I'll be bidding farewell to my twenties in about a month and it didn't quite hit me until recently that I'd be turning 30. I've spiraled into a depression over this; it's been a while since both the numbers in my age changed instead of just one and I'm not coping very well. I've always regarded one's twenties as their very best years - physically, mentally, financially (okay, maybe not always financially), socially - and once those are gone, everything is just going to get worse. You get fatter, uglier, sometimes poorer, usually sicker and just plain older. I'm having difficulty accepting that I feel like I've wasted my "best years" and have very little to show for it, and that I'm still stuck living at home, too poor to be independent while my peers have good jobs (or jobs that pay enough for them to survive on) and some even own their own homes. I want my twenties back - I'm not ready to let them go.
But isn't it a bit early for a midlife crisis? I thought they occurred between the ages of 35 and 50, but why else would I be so depressed over starting a new decade if not due to a midlife crisis? All I know is this funk is not getting better and I hate crying so much every single day. Why can't I accept this change? Is this a normal reaction, and if it is, can somebody please tell me it will pass?
I guess I feel like I can't look to the potential in my future because I don't see any. I don't ever see things improving for me because I firmly believe that where I am now is as good as it will ever be and all I can look forward to is every single thing getting worse and worse, which seems to hurt more than it should because I don't want anything extravagant out of life. I want simple things and I can't even have them. All I feel like I can hope for is that I get so sick and tired of life that the thought of getting closer and closer to the end of my life sounds better than waking up to yet another day that I have to slog through.
This feeling honestly sucks. I was feeling so productive lately and was making some decent progress on some stuff I've been meaning to do for a while, then I thought about my age and I lost all desire to do anything. I feel like I'm "too old" to do anything fun anymore and have even briefly considered throwing away all my games and comics (yes I know how ridiculous that sounds, but cut me some slack, I'm not in a rational state right now). I've been watching stand-up comedy since this started just in an attempt to get myself to maybe just smirk a little, but no dice. Not even Carlin can get through to me in this state. I just don't know how to handle this.
I don't know if any of that made any kind of sense. I'm just wondering if anybody else is experiencing similar feelings, or has experienced them at my age.