Even childfree women get it wrong...

Long story short...

I have a lovely CF friend. She got her husband to move and take a job in an area she thought would be lovely due to a movie made from a book and the "idea"...sort of like people moving to Orlando after they go to Disney or move to NYC without ever having been there but then get a reality check about cost-of-living in the Big Apple or shitty wages in O-Town. Now...she hates the place due to the inner-city part of town where they rented. She and the husband did not get a little house in a quaint part of the city. I did not have a good feeling about any of this but what could I say? I was not asked for my opinion.

Well...a week after getting there, she is leaving out-of-state to her family's for the ENTIRE summer due to hating the place. I love my friend but believe she is playing with fire by leaving her husband for close to three months. A smart woman dos not leave her husband alone for such a long time! The man is really a good guy and does not "look around". However, absence does not always make the heart stronger but can weaken feelings...especially when the man is alone in a new town where...ahem...bad influences are around. Male co-workers are very into taking the new guy "around"...if you know what I mean!

I am shaking my head on this one, Friends...

leaving your partner for 3 months, well i cant comment on that, i havent see my rowan for.. nearly 7 months now. it depends on the person. in a new town/city, then i would say that could be a mistake, since when does she get to know that place. why not move the whole kit and caboodle..

it all depends on how well they trust each other, she is away for 3 months what could she be upto.. it depends on how trustworthy they are,

i would say its inadvisable, but.. depending on the type of couple they are (in mine and rowans case, we can be apart and yet together, we each have our own space, and we know to not bother the other unless its an emergency.)

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Mercurior, each situation is different. You and Rowan are dealing with immigration issues before she can join you. However, it is not good when one partner suggests such a major move only to find the reality very different than the "ideal" and then wanting to escape to her family for the summer. Both people are good and trustworthy individuals. However, loneliness can take it's toll on even the most honourable person...

true, but even so, it does depend on the people, i think she is foolish for doing it, because she isnt with her hubbie. the idea that a film set ideal of a town is the true reality is rather dumb..

2 weeks maybe a month, ok i can see thats more valid, but 3 months, unless you absolutely trust 100% the other partner, can be a bit too much

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Mercurior, I lived in the Orlando area for 14 1/2 years. Many people would vacation on a credit card at Disney staying at the finest resorts. They would make plans to move to O-Town without realising how it is like anywhere else...except the pay is shit and there are no real jobs other than low-waged tourist shit...or telemarketing centers. These dolts will not live at the Grand Floridian Hotel where they vacationed but at some crummy apartment just as my friend found out.

It is one thing to go out of town for two weeks but over two months is really asking for trouble. Even the most honourable person can succomb to temptation. A man in a new job is going to have co-workers who will want to show him the "sights" if you know what I mean. The South is full of strip clubs especially in tourist areas and a place like Savannah. You & Rowan are a different thing because you both knew of each other living in different countries when you decided to be together and are working on the immigration issue.

yes, i wouldnt want to live in any town without at least taking a holiday there seeing it warts and all, or find a friend of family member, rather than rely on film ideas..

thats why rowan has come over here several times. each time i show her a little more, i say it is foolish, and inadvisable, that they do this. iand yes we are different, we have had to survive being apart, and some people flirting bad with rowan even going as far to say she shouldnt be allowed to marry a foreigner. buti know and she knows that we would never cheat no matter the opportunities..

it also depends on how long they have been married, the situation, if they continually argue, etc.. this may the the straw that breaks the camels back..

it does depend on the personalities involved (i know i could never do better than rowan so i am not even interested). i know some decent men, seperated from their wives, for months at a time (some oil workers on the rigs in the north sea), they are gone 6 months of the year. and some have great marriages, some dont.. but thats them.. some women cheat, some dont.. same with men.. depends on the people.

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I would have to agree that that's pretty stupid. Why would anyone move to a city in which they've never been before but only want to live there because they saw it in a film? WTF?

Leaving hubby for three months to escape her disenchantment with living in this town is definitely asking for trouble. The only way that could really ever work is if she's in the military or sick and receiving treatment out of state.

Good luck to 'em!

VLM, my friend is coming back early. Instead of August, her return flight is in two weeks. Despite the husband saying he did not mind his "alone time", leaving a man for three months is asking for trouble. Men enjoying their "alone time" often find someone else...another woman...to enjoy that "time" with. Believe me...I know! Most men cannot seem to go a week without sex even though it will not kill them. When they get horny, they will go out and find anyone to fill the void with the wife being gone.

