Some advice about hospice?

My mother in law is being moved to hospice as I type this.

Long story short, she has had a host of medical issues for quite some time. Everything from gastro intestinal problems to 2 broken hips. She has been in and out of the hospital for several months, and was recently diagnosed with Sundowner's Syndrome, which is early onset of Alzheimer's. Anyway, about a week ago, she was in the hospital and tried to get out of bed. She fell, fractured her hip, and gave herself a hard enough rap on the head to cause a brain bleed. She was in and out of consciousness and is now in a coma. My husband and his brother signed a DNR order and had her feeding tube removed. There is nothing more that can be done for her,other than to make her comfortable.

I don't know a lot about hospice, but my mom said they are wonderful and will take good care of her. I will have to take my husband over there ( they are in Tampa and we are in West Palm Beach), because I simply cannot let him deal with this by himself, and his mom is pretty special to me too.

I am extremely concerned about how my boss is going to react to this. He is a bloviating assbag and a real jerk, and I am afraid he is going to make my life a living hell if I take a day or two off of work to go to Tampa. I don't think he would fire me, mostly because my district manager likes me and she hired me, and she knows I am a valuable member of the team. I am very stressed, though, and worried about what he is going to do if I have to call him and tell him I have to go for a few days.

So I guess I just wanted to know if anyone has been through anything like this, and how did you cope? My husband is a complete wreck, he adores his mother and this is just about killing him.

I value your insights, you're a smart group of people, so any advice would be great. Thank you in advance.

I've worked for hospice for over 6 years now and I've had 3 relatives on hospice. I can only tell you that it's good to lean on the hospice team it's what they're there for. The social worker is there not only there for your MIL, but for the whole family to talk to for extra support. The chaplain is another wonderful person to talk to. They don't force religion. If you're not religious at all, they respect that and are also there as counselors. The nurse is more than happy to answer questions and provide education. You can call the hospice day or night for extra support, even in the middle of the night.

When my FIL was on hospice, I did my best to just be supportive to my husband. All I could really do is be there. If he didn't want to talk, I'd respect it. Honestly I was kind of a falling apart mess myself, but held it together for my in-laws. I was also in a confused role because I wanted to take the hospice worker side and try to educate about signs and symptoms with end-of-life. Our hospice chaplain (FIL was on the hospice I work for) gave me permission to just be a wife, DIL, and SIL which I needed to hear.

So to better answer your question, just be there for your husband, but don't be afraid to lean on each other. If he needs to talk, just listen. If he needs space, let him have space. There aren't any special words you can say to someone that will magically make things better. It's hard for your husband and for you.

Read the "Gone From My Site" booklet the hospice gives you and encourage the whole family to read it. It has some good information in there.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know this is a difficult time. The hospice staff are there for support anytime you need it. I'm happy to answer more questions if you have them.

Thank you, trinket. I have done some reading about hospice and I cannot think of a better place for her.

It's just so sad, this was a woman who at one point radiated life. For her to go like this is heartbreaking.

Awww, thanks Snark.

My MIL passed away this morning. My husband and I will be driving to Tampa in the morning.

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chevygirl54
Awww, thanks Snark.

My MIL passed away this morning. My husband and I will be driving to Tampa in the morning.

I'm so sorry. I know it sounds trite but at least she's out of pain.

Thanks SB. I told my husband the same thing.....and another blessing is that when she passed, she was in a coma and not aware of anything at all. I think this would be much more difficult if it had been a sudden and unexpected death.

We have mentally prepared ourselves for this and my husband is actually doing much better than I expected. Thank you for the well wishes, just another reason why I love this forum.

I'm very sorry to hear that, chevygirl54. It sounds as though she passed peacefully and without suffering, and that you did a good job of being a supportive person to both her and your husband.

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Established tiling methods are for unlambent nonbreathers filled with tiny rage.--CrabCake

Thanks everyone. You are the nicest people.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad she passed peacefully and that you're husband is doing okay.

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Snark Shark

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chevygirl54
You are the nicest people.

I am NOT! don't spread rumors!!!

LOL.....I will make sure to tell all and sundry that you are a heartless bastard, just to set the record straight.

I am so sorry for yours and your husband's pain.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

I am so sorry! At least your MIL passed quickly.

You two take care of yourselves.

Most of what I wanted to say is summed up already. I am sorry for your loss; hugs to you and hubs.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

Well, I can tell you from the hospice eployee's end of things and that is that the familes were so happy to have us come to care for their loved ones. Many people are not familiar with various "tricks of the trade" in caring for their loved one, but hopsice caregivers are and are happy to make sure that the patient is as comfortable as possible.

Depending on where you live, there are residential hospices and in-home care available. I am retired from hospice now and have been for quite some time, but I don't think you can go wrong with hospice.

I am so sorry. I didn't read the rest of the posts before posting mine (my bad) but I am thankful that your MIL went relatively quickly and without suffering.. May she rest in peace and you and your entire family have my deepest sympathy.

Hospice is a blessing for those who have no hope of any sort of quality of life. I love how they focus on pain control and making the patient and family as comfortable as possible. Life-ending decisions are hard to make for a family (which is why I have a health care directive). Hugs to your family in this difficult time and your boss sounds like an ass.