The Ghetto Relative Thread

This is the ghetto relative thread.

I have an uncle (we will call him Vince) who does not pay for anything. He shoplifts everything from rotisserie chickens from grocery stores to clothing from Shit Mart. He dates a prostitute. She gave him "Da Clap" and right now she is locked up...her court date is the 11th of July. He "dines and dashes" at restaurants and steals the waiter's tips off of the tables. He carries a plastic container that he puts food in to take home while at the buffet. Of course, he has three grown daughters and swears that anyone who only has one brat is selfish (unless they are unmarried of course). His brats treat him like shit. They called the po po on him over some car dispute. He stays with his sister. He is in his mid-50s and has no job. He watches DVDs all day and doesn't pay his sister one red cent in rent. He has been to jail like 30 times for drug violations.

I have some more crazy ass relatives. I will be back later.

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"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

considering the area on NJ i live in, "ghetto" is pretty much the norm.

however, i nominate for starters, my cousin, the grave robber. my grandfather was on oxygen, a newborn baby in the house and he and my evil aunt (by which all ghetto is defined and deserves a thread all her own) are smoking their fucking lungs out. He helped my aunt bust her white trash moron of a husband (sorry, after four marriages at this point, I am not calling anyone stupid enough to say "I do" to her an "uncle") by claiming the guy was violent (I doubt it highly-dude was so skinny that I could have easily taken him with my big toe) and getting a restraining order, then inviting him to stay with them and lending him a truck one night, then calling to report the truck stolen. While my grandfather was on his death bed in a coma, home brew and my aunt are selling his shit on eBay and using his credit cards, which the very day the plug was pulled, a credit card transaction was taking place and had to be cancelled out (my mom the executrix found this detail out). He continued to help sell my grandfather's stuff after his passing, stupidly thinking evil bitch was being nice when she let him have checks and payments made out to him. He threatens my dad (who despite being a senior, can kick this kid's ass with one hand), acts like an ass with my mom, sends us a box of photos, some of us where they cut me, my parents and my sister out of photos of our grandparrents (which they got tired of after about forty of them) and on the day of the funeral, I saw they ransacked my grandfather's room. They eventually flee to Florida, where he racks in two more daughters and where their little "community" turns south when my aunt is convincing them how to not take care of their then one daughter (in FL, you can get subsidizing for being the guardian of a child, I am told, and auntie was banking on getting that kid in her custody no doubt-despite losing custody of her own kid at some point) and then claiming dumbass is attacking her (surprise. surprise.). The brood escapes back up here, leaving my aunt to look for fresh meat down in the Penis State. He winds up divorced and is claims he found God. He attempts to patch up things with me, which turned into a nasty FB PM exchange where I called him every name in the book and all he can say is that I am being close minded and choosing to believe "lies" (like I was not right there when he was doing his shit). He never paid the court ordered judgment against him. He was taking care of his other grandfather until he died from Alzmeimer's. I was not party to that.

Keep in mind, the aunt he is siding with is NOT HIS MOM, as I implied before. HER kid won't deal with her and is a cool person. He not just helped steal the estate from my sister, my mom and me, but from his own mother and sister. I left out this part-while is sister was visiting him in the house he was living in up here during the grave robbing, she allegedly stole his video game system (since he did not work except selling the estate on eBay, I assume that the system came from proceeds he got from his thievery) and he called the cops on her! He was a notorious follower in school and still is. I recall my mom and I being out for a walk and he and his hipster friends were racing around the high school in cars, with kids sitting in the trunks, then when my mom told his mom, said we were lying about it. He totalled two cars, one given to him by our grandparents by hitting a high school fence after datk (claimed he was trying to miss a deer).

My mom does this thing where she'll order the breakfast buffet somewhere (like at a hotel) and not only pile up her plate several times but then try to stuff her purse full of food too. It is VERY embarrassing and trashy as hell IMO. (Don't know how "ghetto" that is but thought it might fit here)

Yes Ketchup, that is ghetto. Since she's going to boost at the buffet, maybe she could bring tupperware so it wouldn't stain her purse or make it smell like hashbrowns all day. If you are going to be ghetto, then go all out.

