those "important" jobs? What about when YOU need a doctor, teacher, plumber, etc. etc. etc. Are they "important" then? Idiot.

Which society would you rather live in?

Option one: churning out babies is damn important, because 8 out of 10 won't live past the age of 5, due to widespread disease. Besides, children are needed to work the land, and there isn't any contraception anyway. The world population is under 100,000. Life expectancy is about 35. There is no high technology--everyone's too busy with the basic rudiments of life. Besides, there are no easily accessible surface medals or fossil fuels, so a high tech society is out of reach.

Option two: churning out babies is one of the least important things you can do, because there are enough people on the planet already, and everyone has a long life, thanks to advanced medicine as well as a variety of anti-aging technologies. The world population is about 1 million. There is high technology, but energy use is based on renewable resources, like tidal action and solar power. Many diseases which have plagued humankind for milenia have been eliminated. Both men and women are expected to work in challenging careers which contribute to the species, such as doctoring, researching new technology, and advancing knowledge. Grunt work is done by machines. Stupid people have no purpose and are eliminated early on. People who are ethical and far-sighted are in positions of power.

I'd prefer two, but it seems like morons like this bint would prefer scenario one, the only situation wherein reproducing with abandon is actually seen as a good thing, and having babies is more important than challenging careers. Thanks to fucking idiots, we're fast aiming for option one, after a painful culling process, of course.