ordering pizza in 2019

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/05/28/letter_pizza/

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order."

Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610."

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 42 Meadow Drive, and the phone number is 01234 56789. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 01324 098765 and your mobile number is 07987 777878 .

Which number are you calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where did you get all this information?"

Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas..."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

Customer: "How come?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. The NHS won't allow such an unhealthy choice."

Customer: "Damn. What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat soya bean Yoghurt Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soyabean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What's the damage?"

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes to £16.99."

Customer: "Let me give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your current account's overdrawn."

Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."

Customer: "How the heck do you know I'm riding a bike?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repossessed. But your Vespa is paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be using that."

Customer: "235/427/31"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 2006 conviction for swearing at a policeman."

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don't forget the two free litres of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soft drinks to diabetics.

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Scary..but true.Did you know that the US Government now has a National Animal identification System (NAIS)now?It is completely voluntary now, but soon to be mandatory.This program is a requirement for all people owning livestock (chickens,goats,horses,pigs,cows,etc.)on thier own farms to tell the government each time they get an animal,report each time an animal leaves their property,and report any time an animal has any babies and where they go.The danger of this is that the government wants really to identify the self sufficient people living in our society that live off of the animals or food they grow themselves like chicken and their eggs,pork,milk etc.They say the purpose of this is to control animal diseases as some are spread from farm to farm just by walking through the mud on one farm and tracking it onto another.The purpose of this is probably to make livestock owners pay higher taxes so they will be forced out of farming and being self sufficient and they too will be at the mercy of getting their food from the store like the rest of us.
The next step from here will be chipping and tracking people.