Anyway, wow Zatoth....Uncle Vince doesn't sound so bad after reading about your relatives!

One of my aunts loooooves prescription drugs. She goes to a regular doctor....not one of those patient first clinics where you walk in whenever. She ran out of her dope and just showed up at her doctor with no warning. The receptionist said that they *might* be able to fit her in. She sat there for like 3 hours and they couldn't fit her in. She went off and started throwing shit. She was picking those heavy office chairs up like they were pieces of paper. The office is full of seniors since it is near a retirement home. The seniors were ducking and dodging so they wouldn't get hit. My aunt is lucky they did not call the po po on her.

My mother used to shoplift makeup, lip gloss and magazines from Shit Mart. She would just put them in the bottom of her cart and then cover it with a jacket. Then, she would do her normal shopping and just roll out of the store undetected. We all know a shoplifter......I have my share of crazy shoplifting stories I've heard.

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"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

I'm not sure how ghetto this is but my older brother knows what hotels have free breakfast and snacks. He goes into these hotels and loads up on free snacks that last him for weeks. He also goes to the lobby for breakfast. I've always thought it was beyond tacky.

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peace-n-quiet
Yes Ketchup, that is ghetto. Since she's going to boost at the buffet, maybe she could bring tupperware so it wouldn't stain her purse or make it smell like hashbrowns all day. If you are going to be ghetto, then go all out.

Anyway, wow Zatoth....Uncle Vince doesn't sound so bad after reading about your relatives!

One of my aunts loooooves prescription drugs. She goes to a regular doctor....not one of those patient first clinics where you walk in whenever. She ran out of her dope and just showed up at her doctor with no warning. The receptionist said that they *might* be able to fit her in. She sat there for like 3 hours and they couldn't fit her in. She went off and started throwing shit. She was picking those heavy office chairs up like they were pieces of paper. The office is full of seniors since it is near a retirement home. The seniors were ducking and dodging so they wouldn't get hit. My aunt is lucky they did not call the po po on her.

My mother used to shoplift makeup, lip gloss and magazines from Shit Mart. She would just put them in the bottom of her cart and then cover it with a jacket. Then, she would do her normal shopping and just roll out of the store undetected. We all know a shoplifter......I have my share of crazy shoplifting stories I've heard.

I could write a book on evil aunt, but some highlights-she is married currently to husband number five. There is some mystery on how many times she has been married because she claims to have had an "internet divorce" from number four, then remarried him, but i doubt she ever actually got divorced from him. I strongly believe my grandfather's death was a kind of murder, where she talked him into having surgery he was told by doctors to not have. She has caused rifts on the family through lies througout the times I have been alive-with her parents always siding with her over her sisters. The house: she convinced my grandfather to give up the senior community and buy a house-in his 70's. At some point, he sold the house to her under the condition she could not evict him (she may have even co-signed on this fiasco). After his death, she banked on the credit life insurance paying off the debt and she would have the house free and clear. Had her idiot self left the house under my grandfather's name, it would have become part of the estate. I mention these two things for a very good reason: my grandfather died at 80, well beyond the point for credit life insurance, which would have paid off the debt. And had the house been left in his name, it would have fallen into the estate and either probated to a relative or liquidated to satisfy debt and split the inheritance among the heirs. But neither occurred-there was no insurance and all leins on the house were hers, not the estate's. I'll save otyher stories of evil aunt for later...

Karma: "Check."

Oh, yes-and right after the house was sold but the new owner had not taken possession, the roof fell in. Her and the junior grave robber had to cough up for that repair.

Karma" "Checkmate."

