Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
April 26, 2011
I'm knitting a cap for my poor angel egg, sitting all alone in my uterus. Just waiting to die, alone and unfertilized - its final rest a toilet bowl at Panera on my lunch break.

--------------------
"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
April 26, 2011
Quote
Cambion
an angel egg of mine has gone to the big uterus in the sky

hysterical laughterz hysterical laughterz hysterical laughterz hysterical laughterz hysterical laughterz

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
April 26, 2011
My angel eggs are becoming too old. They're hitting middle age, and they have no interest to grow. Plus, their uterine home was foreclosed upon 2 years ago. They will waste away in their ovarian house, knowing that in their old age, they will not be asked to produce any babyees smiling smiley
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
April 28, 2011
I may be having *two* angel eggs this month! I felt the sharp pinch in each ovary over the course of the week. TWINS!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it?

It's your hell; you rot in it!
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
April 28, 2011
UPDATE!!!

I swear, posting here is like magic. You all are my magical angel egg fairies. Love and hugs to all! No sooner than I posted that last post, I went to the bathroom and discovered proof that my angel eggs are on their way! Please remember that I'm having twin angel eggs this month, and I am very spayshul.



It's your hell; you rot in it!
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
April 30, 2011
Quote
reaperess
UPDATE!!!

I swear, posting here is like magic. You all are my magical angel egg fairies. Love and hugs to all! No sooner than I posted that last post, I went to the bathroom and discovered proof that my angel eggs are on their way! Please remember that I'm having twin angel eggs this month, and I am very spayshul.


oh, how cute!
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 08, 2011
Dear Angelica,

I have given you this name because you are with God now, like your thousands of siblings.

I've wanted you to reach this higher sphere as long as I can remember--since I was 7 or 8, perhaps. But it wasn't yet time to usher you into the next world. That had to wait until I was 13. I've been busy every since, sending your siblings on their way, and I'm sorry you have had to wait so long for your turn. Remember, no matter how long it takes, I will never stop trying. Eventually I know I will succeed.

I do care if you're a girl or a boy, because, quite frankly, I would be a little concerned if I were capable of producing Y eggs. It might suggest a freakish possibility of self-fertilization, or a severe genetic abnormality. I trust you understand that I won't let my medical issues get in the way of passing you on, because I am very determined, but nonetheless I would prefer not to have these problems.

Always remember that you are special, because you came from my ovaries. Don't ever let anyone make you feel inferior because you didn't become a mega star, a famous footballer, or even a fetus. I treasure you no matter what.

LOL,
unmummy


Inspired by Moo Letters to Their Yet to Be Conceived Shitlings.
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 08, 2011
I can just imagine all of my lost eggs nesting in the big womb in the sky. I often think about them and wonder if heaven made them the color of a rainbow this Easter, like tiny little eggs in an Easter basket. What an inspiration, my lost eggs, that I am thinking of making miniature baskets next year (in the shape of womb) complete with little colored eggs in honor of their brief life. I will then give them away to all of the UNmoos who have lost clumps out of genuine sympathy and appreciation of their dreadful plight.:bayybee

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 08, 2011
Mind you, I am a little bit mad at my angels today. Not so much as a card, or even a 'happy mother's day'! Ungrateful little snots.
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 08, 2011
Happy Mother's Day, Yurble. I appreciate you even though your ova apparently don't. What mean eggs you have! Mine drew me pretty red pictures in the toilet water last week.

It's your hell; you rot in it!
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 09, 2011
I developed an earworm from a song I heard on the radio coming back from dinner tonight. The only way to banish it was to rewrite the lyrics in a CF vein

sung to the melody of the Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias duet:
"To All the Girls I've Loved Before"

To all the eggs I’ve passed before
Who traveled down and out my door
I'm glad they moved along
I dedicate this song
To all the eggs I’ve passed before

To all the eggs I once possessed
And may I say I've passed the best
For helping me to know
That’s why I menstrual flow
To all the eggs I’ve passed before

The time of month is always flowing
And every time they try to stay
The time of month continues flowing
And they are flushed away

To all the eggs who shared my life
Who now are flushed down toilet lines
I'm glad they moved along
I dedicate this song
To all the eggs I’ve passed before

To all the eggs who passed from me
Who hurt my gut so painfully
From my ovary they must dart
I must be nullipart
Of all the eggs I’ve passed before

The time of month is always flowing
And every time they try to stay
The time of month continues flowing
And they are just flushed away

To all the eggs I’ve passed before
Who traveled down and out my door
I’m glad they moved along
I dedicate this song
To all the eggs I’ve passed before
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 09, 2011
Dorisan!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! I love this times about a million!

It's your hell; you rot in it!
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 09, 2011
Thanks, reaperess. I swear that they're determined to cause me as much pain as possible before I evict them, between the dysmenorrhea and the mittelschmerz. They really know how to get on my nerves.
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 22, 2011
My egg was raptured yesterday.

Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 22, 2011
Quote
yurble
My egg was raptured yesterday.

I'm sorry to say that unless you are a TRUE BELIEVER, your egg was NOT raptured.

Unbeliever Preggo Thread

I know it's hard to take. Since you were not raptured, I think your egg probably was not either.

devil with smile

It's your hell; you rot in it!
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 22, 2011
Quote
reaperess
Quote
yurble
My egg was raptured yesterday.

I'm sorry to say that unless you are a TRUE BELIEVER, your egg was NOT raptured.