I lived in Central Florida for awhile. Orlando is very transient. Too many moronic people move to O-Town after vacationing at Disney on a credit card or come "sight unseen" believing they will live in a tropical paradise. All they find are overpriced apartments due to the area going "condo" and low-wage/dead-end jobs. Many marriages break up within a few years of moving to Orlando and they are out of the extra $$$ they brought with them.

Like you said, VLM, that length of being a Houdini is different if one spouse is on active duty in the military or taking care of a health issue...or looking after a sick relative.

I'd just have to disagree with the idea that men, when left alone for long enough, will default to fucking anything with a hole. I know many, many men who have a modicum of self control, and (whaa?!) enough respect for their partners that they can manage an extended seperation without resorting to "going wild". I know quite a few men who would much rather experience the pleasures of "rosy palm and her 5 sisters" than betray the trust their partner has placed in them, or disrespect their partner in such a manner. And, amazingly enough, many of these men are partnered up and have experienced long term/long distance seperation from their partner. Men don't cheat simply because their partner is away (for whatever reason), men cheat because they are unwilling to exert self control and/or have no respect for their partner or the relationship.

Of course, I'd also add that it's a stupid idea to move anywhere simply because you saw it in a movie, OR read in some stupid list that it's one of the X number of best places to live for whatever reason. Stupid people have filled my once wonderful town simply because it was one of the top 10 places to raise a fambily...now it's rapidly declining into suckatude.

I figure even if one's partner (of either sex) is trustworthy, it's still foolish to invite trouble that way!

I don't get it. I am in a long-distance relationship and would LOVE to make it not-long-distance (am currently trying to find a job near him but can't manage...don't even get me started on the idiocy they call a "job search"!!! No wonder people commit suicide, and I don't say that in a joking manner; it is RIDICULOUS, disheartening, and absolutely hopeless). I don't get why someone would deliberately make their relationship long-distance when they don't have to!

i am in an even bigger long distance relationship, over 5000 miles, in another country. i trust her 100%, i dont trust the other men who are where she lives..

i know a few women like that, feh, i also know men and women who, well, while the cats away.. some women and men have a unrealistic idea of relationships, trusting the wrong people, or not trusting the good ones..

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

My boyfriend and I had an almost 2 year long distance relationship where he lived in Hawaii and I lived in Wisconsin and it was definetly a trust building excersise. Hawaii for chrissakes! Nearly every woman I saw there when I visited was gorgeous, at least that's how I felt. It was hell. I hated it with every fiber of my being mostly because past relationships taught me that all men I date are cheating pigscum.

Fortunately, we had lots of time to talk on the phone, and I eventually figured out that I needed to not think of my current boyfriend as the same fellow as my past boyfriends, but as a unique person. Duh!
There are lots of decent people in the world, but the problem is if they aren't treated decently, or trusted, most will tend to say "Well screw you, you don't trust me when I'm not doing anything, then at the very least I can have fun and then you'll really have a reason not to trust me."

yes, its very difficult, in the last 3 years, we have only spent 6 months together in the flesh. i trust her with everything i am and have, but i find it hard to trust the mexican lads there, they push and push, and push some more..

i think with me a rowan because we are so far apart, it keeps us both sane.. i know how bad i can be, sometimes i am not the nicest of people especially when i am in my not sleepin mode.. i get argumentative even more than usual .. if you can imagine that.

i am lucky i havent had many ex's and most of them left me, i was too "intense" in their words..

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

K12144 Wrote:
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> I figure even if one's partner (of either sex) is
> trustworthy, it's still foolish to invite trouble
> that way!

Feh makes good points about many men not betraying their partners if the women are gone for a long period of time. However, I agree with you more of how it is extremely foolish to invite trouble in this manner. People alone are more apt to do things they would not do when their mates are around.

A "long distance" relationship is a more of a choice rather than a spouse saying she is going out of town for three months while hubby is Home Alone in a new town. However, I never wanted the long distance relationship because being on the phone or e-mails do not do it for me unless I can see the person more than every few months.

I did it once and it was not easy but the love was there...but, at the time, commitment was being discussed rather than expected. And...that happened after some time.