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satansbitch
I'm not sure how ghetto this is but my older brother knows what hotels have free breakfast and snacks. He goes into these hotels and loads up on free snacks that last him for weeks. He also goes to the lobby for breakfast. I've always thought it was beyond tacky.

larious

I hadn't thought of that! Perhaps I should tell good ol' Uncle "Vince".

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"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

I nominate my half sister. Haven't talked to her in ages, but this is her up to about 7 years ago.

She was a teen moo who dropped out of school and managed to pull down a decent guy to pay for her lazy ass and her little accident. She was constantly stealing his money, ditching him and her kid in the middle of the fucking night and going off to party where ever.

She joined the military. I guess she had nothing better to do. She was some kind of grunt.

While on deployment, she fucked some guy and wound up not only taking home chlamydia to her boyfriend, but also inpig with his bastard child.

Her boyfriend, being entirely too much of a nice guy, agreed to raise yet another bastard child with her. Even signed the birth certificate as the father.

She paid him back by running off, this time with the kids, yet again.

But as it turns out, running off requires you to support yourself, so she went back again.

Trashy as fuck...

I suppose my relatives are pretty good by comparison.

I do consider one a complete moron for getting involved with a woman who had four kids by four different guys. No surprise that he wound up fathering the fifth without any deliberate intention of doing so. He's always broke; clearly he's not very good when it comes to planning or delaying gratification.

There's another one who married an extremely materialistic womban and appears to have acquired sexist opinions post-sprogging, specifically he seems to believe he's the gatekeeper of his daughter's sexuality (he posts stupid 'threatening' memes about not touching his daughter, but nothing, of course, about not touching his son). I find it pretty disgusting.

So that's lowbrow for my family. I guess I should be grateful after hearing your stories. I don't know of any criminals, drug users or serial breeders in my family.

Can I nominate my whole family?

Okay, not all of them are bad, but most would fit here well, especially my mom, who I believe has NPD. I can't think of any stories right now, but I'll be back with some.

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"Be yourself, no matter what. Some will adore you, and some will hate everything about you, but who cares?

It's your life. Make the most out of it."

I’ll nominate my white trash cousin. Before I get into some background here, all names are fake to protect myself.
Anyway, white trash cousin, who shall be known as Tammy Lynn, dropped Bubba Jr., her first loaf at the ripe old age of fifteen. But Bubba Jr.’s dad Bubba Sr. ended up marrying her older sister and they adopted Bubba Jr. as their own. Tammy Lynn went on to have I don’t know how many abortions. I’m grateful she was smart enough to do that. Alas, she didn’t get her tubes tied, and after hooking up with her next squeeze Danny, she popped out two boys, Danny Jr. and Jimmy Joe. But she didn’t stop there.
Oh no. She wanted a girl loaf. So she done hooked up with another loser who we’ll call Rosco, and eventually gave birth to Tammy Sue. After Tammy Sue, we thought she was done. We thought she got fixed. Oh how wrong we were. She hooked up with a 22-year-old guy from the States (I live in Canada) through the Internet, and moved him into her tiny apartment. Now any normal mother wouldn’t move a random stranger into her home after only a few months of knowing him, but Tammy Lynn ain’t normal. Oh and I should mention her latest squeeze, Billy Ray, is the same age as her eldest loaf Bubba Jr. She’s about to give birth to her fifth loaf.
Tammy Lynn is your typical leech who refuses to work and spends her days sleeping or playing WOW. Danny Jr. and Tammy Sue don’t go to school. Both are extremely fat, stupid and complete assholes. Jimmy Joe now lives with his aunt, and apparently he’s the nicest kid out of the bunch of them although he still has some problems. Billy Ray is apparently a nice guy who wants this next loaf. Also he’s the only one in that house that works, so he’s supporting the whole famblee. I suspect Tammy Lynn decided to keep the baby just to trap this new wallet.
I should also mention that Tammy Lynn is a piss poor parent and why Mee Maw and Pee Paw didn’t contact CPS, I do not know. She’s abusive, neglectful, lazy, stupid, a whore and batshit insane. She did work at a store at one point, but got fired for stealing from the cash register. A real upstanding citizen that one. Definitely parent material!