Unbeliever Preggo Thread

I know it's hard to take. Since you were not raptured, I think your egg probably was not either.

devil with smile



waving hellolarious Maybe the Rapture DID happen and all of us are "Left Behind?.:bawl

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 22, 2011
But I know my egg left my body on the 21st. Call that a coincidence?
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 22, 2011
Quote
yurble
But I know my egg left my body on the 21st. Call that a coincidence?



No it is NOT a coinky dink! That baybee was raptured and according to one REALLY strange televangelist named Jesse Duplantis, who has a book out about his personal experience in Heaven, the following will occur:

Since you didn't die and follow closely behind your baybee, which could have been given a soul at conception without your ever even having known about it, a miscarriage, or aborted baybee, he will go on up to heaven and be cared for by others until your death. During that time he-she will continue to grow and age into adulthood, but when you get to heaven you and your baybee will know one another and then you will take over and care for the child who you didn't get to care for because it died before it was born.

The only loophole here is that YOU have to get into heaven too, otherwise the kid will be banished to perpetual daycare presumably by a childLESS person who made it into heaven. waving hellolarious

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
May 22, 2011
That makes a lot of sense, Kim, except for one small problem: my idea of heaven doesn't include me caring for a child. It's much more likely that I'd end up in that role if I didn't get into heaven, but went the other direction.
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
December 04, 2011
As I threw another angel egg into the garbage can, I felt the familiar sadness agonizing torment. Why does society laud mothers, and fail to recognize the achievements of those of us who have released so many angel eggs?

1) We get to say hello and goodbye in the same breath. Don't we have food cravings? Are we not bloated and ungainly? No reward for the suffering. No acknowledgement for our having had our periods.

2) We must endure the pain. Just like mothers. And when it's over we can hold our egg, just like the mothers of live babies do. But then we have to put our baby in the garbage bin and go out to buy more tampons.

3) Contrary to what the pundits say, it is possible to fool Mother Nature with careful use of contraceptives. She doesn't seem to know that I will never have a baby, and so she dutifully produces blood to nourish and sustain that, which will never exist. She knows I'm a mother. But the state says not. Angel egg mothers are not yet acknowledged as mothers by most states, but we're working to change that.

4) Menstruation is a process that most women endure. If we recognize a live birth, why would the state not recognize a preferable outcome? Is it to punish the woman who didn't swallow the lifescript? Is she not somehow worthy? Did she fail somehow? That's not what she thinks. If we give the woman with a crotchfruit a "Certificate of Live Birth" why would we not give the mother of an angel egg a "Certificate of Not Giving Birth"? Or a "Certificate of Not Fucking up the World by Overpopulating It." That's the reality of the event!

5) To deny a woman a "Certificate" when she fails to produce a living child, is to say that she is not reproductively sound, which is not true. To deny a woman recognition for this seminal event in her life is to deny the event occurred. To deny a woman recognition is to tell her she is a failure. It is an open wound upon her soul that will never heal unless and until her sacrifice is recognized as being better for the planet than producing yet another fucking baby.

6) At no point in history was anyone presented with the first ever "Certificates of Thank You for Not Fucking Breeding." No state has led the way by acknowledging that 7 billion is too fucking much by acknowledging brave women and men who decide not to reproduce, and that their angel eggs and semen, although not alive, did for one brief and glorious moment pass through this world. Your state should recognize you and your eggs too, because all non-children matter.

7) To preserve, the original punctuation, was quite a challenge. I couldn't make myself keep the original quotation style, could you.
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
December 04, 2011
you guys, please give me support so i can be strong through this. my TNTC journey is still long. i've got 30 more years to menopause, but i'm so optimist that i would make it! now i don't have money to pay birth control, but no worry since i celibate for TNTC. as soon as i have enough money, i'll find a nice, caring, understanding surgeon to tie my tubes and makes my TNTC journey waaay smoother winking smiley











this thread is so fucking golden that i barf sunshine rainbow and lollipops
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
December 04, 2011
Quote
felisdomestica
this thread is so fucking golden that i barf sunshine rainbow and lollipops

It's one of my favorite threads, which is why I keep bumping it.
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
December 04, 2011
As I enter my peri-menopause years, I really think that some kind of recognition for my 30+ years of ''Managing Not To Conceive".
I believe that since my eggs are 'retiring' that I should get a retirement-style gift.

A gold watch was traditional, but a very fine velomobile ( hard-shelled recumbent trike) would be just fine.
Hey! It even looks like an egg!

VELOMOBILE IMAGES:
http://www.google.ca/search?q=velomobile&hl=en&prmd=imvns&source=lnms&tbm=isch&ei=ypXbTsXZI8XX0QHDqdX7DQ&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&cd=2&ved=0CCkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1024&bih=646
Anonymous User
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
December 04, 2011
At 22, I am very avidly TNTC. As much as I love DBF, I thank my stars we are in an LDR so that the threat to my tntc status is minimized. He will be arriving within the week though for a visit, and so from now until next angel egg, I will be illogically worrying that the spermicide, condoms, pulling out, and plan B failed. It's so hard tntc! no amount of protection seems enough. I wish I knew what week of the cycle this was, because there have been 3 angel eggs in the past 6 weeks (thanks detoxing off Depo Provera!)so I'm all confused. Dear Coco Chanel, Elizabeth I, Jane Austen, and Betty White, along with all the other saints of TNTC, please watch over my uterus and make sure no sprog comes to it. Amen.angel with halo
Re: TNTC - Not Pregnant devil with smile
December 04, 2011
Quote
togspled
Dear Coco Chanel, Elizabeth I, Jane Austen, and Betty White, along with all the other saints of TNTC, please watch over my uterus and make sure no sprog comes to it. Amen.angel with halo

hysterical laughterz

I love it! "saints of TNTC"!
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