I have more asshole relative stories, but I’ll save those for later.

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Ketchup
My mom does this thing where she'll order the breakfast buffet somewhere (like at a hotel) and not only pile up her plate several times but then try to stuff her purse full of food too. It is VERY embarrassing and trashy as hell IMO. (Don't know how "ghetto" that is but thought it might fit here)

OMG... my damn father and his girlfriend of the week made me do this at an Indian casino once. We were at an all you can eat prime rib buffet. I had a large purse so the bitch wrapped an extra prime rib in napkins then shoved it in my bag. I was so pissed when I found that.

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diva

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Ketchup
My mom does this thing where she'll order the breakfast buffet somewhere (like at a hotel) and not only pile up her plate several times but then try to stuff her purse full of food too. It is VERY embarrassing and trashy as hell IMO. (Don't know how "ghetto" that is but thought it might fit here)

OMG... my damn father and his girlfriend of the week made me do this at an Indian casino once. We were at an all you can eat prime rib buffet. I had a large purse so the bitch wrapped an extra prime rib in napkins then shoved it in my bag. I was so pissed when I found that.

Something to be said for not carrying a bag...

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Snark Shark

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zatoth
Oh, yes-and right after the house was sold but the new owner had not taken possession, the roof fell in. Her and the junior grave robber had to cough up for that repair.

larious

My aunt thinks she is the great puppet master, but she comes off as manipulator of the incredibly dumb and gullible. My dad saw her ass coming a mile away-watching her starting shit with my parents is like watching a retarded chimp take on a Russian chess master.

Hey all, haven't been around here much as life has been busy, but I wanted to necro this thread because I have a story I wanted to share on Bratfree for shits, grins, and our classic snark, but didn't want to make my own thread about it. So, I have a cousin who was raised by sane and responsible PNBs, has a master's degree, and shouldn't be a total dumb ass, but has always made dumb choices. He's gradually becoming the patriarch of the white trash wing of the family! How nice! larious I grew up pretty close to this guy because his parents are my favorite aunt and uncle, but now I've lost all respect for him because of his uncanny ability to always make the most retarded life decisions ever. When the shit first started hitting the fan years ago, I was just concerned. Now it's full-blown Schadenfreude when I think of his situation. So are you ready for story time?

His oldest child is 20-ish. He got married young, foolishly, and they had a kid. The mom of the kid was a drug addict and alcoholic, so after they finally split up he ended up getting full custody of her. Fast forward a few years later, he meets some broad and they go and elope after one MONTH!!! of dating. They divorce one month later (what a fucking surprise), but this broad gets knocked up with his kid while they were still together and decides to keep it. Hooray! Turns out the moo of this kid was batshit, balls-to-the-wall insane, and they become estranged and don't talk for 8 years, using my aunt and uncle (his parents) as the intermediary between each other for passing their kyd back and forth for visits and such. Now this daughter is 12 and lives with my aunt and uncle because both of her parents (my cousin and her ex) are completely incompetent. o_0 So anyhoodles, his oldest daughter got knocked up with a non-serious boyfriend at the ripe, old age of 19 and decides to keep it (following in duhddy's footsteps) and at the same time, my cousin gets his girlfriend at the time knocked up, and they decide to go through with it! How spayshul! So his youngest son and granddaughter are the same age! Awwww! eyes2

Well, his girlfriend at the time goes batshit insane with schizophrenia and can't take care of the kid anymore, so my cousin ends up with full custody of his toadler. Their relationship had been in its death throes already, and this was the final nail in the coffin. So it came as no surprise that he wanted to date again, since he can't just be single (he goes through women like underwear). At this point he's 40, and he started dating some 20-year-old chick. This chick is the same age as his oldest daughter. Again, how spayshul! They can, like, totes do each other's hair and stuff! z On New Year's Eve, after they'd been dating since September of 2013, he proposed marriage. Congratulations, you are now officially white trash! larious She promptly moved in right after, into the fixer-upper old house he'd recently bought. I don't know who in their right mind would give him a loan because he hemmorhages money and is always trying to hit relatives up for financial help, but he managed to make it happen somehow.

I'm friends with the cousin on Fakebooger. A few weeks ago he messaged me asking for my address for wedding invites, and I asked him if he wanted the current address or the address we'll have in July, as we're moving to a nicer, bigger apartment in a better area of town. He wrote me a message back asking if the move was "by choice, or by force," and if it's "by force" (I assume he means by way of eviction or something?) that we're more than welcome to move in with them and live in the upstairs of their house once the bedroom and bathroom are finished. I laughed and laughed and laughed, and said, "No thanks, broseph!" He and much of my extended famblee know we're CF, but they don't know how virulently anti-kyd we really are, so I think he was ASSuming that we'd take up his "favor" and live with them in exchange for helping with the bills and providing childcare for his crotch-dropping so he and his young fiancee can go out on dates. HAHAHAHAHAHAno!

His fiancee friended me about a week ago, and her first message to me was to try and sell me some thing she's hawking. It's one of those "body wrap" things that promises to "leach the toxins out of your skin" or some other woo-tastic bullshit and help you lose weight. Derp! I may be fat, but I'm not stupid! If anyone saw Napoleon Dynamite, which is a retarded movie but endearing in its own way, you'll remember how Napoleon's uncle starts hawking breast enlargement pills, and his uncle approaches his friend Deb to try and sell her the pills and says, "Napoleon thought you'd be interested in these." It was kind of like that with the body wrap thing. She prefaced her message with, "Your cousin thought you'd be interested in this," because I'm a big fat fatty. I actually found it far more entertaining than insulting. I told her in the nicest way possible that I'm not wasting my money on such hokum. If shit like that actually worked, everyone would be thin, mmk? I've gotten to see how extremely simple-minded she is by being "friends" with her on Facefart, and it's a bit entertaining to watch the trainwreck. Her grandpa died recently, and he had a Facebook profile. Guys, she totally tagged her dead grandpa in a post about him. Can Peepaw check his Facebook from the grave? Derp!

On top of that, I get to see their relationship dynamics, because they display their relationship so publicly on Facefuck, and it's so fucking awful it's hilarious. A grown-ass man of 40 years old exchanging both lovey-dovey kissy face messages with a chick half his age on social media, AND dysfunctional as all hell things like, "She's a broken angel, but I want to fix her!" He's displaying a major Pygmalion complex, wanting to "fix" her and mold her into a better person. She, on the other hand, is showing herself to be an extremely clingy, immature, and insecure little person. She's super obsessed with him and he's apparently her "hole world" (that's how the bitch typed it). She's becoming very possessive and jealous as well, as I can tell by her repeated, public apologies about "being this way," and trying to "work on it" on his Fakebooger wall. And every day it's some shit about how she can't wait to be "Mrs. Him" and walk down the isle. I can see her being nothing but a total bridezilla when they get married. It's a goldmine of Schadenfrede and total trainwreck, and I'm just sitting back and watching the show. jerry


The wedding should be a scream if my cousin doesn't come to his senses and it does come to fruition. They're planning it on their one year anniversary. Her mom and dad seem to be really on board with this whole her marrying an older dude she's only been with for several months deal. From what I can tell, her family looks like total trash who start popping out sprogs right after high school. We are so totally going to the wedding to stuff our faces and watch the spectacle. :mrd I proposed we bring a ten dollar gift card to Dollar Tree and an economy-sized box of condoms as our gift to them, and my husband and I laughed and laughed. z

And one more thing! Bitch is already planning to quit her job to sell those ridiculous body-wraps full time, and she's only been selling them for a month, because she wants to be a full-time, stay at home wife and moo! My cousin is the stupidest man on the face of the Earth. The end! Hope you all got a little bit of entertainment out of my story. :beer

Holyshit Cosmictraveler, what a trainwreck that is! Glad to hear at least one of his kids is out of that famblee situation. Hopefully she’ll be the sane one. I also feel sorry for the toadler because you just know when Mrs. Clinger Moo shits out one of her own, the stepkid will be banished behind the couch. And I get the feeling Clinger Moo and the oldest daughter will be constantly trying to compete for Duhd’s attention, especially when Clinger Moo shits a loaf. Oh yes, you will have to tell us about that wedding. Don’t forget to take videos.
Your cousin sounds a lot like my bio duh. He had four kids with three different women – in fact he recently split with his wife of 20 years or something like that. I’m surprised they were married that long. He has no contact with any of his kids.
Hmmmm… I may just have to look him up just to see if I can find any dirt on him.

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efsb
Holyshit Cosmictraveler, what a trainwreck that is!

Yikes!

You almost make my family look sane.

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"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

The only thing better than this would be a Family Fued Special between NASCAR and Professional 'Rasslin"

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

I just got off the phone with my dad. We don't talk often and we tend to butt heads over a lot of things, but his best friend passed away (fucking asshole cancer takes the coolest people away from us ), so I wanted to call and give my sympathies, and it's his birthday today, so I went ahead and gave him a call. At any rate, we got on the topic of my cousin, and he shared the same sentiments with me about the situation. He said when she sluices a loaf, he's going to be King Stupid, and my dad wants to crown him. I said, "Yes, King Stupid, of Planet Dingbat!" And we had a good laugh over that one. smile And Thom, you aren't far off the mark with the pro rasslin' comment. As I mentioned her granddad passed away recently, and I just got an invite to the fundraiser being held to help with his funeral costs: a local wresting event. I wouldn't feel comfortable going at any rate, but it's kind of fitting. Why don't we have a banjo-playin' smiley?

Uncle Vince is in jail over a probation violation.

His daughter is ready to shit out another loaf even though the first two are in foster care.

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"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

Well, clinger wanna-moo left my cousin just yesterday. She's staying with her mom and going to do the final move this weekend. This was a few weeks after he asked if they could postpone their wedding by a year or so (guess he realized they were rushing things). I guess she finally learned how shitty it is to play second fiddle to a sprog by being in step-prison and decided to bail. I'm honestly relieved that she didn't oops him. He needs to get the snip ASAP, but he's too stupid with money to have the funds for it, I'm guessing. His toadler is "spayshul needs" and I think he's butthurt about losing his source of pussy/housekeeper/babysitter and is accusing her of being a gold-digging bitch after she left. Typical single duh behavior, of course. eyes2

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cosmictraveler
accusing her of being a gold-digging bitch after she left.

Right. Because gold-diggers typically go after broke-ass duhs.

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Medusa

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cosmictraveler
accusing her of being a gold-digging bitch after she left.

Right. Because gold-diggers typically go after broke-ass duhs.

You have no idea how tempted I am to say that to him. smile He's being a big, 200 lb. baby about it. Did he really expect that a 20-year-old would be truly on board with being the new moomy to a toadler with developmental delays and health problems, and help carry them all financially, and on top of that, always have her needs in the relationship put dead last? I guess she got a reality check after several months of it. Maybe she's a tad smarter than I gave her credit for. Of course duhs feel entitled to a romantic relationship even if they have nothing to offer, and my cousin is no exception. She's meeeeeeeean, cruel, and heartless for having standards, right?

Uh oh, they're back together, and she's calling him her fiance' again! Guess the wedding is still on at some point in the future... The trainwreck is back! z

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cosmictraveler
She's super obsessed with him and he's apparently her "hole world" (that's how the bitch typed it).

I think it's more like she is HIS hole world, what with at least three penetrable orifices. Also, am I the only one who thinks "Hole World" could be an adults-only amusement park where basically everyone pays admission to go in and have sex?

Wowww, though, these stories make me feel not so bad about my family.